101 Interesting Facts About Draconequi

by naturalbornderpy

Fact 51 - 75

Again, Twilight Sparkle glanced up from the book, staring at each one of her friends in turn. “Anything, girls? Any ‘fact’ you think might tell us what Discord is actually up to?”

“Well,” Rarity started snidely, “there was that one fact about Celestia’s plot in there.”

Applejack shot Rarity a glance. “We’re looking for helpful facts, Rarity. That book did mention something about castles creaking and moaning when draconequi were up to no good. Anyone hear anything so far?”

All six mares stopped talking for a moment to listen attentively. During that time, Twilight watched the sea of pitch-black clouds outside expand even larger than before.

Fluttershy spoke timidly, “Maybe the castle won’t—”

That was when the castle let out an earsplitting groan—almost as if its very foundation were quickly coming undone. Fluttershy shrieked and buried her head in Rainbow Dash’s lap.

“No one panic!” Twilight shouted to the shaken mares. “It’s only noise! So far, that’s all we’ve seen of Discord’s so-called plan. Just clouds and noise.” She sighed. “But that also means we need to keep reading more random facts about draconequi in order to fully understand what’s going on around here.”

Rainbow Dash blanched. “Seriously?”

Twilight flipped the book open again.

***

51. If a tree falls in the woods, can a draconequus hear it?

Probably. They were the ones that knocked it over to begin with.

52. Most draconequi smell like a combination of stale candy, armpit sweat, and bad decisions. They work very hard to smell like this daily.

53. Although draconequi pronounce “chaos” the same way as everyone else, they are actually saying it like “khaos”. It makes less sense that way.

54. Every draconequi comes into this world equipped with a built in teddy bear that will read to them at night.

What? Not every draconequi fact needs to be weird or mean spirited.

55. At only one point over the course of history did Princess Celestia and Discord share a relationship. As Celestia would later put it: “It was without a doubt the worst millisecond of my life.”

56. Never feed draconequi after midnight. They’ll only end up getting food crumbs all over the bedspread.

57. Draconequi are contractually obligated to forever double dip their chips.

58. If a draconequus cannot think of anything witty to reply to a question with, they will usually kick the shin of the closest pony near to them before running away crying.

59. The creator of the underwear was actually a draconequus. They have since starved to death from extreme lack of sales.

60. A draconequus once ate a child’s bicycle just to prove a point.

What was the point, exactly? That they hated children. Quite a bit, in fact.

61. Do draconequi bleed, I hear you ask? Well, of course they do!

They bleed pure helium. Makes for hilarious battle scenes.

62. You can tell a draconequus really likes you when they use the soft kind of rope to bind you with.

63. Draconequi rarely have offspring for one very large reason: ponies end up paying more attention to their children than to them. Upon birth, most draconequi children are swiftly transformed into regular ponies and dropped off in the middle of the woods to live out the rest of their lives.

It’s not all bad, though. They’re always given a sack lunch before they go.

A cheese string and two pudding cups. Sometimes a carton of chocolate milk.

64. You can tell when draconequi are up to “the worst possible thing” when it starts raining cats and dogs outside.

65. It is technically impossible to get a draconequus drunk. In fact, the more alcohol they consume, the more sober they become. As one draconequus put sudden clarity after a night out at a bar: “Ew.”

66. A draconequus once started a ten year war simply by calling someone “fat”. Can you guess who they called fat?

Yes. Themselves. It then became a ten year war between the scale and the mirror.

67. Draconequi actually know the cure to every illness ever created. They just aren’t telling.

68. Beware: if you give a stray draconequus a piece of food, there’s a good chance they’ll follow you back home. And once they discover your home, they’ll stuff it into a potato sack to later sell on the black-and-white zebra market.

69. Hehe.

70. A draconequus once infiltrated a changeling hive in search of honey. When no such honey was found, they wondered why they ever bothered at all.

71. Once upon a time, a draconequus laughed so hard he accidentally invented comic sans. He is still being savagely hunted to this day.

72. Life once gave a draconequus a lemon. In return, the draconequus gave the lemon their very own draconequus to have. That’s why lemons are as bitter and sour as they are.

