• Member Since 16th May, 2013
  • offline last seen 10 minutes ago

PaulAsaran


A southern-born technical writer with an appreciation of ponies. What more do you need to know? Writing motto: "Go Big or Go Home."

Sequels1



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Source

Octavia Melody is calm, patient and longing to break the boundaries of class through her career as a musician.

Princess Luna is lost in the eddies of her past, struggling to belong in a new age that doesn't seem to want her.

A chance meeting after a disastrous gala gives these isolated souls a chance to find companionship and comfort. As Luna seeks solace in Octavia's soothing music, Octavia comes to recognize the princess's loneliness and fears. When it's your duty to protect other ponies' dreams, who protects your own? Octavia might just be willing to try.


...a fantastic fic, with one of the best paced romances you can find on this site, great prose, and one of the best characterized Octavia's I could point out.Soge, TPCaRG (Read the review!)

PaulAsaran has crafted what may well be the best LunAvia ship on the site.Cerulean Voice

Highly recommended if you like romance instead of the more typical shallow shipping.City of Doors

If you're a fan of Luna and or Octavia, it's a crime not to indulge!Wanderer D

I guarantee you will enjoy it.vren55


A re-imagining of The Gentle Nights, reworked from the ground up to be bigger and brighter.

Special thanks to Mercury Gilado, Absolution and Starlight Nova for pre-reading and editing.

Artwork commissioned from the talented viwrastupr.


[11/11/2014]: Now featured on Equestria Daily!
Featured 11/22/14.

Now featured by The Royal Guard!

[img]http://i.imgur.com/6MrWqNZ.png[/img]

Chapters (22)
Comments ( 631 )

Incredible. This is a pairing that I've never seen before, and you're doing a marvelous job with it. I look forward to reading the following chapters.

4929994 And I hope that you do update weekly. That would be lovely.

Both of these stories are just incredible, artfully crafted and meaningful masterpieces. I can only wonder how much better it's going to be. :heart:

4930025
I wholeheartely agree! But with two projects going on at once, I simply can't make any guarantees.

4930077
Your gushing always makes me blush. :twilightblush:

4930113 I know, I know. But still.:moustache: This story is too awesome to not update frequently.

I am expecting good things from this. A slow growth into romance makes the best kind of story in my opinion.

callen me sie

I think "callen sie me" or "callen sie mich" would be better to keep in line with the original sentence structure in German.
Ist nur so eine Idee. :derpytongue2:

4930833
I did a crap ton of research on the German accent trying to get this right, but I'll go ahead and make one of those changes. I was never 100% certain about the use of 'sie' in there, anyway.

4931369 To be fair, the word "Sie" in German is unnecessarily complicated. The correct translation for "Call me..." would be "Nennen Sie mich..." in a formal context, and "Nenn' mich..." in informal context. Both "Sie" and "Du" (implied in the informal sentence) translate to "you" in English in this case.

4931380
Well, fortunately Frederick doesn't get many 'talking' appearances in this story, and the next time we see him his English will have improved a touch. Depending upon what elements of his accent I choose to leave in at that point, it may not be a factor beyond this chapter.

Honestly I really don't like romance stories too much, for various reasons, but this one has me interested. Anyway I'm gonna go read your other story now.

4932324
Clearly you've never read one of my romances.

All arrogance aside, hopefully this one will be good enough to warrant your continued attention.

4932335 Also the fact that it involves some form of Luna helps a lot in my overall interest, hehehe... :trollestia:

You. You made me broke my OTP for the first time! :twilightoops: But this story is a thing I never see before, I waiting for new chapters! :twilightsmile:

4932807

You made me broke my OTP for the first time!

Well, scratch one more thing off my bucket list: "Crush someone else's OTP." :trollestia:

Very nice. I'm bookmarking this one and keeping an eye out for updates.

4931369
4931380

Let's see if I can remember this correctly.

"sie" = she
"du" = you, singular, informal
"Sie" = you, singular, formal
"Sie" = you, plural, all cases

German's also funny about references to yourself.

"I brush my teeth" is "Ich putze mich die zaehne" which, when translated literally, is "I brush myself the teeth."

P.S. Typing this on my phone gave it such a conniption fit that I think it developed epilepsy.

4937591 Yep, that is correct.

However, it is "Ich putze mir die Zähne", but the literal translation is still correct. :derpytongue2:

4937650

Hmmmmm, my teacher may have told me wrong. Oh, well.

Mich, mir...
dich, dir...
ihr, euch... (I'm probably remembering that one wrong)
...it's all the same mess in your head after a while.

4937677 Nope, it is actually correct. And well... first language advantage.


4929994 4929924 "all the stars in the sky" is a good one.

