• Member Since 11th Nov, 2017
  • offline last seen Last Wednesday

Antiquarian


Those who do not study history are doomed to repeat it. Those who do study history are doomed to watch other people repeat it.

T

This story is a sequel to A 14th Century Friar in Celestia's Court


A short compendium of supplementary data, bonus chapters, spinoff chapters, and spoof chapters for A 14th Century Friar in Celestia's Court. Some are chapters which will be canon for the main story but which would interrupt the flow by getting sidetracked with, say, philosophy, religion, or history to a degree which would drag for many readers. Some will be helpful guides (like the character description guide for the first chapter). Some will be more along the lines of a crackfic - a non-canon bit with 14th C. characters that I wrote out of boredom or some measure of derangement. Technically, this isn't a sequel to 14th C., but it won't make much sense without the context.


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Cover art is the Hospitaller cross.

Chapters (13)
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Comments ( 217 )

Haven’t even read it yet, and already adding it to my Gems folder, because let’s face it: I’mma need to read these. XD

A door suddenly popped into existence, and out peeked a head.

"Tis a heavenly gift, Antiquarian, but must you be so grumpy?" asked Yutah, a small smile on his face.

"If you don't mind me saying, cheer up! From the sounds of it, you have a great assistant. Then again, I guess that she must tell you off enough as it is. Oh well, tada!"

The door closed, fading out of existence.

9251922
Antiquarian stared at the missing door, then jotted off a message to himself. "Note to self: speak to Celestia about improving security around the university to account for dimension doors." He paused. "Note to self: speak to Celestia about getting Miss Aura another raise."

Silver mane and tail, vaguely similar to Trixie’s in cut but slightly shorter and much more meticulously maintained.

:trixieshiftright: "Trixie feels insulted and she isn't sure why."

Also, I get the feeling that Inkling would be proud of creeping you out too much to describe her.

In any case, thanks for the dramatis personae. Looking forward to future supplements.

9251958
A letter suddenly appeared on Antiquarian's desk, complete with a fancy coat of arms stamped in wax.

To Antiquarian,

I'm sure that Miss Aura will appreciate that raise very much. Also, give her my regards.

P.S. Don't count on being able to block my doors. I have my ways, as this letter proves.

From, Yutah

9251979
Antiquarian put down the letter. "@#$#%," he said mildly.

9252011
"Language and hey it could be worse, it could have been like that time Discord enrolled because he was bored." Krovgor than took some time look around at his surroundings. "How did I get here anyway?"

9251979
Are making my friends life a living misery? If so please continue.

Well then. Jacques could easily be mistaken for Saint Nicholas. I wonder if that’s a coincidence.

9261566
St. Nicholas minus the paunch he's often portrayed with. I could see it, though. Admittedly, I've seen some fairly hardcore, over-the-top St. Nicholas vs. (insert horrifying monster) comics where he lays down some holy destruction.

9261754
I was thinking a sleigh covered in spikes and with flaming runners, drawn by reindemons, backed up with a death metal cover of “O Holy Night” as he duels the Krampus to a standstill.

9261819
Make it reingels. He is a saint, after all. And, trust me, the cutesy little cherubs don't the the actual portrayals of angels any justice. Let's just say there's a reason that every time they show up in Scripture they lead with "don't freak out."

9261990
This kinda makes me have a hankering for Jacques telling some ponies about what angels are described as, and seeing them quiver as they imagine a... being that has to keep its six golden wings wrapped around itself, for to lay your eyes upon the naked body of a seraph is to have your eyes melt out of your skull because of the angel's sheer brilliance.

Luna, were she present for such a telling, would likely roll her eyes and consider such things comparable to Celestia throwing a tantrum over Discord having replaced all of her desserts with spiders.

A scroll this time, backed with a strange black metal that inconveniently sheds magic.

The Esteemed Antiquarian,

You really should speak with Celestia about the state of the wards on your university. They are shockingly lacking, barely enough to contain random surges from the student body, let alone anything deliberate. It begs the question of whether a proper Warden has even been contracted. If such blatant disrepair is indeed the norm, the university budget is in dire need of an audit.

In any case, if the Good friar's transportation arrangements have hit a snag, just have him break the enclosed crystal. I'll be along presently to retrieve him, and speed him on his way. He's gotten over that dracophobia issue, right?

