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Super Trampoline


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After Bon Bon reveals some ...rather unsettling information, she gets thrown in jail. Lyra pays her a visit. Too bad they won't let her post bail.


For those who asked, a single-color text version can be found HEREThe Mare declares I can't link to unpublished stories anymore. Now in blog form.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 103 )

Switching Bon Bon's colors is symbolic. Whether it's symbolic of the fact that she's a changeling, or just that her hair is two toned is up to you to decide.

Are the two different shades of blue you used also symbolic, or was that a mistake?

"Um, run around like crazy like they're a chicken with its head cut off? Especially Pinkie Pie on Nightmare Night. Sheesh, somepony's gotta cut that mare off."

"Chicken with its head cut off"
"Pinkie Pie on Nightmare Night"
Pinkie was dressed as a chicken on Nightmare Night.
"somepony's gotta cut that mare off."
It almost sounds like they want to decapitate Pinkie Pie :pinkiegasp:

4599858

Are the two different shades of blue you used also symbolic, or was that a mistake?

Thanks for pointing that out. I fixed the only place i spotted it happening.

Honestly the colors do nothing but make it annoying to read. Still, nice one-shot.

4599879
It happened here too:

"There's no easy answer. Trust me, I've thought about this a lot. Every changeling has. The closest I can get to giving you an answer is to give you another example: Does a baby give back to it's parents?"

4599886 This was an experiment in writing a story with nothing but dialogue. Without using the color coding, it would have been very hard to tell who was saying what sometimes. I'm glad you enjoyed it other than that though.

Two things:

1. Bon Bon as a Changeling has been done before, and it's been done better than this.

2. Normally I'm all for a good text color gimmick, but...this is just excessive. Like, really really excessive. And totally unnecessary.

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1. Bon Bon as a Changeling has been done before, and it's been done better than this

I know. I'm planning on reading Mendacity this weekend. It was weird, this morning, I just woke up and was like "I think I want to write a Lyra and Bon Bon story. I know, I'll make it be completely dialogue! Then I won't need to write with pesky things like descriptive language. Oh, but now I need a way to distinguish who's speaking." Thus the colored text was born. I personally think it's pretty, but can definitely see it how it could be overwhelming.

Only two things:

1) Using colored text is great, but you generally need more than that (not all readers can perceive color). Luckily, you had enough in the dialogue that we usually didn't particularly need markers to carry on. Also... It took a while to see why two colors were being used for Bonbon...

2) "Blue and orange" isn't a phrase I've heard before...

That said, a like from me. =)

4601813
It refers to blue and orange morality, meaning that their morals are on a completely different thing. Just read the stuff. Warning, tv tropes.

Eh, not bad, like other's have said, BonBon being a changeling isn't new and this is a peculiar way of writing it with just colour-coded dialogue. It does get me thinking though: could you really just be arrested for just being a changeling in Equestria? I mean, terrorists attacks do unfortunately cast suspicion on certain ethnic and religious groups in real life, but they're not automatically arrested for being part of that group; for all the things we 'big bad humans' do, even we don't do that. I dunno, I just can't buy Equestria realistically doing that sort of thing. I mean, perhaps if she was arrested for being a changeling on suspicion of plotting against the Equestrian government, perhaps a legal loophole for the law enforcement to avoid that sort of connotation? I dunno.

4602090 I am going to tell you one thing. Most artist dont exactly do or write something new. The greatest artists arent always original they just reinvented and recreated older ideas. Or they just had more skills in expressing them.

4602258 I'm aware of and respect that, but as for the end result, I actually think it's decent. I can at least praise it for not going down the route of cheap emotionally manipulative angst that so many 'x was a changeling all along' stories or just changeling stories in general do.

4602354 Well even those stories have their merrit. Maybe you just have read more fics and you're bored. I don't blame you but i think you should work it out so that your experience doesn't interefere negatively with your judgement.

4602090 I could definitely see it happening. As far as we know, the common equestrian citizen had no clue that changelings existed before "A Canterlot wedding". Thus their sole reference point was that changelings are evil things that will try to take over your city. Even if we assume there are some good" or neutral changelings who are already living in Equestria who explain to their friends and family that #notallchangelings are like that, that message is going to take time to get out and be accepted. This story takes place two to seven days after the invasion. Bon Bon envisions changeling detection spells will be quickly developed, and rather than be discovered by those, she'd rather come out on her own terms. Thus she "surrenders" peacefully and voluntarily to show she isn't a threat. Constable Waffles still freaks out, because his sole reference point for changelings is that, as he said in the story, "you guys tried to take over our government.

4602455 you're saying he should try harder to enjoy emotionally-manipulative stories like "My Little Dashie"?

