Applejack Yees and Has at the Same Time and Her Hat Sprouts Wings and Can Talk But It's Deeply Racist and Also Really Into Bondage So She Murders It.

Twilight knits crochets a cozy for her tea kettle, Trixie crochets a scarf for her beloved, a third unknown pony you the reader can help decide the identity of crochets an equally unspecified item, Starlight prevents the apocalypse, and Super Trampoline falls asleep in a Denny's parking lot instead of making $136 volunteering at a traveling water lantern festival's LA stop

specifically, I fell asleep shortly after finishing writing this story as recounted in the following text I sent my girlfriend and Mom in between waking up and publishing this story:

"well this time I made it within 15 minutes of my destination before having to pull off the freeway directly into a Denny's parking lot where I tossed and turned for 2 hours of fitful napping where I dreamt I was an extra with a small important role on set continuously unsure if I was actually scheduled to be there that day and aware in dream that if I was it must have meant I double booked with the lantern festival I failed to make it to.

kept waking up and then falling back to sleep. finally managed to stay awake this time and I'm now taking a shit in the Denny's restroom and ordered a smoothie and then I'm going to go to the nearby library and hop on the computer and try to get Orange County Medicare so I can get The wakey wakey drugs I need because this is ridiculous I shouldn't be this tired all the time"

for context this was on 800 mg of caffeine. I recently have been needing over 2,000 mg of caffeine too stay awake and be productive. which I'm pretty sure is not healthy. I took a nap with two and a half grams of caffeine in my body the other day. I'm pretty sure that's not normal. I really got to get back on ADHD meds And also do that take home sleep study I have. I hope I don't have cancer or something

but hey, as always with Denny's smoothies, the Denny's smoothie was delicious.

Here are 36 pony limricks. All of them suck.

Voice to text makes lots of mistakes and and so do I as far as what I'm doing with my life and Apple Bloom scootaloo and sweetie bell stop Browsing TikTok for 10 hours A-day in order to make an only fans. There adults to be clear.

Anyway it feels good to actually write a story even though it's really dumb. Ellen also I love my girlfriend even though she's really dumb just kidding. She's really smart just don't ask her about geography. It's kind of wild how bad she is at geography now she is punching me so I'm going to stop this description it's to be clear. Consensual gentle potentiing it's kind of funny and fun when she punches me. It's cute everything she does is cute. I don't know I'm rambling she just barked at me. It's so f****** adorable.

You are going to die. Pinkie Pie is not. This is a happy story.

All 6000 words were written in a single unbroken-by-anything-including-bathroom-breaks-session using a keyboard and not voice to text.

Things get pretty weird.

Cover art made for but apparently not used by 4EverfreeBrony for his Chant of Mirth song by The Floating Tree

Starlight Glimmer is the best thing to ever happen to me. She's by my side through thick and thin, and whatever hardships we face, we always face them together. She's an amazing mare and an amazing friend, one who inspires me to be the best Trixie I can be. And in turn, I push her to believe in herself as much as she believes in me. Twilight will never hear me say this, but she's right, friendship absolutely can be magic.

But I want more than just friendship, than being besties. I know it's crazy—she's leagues above me! But I don't care. Tonight, I tell her the truth. Tonight, I'm going to say the three most terrifying words in the Equish language.

Stars help me, I am not drunk enough for this!

Takes place several months after S8E19 "Road to Friendship".

Contains:

• nightly impressive alcohol consumption
• lightly suggestive dialogue
• slightly progressive tonal shift from drama to comedy.
• And what might be excessive expletives for younger readers

Inspired by the oft-covered song "Killing Me Softly". If you're a Millennial or Gen X, you probably know the Fugees' version. If you're a boomer, you probably know Roberta Flacks' cover. But Lori Lieberman is the OG singer and co-writer.

This is my first serious(ish) story in several years, and I'd like to thank Ice Star for helping with the cover; my Google Docs prereaders who I no longer remember the fandom names of because I procrastinated on editing this for almost two years: Rep Hex, –P, Min, Jeremy, yay force, Lightning Flash, and anonymous; and also Aragon for letting me bounce ideas off of him. I sat on this for almost two years, so he probably doesn't remember it lol. The fantastic cover art of best ship is by Imalou.

Thank you so much for reading my first new story in exactly a year, please leave any feedback good or bad, drink plenty of water, and have a blessed day!

Pinkie & Tempest Blow sht up in the desert. Written for the May Pairing Contest, which is unfortunate for whoever has to judge this story. I'm so sorry, contest judge; you don't deserve this. I hope you find a quarter on the ground to make it up.

Art by Esmeia, who has lots of other great stuff on Derpibooru! Edit by me.

Cadence and Flurry Heart discuss teen pregnancy, trans healthcare, libertarianism, The strengths and weaknesses of hereditary monarchy, and Maoism. Cadence is a horrible mom. Flurry Heart cusses a lot. Shining Armor doesn’t even show up in this.

Content Warning:
Contains mentions of but not depictions of:
Sex, Suicide, and Abortion

Cover art is something I drew about five years ago.

An extremely last minute entry for the cadence is a terrible mom contest

Trixie attempts to amputate Celestia and revolutionize the game of Buckball. Spike attempts to be relevant.

Thanks for cowriting, Bicyclette! It looks like my writing drought may finally be over!

Late July 2021 update: Now with a YouTube reading by The Major Techie!!!

Starlight liquifies Applejack. Oops.