The Edge of Destruction
The Edge of Destruction
One month after the Fall Formal
Near the front entrance of Canterlot High
“Sorry I’m late… soccer practice ended later… than I thought,” Rainbow Dash panted. She was drenched head to toe in sweat and clutching her legs as if she had just ran there, mainly because she had.
Moving past Fluttershy, Rarity, and Applejack, Rainbow Dash sat down on the newly completed staircase to the school and tried to catch her breath. Looking at the people around her, she noticed a certain member was missing. “Where’s Pinkie Pie, she’s the one that called us here.”
“Haven’t seen her since class got out,” AJ replied.
“Nor have I,” Rarity said as she noticed a distinct odor in the air. “Please tell me you took a shower before coming here.”
“Yeah, I just ran straight home, took a shower and then ran back here in five minute,” Rainbow Dash replied with a mix of sarcasm and annoyance. “Pinkie wanted us here at six, soccer doesn’t let out until 5:30 and I’d rather not miss something she said was important just to smell nice.”
“Well you could have at least put on some deodorant,” Rarity said this to herself more so than anyone else. Rainbow Dash just rolled her eyes.
“Uh, girls, I think Pinkie’s here,” Fluttershy was now pointing to a figure coming round the school armed with a sledgehammer. The girls soon ran up to the figure, who was indeed Pinkie Pie.
“Uh, Pinkie, what’s the sledgehammer for?” AJ asked with confusion.
“It’s for my experiment, duh,” Pinkie soon walked over to the statue in front of the school and placed the sledgehammer down on top of it. She started to make measurements with her hands, not paying attention to the others behind her.
“Uh Pinkie, Hellooo?” Rainbow Dash was looking puzzled and annoyed as Pinkie reached in to her backpack and withdrew a permanent marker. Going over her mental measurements, she placed a big X on the pedestal of the statue.
“Pinkie, what in tarnation are y’all doing?” Applejack was use to Pinkie being, well, Pinkie, but minor vandalism for no real reason just wasn’t her style, however one may classify it.
“Trying to open the magic portal silly.” Pinkie now turned around to face her friends, all of whom were in a mild state of confusion, or-in Rainbow’s case- annoyance.
“Now Dear, we all miss Twilight as much as you, but have to accept the fact that this is just a regular statue now and we can’t see Twilight for another 3 year,” Rarity stated with a look of concern and compassion on her face.
“Yeah, you’re way too obsessed with that portal,” Rainbow responded bluntly.
“Listen, why don’t we forget about the portal for now and head on down to Sugarcube Corner get somethin’ to eat?” AJ had thrown her arm around Pinkie Pie and started to lead her away from the statue.
“That sounds nice,” Fluttershy stated.
“Come on guys, I’m being super serious right now,” Pinkie shook off AJ the way a dog would shake off water and picked up the sledgehammer. She swung it around her head, as if prepared to strike the statue.
“Pinkie, what are you doing?” Rarity yelled as Pinkie swung the sledgehammer full force into the statue.
When the sledgehammer made contact, there was not the expected metal on steel sound one would expect, neither was there any visual damage from the strike. Instead a weird metallic clicking noise was staring up and continuing long after the strike, as if dozen of latches and gear were turning inside the pedestal. After about a minute of this, the clicking stopped.
“PINKIE, WHAT IN THE HELL A MATTER WITH Y’ALL?” Applejack grabbed the sledgehammer from Pinkie and tossed it aside, nearly hitting Fluttershy, who managed to step out of its way. “Y’ALL BETTER EXPLAIN YOURSELF RIGHT NOW!”
“Aww, shoot, and here I-” Pinkie was interrupted by a sudden jet of liquid bursting from the backside of the statue. The liquid was held in place by some unknown force and stood there for about a minute before retreating by into the statue. The backside of the statue now had a smoother, more liquid like appearance to it.
“YES!” Pinkie shouted excitedly.
“Will someone please explain what’s going on?” Rainbow Dash stated with a look of utter confusion on her face.
“Yes, I do think we need an explanation for what is happening,” Rarity replied, just as confused as Rainbow Dash but with more control in her posture and tone of voice.
“Oh, well that’s easy,” Pinkie stated nonchalantly, “All I did was rearrange the graviton flux meters so as to create the illusion of a double lunar event.” She smile at the end her sentence as if it was complete obvious to everyone present.
“In English, please,” AJ had a look of annoyance on her face, her patience wearing thin.