73. During the 76th official Equestria Games, a draconequus competed and won a total of one award—perfect attendance. Worried about losing their award, that draconequus has since never left that same stadium.

They are very, very sick of stadium food by this point.

74. A pony once told a draconequus to follow their nose. Oddly enough, it led right to their face.

75. After King Sombra’s rather violent defeat, Princess Celestia and Discord got into a small bidding war over what remained of the tyrannical King’s curved red horn. Following fourteen hours of heated bidding, Discord won the horn by a mere fraction of a bit. He literally nibbled a quarter of a coin off with his teeth in order to win.

King Sombra’s horn remains stuck to Discord’s wall to this day, where he hangs up his hat and coat after long days of doing absolutely nothing.

Author's Note:

We're still doing this? Really? Okay.

Dranconequi's like toast or something. I dunno.

How many more of these?

Comments

[Moon loving Changeling]

Sombra hat/coat rack. lol~hug

[QueenMoriarty]

There is one draconequus. There are two draconequi.

[BlueYoshi]

Fluttershy spoke timidly, “Maybe the castle won’t—”

That was when the castle let out an earsplitting groan—almost as if its very foundation were quickly coming undone. Fluttershy shrieked and buried her head in Rainbow Dash’s lap.

“No one panic!” Twilight shouted to the shaken mares. “It’s only noise! So far, that’s all we’ve seen of Discord’s so-called plan. Just clouds and noise.” She sighed. “But that also means we need to keep reading more random facts about draconequi in order to fully understand what’s going on around here.”

Rainbow Dash blanched. “Seriously?”

That's the best plan you can come up with, Twi?
We're doomed....

54. Every draconequi comes into this world equipped with a built in teddy bear that will read to them at night.
What? Not every draconequi fact needs to be weird or mean spirited.

I wish I had a plushie that can do things like that. (stares at my Yoshi plush) Hey! Do something for heaven's sake!

64. You can tell when draconequi are up to “the worst possible thing” when it starts raining cats and dogs outside.

Yeah, things are not gonna be pretty in the next chapter.

75. After King Sombra’s rather violent defeat, Princess Celestia and Discord got into a small bidding war over what remained of the tyrannical King’s curved red horn. Following fourteen hours of heated bidding, Discord won the horn by a mere fraction of a bit. He literally nibbled a quarter of a coin off with his teeth in order to win.
King Sombra’s horn remains stuck to Discord’s wall to this day, where he hangs up his hat and coat after long days of doing absolutely nothing.

Sombra would be rolling in his grave...if he had a grave, that is.

[Adam Jensen]

62. You can tell a draconequi really likes you when they use the soft kind of rope to bind you with.

[Frost Bear]

54. Every draconequi comes into this world equipped with a built in teddy bear that will read to them at night.

Ain't that cute. I wonder if they enjoy Cupcakes on stormy nights.

[Jman14102]

63. Draconequi rarely have offspring for one very large reason: ponies end up paying more attention to their children than to them. Upon birth, most draconequi children are swiftly transformed into regular ponies and dropped off in the middle of the woods to live out the rest of their lives.

It’s not all bad, though. They’re always given a sack lunch before they go.

A cheese string and two pudding cups. Sometimes a carton of chocolate milk.

I feel as though this is a reference to something, but I'm just not getting it...

[WorldWalker128]

62. You can tell a draconequus really likes you when they use the soft kind of rope to bind you with.

Fluttershy would, aftrer hearing Twilight ask Discord out, hold onto the soft kind of rope he'd tied her up with last week, and cry.

70. A draconequus once infiltrated a changeling hive in search of honey. When no such honey was found, they wondered why they ever bothered at all.

And once again, the mental image of Celestia one day going out to her garden to find a changeling rubbing its head on a sunflower like a cat will it's owner's hand comes to mind.

71. Once upon a time, a draconequus laughed so hard he accidentally invented comic sans. He is still being savagely hunted to this day.

41.media.tumblr.com/bd25ce587c6fe14c9492eb5d596377b3/tumblr_o1eb7g2s8f1v22d21o1_400.jpg
Discord you FIEND! The Puns won't stop!

