• Member Since 19th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen Oct 19th, 2022



Every month, Octavia plays privately for Princess Luna as she paints the night sky. Each time, Octavia feels that familiar feeling, one she's rarely ever felt before. Now she has decided that it is time to announce these feelings. However, she has a secret, one she has kept for longer than she can remember. But surely the Princess of the Night would be able to understand her own creation, right?

Artwork by Johanpok
Dramatic Reading of All the Stars in the Sky

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 126 )

Please tell me what you think. I'm not good with emotions, so I need to know how I did here :applecry:

Edit: Watch out, the comments contain spoilers.

Lol so you were the story that was holding up mine? Here I am waiting for mine to move up on the list and I see it go from position 49 to position 48 and I decide to check what just got through and what do I see? A story by you! Oh how funny this whole thing is. Now on to reading your story as I wait.

That was so sad........I loved it. Masterfully written and perfectly presented.

808755 48? I managed to get position 2 :twilightblush: Do tell me what you think when you're finished!

808882 Thank you! :twilightsmile:

808939 Number 2?! You son of a *explodes*.

Lol I haven't even moved yet from position 48 :P This might take a while.

809022 What did you think of the story? I'm impatient! :raritydespair:

809141 I am about 1/3 done reading it, unfortunately I have to go for about an hour at the most, but if you are on later I will finish reading it as quickly as possible. So please await for my return. *Party Cannon Launches* AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *twinkle*

That was beautiful, a heart tugging story that had me trying to hide my manly tears,:raritycry:

Once again you have proven yourself a master story teller, well done sir:rainbowdetermined2:

This is the first story I have read in a long time, where I really don't know what to say.
I am in tears:raritycry: it was simply beautiful:fluttercry:

Beautiful, simply amazing. I dare say I must watch you now.

*sniffs* You...why must you write so good?! This was beautiful man, one of the best fictions I have read in a VERY long time. Lynked words can't describe how amazing this story was so I will just have to give you all my Rainbow Dash's. Take them all! :rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss:
That's right I rate your story 6 out of 5.

that was amazing I shed many manly tears:fluttercry:and I regret none of them:pinkiesad2:

The story you have written here today was an astounding read and I will say that it ranks in the top 5 of what I have read so far. I do kinda wish that it had a happier ending as I am a rather big fan of Octavia. I will definitely re-read this at a later date. Thanks for letting us read this.:twilightsmile:

Oh, this is lovely. A lesser scribe would have had Octavia slowly, then not so slowly, going mad, screaming at that disembodied voice, ripping up the furniture, and bawling up a storm worthy of a brace of pegasi. So much more difficult, so much more heartbreaking, to see her trying to maintain some semblance of control.

And of course this scores points for "Finally, somepony for Luna." But the clincher is in the middle, with Twilight Sparkle evidently making it up as she goes along, a reminder that the most miraculous and the most mundane have always walked together, side by side.

809458 Thank you :twilightsmile: A master storyteller? I feel flattered :yay:

809607 Thank you very much for that, and thanks for reading!

809715 Really? That's awesome! Thank you!

809888 6 out of 5? That's quite the spirit boost! :pinkiehappy:

810796 It may sound odd, but I'm glad I could put you in tears :twilightblush:

810840 Thanks! I know what you're saying, with the happy ending. Though I feel it would have been... unsatisfying. Thank you for reading! :duck:

811065 I'm a good scribe :yay: I'm not sure what you're saying about Twilight though :applejackconfused: I suppose I understand most of it, just not the clincher part. Anyway, thanks for reading! :raritystarry:

I poured a lot of hard work into this one, so thanks for the comments :scootangel:

This was a truly beautiful story man good ob:pinkiesad2:

Twilight not losing her cool (much) in a scene that was positively awash in awkwardness. This was handled with a very deft touch: it isn't until her report is completed and she's away from the scene that she allows herself to contemplate the matter. (Remember those Lesser Scribes? They'd have had her going just this side of ballistic almost immediately.)

