• Member Since 13th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Last Tuesday

KitsuneRisu


Somedays, I sit, looking at the stars. I muse and wonder. I meditate and reflect. And I find the miracle in a new day of life. Especially since I swallowed so much glass the day before.

E

At the cusp of a mistake, and at the edge of temper, Applejack and Rarity find themselves stranded in a place between home and Dodge. But perhaps fate had kept them apart for a reason; for when the truth finally emerges, it's soon clear which pony loves who... and which pony doesn't.

But when they finally understand the intricate webs upon which they stand, it will take something a little bit more than love in order to save them from the fallout.

Edited by the traitorous AppleDasher, TheShadow, and HerpyDerpy.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 126 )

I'll give this a read sometime
Even if it kills me:pinkiehappy:

I dont know if i should i read this.:applejackunsure: on your front page you said this was a hate fic right?:fluttershysad:

1904144
I was kidding. It's 'hate' because it's it's a romance born out of friction rather than lovey dovey stuff. It has... a satisfying ending, though. Bit different than my normal things, but... yeah! It's fun. I hope.

1904141
Yes. DIE! DIE!!! MUAHAHA!

Edited by the traitorous AppleDasher, TheShadow...?
I'm not sure whether to feel proud for editing something besides AppleDash or insulted...:applejackunsure:
But hey, it was a different reading experience for me, so yeah, good job on this Kit you silly pony :twilightsmile:

Oh... my... god.... This instantly takes a slot in my "The Faves of The Faves" box, no questions asked. I just, my feels, you... you broke them. At first, to be completely honest with you, I thought this was a remake of "Swayback Mountain"; which was alright, but this. This was something else. This was just... perfect. So much detail, it wasn't rushed in the slightest bit; you paced everything absolutely perfectly and the characters were portrayed so on-point, I could literally imagine every moment of this in my head with no struggle whatsoever. Other stories; it's not easy for me, but this... You see, you had detail, but not so much that it was overwhelming and boring. I often find stories with either too much or too little. Such a shame. It's close to impossible in finding something perfect like this. And the dialogue was just completely in character, sometimes, you can often find a point or two in a story where things go a bit OOC. There wasn't any of that in this. Fabulous. Just... yes. Thank my notifications for letting me know that this amazing fanfiction was added to the Rarijack folder, or I might have wasted my half hour listening to The Script and trying to write LyraBon. I just... despite, this long review, I must say, there are literally no words. I am breathless at how this story turned out. I also thank you, dear author, for writing it. This is like a late Christmas present for me. It made my week.

1904158
Oh i see thats cool,:twilightsmile: well i finished reading it and wow just wow i liked it. it was totally something different from what i have read before on this ship.:pinkiehappy:

1904209
Insulted. Definitely insulted.

1904220
Hi, my princess. =3 Honestly, I think your review is better than the fic. :twilightsheepish: Well, I'd never read swayback mountain before... but I'm glad I didn't accidentally write a total clone :derpyderp1: And I'm really exalted that I managed to at least make one person happy with this. =) Honestly, I'd been working on this so long I had no idea if I had something good or incredibly stupid... let's just say that I'm happy it's worked out in the end. Just like Rarity and AJ. *insert cheesy love music*

1904224
That's what I always try to do! I like being different. =)

1904321 Oh, pssh, you're being silly. My review was not better than this fic. You're talented, ok? TIME TO CHECK OUT THE REST OF YOUR STORIES!

I love the painting metaphor here, you used it to excellent effect.

1904339
I think you already read One Day, didn't you? I saw you comment there if I recall!

1904354
Cheers mate =D

I'm running out of metaphors... =(

1904356 You wrote that? Huh. Must've slipped my mind.

1904365
Yeah I did! =) It's ok, though. I tend to slip into the background a lot. hahaha!

1904372 You are now the owner of fics 93-98 that I have on my Read Later list. :twilightblush:

1904377
sheesh, lol
Thanks! I'm not sure the others will appeal because I write... very wildly different things, but you'll be able to see my style in each of them, I think. Also by now I think you know I like to sort of turn things around throughout the stories... good luck, and thanks ever so much for the support. =)

1904389 You're very welcome. :pinkiehappy: A talented writer like yourself deserves such praise.

Wow... :rainbowderp: this was really well done fanfic! And I really liked the issues that Applejack touched that felt untouched in the show. Kind of made the characters grow even more. The middle part of the story and especially the last part of the story really played with my emotions :fluttercry: and I was really conflicted about Rarity.

