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Super Trampoline


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(dis)Like what you read? Tell me why! ~Super


At the end of his life, Shining Armor writes one last love poem to his wife, and they share a few peaceful moments.

Additional Tag: [Bittersweet]

04/01/14: Twilight's Library Approved!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 79 )

THAT'S IT! You sir have violated the extreme feels policy! The deaths you have caused with your fic are unforgivable!!!:flutterrage: Why would you even do that? :fluttershysad: Why...:pinkiesad2: :fluttershbad: You... you evilll:fluttercry: EVIL man!:applecry:

Just kidding brah... feels good tho... i want to be this level of in-love when i grow old. I really do.

You're being charged with the crime of murdering my feels, how do you plead?

TOO LATE!!!

finkorswim.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/guilty2.png

4152279
4152261 I'll take these comments as a sign I did something right. Thanks. :pinkiehappy:

Oh my sweet Celestia.... This fic.....
oh celestia the feeelsssssss
I just... I can't... :fluttershyouch: :fluttershbad:

Ow, my heart, it's broken. Nice story my friend.

Love is putting someone else's needs above your own.:twilightsmile:

4153725 some people are worth melting for, just maybe not today! :heart:Frozen!

I thought I wouldnt cry... Oh how wrong I was...

I'm a rather stone-hearted person, but this made even me feel a little bit of something inside. I may have even smiled a little.

4153880 I just happen to watch that movie for the first time yesterday, so that line was in my mind through your entire story. :yay:

*hhhnnngh*
*HHHHHHHNNNNGGG*

I died before Shining of a heart attack.:fluttercry:

4152355 DUHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:twilightsmile: This was utterly beautiful. And i'm supposed to hate them cause i like QC. I mean Shining and Cadence. Please write something about QC too.:raritystarry:

4156374 So you a ghost, a zombie? WHAT ARE YOU?!?!


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I didn't set out to write a story that would make you cry. I set out to write a story examining Shining Armor and Mi Amore Candenza's undying love for each other. But that your crying is a side effect of this endeavor is a sign to me that I did something right. That you guys connected to this emotionally makes me very proud as a writer, and I would like to thank you all for enjoying this story. Have a great day! :pinkiehappy:

4161742
Thank you and your welcome! :heart:

4161742 Wow! Your welcome...though I don't know what I did...:rainbowhuh:

4161742 Eh then why did you tag it bittersweet and not expect some tears? :trixieshiftleft:

4162013 What I mean is, I didn't set out to make you cry; I set out to write a good story, and it happens to induce tears. :scootangel:

4162034 Oh no i get it... it's not a sadfic... it's a good nice fic with a meaning.

4162132 I don't know but i secretly would have liked the same thing but in Queen Chrysalis mode.

4162392 I do have a Chryssi story I'm collabing on with the wonderful Autumnschild, but it probably won't come out 'til summer. you can actually find a section of it in the Octavia x Vinyl x Pinkie ship chapter in my anthology of Fifty Three Extremely Short, Incredibly Horrible, and Shamelessly Bizarre Slashfics, Plus One That's Just Plain Insane, Not to Mention a Character Uprising, Also a Bomb Threat, With a Few Optional Stable Time Loops Too, and Additionally a Foalnapping. :pinkiecrazy:

4162456 Sorry, I forgot which story I was commenting on. Check that comment, it should make more sense now. :twilightblush:

A splendid read, though I have to say it: lose the parts after the poem. Everything that needed to be said has been said there already, and the rest is nowhere near as expressive and powerful (even though I have a few issues with the poem itself...)

Other than that, well done! :duck:

4188671 Originally I was just going to do the poem, but that was nowhere near 1000 words.

4188675

Had a slight "The Snows of Kilimanjaro" feel to it (for me, anyway), which wouldn't have been a bad thing, but in the end it felt more like padding than a necessary addition. I don't blame you, though. I can tell that the poem was the primary focus, and it is extremely well done! :raritywink:

my chest is in pain because you killed my feels you big meanie .........................this was great and i love it:eeyup::yay::pinkiehappy:

4206150 glad you enjoyed it. Sorry to hear about your chest.