[pahnazd]

Call me immature, but I liked fact number sixty-nine the most

[That_Delusional_Pegasus]

7154471

I know, right? I know that sounded fairly familiar. Possibly Zecora?

12. A draconequus' favorite beverage is ice water. It is so normal and plain tasting, it shocks the draconequus' digestive system until they start to hallucinate and speak in nothing but rhymes.
63. Draconequi rarely have offspring for one very large reason: ponies end up paying more attention to their children than to them. Upon birth, most draconequi children are swiftly transformed into regular ponies and dropped off in the middle of the woods to live out the rest of their lives.
It’s not all bad, though. They’re always given a sack lunch before they go.
A cheese string and two pudding cups. Sometimes a carton of chocolate milk.

Is Zecora secretly draconequus?

[Sunny]

Comic Sansa is the best by far!

[kottadragon]

It’s not all bad, though. They’re always given a sack lunch before they go.

A cheese string and two pudding cups. Sometimes a carton of chocolate milk.

Reference to "Bad Dude And The Coalition Of United Terrible Evils"?

[NintenDOS]

71. Once upon a time, a draconequus laughed so hard he accidentally invented comic sans. He is still being savagely hunted to this day.

Makes sense as to why he's such a comical guy.

[ButtonMash]

I'm sorry, but 58 was just TOO GOOD.

[Revan]

Still very amusing.

[Nox Knock Jokes]

69. Hehe.

I'm not surprised. Why am I not surprised?

[Set]

69. Hehe.

Hehe

[changeling20000]

57. Draconequi are contractually obligated to forever double dip their chips.

Unhygienic jerks.

[TerraZeal]

Draconequi rarely have offspring for one very large reason: ponies end up paying more attention to their children than to them. Upon birth, most draconequi children are swiftly transformed into regular ponies and dropped off in the middle of the woods to live out the rest of their lives.

Change woods to rock farm and this explains Pinkie Pie....

[Silver Inkwell]

53. Although draconequi pronounce “chaos” the same way as everyone else, they are actually saying it like “khaos”. It makes less sense that way.
54. Every draconequi comes into this world equipped with a built in teddy bear that will read to them at night.

*Scratches head in confusion*

[Silver Inkwell]

56. Never feed draconequi after midnight. They’ll only end up getting food crumbs all over the bedspread.
57. Draconequi are contractually obligated to forever double dip their chips.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

*Dies again*

[Silver Inkwell]

67. Draconequi actually know the cure to every illness ever created. They just aren’t telling.

#ChuckNorris

[Silver Inkwell]

71. Once upon a time, a draconequus laughed so hard he accidentally invented comic sans. He is still being savagely hunted to this day.
72. Life once gave a draconequus a lemon. In return, the draconequus gave the lemon their very own draconequus to have. That’s why lemons are as bitter and sour as they are.

Explanations!!!

[Butterscotch Moonglow]

Draconnequi invented the Internet and are particularly fond of the insanity-driving YouTube videos.

[Navydivea]

69. Hehe.

[FairyFun]

7816955
PINKIE I THINK YOUR DAD IS A DRACONIQUIS!!!!

[MikiStenbeck]

“No one panic!” Twilight shouted to the shaken mares. “It’s only noise! So far, that’s all we’ve seen of Discord’s so-called plan. Just clouds and noise.” She sighed. “But that also means we need to keep reading more random facts about draconequi in order to fully understand what’s going on around here.”

The thing that’s going on is that discord has tricked you 6 to read that book,

......... in a rather interesting way i might add, xD,

[MikiStenbeck]

64. You can tell when draconequi are up to “the worst possible thing” when it starts raining cats and dogs outside.

It’s,

the,

worst,

Possible,

THING!

couldn’t resist, can you blame me tho? :3

[MikiStenbeck]

66. A draconequus once started a ten year war simply by calling someone “fat”. Can you guess who they called fat?

Ma guess would be Celestia, xD

Yes. Themselves. It then became a ten year war between the scale and the mirror.