Well written story! And the fact that this is a RariJack ship fic makes me even more happier :pinkiehappy:
Well done!

Welp, that was an enjoyable read. In the first two chapters, it was fun piecing together just exactly what the two characters were feeling, and what their motivations were. By the time you're entering the third chapter, it's like watching two trains inevitably crash into each other, and all you can do is stand in awe and witness the explosive aftermath.

Will they work out together? Maybe... maybe not, but what matters is that Applejack took that necessary plunge.

Good story, will read again.

Simply lovely. :pinkiehappy:

This story was amazing. The characterization really blew me away. Most writers just pick one personality for Rarity and go with it, but you balanced both sides of her in a beautiful way that captured the hypocrasy of her character. I found myself getting frusterated along with Applejack at how fake she was being. I'm seriously worried that you have permanently altered my thoughts on Rarity to the point that I will always question her character in other fic I read. That sounds bad, but I think its a good thing in a way that I can't place.

As for Applejack, you highlight ed the complexity of her character just as well. What impressed me the most was the ending. You actually took the tough road of leaving Rarity's character flaws unresolved, which makes me happy in a sad sort of way. Having her change completely would have felt fake after the amazing character buildup leading to the ending.

Sorry for rambling, just know that this is beautiful.

Nice job, a well written story even if I thought the drama was a little over the top there at the end.

I think it needs a sad tag, and I also think you should write a lot more shipping stories.

Keep it up. :twilightsmile:

This is a beautiful piece of writing artwork; a pantheon of emotional gamut wrapped in a believable premise and executed appropriately. This is precisely why I read KitsuneRisu and follow him; there are those who try, like myself, and those who accomplish - this is an infectious tease into a creative nuance I have yet to perceive. The technical opulence intermingled with the heartwarming evolution marries together in a very impassioned, believable way.

Bravo, and encore. Well done.

This is the story you were telling me you couldn't get the tone to come out right for? :ajbemused: Man, you could tune a flippin' orchestra to the tone you set here! This was beautiful. Just... beautiful. Your take on Rarity was fresh and interesting, and the way AJ handled it, and the stellar-as-all-of-your-stories descriptions, and the intensity of emotions, and... just... yeah. This was good pony words, friend. Good pony words.

1908071
Mainly because after the 2nd rewrite I lost ALL MY OBJECTIVITY. Up until now I still can't see anything in it. It's like... looking at it through a dull cloud of poopy gas. It's the problem that in my head, along with this finished product, I have the essence of the past 4 rewrites still in there, so everything is sort of jumbled up into a mess. But I guess it worked out in the end! I'm glad I made the changes, and I was worried because I can't tell a shit if it's good or not on my side. After a month it'll probably clear!

1904456
Thanks =D If I can make people feel something from the tale, that's all I need. To feel and think. :raritywink: <- She'll get better! :ajbemused: <- She'll one day be happy.

1905123
Already told you this but thanks for the comments. The original title of this was 'Masks' but I think this fits better for the analogy eh?

1906964
Hey thanks for the insights! This was exactly what I set out to do. I was never a fan of the 'single layer' of characters... and in my romance fics I try to always have more than just the one motivation for anything. If I changed your perspective of Rarity... Muahahaha! =D Well, it's ok. That's how I see her in my own headcanon too. It's the only way I can see AJ tolerating her in the show's canon. And from the very start the idea was to leave things unresolved but hopeful. This fic is more like... the road leading UP to the romance rather than the actual romance itself. It's really just the beginning!

1907456
Which parts did you feel were overblown, exactly? I'd love to know so I can improve. =)
But I can't put a sad tag on this because it's not like... the fic isn't meant to set out to make people sad. The sadness comes from the hope and second chances and I think that's the opposite of sad! =) Even though it plays with the same feelings... :twilightsheepish:

1907699
*opens dictionary* uh huh :twilightoops:

1908123

You carried the rejection a little to far for it to be believable that Applejack would change her mind after opening the gift, no matter what it is.

This pushed a whole lot of my emotional buttons, including some I'm prepared to deny having in the first place.

