Earthshock
“Admit it Rainbow Dash, we’re lost,” Rarity said. The group of ponies had been wandering around the Crystal Palace for some time now, and seemed to be going nowhere.
“Please, I know this place like the back of my own hoof,” Rainbow Dash replied. In actuality, Rainbow Dash hadn’t the slightest idea where they were.
“Alright then, where are we?” Rarity looked at Rainbow Dash with an annoyed look on her face.
“Uh, here,” Rainbow Dash responded, one hoof pointing at the large throne room doors next to her, even if she didn’t know that.
“And just where is here?” Rarity was now really annoyed now.
“Y’all quit your fightin’ I think this is the throne room,” Applejack was looking at the door. Turning to face her friends, she started to open the door. “Betcha there’s a map in here.”
The group entered, and Rainbow Dash noticed a movement near the rear of the room, beside the throne itself. She thought this was strange but paid it no mind. So the group was huddled around the map placed beside the door.
“Here we go,” Applejack said as she traced an outline on the map linking the guest quarter to the throne room, “Aw shucks, we’re on the other side of the castle.”
“I told you we were lost,” Rarity’s face had an I-told-you-so look on it.
“Whatever,” Rainbow Dash said, annoyed at the comment.
“Ah said quit it,” Applejack said.
After walking around the castle, she was a bit tired and didn’t want to put up with her friends bickering, “Ah got the directions, now we can go back to our quarters and wait for Twilight to get done with her meetin’.”
“Achoo!”
“Bless you,” Rainbow Dash responded, more as a force of habit than a conscious effort on her part.
“Who’re you blessing, Dashie?” Pinkie Pie asked inquisitively.
“Uh, Fluttershy, didn’t you hear her sneeze?” Rainbow Dash responded.
“Uh, I didn’t sneeze,” Fluttershy said, looking a bit confused at the accusation.
“So ya thought you heard Fluttershy sneeze, no big deal,” Applejack said, both trying to avoid another argument.
However, Rainbow Dash was looking at the throne with a distrustful eye.
“Yeah, you guys are right,” she said, not taking her eyes of the chair, “let’s leave.”
The others were leaving the room, when Rainbow Dash slammed the doors shut just in front of them. Before Applejack had a chance to speak up, Rainbow Dash had placed a hoof over her mouth and motioned the others to remain quiet.
After about five minutes of waiting, Applejack had just about had enough. She was going to speak up but Rainbow Dash motioned for her to hold it. She rolled her eyes and decided to ignore Rainbow Dash’s instructions. However, something else happened.
“That was a close one.” The sound had come from behind the throne, but that wasn’t the strange part. It was that the voice sounded identical to Applejack’s.
Rainbow Dash flew over to the throne and looked behind it, “Yeah, not really.”
Note: In order to keep straight the characters, the names of the EQG cast will be altered. This will only apply out of universe so they will still answer to their original names. The new names are AJ, RD, Shy, Pink, and Rara for EQG, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie and Rarity, respectfully. The FIM cast will retain the original names out of universe. Example Rainbow Dash refers to the one born a pony and wishes to be a Wonderbolt, while RD refers to the human girl who is captain of the Canterlot Wondercolts sport teams. This break also allows me to insert a break to allow for a more universal viewpoint instead of one focused around one set of cast members.
“YAAAAAHHHHH!” Startled by the appearance of the cyan pony above them, the group of ponies hiding behind the throne scrambled out from their cover. They were soon met with a group of stares from the other set of ponies at the main entrance. The two groups stared at each other for about a minute, one group in confusion, the other in panic.
“Changlings!” Rainbow Dash spoke up after the unusual pause. She started to rush towards the group in the corner, prepared for a fight.
“Stand back,” RD yelled, “I’ve got a Pinkie Pie and I’m not afraid to use her,” RD held Pink by her tail and neck in the fashion of a Gatling gun. Pink gave of the sound of a shotgun click. RD looked confused at the sound but quickly turned her attention back towards her opposite.
