113 Extremely Short, Incredibly Horrible, & Shamelessly Bizarre Slashfics, Plus 1 That's Just Plain Insane, Not to Mention a Character Uprising, a Bomb Threat, a Few Optional Stable Time Loops, a Foalnapping, & Additionally Saving the World

by Super Trampoline

Sunny Starscout/Alphabittle Blossomforth (Triple Length Edition Because Rules Were Made to be Broken and Also This is the First G5 Ship!)

Alphabittle was brewing chamomile when a tinkling bell signaled another customer. Well, his only customer at the moment; he was about to close up shop for the night. A moderately intoxicated Sunny Starscout sat down at the bar, smirking.

"Heeeey, Alphababy, has anypony ever told you what an absolute DILF you are?''

The brewer paused, interest aroused. ''Does 'DILF' stand for what I think it does?''

Sunny blushed. ''Maaaaaybe''

Alphabittle sighed. ''Sunny, I appreciate the compliment (I think?), and I certainly appreciate you bringing magic back into my life. But I can't be a DILF--I don't have kids. My wife and daughter both died during childbirth.''

Sunny lost her drunk grin. "Oh... Fuck. I had a clever pickup line, but it feels wildly inappropriate now. I'm, uh, sorry for your loss.'' She cleared her throat and somberly sipped the Arnold Palmare that had materialized in front of her.

"Thanks, kid,'' the older stallion replied.

Sunny brooded.

''Hey, don't be too hard on yourself. That was a long time ago. I'm doing alright now. But a pickup line? Aren't you a bit young to be taking a pass at me?''

Sunny snapped out of her melancholy. ''Harmony's sake, I'm 23!''

Alphabittle raised his eyebrows. "Yeesh, touchy subject. But to be fair, you are pretty small.''

''I'm average height! You're just massive! (I bet that dick is massive too.)''

''What was that?''

''Nothing. Look, I'm sorry for bothering you. I'll get out of your mane.'' She turned to leave, but a firm yet gentle hoof touched her shoulder.

''You know what? I need to stop living in the past. Fuck it, let's hear your pickup line.''

Sunny lit up. "Alright, it's pretty cheesy but...''

''Come on, out with it.''

''I lost my father when I was thirteen. Wanna be my daddy tonight?''

Author's Note:

Spit takes are an overused trope, but ironically, in a teahouse where it would have been completely appropriate, Alphabittle wasn't drinking anything when she said this, and coughed instead. About three seconds later, all of the curtains had been drawn and the "Open" sign flipped around.

I also want to emphasize that while the short nature of these chapters precluded me from including this information, Sunny and Alphabittle did discuss whether she was too intoxicated to give consent, and after sobering up a little, she confessed that she'd had the hots for him for weeks now, but needed alcohol to lower her inhibitions enough to tell him. After giving each other affirmative consent, they both got litty on a bottle of sake he had in the back and... well, I don't want to invade their privacy, so I'm afraid I cannot (pun incoming)... spill the tea.

I wanna ride Daddy Alpha's big fat juicy [yay] don't @ me.

Comments

[FanOfMostEverything]

Not even G5 is safe from Tramp. And I, for one, am grateful for that.

[Super Trampoline]

11054091
To be fair, at least so far G5 has very similar energy and quality levels to G4, so while I greatly appreciate your appreciation, it's not too much of a feat for me. When I start skewering 3.5 is when you should run for the hills.