You are going to die. Pinkie Pie is not. This is a happy story.

All 6000 words were written in a single unbroken-by-anything-including-bathroom-breaks-session using a keyboard and not voice to text.

Things get pretty weird.

Cover art made for but apparently not used by 4EverfreeBrony for his Chant of Mirth song by The Floating Tree

Starlight Glimmer is the best thing to ever happen to me. She's by my side through thick and thin, and whatever hardships we face, we always face them together. She's an amazing mare and an amazing friend, one who inspires me to be the best Trixie I can be. And in turn, I push her to believe in herself as much as she believes in me. Twilight will never hear me say this, but she's right, friendship absolutely can be magic.

But I want more than just friendship, than being besties. I know it's crazy—she's leagues above me! But I don't care. Tonight, I tell her the truth. Tonight, I'm going to say the three most terrifying words in the Equish language.

Stars help me, I am not drunk enough for this!

Takes place several months after S8E19 "Road to Friendship".

Contains:

• nightly impressive alcohol consumption
• lightly suggestive dialogue
• slightly progressive tonal shift from drama to comedy.
• And what might be excessive expletives for younger readers

Inspired by the oft-covered song "Killing Me Softly". If you're a Millennial or Gen X, you probably know the Fugees' version. If you're a boomer, you probably know Roberta Flacks' cover. But Lori Lieberman is the OG singer and co-writer.

This is my first serious(ish) story in several years, and I'd like to thank Ice Star for helping with the cover; my Google Docs prereaders who I no longer remember the fandom names of because I procrastinated on editing this for almost two years: Rep Hex, –P, Min, Jeremy, yay force, Lightning Flash, and anonymous; and also Aragon for letting me bounce ideas off of him. I sat on this for almost two years, so he probably doesn't remember it lol. The fantastic cover art of best ship is by Imalou.

Thank you so much for reading my first new story in exactly a year, please leave any feedback good or bad, drink plenty of water, and have a blessed day!

Pinkie & Tempest Blow sht up in the desert. Written for the May Pairing Contest, which is unfortunate for whoever has to judge this story. I'm so sorry, contest judge; you don't deserve this. I hope you find a quarter on the ground to make it up.

Art by Esmeia, who has lots of other great stuff on Derpibooru! Edit by me.

Cadence and Flurry Heart discuss teen pregnancy, trans healthcare, libertarianism, The strengths and weaknesses of hereditary monarchy, and Maoism. Cadence is a horrible mom. Flurry Heart cusses a lot. Shining Armor doesn’t even show up in this.

Content Warning:
Contains mentions of but not depictions of:
Sex, Suicide, and Abortion

Cover art is something I drew about five years ago.

An extremely last minute entry for the cadence is a terrible mom contest

Trixie attempts to amputate Celestia and revolutionize the game of Buckball. Spike attempts to be relevant.

Thanks for cowriting, Bicyclette! It looks like my writing drought may finally be over!

Late July 2021 update: Now with a YouTube reading by The Major Techie!!!

Starlight liquifies Applejack. Oops.

Super Trampoline (My OC) and Starlight Glimmer (Not my OC) have a couple of conversations that don't particularly go anywhere, and also Wendy's for lunch. Here's a "Negotiations and Love Songs" playlist on YouTube by the way. I really encourage you to check it out. Especially Slip Sliding Away and Train in the Distance.

Now with a reading by me: https://youtu.be/dXwsqqKc3jQ

Oh man, classic Super Trampoline, walking a mile down the hill to eat a giant Chipotle burrito, going to Albertson's to acquire cheap vodka, Rockstar energy drink, strawberry lemonade, and grenadine to make himself a mixed drink, then walking a bit over a mile back up the hill, and dashing off this story about Big Mac, Owlowiscious, Sci Twi, Kludgetown, and Maretonia in the hour before the Season 10 Bingo Writing Contest deadline!

EDIT: See the story title for an update. Pinkie Pie and Verko end up having major roles in the story as well.

Twilight and Starlight try to get Trixie to make a friend. It doesn't go very well. Then Sunset and Party Favor hang out for a few paragraphs, and then Twilight and Rarity gossip about Suri Polomare. These three scenes aren't particularly connected.

Join Jigsaw, Tiptoe, and Incendia as they set out to rid their broken world of podiatrists and restore harmony to Equestria!

A parody of Antipodes by PK, written after reading reviews of the story--but not the story itself--by Present Perfect and RTStephens and LoveAndTolerateEveryPony and Cerulean Voice