Chapter 6
June rolled into July, and the days were blissful. Applejack practically lived at the pond now, sometimes even sleeping there in a bedroll. Fluttershy came down to visit for a couple hours most days, and sometimes Rainbow would show up on the weekends. Sweetie Belle opened up, no longer treating any of them with complete hard scrutiny. She even stopped shooting glares at Applejack, though sometimes the looks she gave instead were filled with anxiety. Applejack didn’t know what she was worried about, and ultimately chalked it up to a kid thing.
Rarity had developed a fascination with human clothes. By now she’d tried on everything Applejack and Fluttershy had to offer in terms of shirts. She once tried one of Fluttershy’s skirts, but couldn’t get it on around her tail brace. Applejack wasn’t sure it would have fit without the brace; that tail was just too thick. It turned out that Rainbow’s shirts were just about the right size, if a little small. Alas, Rarity didn’t care much for Rainbow’s sense of fashion. Sweetie tried clothes only once and failed to see the appeal, still referring to the very idea as ‘silly human nonsense’. Yes, ‘nonsense’; their individual vocabularies had expanded significantly.
Fluttershy and Applejack removed the brace on Rarity’s tail every few days to check on its healing. Rarity had behaved herself and followed her ‘doctor’s orders’, so to speak, and Fluttershy was pleased to declare every time that the healing appeared to be going smoothly. Of course, they wouldn’t know if the surgery was a true success until Rarity could swim without any pain. She reported the pain had lessened significantly but was still strong enough that she didn’t feel like risking going for a real swim. Truth was, Fluttershy couldn’t make any sort of call on how long or even if the tail would be fully healed, so it was up to Rarity to decide when to take the risk.
Every now and then, Rarity would get this melancholic expression. Or she'd watch Applejack with something... worry? Frustration? She wasn't sure, but it never lasted long. It likely had to do with how her tail was healing. An unpleasant side of Applejack, one she refused to let anyone else see, hoped that Rarity’s tail would never fully heal. Surely then she’d have to stay on Splendora Island. And Applejack would be there for her. That was how it should be. Not that it mattered, and it would be objectively better for Rarity’s tail to fully heal. She wasn’t going to leave. Applejack knew it.
It was a Friday afternoon late in July, and Applejack was on the phone with her family in the beach house’s kitchen. It was the usual conversation, one she was eager to finish so she could get back to what was important, i.e. quality time with her favorite mermaid. She was feeling better. Good to know the farm was doing okay without her. Yes, she’d absolutely stay the whole summer long. Fluttershy was doing fine. And so on. The instant she hung up the phone, she was on her way to the door.
Or would have been in Rainbow Dash wasn’t suddenly in her way. Applejack frowned at the delay, but only for a moment. “Oh, hey, RD. What’s up?”
“Not much,” the petite tomboy replied, stretching her legs as if prepping for some exercise. “Except my awesome levels, but those are always up, amiright? Hey, wanna race around the island? It’s been ages since I beat you.”
Applejack snickered at the suggestion. “First of all, you’re a sprinter, and a run around the island is more of a marathon. I’d trounce you.”
“Would not!”
“Second, not interested. I’m gonna—”
“Applejack?” Fluttershy appeared in the hallway, appearing strangely nervous. “O-oh, there you are. Are you free tonight?”
“Well, actually, I was just—”
“Because there’s this new creole restaurant that opened up in town and I thought the three of us could try it out.”
The fact that Fluttershy had interrupted her gave Applejack pause. Fluttershy never interrupted without good reason. Looking between her two friends, Applejack felt a twinge of suspicion. “What’s going on?”
Rainbow tittered and rubbed the back of her head. “Wrong? Nothing’s wrong. Who said anything about anything being wrong?”
Applejack shot her a deadpan look. “Nobody did.”
Her friend’s smile froze, her eyes darting about as if she were seeking an escape route. “Oh. My bad.”
“Well, now I know something’s wrong.” Applejack crossed her arms and leaned over her much smaller friend. “Spill.”
Seeing Rainbow sputtering, Fluttershy sighed and came to her rescue. “We’re just trying to spend some time with our friend. Maybe get the chance to talk to you.”