4602808 I know this is sarcasm but if you don't appreciate a part or an aspect of the story you can always just... stop reading it. However there are ways you can even enjoy those "emotionally" manipulative fics. They have their purpose, their lessons... they are not "bad" they are just "badly written". You get what i mean? I am suprised that none of you mention snowdrop here...

4602804 Perhaps so, but Cadance knew about them, so that does seem to indicate knowledge about changelings and other foreign species is available, but the common pony just doesn't bother looking into the outside world beyond Equestria. It's possible the changelings are probably isolationists.

But still, it'd be up to the Equestrian government to make any decisions like this, and well, I just can't imagine Celestia as the kind of ruler to do that sort of thing, especially in a land like Equestria, which I'm certain does have some ground rules of basic creatures' rights. Maybe an extreme would have to be deportation of changelings back to the Changeling Kingdom? Eh, but I dunno.

I guess it all really comes down to one's interpretation of changelings; mine's that they have a proper civilization, nation and culture, so I guess this kinda makes this sort of thing hard for me to swallow. But then that's just my problem; my apologies.

4602901

my apologies.

No need to apologize. We're having a civil discussion.

I don't think Bon Bon's worried about the government. She's worried the common pony, about a mob mentality. Ponies are herd animals, and as she pointed out, tend to freak out when they're scared. In one of my other stories, there's a scene where a changeling almost gets stoned by an angry mob after she is found out.


4602825 Bad Horse actually has an excellent blog post and ensuing discussion about dishonestly written stories, called Writing: Thematic Cheating. I'd highly recommend checking it out.

4602966 Well i don't see the difference... There are many ways a fanfic can be "badly" written. This is just one of those ways... Not all the audience is enlightened enough to actually get the expression of a more complex idea. If you wonna know how "not-intelligent" the audience of those fics or many fics is read This Or this
It just might be that the writters are bored are using cheaphots and cheap ways to get to their audience.

I enjoy the colors. People on FimFiction tend to dislike colors, which I, personally, think is stupid. If a story has colored text, at least one person's going to have a negative comment. Why even put the option of having colored text if they get on your case for having it?! I once wrote this story and in it, I used colored text for each pony's thoughts. This is because I didn't stick with just one POV, so I wanted to distinguish who was thinking what. I tried to submit the story and it was rejected because of the colored words, specifically! Seriously, it's rude.

Sorry for my mini rant there, but I just had to get it out.

As for the actual story, I enjoyed this. I feel like this is what their exchange would be in this situation. Also, nice explanation as to why Bon Bon has multiple voices. And, you touched on several traits of changelings that I imagine would be the hardest to deal with.

Sure, the story could be longer. But, I think, for a oneshot, this is the perfect length. Sure, you could use descriptive language. But, I like the all text way it is right now. It proves that the language is all you need, and not just some pretty description that makes people ooh and aah.

P.S. I love you incorporation of the word meh. I love that word.

4603058 Oy, But It's So Generic! has been on my read later list for some time now. I'll remedy that now.

4602966 Ehh, yeah, but there's a thing about that: I can't really buy the whole "ponies gang up and hurt the lone changeling thing", really because of the reasons you said, that being the herd mentality and the freak outs. I think my friend Fervidor put it well:

My biggest beef is how people tend to ignore the fact that most ponies simply don't seem to react to threats quite the same way humans do.

If we look at Bridle Gossip, the episode that deals specifically with prejudice, how do all the ponies in Ponyville react to Zecora? Do they try to run her out of town? Do they go: "We don't want your kind here!", form an angry mob, etc?

No. They run and hide. They barricade themselves in their homes the moment she shows up, and then they simply wait for her to leave. They didn't know anything about her because they literally never confronted her at all. And Pinkie's overactive imagination aside, they didn't react like that because they thought she was dangerous - most of them hid from her just because they thought she looked kinda weird and talked funny. That's a whole damn town going into complete shut-down just because one stranger showed up. Even a very aggressive pony like Rainbow Dash felt it was best to just lay low for a while.

In other words, when the ponies are confronted with an "outsider", something intimidating that they don't understand, their collective instinct seems to be to avoid it at all cost. Which kinda makes sense, because they're herbivorious herd animals and running away is how herd animals deal with threats. They can go on the offensive, sure, but usually only when directly provoked - Applejack would only confront Zecora when she thought Apple Bloom was in immediate danger.

This makes them notacibly different from us humans, who tend to be much more aggressive and territorial. When confronted with someone we consider an "outsider" to our "tribe". our first instinct tends to be to either drive the outsiders away from our territory, or plain destroy them.

So basically, even though ponies can be just as prejudiced as humans, they would express their prejudice in the form of avoidance rather than persecution.