4938840
Hmm... I shall add it to my rapidly-expanding RiL.

Awesome. I'm very excited to see where this goes, having never read the original. I might go back and check it out sometime though.

Wanderer D
Moderator

This is one of my favorite pairings, and I really like where you're going with the origins of Octavia. You're right... I really haven't seen it done quite like that. :pinkiehappy:

4955215
Well then, we shall see if my intentions please... or flop traumatically. :unsuresweetie: I'll be looking forward to any criticisms you might have.

Another chapter!! I feel bad for Octavia. Nightmares are no fun. I wish Luna could have done something to help. Oh, and I saw a little typo.

In so doing, she'd come to realize that she'd missed a golden age.

That should be "In doing so,"

4963409 Pretty sure that's not actually wrong, just not common usage. Perhaps it was chosen to lend a more formal feel to the writing, considering who the subjects of this story are.

@Paul These characters are developing nicely. I especially like your picture of Octavia, as driven and disciplined by choice, striving for change. I think change and adjustment is a great theme for Luna, so this promises to be interesting.

4963709
4963409
Actually, 4963709's got it right. It's not incorrect, just a formal (or perhaps archaic) form of the phrase. In either case, it suits Luna's narrative methinks.

I can only agree. You are doing a great job developing the characters, and building up some nice suspense with their hinted-at backstories as well. Looking forward to the next chapter.

Beautifully sad scene we're starting to descend to, I can only imagine how it will play out in the end. Wonderful work as always, it's just so good! >3<

I finally got to this story today and I have a surprising amount to say about it. I admit that I had idealistic expectations coming into this story after loving the original, so this somewhat stems from opinion but I it should all be helpful:

First off, Octavia arrives with two friends, both of whom remind us of Pinkie Pie right from the start: Parish says “nervicited” which immediately makes us think Pinkie Pie and attach some of those behaviors to his still undefined character. And right before that, Beauty breaks walls in listing 4 events that happen later in the show. This is very confusing and distracting by tying both characters to Pinkie while we are trying to understand them separately, and it also makes us second guess the timeline for a moment (is this really that first Gala?), further hindering our understanding of the setting. It just takes too long for us to resolve facts and catch up to the really important buildup.

I would move the lines about them noticing Frederick’s accent to his very first line of dialogue. Otherwise the spelling changes feel very abrupt suddenly appearing after he has already spoken twice.

Something that is starting to get predictable in your writing is starting off your characters with established companions from the very start. I don't think this first chapter needs so much initial focus on them. From the second chapter it is clear that Octavia is very much a loner, but the entire first chapter focuses a lot on the banter between what seems to be her close friends while we get so little of Octavia herself. I wanted more from her (showing or telling). Especially on Princess Celestia. Attaching her excitement to something like never having seen the princess up close before and getting to perform for her (attaching her anticipation to playing for a princess builds us up for Luna later).

This takes me to my biggest disappointment in this first chapter: How the encounter with Luna felt so much like an afterthought. It seemed like you decided that having Octavia’s music be somewhat cheerful would better fit the situation, but having Frederick stop her with encouragement before going outside resolves all buildup emotion from the gala, as well as the whole chapter. Some feeling of disappointment is still there for Octavia, but to the reader they are resolved. This leaves the reader in a muddle when suddenly Octavia starts talking about the stars and other things that seem unrelated until Luna appears.
I feel like the pent-up disappointment from the whole day reflecting melancholy in her music would attract Luna very well. Octavia playing in the gardens should be the climactic moment following nothing but disappointed hopes, a straight shot of buildup leading up to her encounter. If you need Frederick to make the connection with her, put it before the Gala starts when her hopes are still building.

Having a straighter shot with the buildup also means you have to do far less explaining when the climactic moment comes. Lots of description and developed emotion in the buildup, but just pure experience at the climax needing less description.

4969422
I think you're waaaaaaaaaaaay overreading the behavior of Parish and Beauty in this first chapter. You're taking in things that were never meant to be communicated in any way, shape or form. To be honest, I surprised you put so much depth into something purely meant to be a brief aside. Clearly characters aren't aloud to make an attempt at humor until after they've been developed to a point where they are not, in fact, mysteriously linked to characters who aren't even remotely present in the story and who have absolutely no bearing to said story.

Also, I have absolutely no idea whatsoever how Frederick is supposed to make this wonderful connection to Octavia before they start playing in earnest together. Anything less than what actually happened wouldn't make sense... at least, that I can think of now.

The thing that annoys me right now is that you make all these significant points, points that would have been helpful before I posted, rather than after when I know I'm not going to do a damn thing about it. I don't make big changes after the story is up, I simply don't do it. And now I look at all of this and think "well, shit, now everyone who checks the comments for a preview's going to think this story's not worth trying."