Turning to her, Applejack raised an eyebrow. “That’s it? You can do that anytime. It ain’t like I’m hard to find.”
Fluttershy raised an eyebrow of her own. “Away from Rarity.”
Applejack’s brain failed to manage anything more complicated than a dumbfounded, “What?”
Which prompted Rainbow to step in, speaking with the same caution of a soldier moving through a minefield. “It’s just that when around her she sorta becomes your whole world, and it’s really hard to talk to you about anything.”
Applejack looked between them again, feeling as though a puzzle piece was missing in a game she hadn’t realized she’d been playing. “You mean you two have tried talking to me about whatever this is before?”
“A few times,” Fluttershy acknowledged, brushing her hair back from her face. “Even Rarity and Sweetie noticed.”
They made it sound like she was obsessed. Which was ridiculous. Obviously. Applejack would have remembered if something like what they were describing had happened. Still, it was probably better not to start an argument. There were more important matters. “I’m listening now,” she said, stepping back so she could view both of them without having to turn her head. “Out with it, you two.”
Rainbow shared a wary look with Fluttershy, running a hand through her multicolored bangs. “Uh, you wanna take point?”
Hunching her shoulders and ducking her head, Fluttershy meekly nodded. Her eyes suggested the response was a lie, yet she managed to take a shuffling half-step closer to Applejack. “O-okay, here it goes. We… We think you should take a break from going to the pond.”
Applejack blinked. Of all the things they could have said, this was not one she anticipated. “Why the heck would you want that?”
“Because… Because you’re…” Fluttershy grimaced and stood tall, clenching her hands into fists at her side. “Rarity is going to leave.”
It was like being punched in the gut. Applejack let out a faint grunt at the sudden, unexpected pain coursing through her chest and twisting her stomach into knots. Her fingers dug into her arms as she fought the feeling down. “Th-that… You don’t know that.”
When Fluttershy was unable to speak up, Rainbow stepped in. “Yes, we do. Haven’t you listened to them? They can’t stand still. Movement is a way of life for them. Just sticking around the island waiting for Rarity to recover is like torture for those two, and you—”
“What do you know?” Applejack was surprised by the snarl coming out of her throat, but she didn’t dare acknowledge it. “They don’t have to leave. Rarity doesn’t have to leave. They can be happy here. I’ll make dang sure of it.”
Fluttershy raised her hands as if to grasp for her, though she didn’t approach. “You can’t, Applejack. There is nothing you can do to keep them here. And I don’t think you should. You can’t just impose your will on them like that.”
“I ain’t imposing nothing on nobody!” Her voice was rising, her tone biting. Applejack didn’t know where the anger was coming from, but she greedily fed from it. “What the heck, girls? Why are you saying these things? It’s not like I’m doing anything wrong by wanting to spend time with Rarity.” A pause as her own statement caught up with her. “Them. Spend time with them.”
“AJ…” Rainbow ran her fingers through her hair again, scowling and bouncing her foot against the floor. “Alright, forget it. Neither of us want to say it, but we’ve got to.”
Fluttershy turned sharply towards her. “Rainbow…”
Ignoring her, she pointed a finger at Applejack. “Rarity can’t replace your parents.”
The previous experience had been a punch to the gut. This? This was like Applejack’s entire body had been dunked in icy water. She stood stiff, mind numb beyond the pounding pulse in her ears. “D-don’t… You…” She swallowed, unable to look away from Rainbow’s pained visage. “This ain’t got nothing to do with—”
“Bull. Don’t even try.” Rainbow stood to her full height. It couldn’t put her anywhere near Applejack’s, but it shouted her determination loud and clear. “You’re clinging to her like she’s the only thing keeping you afloat. I’m telling you, as your friend, that if you don’t let go of her now you are going to drown.”
“Shut up!” The words snapped out of her just like the ice in her veins, filled with a searing fire Applejack had no ability or interest in controlling. “She makes me happy! Ain’t that what matters? I was miserable all that time and there wasn’t a thing either of you could do about it! But I’m happy now, I’m happy and you’re telling me that’s a bad thing.”
