• Member Since 25th Feb, 2013
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Titanium Dragon


TD writes and reviews pony fanfiction, and has a serious RariJack addiction. Send help and/or ponies.

E
Source

Rarity takes her friends to a Prench restaurant in Canterlot for breakfast and orders one of her favorite dishes, crêpes sucrées. Applejack is skeptical of the food - crêpes are just a thin layer of cooked sweet dough, nothing more than an excuse to eat whipped cream and sugar without consuming anything of substance. The debate over the nature of crêpes as food leads the pair to a bet, Applejack allowing the unicorn to give her a makeover and show her off, the unicorn going a day without her precious makeup and fake eyelashes.

But do the pair have ulterior motives for wanting to see each other in a new way?

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 71 )

usually I do this review thing where I point out the things that I did and didn't enjoy about the first chapter of any story I read. This one however...

my review may just amount to the things that I did enjoy:
Applejack and Rarity's argument was amazing. They both made great points that I can agree with, and the argument as a whole left me looking forward to the next chapter.
The setting was well thought up and accented the setup of the story perfectly.
dialogue and narration flowed smoothly and felt completely natural.

there are probably more things that could be pointed out, but it doesn't really seem necessary.

in recap: you may have just earned yourself a loyal follower :twilightblush:
ps: i will edit this comment later if i find things that I think could be changed with benefit to the story :twilightsmile:
edit:
Now that I have thought about it I did find one thing worth offering critique on. The first and second chapters suffered a bit from shipping goggles syndrome.
Simply put sgs occurs when you fit the characters from the show inside your own personal representation of them and thereby remove some of their traits. I don't mean to say that I didn't enjoy the characters you created, because I did. Its just that the conflict resolution is a little to perfect, leaves something to be desired(if that makes any sense at all).

It would have been nice to see a little more friction and a little less "disney romance". Maybe add some more distress to make the payoff of the relationship seem more real(keep in mind that this is just a suggestion for future stories and not a command)

If I find the time for it, I will also leave my thoughts on the three last chapters sometime soon:rainbowderp:

3008869
I'm glad you liked it so far, and I do hope to hear what your thoughts are on the last three chapters!

It is true that the story starts out with some emotions showing, particularly in chapter 2, where it becomes very obvious that this is going to be a shipfic.

The actual central conflict of the story doesn't truly raise its head until chapter 3 - chapters 1 and 2 are the setup for that conflict, which is resolved across chapters 4 and 5.

That being said, the story definitely IS a bit fluffy, so there isn't going to be any super deep angst going on here. The question is mostly whether or not a relationship will actually occur; there is no real greater threat than possible romantic disappointment.

Regarding "stripping aspects of the characters", I would love to hear what you mean by that. Is there anything in specific you can point to that feels "off" about them? Dialogue or behavior? I would love to know!

Feedback is a wonderful thing! The entire point of having a comments section is so you can hear what people have to say and improve your story-telling capabilities and discuss aspects of the stories on the site.

Lighthearted stories aren't my usual fare, but this story is decently written.

My main criticism is the portrayal of Applejack and Rarity. It feels as if they serve the purpose of the story. Everything is too nice and neat and they don't come across as natural and IC to me.

Technically, though, nothing glaring stands out. All in all, an enjoyable read.

3010497
>Regarding "stripping aspects of the characters", I would love to hear what you mean by that. Is there anything in specific you can point to that feels "off" about them? Dialogue or behavior? I would love to know!
its hard to pinpoint, but I'll do my best to relay my thoughts. Normally when you put rarity and aj in a room together they will bicker about little stupid things. their issues are to me unresolvable, and to have them agree upon them as quickly as they do here seems a little off to me. If I had written a rarijack ship fic(and god willing someday I might), I would have probably had rarity and applejack had their disagreements without having them come to a common agreement. An opinion is after all an integrated part of a persons personality(have you ever tried arguing religion or politics?:twilightsheepish:)

as for my thoughts on the final chapters, it is true that the there is some undertainty about wether or not there would be a relationship but I still felt like it could have used just a tad more drama:rainbowderp:

buts that's just me, right:derpyderp2: I'm sure there are people out there who enjoy all that mushy stuff:twilightsmile:

3012231
Thanks for the feedback, I am glad you enjoyed reading it!

Was there any particular place that you remembered it sticking out as feeling like they were acting OOC or where their dialogue felt particularly unnatural?