Featured and some really good comments on this one, so I'll read it later. Too long for me to read today, I'm knackered. :pinkiesick:

812982 Glad to here that boosted your spirit! Oh yeah and my story is live so give it a read when you get the chance. :raritywink:
Thanks again for the shoutout Lynked and outstanding work on this beautiful story!

Masterfully written, and beautiful all the same. one of the best i have ever read, well done, sir. :twilightsmile:

Eh... This was a pretty decent story, but you didn't really manage to make me feel for the characters, and i was slightly turned off by the ill-fitting weirdness of it all. :rainbowhuh:
Still, your writing is excellent, and the story was still somewhat intriguing, so it was easily worth the effort of reading anyway. Have four 4 out of 5 stars, and a moustache to go along with them: :moustache:

So beautiful.
You owe me a new handkerchief.
This one is soggy.
faved, liked, and watched.

813133>>815117 Thank you!

814050 Featured? Where did you see this featured? Ah, and I look forward to your thoughts. :yay:

818030 Thank you for them all :rainbowwild:

815947 I can respect that, though I could use some clarification. I didn't make you feel for the characters, so I think you mean the end was bland? And if so, might I ask why? I'm trying to get better at this :unsuresweetie:
Also, what do you mean, 'ill-fitting weirdness'? Are you saying that the story was too strange to be immersed in, or am I confused? :twilightblush:
Thanks for the 4 out of 5 (and the moustache :moustache:), that's still good in my book.

Okay, fair enough, explanation.
The first thing would be is that the voice Octavia converses with in her mind - which i'm pretty sure is the Moon itself, from where se originates - is a bit too... helpful. It sort of makes it too easy for Octavia - she doesn't really have to think much for herself, she just have to let the Moon show her what she feels - and that kills both the suspense in her discovering of her true feelings, and it makes it harder for me to identify myself with her.

Secondly, Luna's search for her unspecified "something" - which turns out to be a piece of the moon, i.e. Octavia of course - feels really off. I don't see any real reason for Luna to keep her search secret, and from a storytelling point of view, no real reason for Celestia to know about it either. Nothing of it really amounts to anything either way, since Luna suddenly just realizes that Octavia is her piece of the moon, and calls her out on it. All the mystique (is this a word? whatever.) that Luna's secret searching, Celestia's secret knowing about Luna's secret searching and the readers internal wondering of what the heck they're searching for is pretty much left in the dust, when everything just magically resolves another way. There's no exciting culmination of hidden knowledge and secret feelings.

Lastly, while you write the characters pretty well in most scenes, some of them are a bit weak, especially the garden party scene. Firstly, Octavia has been very timid from the beginning of the story, so it feels a bit out of character when she suddenly mans up, pretty much out of nothing, and kisses Luna in the middle of all of Equestria's nobles. I mean, she still has more than a week left to live in, so while she's certainly close, there's no real "now or never" feeling to it, and we don't even know she's dying yet anyway. Secondly, the nobles' reactions seems a bit off, giving a standing ovation while your princess is being kissed seems a bit awkward, and disrespecting your princess by scowling and turning away seems like unlikely behaviour as well.
Thirdly, and most importantly i think, is the end of the scene. It just kind of wanes out into nothing. Luna really pulls a weak one when she pretty much acts like nothing really happened and just scampers off to bed, instead of flying out there and finding out what really happened. This is probably the weakest point of the story, and i think i could have forgiven a lot of the other mistakes if this one wasn't there. :raritycry:

So, there you have it. I hope you find it constructive. :pinkiesmile:
I'd love it if i actually helped you become an even better writer, because i'd say you're pretty well on your way already :rainbowwild:

HadronPony out.

819092 Hmm... Well I'll offer what I think, and then we'll see if we can't morph this.

I had it in mind that Octavia was a piece of the moon, so instead of it being her and the moon who converse, it's actually her and herself. So... I don't really know what to do about that.

