• Member Since 16th May, 2013
  • offline last seen 29 minutes ago

PaulAsaran


Technical Writer from the U.S.A.'s Deep South. Writes horsewords and reviews. New reviews posted every Thursday! Writing Motto: "Go Big or Go Home!"

Sequels1

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Golden Harvest - aka Carrot Top - is a carrot farmer. Her entire life has revolved around that fact. But when she was a filly she dreamed that she might be something else: a princess. Every little filly has had that dream at least once, right?

At one time six years ago, Rarity got saddled with the loathsome chore of foalsitting Golden Harvest. What started as a bothersome chore sparked a friendship, and when the aspiring fashionista gave her the chance to look like royalty a crush was born. Now Golden spends her days longing to catch the unicorn's eye.

And with a little help from a friend, Golden might finally get her wish.

Big thanks to Death the Kid for editing! He also provided the cover art.

The Fleur-Verse
Chronologically from Top to Bottom:
Shadow Pony
Reddux the Tyrant
No Heroes Part I - The Roster
No Heroes Part II - The Journey Home
Lightning's Bolt
The Weed
The Challenge of Fleur
Ordinary World
A Challenge for Fleur
Sweet to Eat: Tales of Nightmare Night

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 49 )

Wonderful, absolutely wonderful. Well written and the pacing was damn good. Nice work.

2844382 Many thanks! I was afraid the pacing would be too slow, so I'm glad you think otherwise.

SERIOUSLY!!! ALREADY! Man, I don't actually have time to read until a bit later, but dang you pump these out fast.

2845163

From concept to submission: about three days. :rainbowdetermined2: Granted I only re-read it for editing purposes once.

Of course now I have to wait all month long to see how I did. :facehoof:

Wow this was great. Never thought I would see Carrot x Rarity again since Carrot's Top Bad Hair Day.

2846078 Glad you liked it!

Contest over? Get those edits uploaded.
*Cracks whip*

2969315

Excuse moi? I am the admin running this contest right now, and this contest has until tomorrow to be wrapped up!

ALTHOUGH it' starting to look like it won't matter much - this story's the only entry so it's starting to look like I'll win by default. :facehoof:

Maybe I'm just a sucker for princesses in stories (and I surely am) but I really enjoyed this. I loved how the pair's relationship played out and Nye Stone was an invaluable part of this cast. Knowing there's more of him is getting me interested in seeing your no heroes series.

And I've got to love it whenever fancy pants shows up in a story.:heart:

This is definitely a story that deserves to win random romance. I can't wait to read more of your stuff.

Best wishes!

2972788

Glad you enjoyed it! I'll be reading yours and punzil's stories tomorrow: right now I'm trying to hammer out the next chapter of my Trixie fic and I'm at a really tough part! :fluttershyouch:

A very emphatic thumbs up! This was really fun and Rarity feels very sweet for remembering it. Nye is a fun character too.

Well, I'm not known for withholding my opinion, so... I thought it was awful.

Weak dialogue, inordinately telly prose, and it paints—unintentionally, I assume—a picture of an Equestria that's so dark it's almost dystopian. On top of that there isn't even a single nod, that I can see, to any of the characters drives or reasoning: it's just A happens, B happens, C happens, done. No perceptible nuance at all.

Thumbs down.

-Scott

2988712
Curious. While I can accept your conclusion, I must ask what suggested to you a 'dark' Equestria? That's so far away from any intentions I had it's shocking you could possibly get the impression!

My editors have butchered it and I'm gonna post the changes later today (thought it would be unfair to do so while the contest was on), but even so I don't think you'd approve of the changes. The primary flaw you're seeing - a lack of nuance? - was missed by all, I guarantee it. I still don't know what you mean, to be honest.

2989844 The implication that Golden Harvest's parents not only failed to support basic self-grooming but vociferously refuted the idea is necessarily leads to an assumption of child abuse. That alone could be taken as merely unreliable narrator, but Golden's apparently significant dissonance between her desires and her special talent also hint at a very dark tone where her cutie mark is a ball and chain rather than a source of joy. If that's not a perverse parody of the show, I don't know what is.

Part of this problem is inherent to the stated lack of nuance. Everything is black and white, and clearly explained. There is no sense of what is or isn't true, where characters are hiding one thing while subtly hinting at something else. As the reader, I'm just told everything straight, which is remarkably dull; the most basic for building suspense and investment is to leave a few blanks that the reader has to fill in for themselves. There is nothing of there here. Everything is neatly explained in prose that is stiff and generally unfulfilling.

So the lack of nuance comes in two main flavours: show versus tell, and story construction. The former weakens the dialogue to the point of perfunctory communication, and the latter leaves no room for imagination like a JRPG that forces you to experience every possible cutscene, out of pant-filling terror that you might miss one, so that the experience feels forced and procedural. The opening, for example, could be cut entirely, leaving the details to be cleverly woven into the story so that the reader has to work out what was going on. That would make it more of a story than the documentary it felt like to me.