P.S. You bought a privacy rune-circle from F&F Enterprises? Why would you trust anything those two brothers ever touched?

With regards, Venerable Ro


All fun aside, I think a good point for Jacques to visit the EQG-verse would be during that Anon-a-miss business. one of those Strangers-meet-in-a-nighttime-park set pieces. Frankly, the poor friar would have a terrible time with the modern world, but distress? That feeling of total loss and abandonment inflicted on Sunset? Jacques would know what to do there. Not to mention, that incident is likely one of a very few things that could move him to genuine fury.

Just a thought, 'twould fit right In with this subtheme of care and hope your story has acquired.

9273867
To the Venerable Ro,

The budget is indeed a matter of concern, and I believe that the 'ward expert' we contracted suffered from a severe case of stupidity. On a more positive note, the random magical surges of students has proven to be a wellspring of opportunities for the other students to practice defensive and containment magic, and has also provided me with a somewhat guilty form of entertainment.

With regards to transportation and his fear of dragons, it would probably be best to limit his interactions to Spike until he has had more time to acclimate. The last thing I need is Redheart getting in my face for putting him (or someone else) in the ER again.

With regards to F&F Enterprises, I confess that I made the mistake of purchasing from a subsidiary of theirs which I was unaware belonged to them. To make matters worse, I made the mistake on the one sick day that Miss Aura has taken in the last seven years, which has now led to her flatly refusing to take sick days. How she avoids getting sick is something of a matter of debate, but my personal theory is that she scares the germs. She won't even take them when I'm sick for fear that I'm faking it to go behind her back and disorganize my office more than usual. She only takes vacations when I do, and that's only because she sets my itinerary and knows that I wouldn't skip anything on it to come into the office. The long and short of it is that, if you knew of any sales, I would be grateful for the opportunity to replace the garbage system I currently own.

Regards,
Antiquarian


As far as Anon-a-Miss goes, while I'm sure that Jacques would handle the situation well, the downside is that I would actually have to read Anon-a-Miss in order to write such a fic, and the plot synopsis of that comic was enough to make me rather flatly declare it 'non-canon' in my mind. I'll consider it, if only because of how Jacques would handle it, but there's a good chance that I won't. Thank you for the suggestion, though, as I believe it has merit even if I likely won't act on it.

9275333
The runes on the metallic scroll flash with a warm ivory glow, before fading away. New words swiftly appear upon the pristine surface, inscribed as if by a fine chisel. Or a sharp claw.

To the inimitable Antiquarian,

On the subject of budgetary issues, you have my condolences. It is so hard to find good work these days, folk simply don't seem to value quality anymore. Has the school board perhaps considered enlisting some of the senior students? While an apprenticeship program might not produce the best results, nearly anything would be preferable to the wreck you have hanging over that campus at present. You are aware that it is accumulating charge from the student's surges? When it fails, or worse, grounds, things are going to get...Bad.

But I'm certain that the princesses have everything under control, 'tis not like a huge mass of unstable mana would go unnoticed in the midst of Canterlot.

So on to the subject of the good friar. I am sorry to hear that he is still having troubles with his preconceptions. Though I can hardly blame him, the Sons and Daughters of Fire do not have the best of reputations. So alas, if his journeys lead him astray I would be unable to provide any direct help. He would not appreciate my true form, and he would sense something amiss with any guise I took. Short of knocking him out and stuffing him in the proverbial sack, my presence would not help anything.

And finally, I suppose I could be persuaded to handle a bit of spell-craft on your behalf, it is always a pleasure to work in Equestia. Such verdant mana fields allow for some truly beautiful enchanting...

(Several large divots appear on the scroll, as though something heavy were being tapped upon it)

Why not? I'll do it myself, for the pleasure of replacing an abhorrently shoddy piece of work, and for a favor. As you may know, gemstones have limitless use in enchanting, and many other facets of spell craft besides. Gemstones native to Equestria in particular, are unusually pristine and bountiful. If you could direct, and possibly introduce me, to a purveyor of gemstones, particularly fire opals, I would be pleased to work any sort of enchantments you might desire. Within reason, of course.

P.S. And please give my compliments to Miss Aura, pride-of-duty such as she displays is always worthy of praise.