“What?” Rainbow Dash stopped, confused by the statement just made. She began to lunge at them again but was stopped by a tug at her tail.
“Ah don’t think they’re Changlins’,” Applejack said with a mouthful of rainbow tail in her mouth.
“Of course they are,” Rainbow Dash said, trying to tug out her tail from Applejack, who had taken it from her mouth and placed a hoof over it, “What other explanation could there be!?”
“OOOO, I know, I know,” Pink began, “We’re-“
“Cos-players!” Shy said, placing a hoof over Pink’s mouth, “Yes, that it, we’re cosplayers.”
Shy laughed nervously and started rubbing her front hooves.
“Cosplayers? Really,” Rainbow Dash said in a deadpan expression.
Shy motioned to RD to keep Pink, who was struggling against Shy, under control and for Rara to help RD. “Yes, we’re, um, really big fans of yours, right. I mean you,” Shy started looking around noticing the stained glass windows, “um, defeated the evil snake-like thing? With a magic laser?” Shy’s voice trailed off as she spoke the last sentence.
“You mean Discord?” Fluttershy responded.
“YES!” Shy said, “You stopped Discord and, um.” Still rubbing her hooves, Shy tried to focus on what Twilight had said during the confrontation with Sunset Shimmer, “You’re the Elements of Harmony!” Shy said, pointing at the group by the door, suddenly remembering.
“Alright then,” Rainbow Dash said, “Then why are you in the throne room?”
“Uh we got lost from our tour group,” Shy said, “We were going to the washroom to um change when we got separated, yeah that’s it, and we started searching, until we got here.”
“OOOO, she’s good!” Pinkie Pie was watching, eating out of a popcorn bucket she had somehow managed to get ahold of.
“Then why were you hiding?” Rainbow Dash said, still suspicious and ignoring Pinkie Pie.
“Um, we didn’t know who you were and didn’t want to get in trouble,” Shy replied with a nervous smile on her face.
“So you’re cosplayers who got lost and accidentally found your way to the throne room?” Rainbow Dash said, eyeing the group in the corner.
“Yes,” Shy responed and everyone else in her group, outside of Pink, nodded in agreement.
“Then why are you missing our cutie marks, if you’re such good cosplayers?” Rainbow Dash said.
“Oh lay off ‘em Dash,” Applejack replied, “You gave ‘em a right scare and now you go on questionin’ ‘em.”
“You’re not seriously buying this,” Rainbow Dash said, giving a surprised look towards Applejack.
“Ah admit their story sounds crazy,” Applejack began, “but Ah think they’re harmless.”
“Are you out of your mind!?” Rainbow Dash said, throwing her arms in the air, “There clearly part of some Changeling plan to bring down the Crystal Empire. I mean it’s the perfect time, with the Equestria Games going on, nobody would predict an attack.”
“Since when have you seen a Changeling do an imperfect transformation?” Applejack question, “Also, the last group we encountered weren’t so talkative.”
“Well, they could be spies then.” Rainbow Dash said, refusing to give up her suspicions.
“And they’re gonna go as imperfect imposters of the friends of the newest Princess in Equestria?” Applejack said, “No spy worth his metal would be stupid enough to try that Dash.”
“Well, I still don’t like them,” Rainbow Dash said, running out of ways to argue her position.
“Well your dislike for them doesn’t mean we have the right to hold them,” Rarity said, walking close to her counterpart, “But I do say, the detail on the horn is quite remarkable, I can hardly tell the difference.”
“I HAVE A HORN!” Rara yelled, letting go of Pink, feeling the top of her head. Shy hoof palmed.
“Okay, explain that!” Rainbow Dash commented towards Shy.
“Oh, well, uhm, she can be a bit forgetful at times?” Shy replied, trying to keep up the game. She gave Rara a look, as if to tell her to keep up her end.
“Yes, quite right, I am sorry about that outburst, it just slipped my mind,” Rara responded, giving a sheepish grin and laughing nervously.
