• Member Since 17th Mar, 2015
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

CoffeeMinion


"Burninating the countryside... burninating the peasants... burninating all the peoples... and their thatched-roof COTTAGES! THATCHED-ROOF COTTAGES!! And the Trogdor comes in the NIIIIGHT!!!"

T

Sometimes Pinkie sees the world in ways that others don't. To her, a bendy drinking-straw might serve as a debonair traveling companion, and a humble bag of flour might offer a comforting shoulder to cry on.

But what would happen if that straw, and that bag of flour, came to see each other as more than mere support for Pinkie? What if a flame of raw, unbridled passion began to burn between them?

Wonder no more, gentle reader! For within these pages lies a tale parody of tragic love in the tradition of such timeless classics as Romeo and Juliet and/or Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones. But be warned, for within ye shall find such passion as to stir thy soul, regardless of whether thou art spending this Hearts and Hooves day nestled in thy lover's arms, or tucking into a resplendent tub of ice cream by thy lonesome...


Proofreading and best lines by Moosetasm! Proofreading and extreme assistance with the ending by Present Perfect!
Art sourced from here and here and here.
Featured on Equestria Daily 25Feb.2016 :pinkiegasp:

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 38 )

That took a very unexpected :twistnerd: at the end.

You are my hero for writing this. :rainbowlaugh:

Magnificent. This was everything I hoped it would be. Truly a romantic tragedy for the ages. Thank you for it.

That's the problem with straw crossed flours. Their romance is always... half baked. YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

But seriously, it's a fun story and worth the time to read. May it get much love!

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

OTP indeed :3

OMG, so cute. This would actually be a really cute episode. At one point it was like a Pixar short playing out in my head.
My favorite is the the straw traveling at "bendy neck speed". So great!

This is going onto my "Favourite short stories" shelf.

Let's get this featured, people! This story deserves it.

A love story for the ages. Not since Shakespeare graced us with the tearful pairing of Romeo and Juliet has mankind been gifted with such a tale that explores the deep lure of forbidden love or the tragedy it invites when those with closed minds turn their shameful gaze upon it. This piece stares humanity in the face and boldly shouts "Look what your distrust and hatred has done! Look upon the heartbreak and misfortune you have wrought with your own small mindedness!"

Perhaps with pieces like this and a willingness to change, we can progress as a species out of the dark ages the we only have ourselves to blame for. Perhaps the human race will read this and come to understand the ugliness inside us and resolve to become something better than we are.

For now, this work serves as a warning. A warning of what can befall those who ultimately are just looking for the same acceptance and happiness we all seek. A warning that if we do not see past our prejudices, the powdery white marks of shame will be on our hands.

My only hope is that this story finds its way to those with closed minds and closed hearts and opens them to a more beautiful world.

Aaah, finally a story for THE OTP of OTPs. :heart::trollestia:

Alas, for her deflouration! :fluttercry:

Beautiful. Absolutely wonderful. Fantastic. Stupendous. Truly a love story for the ages, this. Sure, others have said the same thing, but who cares? Thirty million Frenchmen can't be wrong. Or something.

Seriously though, I loved it. I'm always up for a good crackfic, and you delivered.

Drama? Yes. Comedy? Yes. Sex? ...Assuredly. Tragedy? OH CELESTIA YES! Oh the pains of the heartache doth ring like clarion bells tolling the mournful loss of that most precious beauty of baking ingredient containments, the late Madame Le Flour! Though I have no idea why there is a random tag. Everything seems in it's logical place to me.

Oh well, FUNERARY CUPCAKES FOR ALL!

I never expected to like a romance between a straw and a bag of flour. I never expected to feel joy when their pure love seemed to have a bright future ahead. I never expected to shiver when we learn about Le Flour's death.

That was glorious.

“I wonder what’s eating her?” Mrs. Cake asked.
Mr. Cake frowned, then shrugged, and took a big bite of the cupcake.

:facehoof:

...

...

...

i ship it

My friend guided me here for this.

...I paid him well.

:raritycry: Oh Spikey it's so tragic !!!!!
:moustache: Ok works for me
:twilightoops:?????
:pinkiegasp: Noooooooooooo!
Crack shipping ain't got nothing on this!:rainbowlaugh:

hurtling towards the adjoining room at bendy-neck speed.

My God that line! Seriously, this is the best thing I've read since Sticks and Stones! I love how poetic and Shakespearean it was, and how much I laughed and emphasized for and at this.

OMG OMG OMG!!!

Of all the crazy shippings I have seen, well, this one gets the price! Not even TomxBoulder won this :derpytongue2:

This is hilarious! I used to support other ships, now I have only a true ship, a One True Paring! And that is Fernando and Le Flour! That's true love, tragic, full of romantic moments and... sex? How the buck you could do that with iinanimate objects! Genius!!

Just wonderful :)

Also... Mayor Mare sure had a busy day

Thanks all for reading and commenting! I'm glad this weird old thing worked for y'all.

