• Member Since 16th May, 2013
  • offline last seen 5 hours ago

PaulAsaran


Technical Writer from the U.S.A.'s Deep South. Writes horsewords, and reviews both independently and for Seattle's Angels. New reviews posted every Thursday! Writing Motto: "Go Big or Go Home!"

T
Source

It's been a year since a tragic accident took Applejack's parents. A year, and she still doesn't know what to do with herself. Encouraged by friends and family, she decides to spend the summer vacation at Fluttershy's beach house on Splendora Island. She's not sure if it's helping.

Then, one night, she finds something injured on the beach. No, not something. Someone.

What starts as good intentions steadily grows into something else. Whether that something else is good for Applejack is another matter entirely.


Have questions regarding the story? Visit the Q&A blog!

Now with a TVTropes page.

"PaulAsaran’s attention to detail and use of repetition, flashback, and expression to create an unforgettable story is something I’m still trying to get a handle on in my own work." — leeroy_glBZ

"Impressed every step of the way. Thoroughly good writing." — Shrink Laureate

Inspired 100% by the cover art. The idea jumped into my skull and refused to leave until it was written out.


Props to my wonderful pre-readers: SorenPixels, NaiadSagaIotaOar, and Wanderer D!

Cover art used with permission from LooknamTCN, verily one of the best RariJack artists ever. Check out their immensely enjoyable Tumblr.

Chapters (7)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 128 )

was this inspired by another story with the exact same premise and pic, or was there a writing prompt multiple people picked up?

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/456042/the-farmer-the-mermaid

I am liking the look of this and cannot wait for more.

9997179
Neither. ajvasquezbrony28 and myself came up with similar ideas wholly independent of one another, and they beat me to the release by a few days. Nothing more. I was well aware of the release of the other story, remarking to my pre-readers the amusing nature of how we had not only similar concepts, but using the same cover art. But I'd already committed to the story and was a good 80% done with it at that point and had already gotten permission from the artist, whom I promised to link the story to. I wasn't about to stop just because someone else beat me to the punch.

Interesting. I like the characterisation of Applejack here, she feels very real.

9997191
yeah my guy, i dont really care if people have similar stories, it just seemed pretty convenient in my head that there were 2 stories where applejack finds an injured fishity

Ooo, I'd wondered where the story idea came from. It makes sense now, seeing the picture (Which is lovely! :raritystarry:).

Anyway, it's nice to see this up so soon! I was a little bit nervous when you first mentioned it was RariJack, because I've never been quite on board with that pairing before, but Applejack made a good enough showing in this first chapter that I was feeling pretty optimistic by the end of it. Really hoping other people like this one as much as I did! :pinkiehappy:

Wanderer D
Moderator

Ooh, it's up already! AJ's journey through this story is really amazing, if people give this a chance, it will never disappoint them. :raritystarry:

9997222
Oh? I didn't know the 'fishity' in the other story was injured (although it makes sense, given the cover art). The coincidences just keep piling on.

9997211
I consider that a great compliment, thank you!

9997242
I decided not to incorporate too many of the changes we discussed in this version. I figure it'll be good to focus on such things in the original version, which I'll want to be bigger and better anyway.

Glad it got your endorsement despite the RariJack giving you bad vibes. :raritywink:

9997253
Yeah, I realized the changes I wanted to make for this version were small enough and saw no reason to delay the release, so here we are. Many thanks for your pre-reading assistance!

So this is supposedly my competition m, huh?

They were treacherous things, memories. They lurked in the most

Don’t want to say horrible start, but I’ve been preaty hard pressed into not starting sentences with the same word, in the same paragraph. Let alone back to back

Also, don’t suppose you’d be interested in a pre-reader exchange? ^^’
Finding trouble getting any for mine -/-

Well, now this sounds promising. I'll probably wait until you get chapter 2 up and posted, but after that you'd best believe I'm gonna read on through this.

Could she drown?

that’s the peculiar thing about Mermaids, isn’t? on one hand, she’s a human, on the other, a fish, so logic would say she has both Lungs and Gills, (or at least supposed to have them,) so yes, but actually no,

9997435
Interesting hearing something that technical from you considering your story's description has three errors in the first sentence.

9997437
I'm happy with the three pre-readers I've got, they've already done a phenomenal job. Plus I'm already committed to releasing this thing a chapter a day, and I've already started.