Not that I don't appreciate your criticism. That's not it at all. I just wish I had it before the story was uploaded so I could actually do something about it. Performing heart surgery on a story after it's been published feels like cheating and goes against my personal rules. Perhaps I should have asked you to be a pre-reader...

Also, you think about a lot of things that never even occur to me. Particularly, it seems like you care more about "what do I want to make the characters do" rather than "what would the characters actually do," which is an entirely different way method storytelling.

It was fun how you included Vinyl. But I would have liked it if Vinyl lived above or below her: Octavia walks in and bangs on the floor or ceiling with familiar routine, yelling “Vinyl!” This would have made me laugh. Instead it was just light amusement, though that probably serves the overall environment better.

I love the idea of Luna listening to Octavia’s dreams as a respite. The description of Octavia’s job at that pub was short and very effective. And Octavia’s encounter with her friend was very telling while showing the distance she keeps from them. It’s great how Octavia’s dream descends into a nightmare of loneliness and lack of appreciation. Though I don’t like Luna scrambling to hide from Octavia. It feels so childish for how proud she is under the depression. Unless she has a crush or something similar, Implying that Luna already likes Octavia.

Now a couple of opinions:
I feel like there were some hints at them already having some physical attraction. And I feel like it shouldn't even head that way at this point. There is not enough to confirm that this is happening, but I would like it to go slower and maybe not even end up in a lover's relationship or anything physical by the end (it could easily still be romance). Both characters are strong enough to do just fine without it, and the relationship could be even more profound if it didn't ever go that way.
I guess I am worried because that is something I felt was a weakness in TvE. There was just so little real chemistry between the princess and Trixie. It shows some flippancy that I don’t feel fits between two very profound characters. The intimacy detracted from the heavier aspects of the story.

But a great chapter in spite of my paranoia. How do these stories get me so involved!

4969529
Yeah, I kinda went way overboard with that when the story isn't even complete. That's why you wait until a story finishes to hand out formal reviews. I need to be careful before I get into that mode.

4969650
Well, I have good news: the hints of attraction are, in fact, a symptom of your paranoia. There is no attraction yet, they're just anxious for their own personal reasons – such as Octavia not knowing how to handle a direct conversation with royalty and worrying how her behavior might affect her career, or Luna being afraid that Octavia will hate her on sight (which also would explain why she hid, not wanting to lose this one source of relaxation).

an untold umber

:derpytongue2:

Otherwise, a clean chapter, and very enlightening. I can see so many elements of your particular style coming through, and I'm enjoying it in kind.

Still having trouble with those misplaced modifiers, though. Careful.

Next chapter pls

4985392
Yes, there are definitely things I'm still figuring out, but I'm getting better overall... right? :unsuresweetie:

To be honest, the only reason I've not asked you to edit any of my projects over the months is because I believed you were too busy with real-world issues to do so. Maybe that'll change with whatever I do next... like the coming TvE prequel that's going to be so phenomenally hard to write.

Alright alright alright! I really like this and I'm only on the first chapter. I loved the hesitant interaction between Octavia and Luna. I can already tell, this is going to be a fun read. So it is going into my favorites list so I don't lose it and I will see you at the next chapter.

4997495
The next chapter will be coming soon.

And I mean soon.

Another chapter! Once again, very well written. I was actually cheering them on the whole theater scene, and I was on the edge of my seat the few seconds that Luna considered running away. I'm glad it worked out.

4998084
Me likey. One more song to add to my vast 'wishlist.'

4998088
But Luna still intends to have some 'words' with her sister. :trollestia: One week 'till the next chapter!

Slow burn is good for romance. Slow burn is, in fact, very good. Character development and relationship building are the best way to allow the readers to connect to and care about the characters. Going from a tentative friendship to a strong bond of love should take time.

Though the story would not be negatively effected if, at the end of the road that brought them together, there would be some passionate cuddling, as well...

4998107 Huh, I'll be looking forward to that. I've never liked Celestia. I hope Luna gives her what she deserves.:derpytongue2:

4998161
Oh, I am hardly one to complain about a little compassionate cuddling. :raritywink: But since my version of both characters have low libidos – and I'm saying that in complete seriousness – a real connection is absolutely necessary to bring out such... affection.

4998199
I respect Celestia and even get very offended when bad things happen to her. But, Luna is Best Pony and by far the superior princess in my view, so yeah. Regardless, I'm afraid their little talk won't be what you're hoping for. :unsuresweetie:

Celestia is really only a side character for this story, anyway – albeit an important one.

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