• Member Since 11th Aug, 2013
  • offline last seen 13 hours ago

Sidral Mundet


Just a 20-something-odd guy from Iowa

T
Source

Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy were brought together by Twilight Sparkle and the magic of friendship and have had incredible experiences. But now they are trapped in a world they don't understand-Equestria. How will these five normal human girls deal with such dangers as dragons, minotaurs, parasprites, -and perhaps the most dangerous of them all,- themselves?

Art Source: http://demoncat8.deviantart.com/art/Eqg-In-Equestria-Cover-392108298

NON CANON with Season 4 and EQG 2.

Chapters (7)
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Comments ( 941 )

i wondered when a story like this would come around! keep it up!:twilightsmile:

This is probably one of the few EQG fics I'll be likely to enjoy.

I'll get to reading come morning.

Just don't fuck it up with poor grammar or execution. :applejackunsure:

Woah. You went pretty far with that portal activation explanation. I like it. If such things are going to be present thoughout the story, I'm gonna have a hawk eye on it.

This has promise...so I'll be keeping an eye for it. Just try not to rush it; rushing keens to make things worse than better. But, so far, I like it.

By the way, it is supposed to be 'except', not 'expect'. I am currently on break with the whole C&C deal for a little while, but think of this as a freebie. Good luck with this story.

Oh? If only EQG Twilight and Spike were there... But this is the best attempt yet.

this has promise, keep it up:eeyup:

Pinkie just turned the mirror-statue into a Stargate. She broke one fourth-wall to break another. She's brought her A-Game today.

is the edge of destruction by any chance a reference to the third episode of doctor who with william hartnell? because judging from all of the paranoia that will probably ensue later on, just like in the episode, they might be at each others throats later

This is for sure a watch, I would love to see how this comes out. keep it up my friend and look forward to seeing more!

wait we're not draggin the other Twiligh as well? or is that later :raritywink:

Looks promising. I´ll be watching. :twilightsmile:

Like it so far. But you might want to have someone proofread from grammar/spelling stuff.

This is your first attempt in fan fiction?!

It's so well written!
And the idea itself is amazing!!!
:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::moustache::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

Sounds interesting. i'll be waiting.:pinkiesmile:

Pretty interesting...I'll be curious to see what events unfold. :pinkiehappy:

This might be the BEST STORY I'VE EVER READ!

I want to see what happens next! Liking and watching.

Damn it! I want to read this, but i haven't seen the movie yet!:raritycry:

Since I don't see one yet... Review Time! Keep in mind these reviews only cover four basic subjects and has a little tip on at the end. Now anyways.

This story here is the first Equestria Girls fanic I've ever read, and probably the best I'll wager. Chaotic Note even featured it. But anyways, it's a bit short at the moment with only one chapter and that chapter was mostly the girls talking in front of the statue, however that's what High School girls DO. So kudos for that as well as leaving the end of the chapter on a cliff hanger.
Now then for the grading:
Plot: The "Equestria Girls" meet up with the real ponies. You get yourself a 10.
Setting: This section is usually the easiest and you haven't gone and screwed up in it so 10.
Details: The whole Lunar Connection thing kinda seemed a little bit rushed. And also Rainbow Dash running home, taking a shower, and running back in five minutes is impossible, even for Rainbow dash. 8.
Characters: You wrote them pretty well as the "Equestria Girls" somewhat bicker a bit as normal high school girls would do. And I can't wait to see the mane six. 10

Now there was one thing that bugged me a bit, you missed a few s's, maybe... three I think. But since this is your first fic I can let that slide as your writing is bound to improve!

Very epic. I do wonder, however, how Twilight's counterpart becomes involved. That is, unless Principal Celestia asks her to go after them. She likely, in Twilight's time of absence, learned from Sunset Shimmer that it's an alternate world and did a search for Twilight's counterpart, for a 'just in case' type nature. Though, that's just a guess on my part.

Still though, overall, love what you've done thusfar. And I love the fact that you haven't made Pinkie an idiot like some fic writers do. She's eccentric, not stupid, after all, and you pulled that off well here.^^

Awesome! You have a thumbs up and a favorite from me! :pinkiehappy:

Speaking of Which, what happened to the Twilight in their world?

is she gonna be a transfer student?

...Great, now there are 2 Pinkie Pies in the same place. Somebody go reinforce the fourth wall 500 times over.

3028080 For the 8 rating you gave, guess you misread. Rainbow was being sarcastic about having done that and showered. She even confirmed that she didn't have time to fit in a shower. Just thought I'd mention.^_^

This had better have Sunset Shimmer in it!

Love it! Keep up the good work and, let me tell you, you got a really original idea. Don't waste it.

3028200 nah were gonna need the berlin wall security

Welll... I have to say i liked the idea, the problem is your execution leaves something to be desired of.

Now dear, we all miss Twilight as much as you, but have to accept the fact that this is just a regular statue now and we can’t see Twilight for another 3 year,”

... What? you missed out the 'you' from 'you have to accept the fact' and 'we can't see Twilight for another 3 years' not '3 year'. That's not all, there are mistakes similar to that littered throughout the chapter. Not to mention the dialogue... there's an awkward feel to it, it isn't as natural as it could have been. Its not that the characters are OOC in fact I think they're quite alright, but how they talk to each other is welll... odd (their responses could be reworded better).

Also, the story... is a bit rushed. I mean yeah we need to get to Equestria in the first chapter, but there's something called exposition between dialogue that you haven't really used. What are the reactions of the human/ponies to Pinkie's revelation? Do they react when Twilight is mentioned and have looks of longing? I mean you do very little to establish Equestria Girls world via description and rely too heavily on dialogue.