So... yeah. It'd be interesting to hear your thoughts on that.

4603066 Thanks. I'm glad you appreciated it. I agree it could be longer, but I'm not really sure where I would take it, unless I wanted to make it into a chapter book story about Bon Bon resettling into life afterwards, and I am rediculously horrible about updating stories, so I think it's best I avoid that. I just wish EQD had a lower minimum word count for submissions (2,500 words for oneshots.)

4603117 There are two fics "Well this Sucks!" is a sequel to that. Shows how much of the fanfic community is actually smart. I've had a comment about this general reaction of people to new ideas in my fanfic "Precious Soul of Mine".

4603121 Yeah, I got nothin'. I'm going to plea the Narrative License plea. :twilightblush: I mean, the Element Bearers do a lot of fighting, but that's mostly because they've had greatness thrust upon them.

4603128 Yeah. I only have oneshots that are long enough and I submitted one that I thought was wonderful and they just turned it down. So, now I'm afraid.

4603164 I can't comment on your user page because SOMEPONY (you) turned comments off, but your wall of pictures rivals (but falls short of) mine! :pinkiegasp:

4603148 Yeah, and then there's fact they're main characters so.

I suppose sometimes narrative licence is needed, it just becomes jarring sometimes because ponies aren't warriors, they're cowards. Even their guards are predominantly on the Defensive than the offensive when it comes to their duties. I just can't buy them shivering like a leaf at the sight of a zebra, a stampede of bunnies and a foal with cutie pox, but then suddenly grow balls and group up and chant "kill kill kill!" when it comes to a creature they actually have reason to be afraid of.

4603185 I hate the comment section on user pages. :twilightangry2: The notification system doesn't work too well there, I already have too much on my page and, to be honest, it's just not very pretty.

Please make a sequel to this. I lol'd so hard that almost died. And Lyra makes a good wife for Bons.

The dual color for Bon Bon's speaking parts screw with me. And I mean REALLY screw with me. To me, the dual color thing is kind of like those people who you just want to punch in the face, but aren't exactly sure why. I'm not talking about a passive "I kinda want to punch this guy" thought. I'm talking about a strong, almost overwhelming urge to land a strong punch right to the side of their face.

Other than that, good show ol' chap. Good show.

4603841
4601813
4600726
4599886
If you check the story description, there is now a black and white version. :twilightsmile:

4603190
Maybe being in real danger triggers their "fight" reflex?

sequel sequel sequel sequel sequel sequel sequel *gasp* sequel sequel sequel sequel sequel sequel sequel please?

Oh I forgot I'd like to compliment you on your use of color, for different voices bon bon uses I assume? Very clever. =)

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4603576
4601928

Maybe. I have an idea; i just haven't decided whether it's a good one yet. :trixieshiftleft::trixieshiftright:

4606613

I trust that it's not all that bad of an idea. But your Changeling Bon Bon is best Changeling Bon Bon [that I've read so far.] Best of luck, and if you do make one can you drop me a PM please?

Before I clicked the story, I thought to myself: "I wonder who wrote this story?" Turns out, it was you! :pinkiehappy: I'm so happy to see you making new stories, bro! Really awesome story, btw.

4608764

I'm so happy to see you making new stories, bro!

Was there a time when I wasn't? I'm glad you enjoyed it! :pinkiehappy:

4608783 heh, sorry about that. Haven't really been going around the site that much lately. But anyways, are you thinking of making a sequel?

Interesting. I like this color-coded approach to dialogue. It's never confusing who's talking. (as it can get in some fics) Because you don't need the

"blah blah blah", said so-and-so.

You can just have the dialogue normally, and the colors make it intuitive who's talking.

4608866 Bad Horse has an interesting blog post on dialogue tags, if you like being a pedant. I'm glad you enjoyed the story and the color coding. :pinkiesmile:

4608801 I am; hopefully before everfree northwest next week.

4608904 really? That is so cool! :pinkiehappy: and your going to ENW? You're so lucky! :pinkiehappy::twilightsmile:

Great story and all that, but um...
A tree? Seriously? How did that happen?

4609348 Well, she dated Fluttershy. Duh!

Nah, kidding. I just put that line in because I found it funny. Though if wanted to write another crackfic, "Lyra dates a Tree" would be a pretty good title. :derpytongue2:

4609374 make it a prequel and acquire monies, fame and blackjacks

The last line says not funny, but I beg to differ :rainbowlaugh:

This was a funny read, even if the comedy tag is nonexistent :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

I love the parts where Bon Bon willingly turns herself in and the last part respectively.

Nice touch on altering her voices to match her pony mane colors :moustache:

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