1914939
I'm not sure... which emotions those could be... :twilightoops:

1914948
Let's just say I am entirely too familiar with the idea of a single act precipitating something that could reasonably be dubbed The Worst Possible Thing.

1914978
I... Um.. is that a good thing or a bad... thing... :derpyderp1: :derpyderp2:
What like... uh you were.. scared? :rainbowhuh:

1915012
You're talking to a man who's laughed in the face of death, sneered at doom, and chuckled at catastrophe.

I was petrified.

(I now owe several bits to the Wizard of Oz for stealing his routine.)

1915037
Are you sure you weren't reading a different fic? haha
But anyway, that's an interesting reaction. I definitely didn't intend to make people scared... But.. if it works for you. At least there's a hopeful ending huh? :ajsmug:

1915048
There is that. And as long as I'm swiping stuff from old MGM musicals, you may as well know this: one of our class activities when I was in high school, back in the Cretaceous period, was dropping in at a downtown theater which did first-runs at night and classics during the day.

The following is quoted from my personal nonpony site:

The trick about the town of Brigadoon, you may remember, is that it’s not always there: the enchantment that preserves it does so by bringing it to life only once every hundred years, thereby making sure it’s not influenced by contemporary evils. Which means that when Tommy Albright (Gene Kelly) falls hard for one of the town girls, he’s faced with the sort of choice you wouldn’t give Hobson: either he stays with her, thereby giving up his life in this world, or he returns to New York and never gets another shot. I remember yelling at the screen: “You fool! Go back to her!” (I saw the greatest minds of my generation garner detentions for just such breaches of conduct.)

Pretty much any romance story I've read since that day, and certainly any such story I've written, has been in some way influenced by that scene.

And "once every hundred years"? Make that once every thousand years and you've got yourself a Crystal Empire.

1915118
The hinge on the question... is a dire one. I'd actually admit that in pre-planning I never intended it to go this far, in fact. It wouldn't have ended on a complete failure, nor a pass, but somewhere inbetween; as if Tommy stands forever right on the border, sticking his head in and waiting for a sign. (I am very slightly familiar with Brigadoon. It was a classic, as I recall. Watched it when I was VERY young.)

Just like in the analogy. it'd probably not have worked. I cleaned it up in the future drafts, and made her turn around. I trust the scene was gripping enough that you rooted in favour of characters regardless of motivation, and I hope that the final choice was the right decision for me to have made.

:twistnerd:

1915176
I wouldn't have had it any other way. :yay:

I'll leave my kind sentiments too. I thought it was really good. The best rarijack I've ever read. I mean, you can convert some appledash shippers with this fic.

I believe everyone has expressed my thoughts in their comments, so I'll just post this:
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m48ix4Jno41rwn89bo1_r1_400.gif

Holy shit. The final breaking point of AJ, I'll just say: "Feels ahoy!". This is an amazing fic, I congratulate you for this fine work of art. Time to read the rest of your stuff. :twilightsmile:

I'm still not quite sure what to think of this story, it was really good but something about it rubs me the wrong way and I'm not completely sure what that is. I know its not your descriptions, those are good enough to make me want to stop writing since I view mine as sucking. I'm guessing its how you handled Rarity, thinking back on it, allot of her actions seem like she only did them to drive the story, not because they made sense or really seemed like something she would do.

EXCELLENT. Superbly written; you captured the voices of the two characters very well.

I also enjoyed that you struck on my exact feelings for how Rarity has been acting, and how I feel she should be acting. Applejack's feelings and views on Rarity's selfishness and shallowness mirror my own almost perfectly.

And the ending? As much as I may dislike Rarity, knowing that she does truly have that spark of true goodness and generosity deep down only needing that breath of truth to rekindle it... that does redeem her.

I say again; superb. :twilightsmile:

1969752
Hm... well, I'm sorry you didn't enjoy it! Either way, thanks for giving it a shot too. If you ever figure out exactly what it was that you don't like, don't hesitate to tell me =) I'm afraid most of how I wrote Rarity in this fic was part of a modified character based on my headcanon, so her actions weren't that of what she would do in the show. Not exactly, anyway. But well, thanks for the honest feedback nevertheless!