Oh...... okey....... huh? Oh yea, Chaos magic,

[MikiStenbeck]

71. Once upon a time, a draconequus laughed so hard he accidentally invented comic sans. He is still being savagely hunted to this day.

Sadly, you can’t change the way fonds are on this site...... oh sure, you can do this, or this, or this, or even this

this

or this and this, but I’m talking about fonds like...... comic sans or Wingding, :3

But I’m sure there exist websites that allow you to make such hollowbaloo,

Like; h̛̝͚̠͍̤̯̫̅̾͒́̅̐͢͝ṭ̢̻̦̖͚̒͂̽̊͛͐̎t̸̻̤̟̫̞̪̒̐̍̆̅̓͗̿̃͞ͅp̖͔̮̝̗̉̀̎̎̓͐̅̽͊͟͞ͅs̴̙̝͙̪̩̦̺̏͊͑͌͛̑́͟͠:̧̘͎̘̟͓̺͙̫͐̔̐̒̍͝/̵͔͚͉̪̞̓͋͋̎̆́̕̕̕̕͜ͅ/̷̢͉͓̮̰͔̝̫͔̭̋̊̽̑̽̑̆͆̉w̢͚͚̫̤̟̘̍͑̈̅̓̿̎̅̆̕ẁ̺̮̹̰̮̳̗̻͇̰̍͌̊̽̚͠w̸̨̗͕̳̺̾̈́͋̀̅͆̓͝.̼̭̤̳̝͓͉̪̞̊̾̎̂͘̕͡z̞̝͉̥̥̹̖͔̓̀͛̈̍̆̋̄̽ą̵̛͎̝̱͙̜͎̫͉̅̀̿́̍̒̎͢͞l̷͚͔̭͇͇̃̊̒͌̊͜͡͝ǵ̵̛͓̫̞̰̪̽̊̑̉̔͢͞͞ǫ̷̧̛͈̟̭̠̼͍́̇̏̕ť̥͇͎̮͚̎̆̔̒̎͛͐͊͡e̸̳̯͕͎̹̝̓͌̑͂̀͌̾̚x̛̯͓̙̹̊̓͗̉̇͜͜ţ̟̺̥̭̐̆́̓̀͂̉͘͢ͅğ̶̣͖̣̟̉̇͆̌͢ȩ̶̡̤̩͖͔͍̳͒̂͂̉̑ͅn̡͔̩̝̪͔̦̤̜͉͛̈́̇͂̄ē̝̰̖͔̺̹͗̆͑̐r̜̟͉̜̺̈̉̉̔́́̍̈̍̃a̼̱̖͉͒͛͌͊̒́̈́̏͗̂͢͟ͅt̵̛̝̦̰̭̝̱̳̂́͂͊͒ͅö̢̺̣̟̖́̆̅̔̿́̒̑̂͜ř̷̻̱̪͖̼̟̄͑͂͢͠.͓͚̖͔̹̭̠͛̑̀́̚c̸̨̢̨̙̪̼͕̘̝̊̓̔̀͆̍́̽͢͝͞ỏ̶̡̠̣͉̝̞͔͕̳̃̈́̓͂̏̍̽̀̕ͅm̷̡̖͓̲̗͇̏̀̀̇͒͌͛͠ͅ

that, which makes it look like the site is fucking up to be honest, xD

For anyone wondering what tf it says, it says https:/www.zalgotextgenerator.com,

[eemoo1o]

59. The creator of the underwear was actually a draconequus. They have since starved to death from extreme lack of sales.

Draconequus Spirit of Greed? Or communism?

[eemoo1o]

62. You can tell a draconequus really likes you when they use the soft kind of rope to bind you with.

Fluttershy, ru— oh, who are we kidding? That’s really kinky.

63. Draconequi, with their infinite powers, are really kinky. Do NOT let them access ANY of your holes!

(I don’t think that’s one of the rules. That’s 100 Facts About Draconequi headcanon territory. It could also possibly be true. True story.)

I hope 69. Nice. is one of the rules.

Regardless, this is so random and awesome. Well done.

[DraconequusInLove]

66. A draconequus once started a ten year war simply by calling someone “fat”. Can you guess who they called fat?

Celestia?