>>Andygrey
>.Normally when you put Rarity and AJ in a room together they will bicker about little stupid things. their issues are to me unresolvable, and to have them agree upon them as quickly as they do here seems a little off to me.

Have... you seen these two characters interact at all since "Look before you sleep?" As well.. their relationship really hasn't been like that at all in ages. Look at how they interact in episodes like "Sister-hooves social", or the "Crystal empire", among others. While they -initially- hated each other in the early parts of season 1 that's... very much changed over time. I mean we occasionally see them make a little snip at each other at best, but nothing along the lines of that. And it's almost always a good spirited jab rather then something bitter.

I think you have this image of the characters in your heads that really doesn't match up with what they are anymore.

3014727

It's difficult to pinpoint a particular spot, but I will use the argument in the first chapter about crepes.

It felt as if you thought to yourself, "I need to find a way to have AJ and Rarity bet to forgo something they value. Let's have this argument about crepes as a metaphor!" I doubt that is how it actually went, but that's how it came across to me. I found it difficult to believe that they would get into such a "philosophical" argument.

I also thought it strange how passive the rest of the girls were during that scene.

3014970
I could see how it could come off that way, I suppose. Ironically, it is rather the reverse - that scene was actually why the entire thing existed - we were messing around in the RariJack group and someone asked if people preferred pancakes or waffles, and of course one person (who shall remain nameless) decided to BE A REBEL and say crêpes. And I realized that of course Rarity would think that crêpes were awesome, while Applejack would see them as a fancy excuse for eating whipped cream...

The rest of the fic is really just an excuse to write that scene and use it for something. Because clearly that's what good storytelling is right? *coughs*

I dunno though. Obviously Twilight is a major suspect for any sort of philosophizing (along with oddly Pinkie Pie, though her ability to actually carry on a long philisophical conversation is rather limited due to the simplicity of her world view), but I could certainly see Applejack engaging in some philosophizin', though she probably wouldn't use a fancy word like that.

Rarity strikes me as the kind of pony who reads the New Yorker, or at least who pretends to read the New Yorker, and a lot of upper class twits love to talk about philosophy, though it is generally expected that it be over nothing which would cause offense. Obviously she isn't an upper class twit, but she likes to wear that persona sometimes, and arguing over food is a safe empty conversation, until of course it isn't anymore.

Can't wait for the next chapter.

Hey man, this is awesome!

I love your take on Rarity's character, and AJ's sort of analysis of it! Fantastic! Loved how you transitioned from talking about crepes into talking about Rarity's character--it was totally smooth, as well as the fact that as I reader I could already totally tell AJ was talking about Rarity before she said so outright.

The French in there was a lot of fun, too. I don't exactly speak fluently, but like a good Canadian I took it through school! The only mistake I actually noticed was when Rarity was ordering a coffee from Pinkie, you have, Je crois que mon ami rose voulez un café au lait... but I think it'd be veut instead of voulez, because Rarity's talking about what Pinkie wants in the third person, so it'd be the conjugation for elle instead of the formal "you," yeah? Dunno. (It has been a number of years since I took a French class!)

Anyway, the first chapter is great, gonna go on and read more! I'm liking it a lot, and really well written, too!

3022638
I'm glad you're enjoying it so far!

As for the correction, you are quite correct. It has been a few years since I used French myself (I studied it from first grade through the end of high school, but ended up almost never using it since then :facehoof: ) but it was kind of nice to use it again. And it was even relevant!

Rarity would never make a mistake like that; she is far too perfect to ever mess up her verb conjugations. :duck:

Well, I normally don't comment on stories because I really have nothing to say about them in general, but I must say this story was unbelievably sweet.

