After the death of her husband, Queen Cadence is left alone to Rule her empire. After the war it became more and more difficult for her to bring back that famous love that her Empire was known for. Lucky for her, Her sister-in-law Empress Twilight had a problem with one of her magic advisers and thought it would be best to toss him at her.
Discord, the spirit of chaos in the crystal empire, given the job to keep an eye on it's queen. Will Cadence and Discord be able to get along? Will discord be able to pull the queen from her sadness?
Perhaps he will...
Chapters (1)
This is a very interesting and unusual pairing. Under most circumstances the idea of Discord/Cadance is bizarre, but setting it at the time that you did, it actually seems more than reasonable. They're both quasi-immortal and have outlived others that they loved, and with the elder alicorns gone as well, I could actually see this. As much as Twilight might have wanted to go help Cadance with her pain, she has her own duties, whereas no one would ever give Discord any kind of official ongoing job that requires him to be reliable, meaning he's free to be sent to do whatever. :-)
Don't worry about the downvotes, by the way. Every story that ships Discord with anyone gets at least two downvotes, in my experience. I don't know whether it's shippers downvoting everything that isn't their ship, or people who just hate the idea of shipping Discord with anyone, but they're pretty irrelevant.
4420285 I'm stealing... the male version of Waifu's... and giving him to someone else.
Yeah that is in all fandoms. I have just had these two being together in my mind FOREVER, and I just needed to finally start to write it. I WILL STEAL ALL THE.... male version of waifu's. !!!
4420299
Husbandos?
Anyway, interesting setting/pairing, best of luck in making an interesting story out of it! =)
4420351 is that a word?
if it isn't we will make it one!
we have the technology!
4420299
I think the term is husbando or hazubando. Since waifu is writing in Roman characters how the Japanese would write out the word "wife" from English, husband should be the same. I usually see "husbando" but that's wrong because there is no "hus" in Japanese; it should be "hazu" (because "huzu" would be pronounced like "lulu" or "fugu".)
And good for you. The whole idea of the One True Pairing kinda irritates the crap out of me, and people who get butthurt about fictional characters because the fictional character they are attracted to is maybe involved with them (which is where the waifu thing usually comes from -- it's not about your favorite ship, it's about your favorite character being shipped with anyone because you want them for yourself... which, dude, they are fictional) are even more pathetic. Steal all the hazubandotachi and give them to someone else! (-tachi is Japanese plural, used only when talking about people, like tomodachi is "friends".)
4420415 It is always so very sad to see people who want to keep a fictional character to themselves
This is just my personal opinion, so feel free to disregard this at your leisure~
I don't think the downvotes are for the ship itself. This could actually...kind of make sense, (and what fun is there in that?) especially since Cadence is the princess of Love. Love and Kindness are two things Discord desperately needs, and in the setting of the story, where Cadence is the second to last remaining princess, this story could be quite nice indeed.
Your grammar and spelling, however, need some serious work. Capitalization and proper punctuation make a world of difference; everyone makes mistakes of course, but giving your stuff a slow read-through before hitting "submit" could catch quite a few of these. Editors also are hugely helpful and deserved to be obtained and worshipped, because if you saw the mistakes, you wouldn't have made them, obviously. Everyone needs a second pair of eyes. I'm not trying to pick on you, but here are a couple of examples that stood out sharply to me:
One, your forgot where your parentheses ended, which is never a good thing. (You also misspelled gentle. Just FYI.) These first few paragraphs seem very info-dumpy, especially the bit about Fluttershy being the last to die. That's a nice thing to know, but none of this flows naturally or smoothly--make sure when you're writing the "inner thoughts" of a character, they sound like inner thoughts. It shouldn't sound like they're explaining something to an audience unless that's your specific intention. And even if Discord is narrating this to an audience, it should flow more like a story, and not like "This is what Discord was thinking while standing outside a door."
This is rife with capitalization errors. Besides that, this scene repeats itself, probably because of a copy and paste issue. Just to give you an example, here's how it should have looked if formatted correctly:
Okay, besides the spelling and grammar errors, (which, if were being totally honest, I could overlook if there weren't too many,) the biggest issue is: characterization.
I consider Discord one of the hardest characters to write, second only under Pinkie Pie. The reason is mainly they are very visual characters, with hard dialog to predict and accurately portray. That being said, it is totally possible to write him correctly. The Keepers of Discord is a great fanfic and it nails his inner monologue and his outlook on Equestria in general.
Having Discord the last member of a dead race is an interesting idea, I'll admit, but giving him that backstory doesn't fit with the character we see today. With that kind of pain, how is he not livid at the dragons and determined to destroy Spike? The only thing we see is his delight in chaos and unruliness, loving anything disharmonious. He's tremendously powerful and can manipulate the landscape of Equestria with just a snap of his fingers. He ruled over Equestria with an iron, polka-dotted lions paw and turned everything upside down.
Making him...well, more human takes away from his overall character. Discord wouldn't sit patiently outside Cadence's door for days on end. He has no patience! He would turn the whole place into salt and pepper shakers and commence seasoning Cloudsdale before ten minutes had passed. Giving him a love interest is perfectly possible to do, and it can be done correctly; but you have to remember who he is. Giving a tragic backstory to someone like Discord doesn't fit, because he's not a murderous villain like the Joker. He's got a good heart deep down, he just thrives on nonsense.