6924895 C'mon let's :twistnerd: again, like we did last summer!

6925122 ...but am I also the wind beneath your wings? :trollestia:

6925598 :pinkiehappy:

6925940 For that, you deserve to be pun-ished.

6926882 I'm really really really glad you helped save the ending!

6927784 It's a brilliant line. I only wish I'd come up with it! Please direct your appreciation ---> HERE

6927793 Alas, t'was not to be; but it's been going great tuns since EqD picked it up!

6928722 And yet, it also speaks to the reality that even dreamers must look after our responsibilities, lest we open the door for fate to befall us. :derpytongue2:

6929019 Verily, their OTP-ness is HUGE. (Egad, did I really just type that?)

6929799 This made me burst out laughing and look like a fool in public. Favorite comment! :rainbowlaugh:

6930344 Hey man, want some crack? First hit's free... :pinkiecrazy:

6932124 I felt like I couldn't put a story out there about a straw and a bag of flour without calling it random. I think there's, like, laws about that!

6932907 Sometimes life's brightest moments are those that were least expected! :yay:

6933116 If that made you groan, you should have seen the original ending, before Present Perfect smacked me upside the head and conveyed how bad it was. Let's just say that Pinkie went into full Cupcakes-mode instead of having it happen unintentionally and by someone else. I think it works a lot better this way.

6934070 It's cool bro, your secret's safe with me.

6974556 Waitaminute, I didn't get a cut... :duck:

6974635 :raritywink:

6976230 It's wonderful to hear. Though again, I wish I could claim credit for that one line. Please direct your appreciation ---> HERE

6977616 Thank you! And seriously, that poor mayor. :rainbowwild:

This is one of the best stories I have ever read. I have just one question. Does this count as clop?
Ya know what, I don't care. This was hilarious!!!
:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

6979652 Love that icon. Fallout: Equestria is best fanfiction!

6979652 The genesis of this was actually a comment I made several months ago about what it would look like if I tried to write clop. My thought at the time was that doing so would result only in absurdist dreck that would serve neither the reader's nor the writer's interests.

...so I guess technically that's a yes? :trollestia:

Somehow, this manages to be a more believable shipfic than most I've read. :applejackconfused:

Soap operas are hilarious.

Moonlight streamed in from a nearby window, illuminating the full, proud length of Fernando.

download.ultradownloads.com.br/wallpaper/276254_Papel-de-Parede-Meme-Me-Gusta-Assustador_1920x1200.jpg

And somehow, a tragic love affair between a straw and a bag of flour manages to be better than 99.9% of shipfics... :rainbowlaugh:

So, my best friend and I were recently talking about our weirdest ships and I mentioned that one of mine was a bendy straw and a sack of flour. She gave me the strangest look ever, and I began to read this out loud. Everything about it is ridiculous--the idea of a bendy straw and a sack of flour having an affair, the euphemisms used to describe the act itself, Pinkie's emotional attachment to these objects-- but it's so fitting and hilarious and wonderfully written. It seems like a scene straight out of a harlequin romance novel with its flowery language and drama. And it's perfectly in-character for Pinkie to act like this :pinkiehappy: I'm not surprised at all this was featured. I love this kind of fic. I love that it focuses on a silly subject and takes itself seriously, though not too seriously, as it gives you constant little nudges that reminds you how ridiculous it is.

7064377 This comment just about made my day. :rainbowlaugh:

Your praise is appreciated, and I'm glad to have contributed to a fun time hanging out and being ridiculous with your friend. For if friendship is magic, then hanging out and being ridiculous is also magic. :derpytongue2:

in the tradition of such timeless classics as … Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones

i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/295/561/d99

This was amusing, but Mayor Mare's reaction in particular was great. She's just so thoroughly internalized the Pinkieness of Pinkie's antics. That conversation went very different places than I expected. :rainbowlaugh:

7140473 Thank you for reading it, and I'm thrilled that you liked it. :pinkiehappy:

I reviewed this story as part of Read It Later Reviews #51.

You can find my review here.

Hm. That was interesting

I clicked on this because of that blog post. I came into this unsure and puzzled. I am happy to report that I still feel the same. Unfortunately, I am not sure how much longer I will be able to feel this way, as my brain needs the oxygen my eternal laughter is denying it.

Please find enclosed the medical papers detailing the bills you are required to pay for my sides, which split open from laughter.

Good day, sir!

*Keeps straight face*



*Bursts out laughing*

8150332 I'm glad you enjoyed it! :twilightsmile:

Sir, you have outdone yourself with this one. This is even more random than the one with Berry Punch and The Doctor. May the Fandom be with you... :rainbowlaugh: :pinkiehappy:

8165552 I'm glad you enjoyed it. :twilightsmile: This one was entirely too much fun to write. Be sure to check out my buddy Moosetasm, as he contributed greatly to the funny!

6979652
It didn't stop me. :duck:

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