“Okay, so you know how Twilight said the portal only opens once every 30 moons?” Pinkie started, “Well, I looked into the lunar cycle after Twilight left and notice that the portal opens every time the Moon was at its closest point to Earth in its orbit. However, the portal doesn’t open every time the Moon gets that close, which was strange until I thought about what might been on the other side of the portal. I thought that Twilight’s world must also have a Moon which goes through a similar orbit to ours and that the portal must open whenever both Moons are at their closest to Earth.”
“And just how does that open the portal?” Rainbow Dash replied, not truly believing what she was hearing.
“Tidal forces.” It wasn’t Pinkie Pie who responded to Rainbow Dash, but Fluttershy.
“And how does the tide open portals?” Rainbow stated in the same manner as before.
“Well, uh, if I get this then the gravitational force of the two moons, according to Pinkie, are enough to activate some kind of on switch, which is what we probably just heard. Pinkie must have somehow duplicated the force needed to open the portal with her hammer,” Fluttershy stated.
“EXACTLY, couldn’t have said it better myself, except then I’d be both Fluttershy and myself, I mean me and Fluttershy being one person would really weird and who’s voice would I be talking in?” Pinkie rambled on before seeing an annoyed Applejack.
Gathering around the newly opened portal, the group of girls looked at the shiny surface in both awe and confusion.
“What do we do with it now?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“I say we get some authority down here and have a looksee at this here portal,” AJ leaned in closer to better examine the portal as Pinkie Pie started to back up.
“We can’t do that,” Rarity responded, “Principal Celestia was barely able to keep out the reporters and special forces right after that terrible business with Sunset Shimmer.”
“You know I’ve been meaning to ask about that, just how much influence can a high school teacher really hold?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“Uh, girls?” Fluttershy wasn’t looking at the portal like the rest of them, but rather behind her.
“Well, I think she just was able to persuade everyone that nothing out of the ordinary really happened here,” Rarity was now seriously thinking about the question now.
“Yeah, cause growing wings and horse ears are things that happened all the time.” The sarcasm in Rainbow Dash’s reply was thick enough to cut with a knife.
“It ain’t like anyone record it anyhow, seein’ as everyone else was under some kind of mind control,” AJ retorted.
“Uh, girls, I think you better move,” Fluttershy, still looking behind her, started to sidestep to her right.
“Exactly, Principal Celestia must have told the reporters that nothing of significance occurred here,” Rarity continued the conversation, ignoring Fluttershy.
“Nothing happened?” Rainbow Dash yelled in a tone that suggested she thought the idea was beyond stupid. “The entire front of the school was destroyed and there was a massive crater in the ground. No reporter on Earth would believe that.”
“I heard Principal Celestia told the press that it was a gas explosion that cause the destruction. I mean it might not explain everything, but it be more believable then all of us changin’ into half horse people and shooting down an interdimentional demon with rainbows,” AJ offered as a reply.
“Yeah, I guess that’s true,” Rainbow Dash said with a tone of acceptance. “But that still doesn’t explain-“
“Girls!” Fluttershy yelled, interrupting Rainbow Dash.
“What is it Flutter-,“Rainbow Dash stated as she looked up.
During the conversation, Pinkie Pie had backed up far down the walk way leading up to the entrance of the school and was now running straight towards the portal opening. Problem with that, however, was that Applejack, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash were directly in her path. By the time the three of them had looked up to notice Fluttershy standing to the side of the statue and saw Pinkie Pie running at them, it was too late for them to do anything as Pinkie Pie slammed into them and they tumbled straight through the portal.
Fluttershy, moving back in front of the portal, examining the strange gate which had just swallowed her friends.
“Girls!? GIRLS!?” Fluttershy started to panic. “I’ve got to get help.”
Fluttershy started spinning around, hoping to find someone.
Suddenly, someone had grabbed her wrist.
“WAAAAAA!” she yelled as Pinkie Pie’s hand, emerging from the portal, pulled Fluttershy in.
Next Time: A Journey to Cathay (Equestria)
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nice keep it up
I like it keep this story up
i wondered when a story like this would come around! keep it up!
I like this.
do your best
This is probably one of the few EQG fics I'll be likely to enjoy.
I'll get to reading come morning.
Just don't fuck it up with poor grammar or execution.
Woah. You went pretty far with that portal activation explanation. I like it. If such things are going to be present thoughout the story, I'm gonna have a hawk eye on it.
Nice!
24.media.tumblr.com/b285f176feb859462bc9374cc0492317/tumblr_mfjor8zchb1rl07gno1_500.gif
This has promise...so I'll be keeping an eye for it. Just try not to rush it; rushing keens to make things worse than better. But, so far, I like it.
By the way, it is supposed to be 'except', not 'expect'. I am currently on break with the whole C&C deal for a little while, but think of this as a freebie. Good luck with this story.