As always, Venerable Ro


Thank you for the suggestion, though, as I believe it has merit even if I likely won't act on it.

well you're quite welcome, "nothing ventured, nothing gained", as they say. I can certainly understand your position, goodness knows there are stories aplenty, here and otherwise, that I've no care to read or even contemplate. I am confident that whatever you do decide to write will continue to be of the highest caliber.

9275951
To the Mighty Venerable Ro,

I should first begin by noting that this is not Antiquarian, but Aura (thank you for your compliment by the way). I'm writing because today was a certain Zephyr Breeze's first day in Antiquarian's "Introduction to Military History" class. After the class ended, my employer returned to his office, went to stare out the window, and began smoking his tobacco pipe (don't worry; it's enchanted not to harm him). That was six hours ago. He has neither moved, nor spoken. As such, the standard protocol is that I handle the mail.

Thank you on both our behalves for the offer of enchantments. Without him to sign off, I don't know what all he might request, but I feel comfortable ordering some replacements for the 'security' which Flim and Flam have provided up to this point.


Aura broke off writing when Antiquarian emitted, without warning, an unearthly shriek of rage and grief before lapsing once more into silence.


And perhaps something which has a palliative effect upon overly-stressed minds.

Warmest Regards,
Aura de Patience


Your confidence in my ability is appreciated.

With another mellow glow, the runes on the scroll once again vanish, making way for newly-carved text.

To the redoubtable Miss Aura de Patience, and the learned Antiquarian,

Ah, the younger generation. It is such a, joy, to instruct them in that which should be known. In my day, disrespect was met with a brisk thrashing and a confiscation of tribute. a whelp was much more attentive after having to explain to his sire where part of his inheritance went to...

But this was in a different time, and a different society. I suspect the reaction to hurling this "Zephyr Breeze" out of a window would not be positive? A pity.

In any case, on to the subject of enchanting. Now, to be honest, it is difficult to tell just what benefit your previous system was supposed to impart, if any. It is remarkably shoddy work, to the point of incoherency. I cannot tell if it was meant to provide personal protection, work-place protection, or home security. I can provide some generic personal protection now, but anything tailored would have to be done in person.

A moderately sized box appears on the desktop in a shimmer of ivory light. It is made of smoothly polished dark mahogany, and is bound in brass. Inside the box two sets of jewelry rest on a velvet lining. Each set consists of a silvery brooch, engraved with a seemingly random pattern of swooping lines, and an amulet.

The amulet is larger, and quite intricate. Circular, and made primarily of electrum, the outer edge is scalloped silver, while the interior is a twisting spiral of gold. Set equidistant in this spiral are a ruby, sapphire and pearl. At the center of the spiral rests an iridescent black gemstone identifiable as a black fire opal.

While I am aware of the Equestrian habit of customizing jewelry with the customer's mark, such customization would of course require an appointment. In any case, these should do until an appointment can be made for proper work to be done.

Firstly, the brooch is designed to ward off scrying and other methods of magical eavesdropping. If it detects any such attempts, it will warm and vibrate softly until tapped twice or the attempt fades. It works by making the warded one "slippery" to target, causing most spells to slide off and attach to other random bystanders or objects.

The amulets, on the other hand, are something special. These are curse-catchers, proper ones. A bit of an extravagance, honestly, but that disaster hovering over your university worries me. These amulets detect and absorb magical energies that would otherwise harm the bearer. The three gemstones represent the body, mind and spirit. At the center is the reservoir, in this case a fire opal. The curse-catcher will consume and contain harmful magic until the reservoir is full, at which time the gemstone will shatter, rendering the amulet useless.

Since I have used a fire opal, that event would require princess Twilight's hostile participation. Please do not lose these, the components are difficult to find.

These should do quite well for the immediate future, until such time as we can schedule an appointment for some tailored work. In particular, protecting your office would naturally require my physical presence.

As to stress relief, I believe I could manage something for calming sleep, but I would need to do a bit of tinkering.


As always,
Venerable Ro

9278818
To the profoundly generous Venerable Ro,

I convey our deepest thanks for your assistance now and in the future. Now, I apologize for the brevity of this missive, but Antiquarian has begun cussing in Old Ponish, which usually precludes an attempt to storm the bastions of erroneous ideologies (i.e. the universities which produce students like Zephyr Breeze) and burn them to the ground. And, as amusing as that would be, I would prefer that the old stallion not be jailed for arson. Until next time, may your paths be safe ones.