I can almost say that I have read every single Rarijack fan fic that is on this site and have written a few Rarijack stories myself. But a lot of them do seem a bit out of the blue like romance (I'm guilty of this myself). But this one! This story I have to say is THE MOST believable Rarijack I have ever read.

I absolutely LOVE the dialogue between the two because I found it believable compared to the way they act each other in the show. I know somebody commented earlier that Rarity and Applejack had become more comfortable around each other and progressed to a point in their friendship that they can be in the same vicinity, still poke fun at each other but not violently back lash at each other in like in Look Before you Sleep and your story portrays this very well.

I especially love the part where Applejack mentions that Rarity shouldn't feel something dramatic when they are together because they were friends to begin with because it fits into my idea that Romances are best when they start off as friendships. And Applejack explains my reason why.

In short I loved this story. It's hidden gems like this that make browsing through stories worth it. Keep up the good work!:ajsmug:

3058184
I'm glad you enjoyed it! It is always nice to hear that folks enjoyed reading my work. It is a pretty high compliment to hear that you felt it was believable and felt natural, as that is a major goal I have when writing. Glad your random story search was not in vain. :raritywink:

This is good stuff. The crepes provided a very nice frame for the story, and I love how Applejack used them to describe her view on Rarity at the end... But I imagine that probably goes without saying when the title of the story is 'Crepes'. :P

Oh... there's like a bajillion kind things I want to say about this story, but it's 3:45 am and I'm super tired... So pretend I said a lot of nice things in this comment, and accept my vague praise! :moustache:

...

Somehow this made me hungry for pancakes though. :applejackconfused:

3081685
I'm glad that you enjoyed it, and that it was good enough to keep you up until 3:45 am reading it. That is always the best kind of faint praise, the knowledge that you have ruined someone's day tomorrow by making them stay up all night reading. :trollestia:

It is always nice to hear that someone enjoyed my story, though.

The one downside?

Your comment made -me- hungry for pancakes now too. :twilightsheepish:

Hey, just wanted to write how much I enjoyed a more light-hearted RariJack story that didn't just devolve into clop, and is drawn out over several chapters. I read it a few days ago, but felt compelled to re-look it up to say "thanks for the story".

Thanks for the story!

3178002
I'm glad to hear you enjoyed it! I'm always happy when people are happy with what I write. :twilightblush:

"You were lookin' forward to two hot mares struttin' their stuff for ya, huh, Rainbow?"

RAINBOW DASH GAY JOKES!!!

ahahahahhahaha

YES!

"Oh, he had it coming," Rarity said, a vicious smile on her lips. "After all he put me through, he had it coming."

he had it coming, he had it coming, he only had himself to blame. Cell Block Tango? I think so!

Overall, great chapter. I like the canon episode references, too. its a very nice touch. sometimes the fandom tends to ignore the small things that happen during episodes.

You know what I would really like to see, a Rarijack story where Rarity starts the actual relationship. All the stories I've read have Applejack initiating it.

3499270
I'm glad you enjoyed it. :duck:

3499051
I have seen a few of them, but it does seem like Applejack has a tendency to be the chaser, rather than the caught.

3499287
Do you have any as recommendations? My Rarijack read later list is running low...

3499315
Sadly none wherein Rarity is the chaser. Honestly, I don't have many favorite RariJack stories, despite my love for the ship. :raritycry:

In terms of stories featuring Rarity and Applejack in... I dunno if I'd call most of these shipping stories per se, though they are NOT, I suppose, NOT shipping stories...

Diamond in the Rough is a fun little short story where Applejack tells Rarity a little bit more than she intended to.

Barrelled-Up is a fun little short story about Rarity roping Applejack in going to the spa with her.

Rarity's Mare of the Evening is an... odd story, but I enjoyed it, and is actually a RariJack story in the end. However, the more or less rewrite of it is actually a better story.

Learning curves is a fun little short story.

Home Grown is an "Applejack comes to terms with being gay" story.

That's really it in terms of RariJack stories I have faved. I know, what kind of shipper am I?