Oh? If only EQG Twilight and Spike were there... But this is the best attempt yet.
this has promise, keep it up
Pinkie just turned the mirror-statue into a Stargate. She broke one fourth-wall to break another. She's brought her A-Game today.
is the edge of destruction by any chance a reference to the third episode of doctor who with william hartnell? because judging from all of the paranoia that will probably ensue later on, just like in the episode, they might be at each others throats later
This is for sure a watch, I would love to see how this comes out. keep it up my friend and look forward to seeing more!
wait we're not draggin the other Twiligh as well? or is that later
Looks promising. I´ll be watching.
Like it so far. But you might want to have someone proofread from grammar/spelling stuff.
This is your first attempt in fan fiction?!
It's so well written!
And the idea itself is amazing!!!
Sounds interesting. i'll be waiting.
Pretty interesting...I'll be curious to see what events unfold.
This might be the BEST STORY I'VE EVER READ!
I want to see what happens next! Liking and watching.
Damn it! I want to read this, but i haven't seen the movie yet!
Since I don't see one yet... Review Time! Keep in mind these reviews only cover four basic subjects and has a little tip on at the end. Now anyways.
This story here is the first Equestria Girls fanic I've ever read, and probably the best I'll wager. Chaotic Note even featured it. But anyways, it's a bit short at the moment with only one chapter and that chapter was mostly the girls talking in front of the statue, however that's what High School girls DO. So kudos for that as well as leaving the end of the chapter on a cliff hanger.
Now then for the grading:
Plot: The "Equestria Girls" meet up with the real ponies. You get yourself a 10.
Setting: This section is usually the easiest and you haven't gone and screwed up in it so 10.
Details: The whole Lunar Connection thing kinda seemed a little bit rushed. And also Rainbow Dash running home, taking a shower, and running back in five minutes is impossible, even for Rainbow dash. 8.
Characters: You wrote them pretty well as the "Equestria Girls" somewhat bicker a bit as normal high school girls would do. And I can't wait to see the mane six. 10
Now there was one thing that bugged me a bit, you missed a few s's, maybe... three I think. But since this is your first fic I can let that slide as your writing is bound to improve!
Very epic. I do wonder, however, how Twilight's counterpart becomes involved. That is, unless Principal Celestia asks her to go after them. She likely, in Twilight's time of absence, learned from Sunset Shimmer that it's an alternate world and did a search for Twilight's counterpart, for a 'just in case' type nature. Though, that's just a guess on my part.
Still though, overall, love what you've done thusfar. And I love the fact that you haven't made Pinkie an idiot like some fic writers do. She's eccentric, not stupid, after all, and you pulled that off well here.^^
Awesome! You have a thumbs up and a favorite from me!
Speaking of Which, what happened to the Twilight in their world?
is she gonna be a transfer student?
...Great, now there are 2 Pinkie Pies in the same place. Somebody go reinforce the fourth wall 500 times over.
3028080 For the 8 rating you gave, guess you misread. Rainbow was being sarcastic about having done that and showered. She even confirmed that she didn't have time to fit in a shower. Just thought I'd mention.^_^
This had better have Sunset Shimmer in it!
Love it! Keep up the good work and, let me tell you, you got a really original idea. Don't waste it.
3028200 nah were gonna need the berlin wall security
Welll... I have to say i liked the idea, the problem is your execution leaves something to be desired of.
... What? you missed out the 'you' from 'you have to accept the fact' and 'we can't see Twilight for another 3 years' not '3 year'. That's not all, there are mistakes similar to that littered throughout the chapter. Not to mention the dialogue... there's an awkward feel to it, it isn't as natural as it could have been. Its not that the characters are OOC in fact I think they're quite alright, but how they talk to each other is welll... odd (their responses could be reworded better).
Also, the story... is a bit rushed. I mean yeah we need to get to Equestria in the first chapter, but there's something called exposition between dialogue that you haven't really used. What are the reactions of the human/ponies to Pinkie's revelation? Do they react when Twilight is mentioned and have looks of longing? I mean you do very little to establish Equestria Girls world via description and rely too heavily on dialogue.
Other than that, the concept is interesting, but as I have said, execution need work.
Good, very good.
I like the plot so far, and your execution is superb, but the grammar needs to be fixed. It's not horrible, but it is distracting.
almost 100 likes...I'm 98 yes!
I like it!
Although, I can't help but think of this as a "Human (or in this case, humans) in Equestria" sort of fic, I mean, the same usual things that come from said characters arriving in Equestria as ponies are bound to happen, after all (such as learning to walk in four legs, freak out, not Pinkie for sure, but that's a given).