Warmest Regards,
Aura de Patience

9279385
In a hastily vacated office silence reigned. only moments ago, the air had tuned blue with the guttural cursing for which old ponish was rightly renowned. Following which had been a clatter of hooves and two voices, one swearing incendiary vengeance on lazy scholarship, and the other threatening a bucket of ice-water.

But now the silence lay thick on the air, before once again suffering interruption. A faint scratching noise, emanating from a inexplicably supple metallic scroll which had been hastily set aside.

To whomever first reads this missive, be it Long-suffering Aura, or impetuous Antiquarian,

I am pleased to hear my efforts were well received, though in all honesty, they were truly generic. I had made those a while back, 'twas simply a matter of retrieving them from their case and placing them in an appropriate box. Custom work is always superior.

In any case, it seems important matters have come up, I am not so arrogant as to imagine that my correspondence need occupy your total focus. Please take care of whatever demands your attention, I can wait. After all, I have all the time in the worlds.

Eternally,
Venerable Ro

9280901
That was fun. :pinkiehappy: I declare this all more-or-less canon.

9281716
It was, wasn't it? I thoroughly enjoyed myself. And I am now peripherally canon to the peripheral canon! I feel honored. Do let me know if you ever need some thingamajigs made up, I find I have a metaphorical eye for such.

Oh, since Venerable Ro never made an actual physical appearance, here's what he looks like, roughly.

cdna.artstation.com/p/assets/images/images/008/265/374/large/maria_-roklain-.jpg

The ivory loong, not the wind drake. He would have pulled the old, huge creature fits comfortably in small room without either altering dimensions trick on arrival.

Hmmph,millennia old and he's still not tired of the "I'm much larger than you thought I was" joke.

But for actual conversation, (and work!) he would shift to a more convenient form.

img15.deviantart.net/bdab/i/2006/129/0/e/sage__s_afternoon_nap_by_njoo.jpg

9282043
I feel rather like that second picture most days.

Well I do hope you get to feeling better. As always, we can wait for as long as you need. Indeed, a good friend or two makes the journey smoother, if not shorter.

As for me, good music always helps to raise my mood, that and a well-written story. So, on that note,

Here's hoping for a speedy recovery. And that we get to see that Crusader-Siren musical showdown one day. :raritywink:

*WolfGrin* I'll keep the Angry Mob away while you heal. Get Well Soon!!!!

You know, you are the only author whose "please don't kill me" messages I look forward to almost as much as the actual story content.

Get well soon (or else)!

Oh, so you did have knee surgery! I have to admit, when you mentioned it a while ago when replying to a comment of mine (in the "depression" chapter... err, "Voices in the Morning"), I felt ashamed to ask if you actually needed knee surgery or if it was just a very good illustrative example. While I'm kinda glad that it was true, and that you actually went through it, at the same time... well, you did have surgery, and are now on painkillers and such, so... Yeah, that kinda sucks.
Sorry, I'm too tired right now to express myself properly xd

My point is, I hope you get well soon (... or else!)! We (i.e. the readers) can wait for as long as you need/want us to. It's not like we have a choice, anyway; either we wait patiently until you release a new chapter, or we wait impatiently until you release a new chapter :rainbowlaugh:

My only regret is that I’ll never get the chance to have Jacques throw down with the Sirens in an epic musical—

Now that we are aware of this, the Angry MobTM will violently rampage through the city until you grace our violently everjudging eyes, our torches and our pitchforks with this epic musical showdown.


The Angry Mob TM and all related characters belong to Antiquarian. Copyright Disclaimer Under Section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976, allowance is made for "fair use" for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research. Fair use is a use permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing. Non-profit, educational or personal use tips the balance in favor of fair use. I honestly do not know if this is the correct legal text, I just copied and pasted it from a YouTube video in the hopes it made some semblance of sense.

9314346
You know, it's funny. Just today I was reminded of the quote, "Modern man listens more willingly to witnesses than to teachers." (Pope Paul VI). That mindset is a large part of why I choose anecdotes which are either my own experiences or those that I know to be true. Which is a long way of saying that I perfectly understand why it is meaningful to know that I actually had knee surgery. It is easier to find words to be meaningful when we know that they come from personal experience.

And that bit about the eager anticipation of the mob and the associated copyright got me laughing. Well done.