As for pre-reading yours... I admit that I'm wary. I'm already writing 1,500 words a day (or at least trying to) on top of reading 30,000-40,000 words a day for my weekly review blog – and any reading I do is strictly scheduled more than a month in advance (I've got the spreadsheets to prove it). Committing to anything long-term is a substantial risk for me simply due to how little time I have as it is. Plus I've already promised a friend to read his 100,000+ word original fiction on top of my regular reading, which is only going to exacerbate the problem for a week or two (although admittedly I don't know when he's going to hand that off to me).

I love helping people, that's why I started reviewing in the first place. But I can't guarantee I'd be able to work with you consistently. I might be willing to write a personal critique of the first chapter or two, just to see what I'd be getting into, but I couldn't possibly offer more until then.

Nothing like some dramatic Rarijack to catch my eye!

RariJack and mermaids? I'm in.

I'm already loving this story and can't wait for more!

Also, you mention that this story is already completed. Out of curiosity, how many chapters can we expect there to be released? If you're willing to share, that is. c:

So far, this is a great story! I’ll still be reading the other Rarijack mermaid story, just letting you know.

I need more of this

This was a very strong first chapter. I like how AJ immediately went to Fluttershy, just makes sense.

9997459
Yeah, I know (why I may be a bit a grammar nazis to try and balance myself out somewhat -.-)
Anyways, I totally understand. Although I was hoping/wondering just as well if your proof readers would have time for me if I asked

9997628
Eager to hear what you thought of each :)

9997619
Not at all. There will be seven chapters, most at around 6,000-7,000 words. The last one should pop up the day after Christmas.

9997755
You never know unless you ask! Which I strongly encourage you to do.

I know there are some proofreader/editing groups here on the site, but I never look them up because I've developed my own network and don't really need to anymore. As such, I have no idea if any of them are active.

9997804
Ah :o
Explains a lot actually (and I give you more credit for so far having a better plan for your story(s) more than I’ve got atm ^^’
Never the less, I’ll see what they say and good luck with yours

Sure, I'll read this.

This has me quite intrigued. Looking forward to seeing where it goes.

As an aside, Twilight sounds a bit like Sci-Twi. Does that mean that Sunset's around somewhere, just not associated with the Mane 6?

9997855
Sorry, but I don't intend to answer any questions related to the characters that may or may not be in this AU until after the story is finished.

9997814
I never start a story unless I have at least a conclusion in mind, and usually several major scenes. It's extremely rare that I go into anything without a strong idea of where it's going.

Thanks, and good luck with yours too!

I have yet to read this, but I'm getting some the Shape of Water vibes. Are they founded?

9997972
Never saw it, so no.

Nice story so far. There can never be enough Rarijack.

I love this I can't wait for the rest of it.

9997798
Thank you! I can't wait for more!

I'm a big fan of language barriers as part of a story, because, realistically, if two sentients shouldn't have the same language, it feels wrong for them to speak the same language.

Loving the characterization here, especially the mermaids. TBH, Sweetie gave me Kanna Kamui flashbacks when she tackled AJ.

Omg, I am loving this!!

This might not make sense, but the dirtiness of an abandoned aquarium might make them sick. Though, this might not be a problem for mermaids or other aquatic beings unlike us humans. Just trying to put in a reason there. Hopefully, we won’t have humans discovering the mermaids and begin experimenting on them.

rarity is a mermaid.... might read this later IDK

I like these kind of stories where two beings from different worlds can't understand one another's language so they have to find some other way to communicate. Is Rarity gonna do something similar to Splash where she learns to speak English from watching TV or will the language barrier be throughout the whole story?

Intresting take :) consider not having rarity speak English my story for awhile, but it felt too limiting for what I had in mind, so it’s nice to see your story do what i was afraid to chance ^^’ :)

So Sweetie knows a bit of English? Fascinating. This raises all kinds of interesting questions.

9998323
I'd love to answer this, but I think it's better to let the story explain.

That said, I do fear that people will think I oversimplified the issue.

9998445
The more important question for me, are we going to see parts of the story from Rarity's point of view? While stories like this are fun, I always feel disappointed if it is restricted to only one person's pov, particularly if one of the other characters is a member of a different species. Seeing the cultural/physiological/mental differences from both sides and how each of the characters interpret and react to them is always my favorite part.

9998707
Sorry to disappoint, but this will be strictly a one-perspective story.

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!