The success of this fic depends on how you can add something new to that with the knowledge of the characters you currently have.
Good luck! I'll be watching this.
Before read: I wonder if their EG counterparts are gonna be shocked once they realize that their pony counterparts don't wear clothes.
Edit: Okay, I enjoyed the first chapter. The thing is, though, you need an editor. The amount of mistakes in the first chapter bugged me, so I couldn't really enjoy it completely. Still, this story has a lot of potential. Looking forward to more.
3028202 Eh, sarcasm is hard to get in text sometimes... Besides, I still haven't read what happens in Equestria so it's impossible to get a 10 out of 10 if I don't see the whole base of the plot...
I love the fact that PP is scientist! Better than TL by far!
3027547 More Crossover into Chaos please.
Huh... Sounds interesting.
There were a few spelling errors here and there, a grammatical one every now and then too, I'm sure. I didn't find much to complain about save the length of the chapter; really short.
You could perhaps be a little more descriptive in your writing, aside from that I'll say that I'm looking forward to the next instalment :3
3028080
Plot 10? Not really. Granted it's good, but it's not original. Plenty of crossovers like this have happened, there just haven't been any specific to Equestria Girls yet.
More like 7 (10 is when it's completely original. Take Background Pony as a comparison.)
Setting 10? Really? Really? They're at a school. It's not detailed at all, it's just assumed that you know what it looks like.
What does the statue look like? No description is given. What about the people who didn't watch the movie?
I give it a 7
Details 8?
Your latter point is completely invalid, and the former is opinion. Lunar plot point rushed? Half of Equestria Girls plot was rushed, it's naturally going to happen. There was however, no distraction because of it.
The grammar is bad, but easily fixed.
Until that's fixed, I'd give it a 6.
Based on these, I'd give it a low score, but you have to take more into account.
Is it interesting?
How long did it take to pull you in, if it did at all?
Could you follow what was happening?
Was anyone OOC?
Overall I'd give this a 7, which is good in my book.
I'm excited for what's to come, and I'll definitely be watching.
Like/Favorite.
Let the shenanigans begin!
3028515 Wow, you like to take a story and just say it's bad, don't you? Alright, I'll present counter arguments. I gave the plot a 10, and that's because he used a reliable market of story that is Equestria Girls, granted it's been used, but how many have had a GOOD plot?
The setting isn't mainly in Canterlot High, so he wont go into detail of it, and he doesn't have to describe the statue either seeing as how the portal is what's really important. KEEP IN MIND, the main setting is Equestria, which is where he puts DETAIL.
I felt the Lunar Connection thing was a bit sudden and rushed, and that's all. It can be further explained by somepony like Luna So I really didn't care about it to much.
And as for the ad grammar? LAY OFF HIM! It's his first fic, there's bound to be mistakes!
I gave it low scores in areas because it was incomplete as far, nothing so far of Equestria has been shown so a full score is impossible, AS I NOTED.
In short, I gave him encouragement, because he deserved it. It's his first fic and if you want more from him you have to be nice, not say it's bad all over and give it a 7.5... I know you are waiting for what's to come as well, but encourage him man. Don't just put a little sprinkle of nice at the end...
3028515 As for your other questions, they're all covered in my four simple, and easy to read sections. I speak of what's wrong, only if it's wrong...
3028568
wat.
Hmmm...
Maybe you're right.
But if I'm going to say my opinion, I might as well say it all. I don't like to sugar coat things, that's just how I roll.
Like I said, I thought it was great, but there's a difference between great, and perfect.
10/10 is perfect, and you gave him a 9. Right now, that's not deserved.
My feelings are that this is awesome, but I have to put aside my feelings to judge this properly.
All in all I'm very interested, and it starts off well. Obviously a lot of other people agree, because he already has 130 likes. EDIT: 524 Likes!?
EDIT: 812!? I do not know what to say. Other than that's a lot of likes for a fic at this stage of development.
EDIT: Sometimes I say stupid things, and I want other people to tell me when I do. Honestly, I'd rather have someone correct me.
3028582
They don't have to be grades themselves, just comments on the side.
If you only say what's bad, there won't be much to comment on.
EDIT: I lied. If you only say what's bad, there will be plenty to comment on, you'll just look like an arse.
Interesting story, I did spot a few errors here and there, but still interesting.
Oh my........ there's going to be two Pinkies. Shenanigans will ensue, that's for sure. I don't think Equestria can handle two Pinkies.
that or everyone dying of laughter or exhaustion from all the parties and Pinkie randomness.
Something along the lines of this
Edit: Or a prank war between the two Pinkies................. oh my.............. the possibilities are even more endless now that there are two of them.