1973987
I sincerely appreciate it. I sincerely need to pull a page out of your book, though! You have the best writing for 'pure' scenarios. :twistnerd: Never before had I read a Slice of Life fic that did that genre justice before I read yours. :twistnerd:

I have to learn how to integrate parts of that into what I write... hopefully that'll enrich my vapid scenes!

1974879

You miss understand, I did enjoy it but something about it still kinda rubbed me the wrong way so that I can't add it to my favorites to read at a later date. I think I'm getting a better understanding of what bugged me about it now too. I like the setup for the story, where its :duck: and :ajsmug: stranded in this odd deserted town near the tracks and have to come to terms with their feeling etc etc. I think the problem I had was just that everything comes across as :raritydespair: fault. I don't agree with what :ajsleepy: yelled at :raritycry: about but I can see it from a headcannon thing or whatever but the way they got stranded left something to be desired for me. I can see :raritywink: wanting to look her best for somepony shes hot for but her going out into the wasteland to fix her hair when that would result in other parts of her getting dirty doesn't work I think and it kinda sets the tone for the whole story as "its all Rarity's fault." I think simply having a different reason for them getting stuck or even it having been a plan by Rarity for them to get more alone time would have helped.
Actually I think having Rarity have planned this out a bit for them to get stuck might work best, there are a few hints in the story that make it seem like its going that way and if you did it that way then it would seem like like Rarity was just a damsel in distress and more like a character who knew what she wanted and was prepared to go to lengths to get it, combined with the ending where Rarity gives AJ the gift, would make it seem a bit more whole to me. As it stands now Rarity reminds me of a child character in a videogame, really just there to mess up and need to be rescued over and over. I think thats what rubbed me wrong about it.... I hope that made sense.

1975240
Hi! I absolutely get it! Thanks very much for getting back to me, in fact.
I see your point, and honestly, I hadn't considered the idea of her actually intentionally stranding themselves just to get alone time before.
Your time in explaining to me is very much appreciated. Thank you! =)

That was incredible. My metaphorical hat is off to you good sir and I am bowing low great job excellent. :heart:

Brilliantly characterized, and I can picture every scene and hear all the dialogue in my mind's eye without a hitch. I do agree that as written it leans toward "WTF was Rarity thinking?" but that's not necessarily a bad thing. The "gift opening" scene seemed a tad rushed considering the amount and intensity of angst that came immediately before it, and I'm not sure the Mane6 epilogue was necessary, or at least not as much of it. AJ's reflections on Rarity's character at the end redeemed that a good bit.

In the end it gets a big thumbs up and a gold star from me. As a writer of a little RariJack myself, I'll say - excellently done!

I liked your story. I think your scene creation at the end was spectacular. You had me giving up hope for both AJ and Rarity, but gradually if you see what I mean. I think that may have been aided by knowing roughly how long the chapter was supposed to be, but even so, I felt like something had to give right up until the moment where AJ confirms she has no feelings for Rarity. For you to have concluded those feelings at exactly the right moment was exemplary story telling. Then once I feel thoroughly upset by them not getting together, boom, open the gift.

You got me onside with the character's too! I was rooting for them, even though RariJack isn't a pairing I usually go for. I think you deserve recognition for that. The setup was a little confusing, but I liked where it went, so I'll forgive that. The pacing seemed very good and the weight of description/exposition/action was pretty spot on.

I only have one big concern overall - and I urge you not to dwell on it too much. That concern is language use and grammar. There were quite a few misused words (that is to say, right-click thesaurus moments), some incomplete participles and a few significant grammatical errors which forced me to reread sentences to properly understand their meaning from context. The reason I say not to dwell is that these pale in to insignificance when you have such a good story and such a fabulous creative mind. They're nothing a proof-reader couldn't fix.

But overall, for sheer enjoyment, I would give this story an 8/10 and I'll rate it up.

2403504
Hey man, I appreciate the feedback!

First of all, I'm happy you enjoyed the story, and thanks for the time spent to give such a detailed review.

Surely I won't dwell on the language use. Although in my defense, I actually tend to switch words often as part of my writing style, and it's something a lot of my longer-time readers already sort of got used to me about! Haha, Well. Usually when I say something I don't necessarily use the words that precisely send the meaning, but I use words that carry similar tones. Consider them as sort of... mini metaphors, if you will.