I never had Celestia know about it, and as for Luna keeping it a secret, I was thinking, 'Her moon, her business'. As for a culmination of knowledge/hidden feelings, I'm not sure really how else I could have done it and resolved it in a satisfying way. It seems that, given any clue, the reader could just jump on the fact that Octavia is what she is, and then what? :applejackunsure:

The garden scene: I thought of it as a panic. The cracks are painful, and when anyone is in pain, their rationality seems to wane. That, coupled with the fact that Octavia knows the end, seems to be a 'rational' thought in a time like that. I know I haven't said she's dying, but I didn't want too. I wanted the reader to wonder, 'What was that about?"
But, eh, no, the nobles weren't painted too well, were they :unsuresweetie:

The end scene was the hardest, I swear to you. I don't know what you mean, of it waning into nothing. I left the cello, the necklace, and the constellation, as well as the fact that Luna knew just what happened--that being, Octavia rejoined the rest of herself. I don't know what she would be flying out to find :applejackconfused:
If you have an idea on how to improve it, I'm all ears. It may be on the site, but the writing is never done. And, if I can get a stronger ending, with more of an emotional impact, then hell, I'll shoot for a major rewrite if necessary.

Hah, a better writer you say? I may get there one day, hopefully :duck:

Your help is appreciated though :yay:


"The end scene was the hardest, I swear to you. I don't know what you mean, of it waning into nothing. I left the cello, the necklace, and the constellation, as well as the fact that "

Oh, i didn't mean the end scene, i meant the end of the garden scene. Sorry about the confusion. The end scene was actually really good and my favorite part of the story :pinkiesmile:

And Celestia did know about Luna's search for something, didn't she? Might just be my bad memory. If that is the case i apologize :fluttershysad:

"If you have an idea on how to improve it, I'm all ears."
Well... hmm... okay, i have an idea: How about Luna, in her flustered, curious state, follows Octavia to her house - and here you could choose to let her take the cello with her, strike the thing with the cello (as it might not fit well in this version) or do something else with it. This puts Luna in a position where she's more in charge, instead of just passively waiting to be sought out. At the house i figure the two would most likely confront in pretty much the same way they do already, although, with the heightened emotions in the situation, you could go for some more drama instead of the calm and controlled confrontation they have at the moment if you'd like. (i'd like that :trollestia:). After this the story would play out pretty much like it does already.

Another idea: you take the confrontation scene, which would still take place after the garden party at Octavia's house, and merge it with the finale. This would obviously mean that you'd have to cut out the week they spend together, but it's not a very long piece anyway, and it doesn't really have any function either, since they're allready pretty much as close as they can get before that. This would add a good chunk of drama and additional sadness to it all, and - i forgot to mention this earlier - make the end, which i think is a bit too longwinded at the moment, of a more reasonable length. - This is probably the idea i like best.

There you go. Hope you can use any of it. :twilightsmile:

819361 It was? :raritystarry: That's great news.

Also, nope. Celestia didn't know anything.

Hmm... they're interesting ideas, but I'll need to think about it. It cuts some important things out, either way I do it. I may be able to tweak it up a bit, though, but I'd still have to plan. Future project, I suppose. For now, I think I have another story Idea :twilightsheepish: Adding this to my list of stuff to do.

Thanks! :yay:

:fluttercry:Why??:fluttercry: Great story. HadronPony had a good idea with the "have Luna follow her to her house and confront." But it was a great read and I am glad I took the time out of my morning to read it. Thank you. I guess this was a good substitute for Moonlight Sonata. For now. Please continue with the great writing.:scootangel:

Lynked all my manly tears are belong to you:rainbowkiss:

Thank you for this, really, I'm grateful, not many things in this often cruel world of ours can get tears from me, so, thank you.

823368 I'm actually talking to him right now, trying to hammer some things out. Thanks for taking the time to read! And I'll get back to work on Sonata... eventually... :trixieshiftright:

823605 All ur base are blong to us.
Seriously though, thanks! :yay:

832472 No, thank you for reading this.

Well guys, I feel flattered :twilightblush: Thanks.