3499398
I've read only one of those, which is surprising considering I have read everything (almost not an exaggeration) in all three groups I'm part of that post Rarijack. The story just has to have Rarity and AJ and I'm happy, which is reminiscent of the story that made me ship Rarijack: Que Sera, Sera It references Rarijack in two paragraphs, but I was to busy crying to not get attached to the ship.

Honestly I would write a Rarity chaser if I actually followed through with my writting. One of the stories I wrote jotted down is a Rarijack skypirate adventure... that has half a paragraph written...

3499480
Well, I don't know if you've looked over at my assorted short stories, but there are three little RariJack vignettes in there, too. All quite short, but people seemed to like them. Most of those (and indeed, the first chapter of Shotgun Wedding) were written for the RariJack prompt forum game, which is something we do over in the RariJack group. Basically, we just write a short story based on a single word (mine usually run longer than they're "supposed" to; in theory they're supposed to be up to 500 words, but I think my shortest one is 750 or so :trixieshiftright: Not that anyone cares, it is more like a guideline) and it is a really good way to encourage yourself to write stuff, I think. If you just keep in mind you're going for something short, it is much easier to get through it and actually have something, and I feel like it is nice to sometimes just write a story.

Shotgun Wedding (which I noticed you read and favorited) and similar works are MUCH harder to write; getting through Crepes took a while and a fair bit of extra writing, and Shotgun Wedding is going to end up quite long (I'm actually up to chapter 7 in terms of first drafts, so there's probably going to be a bunch more of that story all at once once it gets hacked out - my guess is that it is going to be in the realm of 30-35k words). Tackling stuff like that is a LOT harder than writing a short story, and it involves a lot more planning and rewriting and editing work and suchlike. A lot of people end up "getting stuck" and giving up, and I think that if you do that a lot, it is better to just tackle shorter projects rather than feel bad about never getting anything done.

3499537
I know I'm supposed to start by writing short stories, and I've tried too, it's just that once I get rolling I find it hard to stop. I tried a short horror fic, but it ran about 2,000 words longer than I intended. As I write I add tiny tweaks here and there and next thing I know my oneshot has 5 chapters...

I thought from the beginning of this story that it may be in fact a gem, and it is a good thing that I read it. It has been such a long time since I've read a RariJack ship and I love what I read. :twilightsmile:

I never really leave comments much due to I cannot articulate my joy or fondness in both what I read and what I feel about what I just read. Can I say adorable? Because this is what this story is and I thank you for writing something this awesome.

3680763
I'm glad you found it to your liking! I'm always happy to hear that someone enjoyed one of my stories. Honestly, I've always hoped that there would be more RariJack out there, but most of my favorite RariJack stories aren't really very romance-centric, as you might be able to tell from my recommended stories list (if you haven't read Barrelled-Up or Diamond in the Rough, you should; they're my favorite RariJack stories on the site).

I do love writing about these two, and I've had fun doing it. I'm not sure if you noticed my other RariJack short story, Temptation, but I think you might enjoy it as well if you haven't seen it.

I also wrote Shotgun Wedding, which is still in progress, and also features RariJack, though it is more of a comedy than romance. You still might find it to your liking.

I hope you have a good holiday. I know I'm planning to.

And by that I mean "Spend all day trying to write something". Because nothing says "I appreciate the hundreds of dollars of gifts you all have given me" like spending all day doing something you can do for free. :moustache:

A very nice story and a good read. The premise is nice but by far the shining characteristic of the fic is how the characters maintain their show personalities throughout, especially when fighting about the crêpes. Although perhaps losing a little steam with Applejack a bit later, overall, the author kept the characters very true to the show and it was pretty fun to read.
I rank this story the full four mustaches :moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache: out of four.

4089169
I'm glad you had fun with the story. Always nice to hear that people liked it and felt like I did a good job with it.

4092524 You truly did. Excellent piece of work.

3499051
It would be generous to call it a 'Relationship', but try the story 'Swayback Mountain' bud.

"Why don't you want to be my sister's very special somepony? What's wrong with her?"

