Alphabittle Blossomforth (Triple Length Edition Because Rules Were Made to be Broken and Also This is the First G5 Ship!)300 words

50th Chapter Special Part 7: The Preantepenultimate Part of This Drawn-Out Story Arc

"Ahem," Twilight said, tapping the mic. "It appears almost everyone is back, drawn by the free food and ~~the author’s~~ my desire to get this over with. So, thanks to the fact that I tagged everyone I took roll of earlier with a tracking spell, which is totally not creepy, I can see that everybody I already took roll of is here, except of course for Prince Blueblood, cause you know, HE’S A GIANT ! Also, I see several of you have arrived from the Crystal Empire; it is duly noted that Flash Sentry and Cadance are now here.''

''Sunshine Sunshine, Ladybugs Awa--''

“Please, not now Cadance.”

“Awwww.”

“Moving on, I will continue with roll call. Finally.

“Twilight Sparkle, yes I’m here. As am I, Twilicorn.

“Queen Chrysalis?”

… no pony spoke up.

Twilight frowned. “Yo, Shining, did Chryssi end up showing up?”

Shining hollered back from his spot at the front door. “Yeah. She tried to come in disguised as a random pony, but when I told her there wasn’t a pony named 'Buzz Kill' on the guest list, she grumbled and changed back to her natural form. Guess she really wanted that free food.”

Twilight scanned the crowd again. No large bug-ponies were visible. “Chrysalis, please identify yourself, or I will be forced to use a changeling-finding spell, and I hear it tickles quite painfully if you are a changeling. So please reveal yourself now.”

More grumbling was heard from an inconspicuous mare stuffing her mouth full of pastries in front of the snack table, and soon Chrysalis was again among them, cheeks bulging with croissants.

Twilight smiled. “Thank you Chrysalis. You may now go back to being a rude guest.” Chrysalis did just that.

“Okay next up we have Tom. Isn’t that the rock you fell in love with, Rarity?”

"I thought we agreed never to speak of that again.”

"Face it, Rarity," Twilight said, "you're never going to live that down."

"Oh dear me, I really amn't, am I? Anyway, I do recall we used that ugly rock to stop up that darned mirror pool."

Twilight shuttered at the mention of that pool. "Right. Moving on...

"Discord! Are we your prey alone? Or are we just a stepping stone for taking back the throne?

"Twilight, Twilight, Twilight. You know I like a good reference as much as the next draconequus, but do you think it might happen to be annoying when EVERY SINGLE BUCKING MUSICALLY-INCLINED PONY SINGS THAT BLASTED SONG TO ME?!?"

Twilight blushed . "Um, okay. Moving on, Celestia?"

Luna instead spoke up: "Celly is in Canterlot. She's kind of busy you know, running a country and stuff. So she sent me in her stead. I must say, it is a pleasure to see you again Twilight Sparkle."

"The sentiment is mutual," Twilight replied with a grin. "Next we have Angel Bunny. Uh, Fluttershy?"

"Look down," the pegasus said, and Twilight followed her advice, only to find a rabbit stomping its foot impatiently next to her.

"Yes Angel, you want this story arc to be over, I get it. You and everybody else. Welp, you're gonna have to exercise a little patience for once. You'll survive. Okay, next we have Flufflepuff."

"Pffftftpfpfffttff," said the pony who looked remarkably like an Angora rabbit.

"Doctor Whooves--errr, Time Turner?"

"I believe he is running late, not at all ironically," Fleur chipped in.

Twilight was confused. "Wait, I'm confused!" she said, confusedly. "You two are actually dating? What about--"

"Fancy Pants?" Fleur interrupted. "You thought that cad was my husband? Please! Try boy-toy. He's who I telegraph when I need an escort or a good fuck."

"Hey, watch your language Ms. Fleur!" yelled Applebloom. "Ah'm a young'un, and mah sensitive ears don't take a likin' to that sorta invocation!"

''Oh, I'm sooooo sorry. My apologies, Apple Broom.''

''It's Bloom!''

''Whatever.''

''Heh, okay girls. No need to fight. Let's just continue right along then. Next we have Cheerilee!''

"Here," muttered a very stressed teacher grading papers on a snack table she had cleared off. She didn't want to be here, but she her desire for free food outweighed this, even if it meant putting up with Twilight's shit.

"A crystal pony? Do we have any crystal ponies in the house?"

"Yes, Princess," said a dainty goldenrod mare with red pepper cutie mark. "I was elected to represent the common crystal ponies. Our prince, Shining Armor (your brother), is also here representing us in an official capacity. We wanted to send Joyous Release, seeing how she's an expert on this sort of stuff, but well, her, plus scores of other ponies in the same place... it would have been bad news all around. So we decided (By vote of course, because after King Sombra we felt a breath of fresh democracy would be nice.) to send me instead. I'm a sex therapist, and it is an honor to serve on your committee Your Majesty. I am Taco Tuesday, at your service.''

''Taco Tuesday?''

Taco blushed. ''Yeah, my parents own a Neighxican restaurant. I'm kind of the black sheep of the family, so to speak.''

''Understood. I'm glad to have you here. Now, next on the list we have...

''tHe AuThOr!'' Twilight's complexion at this point became rather unpleasant. Her visage became warped, her physiognomy became a distorted mess, and her features became twisted shadows of insanity. That is all to say, she made a pretty-damn-creepy face.

''I'll get you yet, my pretty.''

Author's Note:

I'm pretty sure Taco Tuesday is my new favorite OC I've come up with. Her pepper cutie mark works both with what her parents THOUGHT she would do: Spicy up their restaurant's food, and what she ACTUALLY does, help ponies Spice up their relationships.

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113 Extremely Short, Incredibly Horrible, & Shamelessly Bizarre Slashfics, Plus 1 That's Just Plain Insane, Not to Mention a Character Uprising, a Bomb Threat, a Few Optional Stable Time Loops, a Foalnapping, & Additionally Saving the World - Super Trampoline

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