Other than that, the concept is interesting, but as I have said, execution need work.

Good, very good.:ajsmug:
I like the plot so far, and your execution is superb, but the grammar needs to be fixed. It's not horrible, but it is distracting.

almost 100 likes...I'm 98 yes!:trollestia:

I like it!:pinkiesmile:

Although, I can't help but think of this as a "Human (or in this case, humans) in Equestria" sort of fic, I mean, the same usual things that come from said characters arriving in Equestria as ponies are bound to happen, after all (such as learning to walk in four legs, freak out, not Pinkie for sure, but that's a given).

The success of this fic depends on how you can add something new to that with the knowledge of the characters you currently have.

Good luck! I'll be watching this.:rainbowkiss:

Before read: I wonder if their EG counterparts are gonna be shocked once they realize that their pony counterparts don't wear clothes. :rainbowlaugh:

Edit: Okay, I enjoyed the first chapter. The thing is, though, you need an editor. The amount of mistakes in the first chapter bugged me, so I couldn't really enjoy it completely. Still, this story has a lot of potential. Looking forward to more. :twilightsmile:

3028202 Eh, sarcasm is hard to get in text sometimes... Besides, I still haven't read what happens in Equestria so it's impossible to get a 10 out of 10 if I don't see the whole base of the plot...

I love the fact that PP is scientist! Better than TL by far!:rainbowlaugh:

Huh... Sounds interesting.

There were a few spelling errors here and there, a grammatical one every now and then too, I'm sure. I didn't find much to complain about save the length of the chapter; really short.
You could perhaps be a little more descriptive in your writing, aside from that I'll say that I'm looking forward to the next instalment :3

Comment posted by Lunar Shock deleted Aug 13th, 2013

3028080
Plot 10? Not really. Granted it's good, but it's not original. Plenty of crossovers like this have happened, there just haven't been any specific to Equestria Girls yet.
More like 7 (10 is when it's completely original. Take Background Pony as a comparison.)
Setting 10? Really? Really? They're at a school. It's not detailed at all, it's just assumed that you know what it looks like.
What does the statue look like? No description is given. What about the people who didn't watch the movie?
I give it a 7
Details 8?
Your latter point is completely invalid, and the former is opinion. Lunar plot point rushed? Half of Equestria Girls plot was rushed, it's naturally going to happen. There was however, no distraction because of it.

The grammar is bad, but easily fixed.
Until that's fixed, I'd give it a 6.

Based on these, I'd give it a low score, but you have to take more into account.
Is it interesting?
How long did it take to pull you in, if it did at all?
Could you follow what was happening?
Was anyone OOC?

Overall I'd give this a 7, which is good in my book.
I'm excited for what's to come, and I'll definitely be watching.
Like/Favorite.

3028515 Wow, you like to take a story and just say it's bad, don't you? Alright, I'll present counter arguments. I gave the plot a 10, and that's because he used a reliable market of story that is Equestria Girls, granted it's been used, but how many have had a GOOD plot?
The setting isn't mainly in Canterlot High, so he wont go into detail of it, and he doesn't have to describe the statue either seeing as how the portal is what's really important. KEEP IN MIND, the main setting is Equestria, which is where he puts DETAIL.
I felt the Lunar Connection thing was a bit sudden and rushed, and that's all. It can be further explained by somepony like Luna So I really didn't care about it to much.
And as for the ad grammar? LAY OFF HIM! It's his first fic, there's bound to be mistakes!
I gave it low scores in areas because it was incomplete as far, nothing so far of Equestria has been shown so a full score is impossible, AS I NOTED.
In short, I gave him encouragement, because he deserved it. It's his first fic and if you want more from him you have to be nice, not say it's bad all over and give it a 7.5... I know you are waiting for what's to come as well, but encourage him man. Don't just put a little sprinkle of nice at the end...

3028515 As for your other questions, they're all covered in my four simple, and easy to read sections. I speak of what's wrong, only if it's wrong...

3028568
Hmmm...
Maybe you're right.:ajsleepy:
But if I'm going to say my opinion, I might as well say it all. I don't like to sugar coat things, that's just how I roll.
Like I said, I thought it was great, but there's a difference between great, and perfect.
10/10 is perfect, and you gave him a 9. Right now, that's not deserved.
My feelings are that this is awesome, but I have to put aside my feelings to judge this properly.
All in all I'm very interested, and it starts off well. Obviously a lot of other people agree, because he already has 130 likes. EDIT: 524 Likes!?:pinkiegasp: wat.
EDIT: 812!? I do not know what to say. Other than that's a lot of likes for a fic at this stage of development.
EDIT: Sometimes I say stupid things, and I want other people to tell me when I do. Honestly, I'd rather have someone correct me.

3028582
They don't have to be grades themselves, just comments on the side.
If you only say what's bad, there won't be much to comment on.
EDIT: I lied. If you only say what's bad, there will be plenty to comment on, you'll just look like an arse.

Interesting story, I did spot a few errors here and there, but still interesting.



Oh my........ there's going to be two Pinkies. Shenanigans will ensue, that's for sure. I don't think Equestria can handle two Pinkies.
Something along the lines of this :pinkiegasp: that or everyone dying of laughter or exhaustion from all the parties and Pinkie randomness.

Edit: Or a prank war between the two Pinkies................. oh my.............. the possibilities are even more endless now that there are two of them.

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