“Okay, why do you guys sound like us anyhow?” Rainbow Dash said but more so out of natural curiosity than
suspicion. “And why are you holding down your guy’s Pinkie Pie?” RD was still struggling to contain Pink.
“Oh, we’re, uhm, all method actors,” Shy replied. “Our Pinkie Pie takes her role a bit too seriously and we want to avoid trouble.” She gave a short little laugh.
“Well you don’t appear to be keeping up a good Fluttershy,” Dash responded, “Fluttershy would only act this way if she thought the world was going to end or something.”
“Well, hehe, I’m just trying to avoid an unpleasant situation,” Shy said with a very nervous grin, “I mean, there is absolutely no way the universe could collapse in on itself right now,” Her smile had now left.
“Oh hey, would you look at the time,” Shy motioned to her empty wrist, “We really must be off, it was a pleasure to meet you, see you later goodbye,” she said rapidly, motioning the others in her group to follow her as she made her way to the door.
At that moment both Pinkie Pie’s ears flopped, their eyes fluttered and their knees (in their front legs) twitched. This also had the effect of setting Pink free from RD grasp.
“Bang!”
Shy was hit square in the face by the large throne room doors.
“Oh my, Fluttershy are you alright!?” A lavender pony with both a horn and a set of wings, now entered the room, attending to Shy.
“Would you like a jelly baby?” Shy said in a dazed voice, as if her mind was not actually there.
“I’m so sorry Fluttershy,” Twilight said, turning to the other ponies in the room. “Girls I could… Wow, that meeting took more out of me than I thought.”
“You ain’t seein’ doubles, Twi,” Applejack responded.
“Then why are there two of you?” Twilight asked.
“Well according to them-,“ Rainbow Dash began, expect Pink interrupted her, “Finally now I can tell you what’s really happening. It’s that-“
“You’re from an alternate dimension, but just not any dimension; you’re from the one Twilight went to to get back the element of magic, and stop Sunset Shimmer. And all you guys are actually over-dressed monkey ape creatures,” Pinkie Pie concluded with a smile on her face.
“I couldn’t have said it better myself,” Pink said to her opposite.
“We’re called humans and-“AJ said, stopping mid-sentence, her eyes having widened at the realization of what she had just done. Rara and RD hoof palmed.
“Uh, what Ah mean is,” AJ continued, but realized it was pointless at this stage, “She’s right.” AJ said with a tone of defeat
.
“Wait, what?” Twilight said confused. The rest of the Mane 6, save Pinkie Pie, looked equally confused.
“Let’s start from the beginning,” AJ said.
*After reading Chapter 1*
“Well, that was interesting,” Twilight said, “Grammar could use a little work though.”
Et tu, Twilight.
“But that still doesn’t explain why you guys just didn’t tell the truth when you were found,” Twilight continued.
“Well Fluttershy said that if we met ourselves, Germany would melt due to bats, or something like that,” RD responded.
“Don’t be silly, Dash,” Pink replied, “That kind of stuff only happens in time travel stories, but this is dimension hopping.”
“You don’t actually believe them, do you Twilight?” Rainbow Dash said, “I mean they could have made the whole thing up. They have no proof.”
“OOO, I’ve got it,” Pink replied, pulling out an iPod and speaker setup.
“Where did ya get that from?” AJ asked.
“From a transdimensional pocket located in the void between universes, duh,” Pink Responded.
AJ was about to reply but was interrupted by RD, “Magic, got it.”
“That’s not how magic works,” Twilight said, slightly confused, “But anyways, continue Pinkie.”
Pink pressed the play button on the speaker.
“Help!”
“I need somebody.”
“Help!”
“Not just anybody.”
“Help!”
“You know I need someone.”
“Heeeeeelp!”
“Whoops, wrong song,” Pink said, hitting the next button and a new track started.
“Hey, hey, everybody, we’ve got something to say.”
“We may seem as different as the night is from day.”
“But you look a little deeper, and you will see.”
“That I’m just like you and you’re just like me.”