I commented on the reddit link you posted, so here you go.

Very well done, by the way. Bravo.

edit: I'll just leave this here in case people are curious, but don't want to link out. :pinkiehappy:

1 point 17 hours ago* (1|0)

I only had time to read through chapter 2 for right now. It's really well written. A few minor spelling errors that I would have to re-read to maybe find them again.

There was one glaring grammatical error. Second sentence of the first paragraph of chapter 2. I had to read that sentence about four times over to understand what you were trying to get across. That's the only revision I've found necessary so far.

The first 2 chapters have definitely got my attention. I look forward to reading the rest when I get a chance.

permalink | edit | source | delete | save | reply

1 point 31 minutes ago (1|0)

Just finished. That was good. Very good, in fact. The moment I realized what Octavia is in this story, I was like, "WHAT!?" (in a good way, though.)

Top notch story telling, and aside from several minor spelling/grammatical errors, nearly perfect.

Don't forget to fix the little mess at the beginning of chapter 2! That was the only real stumbling-block that I noticed.

permalink | parent | source | edit | delete | save | reply

835753 Thanks! I'll respond here, because I like the site more. Hope that isn't a problem :twilightsheepish:
I fixed that problem in chapter 2. Hopefully the editor this is going through will sweep out those grammar mistakes:derpyderp2:

Thanks for the complements! :pinkiehappy:

839010 :pinkiehappy: Wow. Well thank you!

Angels cried from the beauty of this literature. Good show! :moustache:

Ok... I have no clue what came over me there... but I agree! This. Is. Pure. Wubs. Awesome.:heart::rainbowkiss::heart:

842960 Many thanks! :heart:

I just shed tears of mannlieness and sorrow... i love this beautiful story :fluttercry:

That was really good. You helped me figure out where I left my feels. I forgot I even had feels.

In seriousness though I really enjoyed reading this. The characterization was interesting, the idea was very original, and, while the emotion wasn't completely perfect in execution, I feel that what it lacked is just something that comes from experience with writing. I rather enjoyed the little ways you added to Octavia's personality that hinted at previous events without having to sit down and tell us until she sat down and told Luna. Sometimes little things about a characters behavior can grow to become much more important than one expects in a story. When executed well, I very much enjoy that.

Oh, and high points on spelling and grammar as well.

I look forward to seeing what you produce in the future and seeing how you grow as a writer.

Thank you for letting me read.

874509 Emotions are hard :fluttershbad:

Thanks for reading, and the complements! I hope I don't disappoint :raritywink:

882653 I agree, emotions are hard.
Somehow I hate this story for this sad ending but at the same time I just adore it for the resonate and bitter-sweet ending. You did a great job! Even if I hate sad stories, I have to admit: This was deeply touching and beautiful!
So, I gonna stop now bothering you with my bad english^^
Keep writing!

883836 Well thanks! I appreciate it :pinkiehappy:
By the way, your English is fine :twilightsmile:

I don't ship ponies that aren't gay stallions, Twilight Sparkle, or Princess Celestia, and I found this very entertaining.

911995 Well thank you! The kind words are much appreciated :pinkiehappy:

still a great story

On the verge of tears.

This fiction brought me closer to shedding tears than anything I have ever read aside from Old Yeller back in the day.

It didn't help in the least that I was listening to Transatlanticism while reading this.

What a wonderful masterpiece, a truly imaginative idea.

Thank you for this. :ajsmug:

983745 Thank you very much :twilightsmile:

Lynked this was a great story ! seriously man your a great artist!

This was a great story in virtually every way.The writing was great, and your Luna is pretty much spot-on to how I imagine her. But... Octavia is actually a magical sentient piece of the moon? The weirdness of the concept overshadowed the intended emotional impact for me. It's fascinating in its own right, but took my attention away form the romance/tragedy aspect.

Login or register to comment