• Member Since 13th Jun, 2013
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Super Trampoline


"Of all the terrible batponies in the world, you're the least terrible."~PresentPerfect🐴Ponk & GlimGlam are best ponies🐴Text 714-496-3119 with the name of an MLP character to get a cute picture!

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Discord can't sleep. So he's going to make sure Cadance can't either. That's what friends do, right?

This vignette takes place 2-5 years into the future.


"I quite enjoyed." ~Skywriter, whose Cadance stories are much better than mine; you should read them AFTER this one.


A hearty thank you to my Patreon patrons Singularity Dream, ocalhoun, and Littlecolt!

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 20 )

Look at you putting out these stories! Very nice !

6653699 I got my writing mojo back and finished up four stories Wednesday, Thursday. Unfortunately one of them didn't pass moderation and probably won't pass moderation.

This is a cute little follow-up to ideas clearly commenced in "Three's a Crowd." You've got a pretty credible Discord and Cadance going on here; the Princess is maybe a bit too casual in her language choices from time to time ("Geez" strikes me as a particularly un-Cadancey word) but otherwise quite nice. The whole thing needs a bit of a pass-through for missing indents and misplaced and outright missing quotation marks, as there are multiple instances of each. Other nitpicks:

-"pare the course" is probably "par for the course"

-"disentangle" is a transitive verb and should probably be phrased "disentangle myself" (needs an object)

-On the topic of "nicker": usually a soft, pleasant greeting for actual living horses. I'm not saying alien pastel fairy-horses need to cohere absolutely to real horse behavior, but "nickering in... frustration" throws me, because I have a hard time figuring out how that happens, much like were you to type "smiling in anger."

Anyway, I quite enjoyed.

6653735 I'm very happy for you that you got your writing Mojo back. I know how it feels to lose it. It sucks

6653742 The foremost authority on Cadance writing likes my story; I'll consider that a solid win. To respond to your points:

As far as "geez" goes, I could argue that she likes to loosen up when not running a govt., but "goodness" was not present anywhere else in the text, so I swapped it out.

I originally wrote most of this on my iPad; the fold up keyboard has a broken shift key and can't tab properly. So while I went back through this on my computer later and cleaned it up and expanded it, truth be told it's been so long since I wrote a story I actually considered decent that my self-editing skills have gotten neglected and atrophied.

fixed the par the course and disentangle.

To be honest, I just choose "nicker" as a random horse sound. Would whinny or neigh work better here?

Thanks for reading! :pinkiehappy:

6654342
Whinny would be a better choice, yes.

Haha, funny story! :pinkiehappy:

Rather enjoyed this one, quite cheery.

26 upvotes, no downvotes. Damn good, cheerio.

6688597 thanks.

...what does "slending" mean? :rainbowhuh:

6654650 yesterday I spent a large amount of time with my friend who actually has horses and she went over Horse sounds with me in greater detail. She was also gleefully eager to point out all the places in my stories where my horse anatomy was incorrect.

6688923 I see, an amalgamation of two close friends you have lost.

6688939 Correct. I Iost them, sadly. But I am determined not to forget them

6688914
Possibly a resource for the future?

Ahahahaha! I love this!

Why am I also getting a Q-meets-Commander-Ivanova vibe here, too?

7017249 I confess I've watched about as much Star Trek total as I have Star Trek Q episodes, that is to say not a ton overall, so I have no clue who the latter person is.

6688923 also, if you like Q, you should definitely check out AlaraJRogers. She does a ton of stuff with him.

7017333

She's actually from Babylon 5, has a personality that... well, would interplay with Q in much the same way that Cadance does here with Discord. (She's a lot less loving and maternal than Cadance is, to be sure, but...)

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