“What is this thing,” Rainbow Dash said, inspecting the speaker system. She managed to press the next button.
“Hey you.”
“Out there in the cold getting lonely getting out. Can you feel me? “
“Hey you.”
“Standing in the aisle with itchy feet and fading smile. Can you feel me?”
Pink grabbed the system from Rainbow Dash and pressed pause, “Weird, I don’t even remember owning that song.”
I close my iTunes browser.
“Well that proves it Rainbow,” Twilight said, “Only my friends in that other world would know that song. How were you able to play it, though?”
“Uh, iPod,” RD replied
“Uh, girls,” Fluttershy said, looking over her counterpart.
“Yes Fluttershy,” Twilight replied.
“I think we may need to bring her to a hospital,” Fluttershy was pointing at Shy, “I think she may have a concussion.”
“MUFFIN WAFFLE!” Shy said, still walled eyed and dazed as before.
“Right, let’s get her to the infirmary, and then we can discuss what we’re going to do about all this,” Twilight said, motioning to everyone in the room. They picked up Shy and began to carry her out into the hallway of the palace.
Next Time: The Twin Dilemma
Ohhhhmygodohmygodohmygod!
A decent meeting made fantastic by a Wall reference! I love that movie/album!
I like how they didn't continue to lie about it. Stories get annoying when one group is trying to hide something from another group over multiple chapters EVEN THOUGH telling them would help the most. I'm glad you got it out of the way fast.
Also, "Et tu, Twilight." Should end in a question mark, as it is a question.
Et tu, Brutae?
You too, Brutus?
Rara sounds so weird to say, I think just calling her Rare would sound a bit better. It's her nickname already (Applejack herself uses it) and it sounds closer to her name and doesn't sound as awkward.
Anyways, now we're picking up some steam here. Shenanigans, ho!
Pinkie... iPod... How... What... GAH!!!! Too little logic!
But seriously, still a good chapter. Looking forward to more!
Okay The Beatles and the EG song but the last song?
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Hey You by Pink Floyd from the Wall.
3081004 Ah, thank you for clarifying.
Pinkie Pie X 2 = disaster of the pink phenomenon
Other than that, I'm sure Princess Twilight will be thrilled to know the portal can be... forcibly opened, with a good enough whack, which Pink did on their side.
This really cracked my loins from laughing!
Um... this is nice to know I guess, but something like this belongs in either the author notes, or separated at the top with the [hr ] code so it doesn't break the immersion of the story.
at least they are still distinguishable since they don't have cutie marks .... yet?
Well I've just read the entire chapter now...
I guess it's decent?
But I guess I should admit that I'm not too happy with how Twilight reacted to realizing her friends from the other universe just crossed over to her world.
Given with how she left them on a happy, but sad note, I figured Twilight would be ecstatic to see them again.
Like give them a big hug or something.
But no. It's
And really Twi? You've used computers before. As a really smart unicorn, I think you should be able to figure out that the Ipod uses the same sort of mechanics as the computers in the library.
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I've made that suggestion myself.
(Author's user page)
Muffin Waffles sound delicious
DAMMIT! They've figured out my secret breakfast recipe that was going to let me take over the world while the world stuffed itself with the best food item ever created! CURSE YOU, FLOOTERSHAI!!!
Also, I prefer Flutters, Dashie, Pinks, and Rares myself for shortening the names, but whatevs.
I am glad I decided to follow this story. I wasn't sure how good it would be and yet it is well handled but just wacky enough to be original and entertaining.
I'll gladly wait patently for more.
It's pretty rude of the EG mane six to be constantly saying "Twilight this" and "Twilight that" without seeming to realize that they met two people from Equestria (you would think they'd be pretty interested in meeting a dragon). It was just as irritating to hear the Equestria mane six saying "Twilight" rather than "them" while waiting for her to return from her Parliament meeting. Now that we know Spike wasn't with the pony he's committed to assisting in all endeavors, I'm wondering why all five of his other friends were wandering the Crystal Palace without him.