9313332
A fitting ode. Thank you.

I've had knee surgery. The recovery isn't fun, but the results were definitely worth it. Do the therapy. Do the therapy. I did it and amazed them by the progress I made. I do hope you feel better soon. Also did I mention, "Do the therapy?"

9317554
So... what I'm getting here is that I should not do the therapy. Is that what you're saying? I am interpreting this correctly? :trollestia:

My only regret is that I’ll never get the chance to have Jacques throw down with the Sirens in an epic musical—

I'm sorry my friend, but poor Jacques would be destroyed if he went toe to toe with my favorite three in a musical battle...……… unless he had back up with the likes of, say Sabaton or Powerwolf.

9317688
Hahahaha I like this, you being witty and all.

LOOK, YOU POND SCUM!

You're gonna take your sarcastic self, you're gonna do the therapy, and then you're gonna get better; or I will break both your knees. And I live close, I can make that happen.:pinkiehappy:

9318630
Maybe Jacques has a Scottish friend who can't play the bagpipes to save his own life (but 'well' enough to save everyone else's)?

9319894
... Is that a Samurai Jack reference? Because, if so, that's perfect for the situation. I mean, it was literally sirens that the Scotsman fought.

9319981
Quiet, you!

But yes, it was.

(This is probably late but who cares)
I’ll kill a few Chaos cultists in your honor.

9330543
It's never too late for purging Chaos cultists.

Wait, you had knee surgery? Well, I hope that all is well. :twilightsmile:

Anyway, at least you had more time for fanfiction, right?

... Right?


*portal suddenly appears in the room*

Yutah123 jumps out of the portal, looking harried.

"Ally!" he cried out. "I have heard that you were snuck upon unawares by the Angry Mob. While we can be thankful that they were not out to hang you, that is an alarming happening nonetheless!" He pulls out a big, flat pane of something out of the portal. "Behold, a foe glass! Should your enemies get near, a hazy outline of them will appear in this mirror-like object, and the nearer they get, the clearer the image becomes. I think that it'll be a useful tool for avoiding the Mob. Anyway, I must be off now!"

Yutah123 made to move for the portal, but jerked to a stop. "I forgot. I wish to give a gift to Twilight in your story, like the one I gave you. In fact, I might give Fluttershy one as well. I however, am not so rude as to go into stories without the author's permission. My personality would usually stop me from asking for this boon, but my affection for Twilight and Fluttershy is relentless. If you could grant a person his small wish? You know where to contact me." And with those parting words, Yutah123 departed, the portal closing after him.

The portal opened again. "Sorry for being late!" It closed.

9381176
Fear not, Yutah. They will be getting some... instruments with which to keep themselves safe. Some soon. Some later. And, yes, the knee surgery went well. Thank you.

Antiquarian feigned shock. “Wow. I just felt thirty readers leave the moment you said ‘etymology.’”

Well, I didn't.

If I can't stand "etymology", I'd be a miserable Wikipedian.

Before Antiquarian could snap back a retort, Jacques reclaimed the narrative. “I’m so glad you asked that, hypothetical audience member who’s more polite than the last one.” Antiquarian glared, but the friar ignored him. “Consider the following scenario: a man struggles with the vice of laziness. He sits on his couch watching Netflix, knowing full well that he could be doing something more productive with his time, or at least engaging in a past-time more engaging and edifying than the mediocre show he’s watching. Instead of turning off the TV, however, or at least changing the proverbial channel, he simply lets the countdown run out before the next episode starts and continues to indulge in binge-watching.”

Sounds like me, except it's a computer instead of Netflix. :twilightblush:


I...

I actually learned a life lesson from a supplemental. :rainbowderp:

I have to take this to heart.

9493937
Well, if you got something out of it, thank my mother. I happened to be visiting and she happened to have just learned the etymology of Fasting. There's an old expression about God working in mysterious ways that I spend a lot of time thinking about.

People leave at the prospect of etymology? Weird.

That was really edifying. And quite right about people not being taught the point. I was always told it was something about suffering building character and/or atoning for sins, basically. But that actually makes sense.

9494141
On a related topic, how about the etymology of breakfast? It's a piece of trivia that you might already know.

Since sleeping through the night means that you don't get to eat anything during that period, it's like a fast, and since eating the first meal of the day is akin to breaking that fast, break + fast = breakfast.

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