:fluttershysad:
:fluttercry:
:fluttershyouch:
:fluttershbad:

Touching, very touching but the parts like the diapers and spoon feeding I find weird but this is still good :fluttercry:

4251549 it sucks when your body's breaking down, huh?

4251969
Yeah I'm young but adult diapers..:rainbowderp:
And the story is just too sad..... :fluttercry:

This... :applecry::applecry: The feels... :fluttercry: Dammit... :fluttercry::applecry::raritydespair::raritycry:

Why, :trollestia:, why didn't you make Shining an Alicorn? He is a prince, after all (being married to Cadence) and scenes like this would've been hard on them both...

But don't use my excuse to make Prince Blueblood an Alicorn, hell no.

:fluttercry::fluttercry: Dammit, now I'm crying... The emoticons aren't enough... :raritydespair::raritycry::raritydespair::raritycry::raritydespair::raritycry:

Although it would be nice to be in this level of in-love when I'm old. :fluttercry::applecry::fluttercry:

4302379 Glad to hear you were so affected by this. :yay: Alicorn Blueblood? hmmmm. :ajsmug:

4302394

Alicorn Blueblood? :pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp:
Ohhhh shit, world's gonna end if that happens… :raritydespair::raritycry:
Please, :trollestia:, don't make him an Alicorn!!

IT'S TOO EARLY FOR THE FEELS.

4357414 Oh my, would you just look at the time. It's FEELS O'CLOCK!

That was, nice, but I think it could have been better.

Bittersweet, is not about someone dying happy. Yes that's a thing that tends to happen in bittersweet stories, but that's not what they're about.

The general formula for bittersweet is, introduce character, grow and develop character to get audience invested, and then kill character in a way then fits the life they led. I could go on for pages and pages about the difference between a tragic death and a bittersweet one, but based off this story you already seem to understand that.

Now, no one will praise breaking established formulas and rules more then me, but I don't feel like that's what you're doing here, rather it feels like you're just jumping straight to the end. Instead of growing and developing the character over time, you're just leaning on the fact that this is a fanfiction and amusing that we're already invested in the character form either canon and/or other fan works.

You have that poem at the beginning that dose a pretty good job of establishing Shining Armor and Cadence's characters, but it doesn't solve the issue that you're telling me that. For bittersweet to have maximum potency, you need to show me who there are, and what kind of life that led. I need to know who this Shining Armor is, what has he done to earn a peaceful eternal sleep, and why is the world a lesser place without him.

Basically, I'm saying it needs to be longer, but not just have more words, it need to tell a story, not just end it.

If you want a fantastic example of this done right, I'd highly recommend checking out Yours Truly

Now, I'm not sure how to end this, critique, so I'm just going to stop typing.

Argggh, my phone ate my comment when I accidentally clicked on the ad below it.

4729008 Wow, thank you so much for the extended commentary/feedback. Authors love getting long comments like this. :raritystarry:

Now, as for the constructive criticism itself, guilty as charged. As you said, it basically boils down to

Instead of growing and developing the character over time, you're just leaning on the fact that this is a fanfiction and amusing that we're already invested in the character form either canon and/or other fan works.

If you look at the rest of my oeuvre, you'll see that most of my stories are not only one shots, but short oneshots. I seem to like to write scenes instead of proper fleshed-out stories. That's just my preference. I get bogged down trying to tell a story and chronically don't finish my multichapter stuff. So I stick to short oneshots.

I'm not really sure how I could have expanded this the way you would have liked to have seen it expanded without completely changing the nature of this story. In fact, Bad Horse has an interesting blog on the donut hole of short stories. I could certainly make this one of the ending scenes to a long story chronicling their romance across the ages, but as I said, that would be a project way beyond my ability to undertake.

As for Yours Truly, well, I confess I normally shy away from Twilestia. Only recently after a talk with him did I read Pearple Prose's Gods-In-Law, and maybe it changed my view a little. At any rate, Yours Truly is now on my bloated read-later list.