But of course, if there are genuine mistakes, then I put my hand up to them. Most of the 'weird use of words' though, are usually intentional and are there for poetic license, which may or may not work given the circumstance, but I'm rather a purpley writer of sorts. Perhaps if you gave me an example or two of some lines in which it stuck out a bit more for you and I'll take a look?

No! I'm not dwelling! I'm just saying because this fic had 3 proof-readers, and those 'errors' may have been intentional all along! Similarly to the grammatical and participle errors. I am well aware of certain rules, but I sometimes choose to ignore them, again, in favour of flow and poetry. I make use of things like asyndeton a lot, and they tend to look like run-on mistakes or comma splices.

However, what I don't like is if something is unclear to the point where you have to re-read things. So, I'd be concerned about those! Well, again, if you have any off the top of your head that you recall, I'd love to know them so that I might not make the same mistakes in the future of overly complicating the delivery.

Once again, thank you very much for the feedback, and please enjoy everything else I have to offer.

2403571 Oh no, now that you've said that I feel like I was questioning your style which is the last thing I'd want to do! Now that you say you were intentionally omitting conjunctions etc. I can actually see it. And since you're saying your using words for aesthetic reasons rather than particular meanings (at times), the right-click thesaurus comment seems to have been debunked too.

So as you've addressed my two big concerns, I have no real criticism. The rereading was to do with these two things because my mind was trained to read in depth more than it was to glean a definition/concept from the context of a paragraph as a whole. So when something looks odd to me, I naturally check that I read it correctly then I'll switch to the other style of reading to get what I need to from the paragraph.

So now that I consider it, perhaps it was my mistake! In any case, I'll try to have another read and see if there was anything that I was particularly confused by but also from the perspective of understanding what you were trying to do too!

2403921
Well, I'm feeling bad too, now, haha.

Please don't trouble yourself on my account. I only made so much mention out of it because this is one of the things most people complain about the most in my writing, and for 75% of the case they were deliberate word-swaps or what have you. Not to say I DON'T have any mistakes, of course.

The curious thing is that you seem to be doing in opposite what I set out to achieve by doing it. The evocation of the mood and tone through how things are written is something I believe strongly in, and with the specific words I use sometimes, the idea was for the casual reader to read one first and -then- notice something off, to which a bit of in depth thinking would reveal the double meaning, or a comparison between what I should have said and what I did say.

However, you've gone and went in depth FIRST, so perhaps that's muddling the intention. =)

But again, I'm really sorry to trouble you with all this. Certainly, I didn't mean to suggest that you were doing anything other than giving your frank and honest feedback, because then what is feedback for? I'm concerned about clarity first and foremost, as I've mentioned, so even with my style if I find that I need to tone it back in future stories then I will based on your comments.

So again, thank you for being honest! That's the best kind of comment. =)

I could just be seeing what isn't there, but it seemed like the narration's initial descriptions of Rarity, if somewhat loosely following Applejack's perspective, seemed to hint at an attraction. And Rarity's behavior right from the get go seems like total infatuation with Applejack. Very interesting. And wow....they're on worse terms right now than they were during the slumber party! XD

*Watches Rarity...laughing?* Did I read that right? Break the Beauty, it seams. (Get it? Seams? Seamstress? ...nevermind) I love how quickly and how definitively this is showing that, yes, indeed there is a strong mutual attraction here! So many stories bring confessions or especially reciprocations of confessions out of nowhere, making it seem like sompony is just humoring somepony. And the way they're captivated by each other's scents avoids the problem a lot of fics have with making "romantic feelings" look more like friendshipping.

I must not be in the right frame of mind right now. That must be it. Maybe if I gave the last chapter another look with a fresh mind... but as it stands, I hate Applejack. The candlelight dinner...the gesture alone was the only thing that should have mattered. The hell with whether or not it was the kind of thing she liked. And if she really ever 'loved' Rarity she would have accepted her faults. But she didn't. So I can't believe she ever loved Rarity. the hell with that. And that thing about Rarity stealing gems from Spike? That came out of left field, and why would she even do that? Yeah, right. The way Applejack treated Rarity was wrong, and Applejack didn't deserve a happy ending in this story. I love Rarijack...but Applejack didn't deserve Rarity in this story. Well this makes two non-tragedy romances out of four that I was interested in. *facehooves* I'll give the other two a look tomorrow, and this one another look tomorrow just to give it a fair shake.

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