Fluttershy looked downright frightened, her hands trembling against her chest. Even so, she took another step forward, her words pleading. “We do want you to be happy. We do. But what you’re doing with Rarity isn’t healthy, and you won’t be happy when she—”
Applejack’s fist slammed into the wall, rattling the beach house. “She’s not leaving!” Fluttershy retreated, tears welling in her eyes.
Rainbow wasn’t so easily cowed, remaining rigid and grim. “What are you gonna do? You can’t force them to stay.”
“She won’t want to leave. I don’t have to do anything.” Applejack nodded, more to confirm it to herself than anything. “You’ll see. Rarity has no reason to go back out there. When she sees how much I lo—”
Just as fast as she’d fallen back, Fluttershy stepped forward, all fear replaced by a ferocious glare only made more so by the streams running down her cheeks. “Don’t you dare. Don’t you dare say it, Applejack. You don’t love Rarity, no matter how much you think you do.”
“Don’t love her?” Applejack took a threatening step forward, fists balled at her side. “Then what do you think I’m feeling? Come on, oh wise and all-knowing expert on matters of the heart. Tell me what this is, what makes me feel so good when she’s around. Tell me!”
“It’s a rebound,” Rainbow spat.
“Why you—!” A fist flew, but Rainbow’s reflexes were far too fast; she dodged backwards with ease. “You take that back!”
The smaller girl made a show of cracking her knuckles, meeting Applejack glare for glare. “I don’t wanna fight you, AJ, but I will if it’s the only way to get through to you.”
Applejack raised her trembling, white-knuckled fist in threat. “Take it back, you hear me? Take it back, or so help me I’ll pull the words out your throat.”
Rainbow lowered into a defensive stance, eyes like steel. “Fighting me won’t bring your parents back, and it won’t make Rarity love you. You’re better than this, AJ!”
“I’ll show you how much better I—” She’d started her lunge, fist swinging. Then she saw the pink hair and blue eyes. She could hit Rainbow. Rainbow would hit back. She’d lash out and scream and take the beating. But Fluttershy… She’d never forgive herself. A sudden panic washed over her, and in her struggle to stop she tripped and toppled sideways, barely avoiding the smaller girl and slamming shoulder-first to the floor.
Worry gripped her as she rolled onto her back. “Shy? You okay? I swear I… didn’t…” Fluttershy stood over her, still crying, still fierce. In her hands was the familiar Stetson. Applejack stared at it, a sudden dread washing over her like a hideous cloud. She could see her father and his plain, cool stare, the same stare he gave whenever one of his kids was disappointing him. That was always the right word; her father never got angry, only disappointed.
“N-now Shy,” she muttered, pointing a quaking finger at the hat. “You put that back where you found it, alright?”
Instead, Fluttershy dropped it. It landed on Applejack’s stomach, and for as light as it was it might as well have been an anchor crushing her guts. Applejack whimpered and stared at it, hands half reaching. To grab it? To push it away? Her breath came in quick gasps. Hyperventilating, she was hyperventilating.
“I’m so sorry, Applejack.” Fluttershy’s words were strained, as if each one required an effort to get out of her lungs. “But what would they think of your behavior if they saw you right now? Do you think they’d want you to do this to yourself?”
Applejack’s throat clenched. She couldn’t stop looking at the hat, at the small burn on the rim. “Y-you don’t understand. I… She… Please. Take it away.”
“What were you going to do?” Fluttershy asked, crouched beside her. “Abandon the farm they love? That you love?”
Rainbow appeared at her side, her earlier anger replaced with quiet concern. “All for a crush that’s already doomed?”
At last, Applejack tore her eyes away from the hat. “It ain’t a crush.” She looked to Rainbow. To Fluttershy. “It’s not! D-don’t tell me that. I don’t wanna hear it.”
“And what about your family?” Fluttershy asked, her quiet words making the hat weigh more and more on Applejack’s stomach. “Granny Smith. Big McIntosh. Apple Bloom. They need you. Would you leave them, too?”
“I’m not… I w-wouldn’t…”
Rainbow raised a finger. “And don’t forget we’ve still got a year of school left. Then there’s support; what are you supposed to do for a job out here?”
“I can make it work!”
“And even if you were willing to do all of that…” Fluttershy lay a hand on Applejack’s knee, her gaze imploring. “What about what Rarity wants? What if she doesn’t feel the same way about you?”