Next time: 6th Doctor goes Berserk and Strangles our new companion!
Help!
They need somepony
Help!
Not just anypony
Help!
Twilight's the one
Heeeelp.....
The next chapter should be called Twin Dilemmas
Yay! The new chapter's finally out!
Though it was amazing, I expected Twilight to be a little more shocked and demanding of answers. I expected her to completely fall apart like she did in "Lesson Zero"
looking forward to the future
Double space after the comma. Remove.
You need to get rid of the "was" because it changes narrative voice. In other words, we haven't seen them huddle around the map, and "was" makes them just appear there.
Make the comma a period.
She isn't continuing speech, so the comma after "bickering" needs to be a period.
You need to make a new paragraph after "quiet" because it is starting an entirely new scene.
The comma at the end needs to be a period.
The comma needs to be a period at the end.
There are two ways you can combat this. One, make the comma a period. Two, decapitalize the "Y" in "you."
Comma needs to be a period.
This is a recurring problem. First, the repetition of "then" is annoying. If I were you, I would just put a comma after "all right," and then continue with the sentence as it is. But the "why" needs to be uncapitalized. And the comma needs to say after "said."
The comma needs to be a period.
This line needs to be made its own paragraph.
There are a few things that needs to be mentioned. First, I would consider using forelegs instead of arms. It doesn't really matter either way, but still. Next, the comma after "air" needs to be a period. And finally, "there" should be "their." That is a hefty error, something no one should ever make.
First, it should be "questioned." Second, the comma needs to be a period.
Comma needs to be a period.
The comma at the end, after "counterpart," needs to be a period.
All right, first things first: there is a formatting error after "than."
There is a double space after "replied." Get rid of it with any means necessary. I have bombs.
The comma needs to be a period.
Comma needs to be a period. This is a very common error with you.
The comma at the end of the dialogue should be a period.
There is a double space at the start of this line. Also, this is really difficult line to understand. How did it do that? Explain it.
First, remove the comma after "wings," and I think you should put in something about her walking over to Shy. This is another instance where she just kind of appears over there.
Always place a comma separating a name or title from the rest of the sentence. So, "I'm so sorry, Fluttershy!"
First, use an em dash (which looks like this [—] and can be inserted by doing alt+0151 on the number pad) instead of a hyphen. And because the speech is being cut off, you do not need a comma or any punctuation; the dash is the punctuation.
Make the comma a period. Then, make Pink's dialogue its own paragraph, and then replace the hyphen with an em dash [—].
Capitalize Element of magic. It is important.
First, there is a double space right there at the beginning. Second, put a hyphen between "monkey" and "ape."
First, replace the hyphen with an em dash [—], and then remove "AJ said." Just say that she stopped mid-sentence. It is redundant to say she said it, and then stopped.
Decapitalize the "s." And make the period a comma, as the speaking tag is there afterward.
Make the comma a period.
There needs to be a comma after "well." There generally should always be one after "well."
Comma should be a period.
First, comma after "you." Remember, names are special, and need their space (I like that analogy). Second, comma at the end needs to be a period.
Double space at the beginning.
The "R" in "responded" needs to be decapitalized.
Comma needs to be a period.
First, the comma after "pause" needs to be a period. Second, the "I close my iTunes . . . " part needs to be its own paragraph. Also, why did you go to first-person all of a sudden? It needs to be third-person like always.
Comma after "well," and after "it." Then replace the last comma with a period.
Comma after "yes."
All right, this needs some work. I am just going to give you a general idea of things that needs to be fixed, then give you my version.
First, you repeat "I think" in both speaking parts. That is not good. Remove one or the other, or find something else to say instead. Second, Shy's part needs to be its own paragraph. Third, the phrase is "wall eyed," not "walled eyed." Here is how I would write it:
"I think we may need to take her to a hospital," Fluttershy said in a worried tone, pointing at Shy. "She may have a concussion."
"MUFFIN WAFFLE!" Shy said, still as wall eyed and dazed as before.