If you want to see somepony write a better, longer Cadance than I (which I basically consider my adopted headcanon), please read Skywriter's Cadance of Cloudsdale series

Thanks again for taking the time to comment. For a more self-contained short story of mine you might like, I'd like to recommend White Space, or any other story that catches your fancy.

Have a great day! :pinkiehappy:

Argggh, my phone ate my comment when I accidentally clicked on the ad below it.

4729008 Wow, thank you so much for the extended commentary/feedback. Authors love getting long comments like this. :raritystarry:

Now, as for the constructive criticism itself, guilty as charged. As you said, it basically boils down to

Instead of growing and developing the character over time, you're just leaning on the fact that this is a fanfiction and amusing that we're already invested in the character form either canon and/or other fan works.

If you look at the rest of my oeuvre, you'll see that most of my stories are not only one shots, but short oneshots. I seem to like to write scenes instead of proper fleshed-out stories. That's just my preference. I get bogged down trying to tell a story and chronically don't finish my multichapter stuff. So I stick to short oneshots.

I'm not really sure how I could have expanded this the way you would have liked to have seen it expanded without completely changing the nature of this story. In fact, Bad Horse has an interesting blog on the donut hole of short stories. I could certainly make this one of the ending scenes to a long story chronicling their romance across the ages, but as I said, that would be a project way beyond my ability to undertake.

As for Yours Truly, well, I confess I normally shy away from Twilestia. Only recently after a talk with him did I read Pearple Prose's Gods-In-Law, and maybe it changed my view a little. At any rate, Yours Truly is now on my bloated read-later list.

If you want to see somepony write a better, longer Cadance than I (which I basically consider my adopted headcanon), please read Skywriter's Cadance of Cloudsdale series

Thanks again for taking the time to comment. For a more self-contained short story of mine you might like, I'd like to recommend White Space, or any other story that catches your fancy.

Have a great day! :pinkiehappy:

4729650 Hey, I get preferring short scenes over proper fleshed-out stories, I mean, look at me! I haven't posted anything on this site, and its been years since I updated my fanfiction.net .

That being said, I believe that one should always be pushing one's self, you'll never get better if you never try something beyond what you know you're capable of. (But then again, look who's talking :facehoof:)

One another note, that was a very interesting article, I'll have to give some thought to that...

And finally, Your's Truly isn't a Twilestia story, its a Twijack story (though given the cover art, you're forgiven for being mistaken)

Also, consider both Cadance of Cloudsdale and White Space on my over bloated read-later list :raritywink:

4730272 yeah, if you're not following Bad Horse, you really should be for blog posts. And just a note, Cadance of Cloudsdale is the name of the story series. The link I gave you is the master index. The first story in the series is How to Pull a Unicorn Tooth. But seriously, I can't recommend Skywriter enough. He's my favorite author on the site.

Lasty, hey man, why not try your hoof at some pony words? No time like the present! Let me know if I can help in anyway.

4730501 Thank you for the offer, but I think I'm fine. I noticed that the School for New Writers is having a contest right now, so I might look into that. I'm also still in touch with my editor from my Last Airbender days, even though he's not strictly speaking a brony, I think he has enough respect for the show to rope him into another editing job.:pinkiehappy:

Simply fantastic. I feel going on much longer would spoil the mood of the moment. I tried to suggest a similar feeling in my suspended future concept for when Dusk Shine and Cadence take over for Celestia and Luna by writing a scene were Dusk gives Cadence a long lost pin that Shining had given her ages ago when she was ruling the Crystal Empire. The fic needs MASSIVE rewrites but I'm busy with my main story.

LOVE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!
So touching. SOOOOO TOUCHING!!!!!!!!!!
:fluttercry:
Ok, I'm good now

5662954 I'm glad you appreciated it. :eeyup:

That was an interesting story, and in a good way. It's surprising how few Shining Armor POV stories there are (or at least that I've read) -- most authors seem to go with Cadance's perspective. Also, points for doing this sort of fic and not making absolutely everything miserable. There's humour even in the worst situations, and those little flashes (like when Cadance talks about how many times she's said "Good Morning") helped a good deal. :twilightsmile:

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