-Scott

2991348
So in summation you prefer - demand? - stories where the reader has to figure things out for themselves through hints provided, as opposed to having the whole picture handed to you on a platter. On the one hand I would argue that the entire view is subjective to the reader's interests. On the other, all of your points are perfectly valid, albeit not for the kind of story I was after.

I was wondering how you could hate this story and not The Gentle Nights, which I felt was inferior to this one, but now I get it: they're two entirely different styles of storytelling. If I had, say, told this one entirely from Golden's perspective and kept Rarity's decisions a mystery until the end you may have been more receptive, am I right?

As to the prose... I guess that's just something I have to work on. As I said before, I had the story cut up by editors and very recently posted most of the changes, although there are two big ones that require a lot more time than I'm willing to devote at the moment. But I doubt you'd consider the changes worthwhile: even if you did approve of the new wordings, it doesn't do a thing to alter the overall style of the story, which appears to be the big hangup.

While I think you read WAY too much into Golden's dislike of being a farmer, I can see now how you made the connections you did, and must acknowledge that such connections involve me leading you into the wrong assumptions via my narration. In fact without looking at the story I know exactly what I could have done differently. I'll try to pay more attention to that kind of thing, but it was so completely different from anything I was thinking that I was just floored.

I appreciate the constructive and detailed criticism, by the way. By all means hit me with more in the future.

2993765
That was refreshingly informative. I have a few friends who need to see it. Many many thanks.

Sent by RainbowBob...

Glad I was.

~Skeeter The Lurker

I hereby deem this pairing...

Carroty

I've never read a fic that featured Golden Harvest where I actually got invested in her character, until now. Well done:yay:

:moustache:That was SWEET! I think I've got a cavity from this gem of a story! Oh this is a marvelous applause for a certain background charicter with the carrot cutie mark! Bravo!:raritywink::heart:

3032304 Dude. We are on the same wavelength. Carroty is OTP because it contains all the Farmer/Fasionista of Rarijack, and has a WAY better name.
In other news I really loved this story, because it showed Rarity's generosity without being forced at all. I've seen way to many fics in which they either completely ignore this side of her character, or just have her randomly give stuff away. You really managed to capture her essence in this story. Also I love the character you made for Golden Harvest. This story has defined her for me. I love it when a writer fleshes out a background pony really well because it translates back to a more fun show. Also I will never call her Carrot Top again.

3905612
Wow, you are plowing through my material, aren't ya?

It's funny you mention Golden Harvest's character in this story. A lot of people told me they hated GH because everyone writes her as a carrot-themed version of Applejack, and thus praised me for not doing so. Here's the rub: it never occurred to me as I was writing. I didn't know about this issue, and feel like I dodged a bullet.

And yeah, calling her 'Carrot Top' annoys me. Golden Harvest is so much better! I had Rarity call her that not just because it's the 'Rarity' thing to do, but because it bugged me, personally.

Awww! What a lovely story. Looking forward to reading the sequels. :twilightsmile:

4692858
Why thank you! But – with the exception of Ordinary World – I seriously doubt the sequels will be what you're expecting. :unsuresweetie:

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

So I read this because I want to be able to read your winning Body Swap contest entry (good gravy, do you have a story that isn't a sequel to something else you've written? D:) and I was rather impressed. Romantic as hell, and does a great job with a random ship. I was a little thrown by Nye, but you at least explain him at the end.

I'll say that I found some POV shifts that were a little offputting, and I wish you'd expanded the leadup to the Canterlot ball scene. I wanted to see them spending more time in Canterlot together. :( Honestly though, this just made me think about my own romance attempt and how badly I did with it. Good work!

4910050

good gravy, do you have a story that isn't a sequel to something else you've written?

A couple, yes. My writing motto – go big or go home – tends to lead to continuations, though. That being said, I never anticipated expanding the Fleur AU into what it has become, and The Weed itself was originally meant to be a one-off story with no links to anything else. I saw great potential in linking it to Ordinary World, though, so... yeah, it happened.

I wish you'd expanded the leadup to the Canterlot ball scene. I wanted to see them spending more time in Canterlot together.

I'd have liked that, too, but I felt that the story was getting a little long in the tooth and thought better of it. Oh well; now that the Golden/Rarity relationship is canon to the Fleur series – which I am fairly confident will keep expanding – I'm sure we'll get other opportunities.

Glad you enjoyed it! But seriously, you don't have to read any of the other stories to understand what's happening in Ordinary World. The stories are linked, true, but not reading them shouldn't hurt your opinion of that story because they don't directly impact each another.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

4910096
NOPE TOO LATE

4910096

Glad you enjoyed it! But seriously, you don't have to read any of the other stories to understand what's happening in Ordinary World. The stories are linked, true, but not reading them shouldn't hurt your opinion of that story because they don't directly impact each another.

Disagree. Having read up through Book III of No Heroes, plus some of the Fleur stories (w/ Ordinary World lined up next in queue), I might have enjoyed this more because we followed the Brothers Stone in past adventures. I might enjoy OW more now because, for the briefest of moments, a couple of ponies were in the same space and probably observed each other.
(I'm struggling to get these words right, so I'll end this on a compliment.)
If I could name it, this would be PaulAsaran's Second Strings-verse. What this author can do with MLP Series one-shot characters and BG Ponies is really incredible.