And that concludes all the errors! That was a lot, and I think that you need to get a legitimate editor. But all these errors aside, things are pretty funny and awesome, though it started to be less comedic at the end. Twilight agreeing like that was kind of orchestrated wrong. It is a good idea, but it needed to be played out better.
Keep up the good work, and find an editor!
Just a minor bug, its face hoofed, not hoof palmed. But other than that its great.
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I agree with Twilight's reaction. It was kind of odd. But the part about the iPod and such is actually correct. Twilight didn't even understand how to work a computer, and she only saw speakers in passing. Even then, she has no idea how they work. If they were portable speakers, then I could see how it is odd that she doesn't remember, but she has no idea how something like that is making music. And she shouldn't be able to. I would be surprised if she knew how an iPhone or iPod worked.
Did one of them write their experience down or what?
3081080 cracked… loins. Sounds painful
3081118 I agree.
3081504 Having the narrative say they described what happened would work better for a more formal tone. If the author decides to use a casual or even humorous tone, it could stay. It can be jarring on the reader if the tone changes too much.
Rara? Really, that's the best you could do?
As an indication of how painful that is, my autocorrect keeps trying to correct it to "Ararat".
Also: author notes should never be at the start of a story. Move them to the end of the last chapter.
3081145
Because ENIAC and iPods are so similar.
Fluttershy getting a concussion...
"Don't laugh. She later died from a concussion."
Oh my gosh! Everything Wrong with Equestria Girls (2:12 - 2:15) Sin #35 was right!
I wonder how they'll react to Spike now that he's back in his true draconic form. I can imagine Rara trying to scratch behind his ear fins with her hooves.
Awesome!
Didn't know we were going into 1st person here. I know it was Pink saying it but still.
Ok, so we finally got the whole denial angle out of the way. That's good. So...now what? Confusion? Adventures? Stopping Bad Guys? Actually, it's nice you included the changling touch based on comments. It means you want your story to not have logic problems, and you're dedicated to making it the best possible. Also, I liked how this was kind of an "alternate POV" chapter from the equestrian ponies rather than the equestrian girls.
Also, is it just me, or is Pinkie acting a bit more meta than usual? And are physics more effective on Shy than on ponies?
Write On.
The 4th wall is nowhere to be found after this chapter.
3082444
the ceiling doesn't stand a chance
Two Pinkie Pie's, two Rarity's, two Rainbow Dash's, two Futtershy's and two Applejack's!!!
This can only lead to one thing!!
mlkshk.com/r/NTHI
When did deadpool make it into this story? Good job though really well done!
okay we've established a universe can handle a maximum of 5 deadpools, but two pinkeys?
This actually isn't half bad.
You know, in the EQG fic I'm planning on writing, Twilight and her new human friends actually get killed by Sunset Shimmer and now Twilight's pony friends have to travel to Earth to seek out Twilight's human counterpart.
If you think that's the worst fic idea ever, I dare you to read this. (Yes, it's that bad.)
3081504 Actually, that falls under the "screw the 4th wall" category. I do that all the time in another one of my own fics.
3083364 Oh christ
3083127 where's Deadpool in this story? or is it just a reference?
When there is absolutely no way out of an impossible situation, tell the universe to buck itself and break the fourth wall.
3083616 Which story?
Not sure how that makes sense... If it wasn't Twilight, who else would it be?
good chapter though I did start having trouble keeping everything straight after
but all it took was rereading a couple of times
so waiting for the next chapter, since the downhill slide sounds to be about ready to get steeper
3083657 haha i can see you're right here. no i just said it because the 4th wall was torn down
3083718 Let's just say I don't like fourth wall jokes with Pinkie
So much for hiding
The day after I tell you to update you do.... MAKE ME A CHOCOLATE SUNDAY! But in all truthfulness, I wonder what happens next.
3083455 I'm lookin' at you Rainbow or maybe it's Rarity Wait no! I'd never have guessed it'd be you Spike
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