I don't know why, but, for me, that's either really touching or really creepy; I don't know which.

But why didn't you say anything?

A lady never just says what she wants. You're supposed to read her mind!

4466774
Indeed! Hasn't she learned anything? :pinkiegasp:

4466657
You'd think they'd have learned their lesson from Hearts and Hooves Day. Then again, they never learn their lesson.
fc02.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/040/d/c/dear_teacher_cheerilee__today__learned____by_csimadmax-d4p73yo.png

4467086 Ahhhh! They're looking right at me!

Appropriate as I do enjoy a good CheeriMac story.

4894824
Man, that was some truly killer turnaround time for the 20k+ category. Well done. :twilightsmile:

Either that or you've read it before. :heart:

Thank you either way! I'm glad you thought it was good.

4894852

Man, that was some truly killer turnaround time for the 20k+ category. Well done. :twilightsmile:

Actually, I've read this a while ago, but forgot to toss it into TL... I've fixed the mistake the moment I've seen it in the incoming folder c:

~Twi

Stand back!! Shit's going down.

The farmpony shrugged. "How about you just come meet me at the barn at eight. The big one we just rebuilt at the reunion."
Rarity nodded her head hesitantly. "I think I know which one you mean. Alright.

Theres only one barn Rarity. You can't miss it.

Another awesome chapter I really liked the characterisation of Lyra and all the nods to canon moments were good too.

Can this be? A fic with romance that doesnt instantly have the two head over hoof in love straight away.

I really like how this fic is looking at the relationship that could happen it's usually blanked or touched on slightly.

Well that was highly enjoyable. The characterisation is quite like the show, which was good. My favourite thing was the flirting and banter between Applejack and Rarity. It was either sweet and enjoyable or funny as hell. Overall an enjoyable and easily earn its 4.5 out of 5.

4981745
I'm glad you enjoyed the story! It is always nice to see the reactions of folks as they're going through the story and hearing what they think about it.

This was the first story I wrote for the site, and I think the part about it which I am most proud of is some of the dialogue in it. One of the things that pulls me towards this ship is the chemistry between the characters - there are a lot of fun things you can do in terms of interaction between them, and the various ways they can slide their words around each other is fun to listen to, to read, and to write.

If you enjoyed this story, you might enjoy a few of my other shipfics.

Shotgun Wedding (which is as yet unfinished) is a romantic comedy story starring Rarity and Applejack, with the two of them getting thrown an impromptu shotgun wedding by the Apple family after Rarity has a "sleep over" with her marefriend when everyone else is out of town.

The Stolen Date is a FlutterDash story which focuses on Rainbow Dash "stealing" a blind date by showing up in the place of Fluttershy's intended date in order to keep Fluttershy from going out with "some creep". Too bad Fluttershy is quite happy with Rainbow Dash being her date... It is rather more serious than this story is, though.

And I have a few short stories that might interest you as well, which run the gamut from funny to serious.

In terms of things by other folks, Spring Is Dumb is an excellent RariDash story, which primarily focuses on Rainbow Dash's thoughts. It is very, very funny, and has a lot of fun with Rainbow Dash's character.

If you're looking for something more serious, Twisting Between the Sheets is a rather heartbreaking story about Rarity having a crush on Applejack.

And there's also A Terrible Reason to Be Unhappy, which is a pretty tragic story about Rarity and Applejack breaking up, but still being in love and struggling with it.

4985297

Thanks i'll check some of those stories out. And the fact that this is one of your first stories is incredible. And I agree that's the same reason i'm drawn to Rarijack. Don't get me wrong I like AppleDash and other ships too but this one is an interesting concoction of emotions and personality traits that when pulled off, like here, they work better then others.

I actually have the headcanon that Rarity speaks fluent French...Quebecois French, that is. Her father grew up in Caneighda before moving down to Maneisota and then to Ponyville. She and Sweetie Belle picked up the language from him.

Nue

Extremely well done! I really like fics that give mention to scenes and bits of the series. Definitely a fav'd.

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