4923350
I should point out (as I often do) that the Fleur AU (or Second Strings-verse, I like that) is actually a different AU from No Heroes. It begins the same, but somewhere between Books II and III the continuity shifts completely. I know it can be confusing, that's why I find myself reminding people of it. :twilightsheepish:

Still, I see your point.

Thank you for the compliment! I take pride in the fact that the majority of my work involves the unsung characters of the show, even if that's one of the main reasons the stories don't get a lot of attention (I think).

Wow... this was great. I've never seen this particular pairing before and it is done so beautifully. You know for a while I actually thought Rarity mght appear at the party dressed in a suit like a stallion... well like a prince for Princess Golden Harvest.

All that said this was a wonderful little love story, it gets a gold star and an upward facing thumb.

I'll see you at the next chapter.

What a delightfully cute little romance. :raritywink:

In many ways it reminded me of an AppleDash story called 'Treating her right', one of my all time favorites. Maybe I'm just a sucker for life long dreams being realized.

Also, shy Carrot Top is just adorable. :heart:

Great work.

I always enjoy storys that feature Rarity, she is my favorite after all. And this one is quite a sweet little story I think, especially one that features a background pony in the spotlight.

5264675
This story has consistently remained among my five highest-rated (by vote ratio) stories since its publication. Despite how old it is and a few mistakes that I've grown out of, I'm still rather pleased with it.

Great story overall.

There were a few things that caught my attention as seemingly too unlikely at first, like Rarity being entrusted with Golden Harvest despite the mere 3 year age difference between them, or the fact that Golden Harvest has apparently never been informed of, or even figured out on her own, the importance of basic things like brushing hair if you don't want it to end up in a horrible knotted mess (I have long hair, so this is a particular point of personal experience to me). However, knowing that this was from a random prompt and you kind of had to 'make it work', these things can be forgiven in light of the story doing very well at accomplishing the more relevant point I think it has of exploring the emotional experience of the fear, uncertainty, longing, hope, and elation at acceptance that Golden Harvest goes through.

I give this one a thumbs-up. :twilightsmile:

5298451
I have to acknowledge that I didn't even think of two of those points, but I already knew this story had its flaws. Glad you enjoyed it in the overall despite its logic weaknesses.

Welp, turns out I'm going to be reading this storyline instead. The Weed, The Challenge of Fleur, Ordinary World, and then A Challenge for Fleur, correct?

5521180
Pretty much. Just bear in mind that for this universe the first two books of No Heroes is canon, but not the second two books. Lightning's Bolt and Reddux the Tyrant are also both canon to the Fleur AU.

This was sweet. And the connection to No Heroes (which I have finally added back to my queue) makes me even more intrigued- I'm the smallest bit bummed about having gone in the "wrong" order, but it didn't spoil anything aside from Nye and Rainbow hooking up at some point, and it stands wonderfully on its own.

Or maybe it's just refreshing getting something approaching a happy ending from you.:trollestia:

6718344
Time for me to be confusing!

Actually, this story is set in an alt of the No Heroes verse known as the Fleur-verse. It's one of three different timelines in the same AU (the third being the Trixie vs. Equestria verse). Essentially, everything from No Heroes Book II and prior are canon to the Fleur verse. Everything after, not.

Someday in the far distant future when we have nuclear-powered flying cars and Mars is a few minutes away, I'll complete my timeline doc that clarifies all this stuff.

6718514 I did read the other comments.:rainbowwild: Seriously though, all these interlocking timelines just make it more interesting.

6718553
Heh, didn't know I'd already pointed it out in the comments section. :twilightblush:

But I have yet to write the story that defines how and precisely when No Heroes and the Fleur verse break paths. In fact, I only conceived of that story a month or so ago. Can't say when I'll finally get to it, but it will at last make the name of the Fleur verse make perfect sense.

This is an enjoyable little piece.

Could I possibly write a story without crossover material from my other stories? Probably, but why would I do that?

Well, it would make your works more accessible to new readers, especially ones less interested in big action series. Not that I had any particular problem, but you asked for a reason.

This was a cute little character piece. I loved the difference between teenage Rarity and present Rarity, and yet, how in the end, both are still very generous even if the former isn’t as aware of it.

This is, no joke, one of the sweetest things I've ever read. Thank you.

“She was supposed to ask you out!” he snapped, finally running out of patience. “I’ve been encouraging the mare on this for a week!”

And you just OUTED HER!? For fuck's sake Nye

The stallion considered the situation, a silly grin coming upon his face. “So I guess if you two get together she’d be the prince to your princess, eh?”

Nye... Just... Stop...

Comment posted by BirdsBooksBrownies deleted Jan 5th, 2021

Delightfully cheesy romance...I myself am something of a hopeless/hapless romantic so I really enjoyed this story. I would love to see fanart of Golden's gown, I'd be tempted to draw it myself if I wasn't terrible at dresses.

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