One more note about characterization: Sending Discord to comfort Cadence seems very...cold of Twilight. Is this an AU where she's a tyrant or something? Because Shining Armor was her best friend in the whole world, and she would be just as heartsick at the idea of his death. Not to mention Cadence was her favorite foalsitter and her oldest, non relative friend. The two adore each other; I can't imagine Twilight going, "Cadence is still grieving over the loss of my only brother, which could cause permanent damage to all of Equestria since the Crystal Empire is the center of love and contentment throughout all of the land, and without her nurturing and kind spirit spreading throughout the world, we could be attacked by enemies and severely crippled? Eh, send Discord, I've got other things to deal with."
I wrote this novel because I wanted to explain why I am downvoting this story. Formatting, spelling, grammer, and characterization all take away from a unique story idea and ship. If you rewrite and repost this, I'd be happy to look through it again and maybe even upvote it. But in the current state, I can't put a stamp of approval on it. I'm very sorry.
4420638
I can see your point regarding some of what you say; certainly grammar, capitalization, etc could use work. (I tend not to notice such things unless they're horrible, because most fanfic gets it wrong somewhere.)
But I don't actually have an issue with the characterization. Why is Discord constantly goofy and silly if he has a tragic past? Most comedians have tragic pasts. Not as tragic as their entire family murdered, obviously, but comedy is frequently borne of tragedy, and Discord is so obsessed with not taking anything seriously and trying to turn everything into a joke, I feel he's trying too hard. He's not genuinely light-hearted and carefree; he's the spirit of Disharmony. He doesn't just make jokes and generate annoying chaos; he goes out of his way to upset people (well, ponies) and freak them out. He breaks up relationships as a tactic (when he's evil... and possibly, given his reaction to learning Cadance wasn't bothered by his behavior in Three's A Crowd, when he's reformed as well.) He is not a nice guy. I don't feel he's truly evil, or ever actually was, and I feel he probably avoids killing even at the height of being a bad guy, but he's not happy go lucky and cheerful. He is actually a very dark character, which is why lots of people give him a tragic backstory. (Among anything else... he spent thousands of years with a freakishly unusual appearance among beings who are nothing like him, without having a single friend. Yet he's a being capable of wanting friendship once he has it. That is not a recipe for happiness.)
So if the dragons murdered his family, why doesn't he hate all dragons? Um... maybe because it was thousands of years ago, he killed most of the specific dragons who slaughtered his family, and he's quite intelligent enough to know that most dragons he meets had nothing to do with it? Once you avenge your murdered family and then live a few thousand years after that, continuing to want to avenge your murdered family would be sort of pointless.
Fluttershy might have taught him patience. He spent how many years with a mare whose idea of great fun is to have a relaxing tea party, and who demonstrated nearly infinite patience? I agree that Discord as he is now would not sit outside anyone's room for a year, but we don't know how long he lived with Fluttershy and how much she may have rubbed off on him. And as for Twilight... as much as Twilight would probably like to spend a year in mourning for her brother alongside her sister in law, she can't if she's the only princess left. I'm sure Twilight was there when it first happened, but she can't afford to spend as much time at Cadance's side as Cadance needs. So she sends Discord because who else is she gonna send? By this time Spike probably does not fit in pony buildings at all, and everyone else is dead. If Discord was there the entire time the five were growing old, by now he is probably one of Twilight's closest friends, possibly her closest friend outside of Spike and Cadance herself, simply because everyone else is dead. A responsible ruler will send a trusted friend in her place if the job will take more time than she can give to it.
I would certainly like to see Twilight in this universe (and Spike; many people who think about Twilight's immortality neglect how long dragons live), but for the first chapter, I don't think it was necessary. Establishing that a character is different 80 years in the future than they are now, after spending 80 years experiencing something that they either never have or they had so long ago they've half forgotten it, is not unrealistic. If the writer fills in some of the details in future chapters, so we get some idea of how Discord calmed down and what Twilight's relationships with him and with Cadance are like now, I'll be satisfied.
4421711 First off, thanks for replying and reading my incredibly long comment~
My brain is a little scrambled right now but if I don't reply to you right now I'll forget and never get around to it, so here goes.
I think the main issue I had with Discord having such a tragic past, such as a murdered family, is it makes him more human, which he clearly is not. We don't really know the size and strength of his power; it makes him more threatening and gives him an edge. Similar to the Joker in the Dark Knight Rises, without knowing how he got this way, it makes him a better character; giving him a godlike atmosphere, almost. And him going into such explicit detail, such as only finding bits of his daughter--to me, it just feels phoned in. I sincerely hope this isn't the beginning of a woobie story, where a previously badass character is turned into an angsty, toothless, lovelorn mope who exists only to comfort the love interest.
But you do have a very good point about Fluttershy teaching him patience; however I kept trying to picture the Discord we know and love saying that dialog, and it kept making me cringe. Seeing him bathe and blush over Cadence made me shake my head because I simply couldn't see Discord doing any of that. But I do admit he would be changed by Fluttershy and Twilight's influence over a great deal of time. Again I feel the compulsion to point to The Keepers of Discord, which really nails his voice, as it were, especially from a first person perspective. That may help the author quite a bit. ^^
I had other points, but I got distracted and I can't remember. Hopefully this suffices for now, I'm glad to have talked to you, in case you don't have time to respond.
Interesting read, looking forward to the next chapter.
this... is...
one of the best fanfictions i've ever read O___O
SOOOO AMAZING
i CANT wait for the next
ohmygosh
i hobe you'll update soon
when is it going to be updated ?? :DDD
You are really giving me a new outlook to Discord. I'm really interested in these stories. Please update this and I will happily commence reading it.
you really are not going to continue :(( are you?
4420638 I am thou, thou art I we are alike. P.S. Bagels