The world seemed to cave in. Applejack felt so terribly, terribly small. “She does! I know it. W-why would she spend so much time with me if she didn’t?”
“Uh…” Rainbow raised an eyebrow. “Because she’s got a busted tail and couldn’t go anywhere right now even if she wanted to?”
Applejack stared at them, struggling to breathe with the weight of… The hat. She grabbed it, held it to her chest. Her eyes burned. Their words, their terrible words. She didn’t want to argue with them anymore. Arguing legitimized their points. She couldn’t allow that. They weren’t legitimate!
It was there again. The hollowness. The horrible, chilling emptiness, like a bottomless pit she couldn’t claw her way out of. She was so tired of feeling hollow. She never felt hollow when she was with Rarity. If she left, this feeling would be her world. Applejack knew it. The fact encompassed her very being, reducing her to a blubbering mess. The hat felt warm against her chest, but it wasn’t enough. It couldn’t fill the hole. It was just a shallow symbol.
She missed them. She missed them so much.
A hand touched her shoulder. “AJ?”
She rolled away, squeezing herself into a ball and sobbing. They didn’t understand. They couldn’t. All they could do was try to take her happiness away.
“Oh, you poor thing.” Fingers cupped her cheek. Raised her head. Through her blurry vision, she saw a pink and yellow blob. Fluttershy. “We just want to help you, Applejack. Please, let us help.”
Instinct told her to refuse. To stay curled up on the floor like the pathetic wretch she was. Yet something made her listen, made her at least acknowledge the plea. “H-how? How do you help this, Shy? How do you make any of this b-better?”
Fluttershy pulled on her arm. It proved ineffectual until Rainbow joined, providing the extra strength to get Applejack sitting up, then the support to keep her from falling over again. “Come with us,” Fluttershy offered, hugging her from the side. “Let’s get off the island. Just for a couple days. You need time to think. Time away from… this.”
‘Away from Rarity’, she meant. The very idea made the burning in Applejack’s throat intensify. She rubbed her eyes, though it did little good. “B-but, Rarity. What if she l-leaves while we’re gone? I… I can’t. Someone’s gotta—”
“Rarity’s not going anywhere,” Rainbow reassured her. “Not yet, at least. Her and Sweetie can take care of themselves for a few days. Heck, you might even be doing them a favor, giving them some time to be by themselves.”
Applejack hunched over, rubbing her thumbs along the rim of her father’s hat as she stared at nothing at all. “B-but I don’t wanna go.”
Fluttershy’s tone was sweet and imploring. “Please, Applejack? Just for a couple days? It’ll be good for you. I promise.”
“Come on, AJ.” Rainbow leaned a little closer, trying to look her in the eyes. Applejack refused to cooperate. “We can visit the farm, see how everyone at home’s doing. You and Shy can go to the spa. We can practice our guitars like we used to, hang out. Like old times.”
They were wrong. None of that would help. Not at all. She knew they were wrong. Still… It would be good to see the farm again. To properly check on her kin. And at least if she did this they’d get off her back, let her be with Rarity like she was supposed to be. It was just a couple days without her. She could do that, couldn’t she? Yeah. Just to get them to leave her be. They were her friends. She should at least humor them. Then, when they failed to achieve whatever they were after, they’d back off.
And she could stay with Rarity.
“J-just…” She heaved a shuddering breath. Glanced at each of them in turn. “Just a couple days?”
“That’s right.” Fluttershy smiled so wide. Such enthusiasm in her was rare enough that it almost made the capitulation worth it on its own. “Just a few days to clear your head.”
“Yeah.” Rainbow nodded eagerly. “If you want to come back to the island after that, we won’t stop you. You just gotta, y’know, take some time. Relax. Think about everything.”
“So you’ll come?” Fluttershy asked, leaning forward with sparkling, eager eyes.
They cared. Applejack knew it, understood it, even if she thought their plan misplaced. Turning her father’s hat in her hands, she thought of Rarity. Her lovely, perfect mermaid princess. She’d still be here when they got back. Of course, she’d be here. Even if she were healed, she’d be here. Rarity wouldn’t leave her. This would do nothing but strengthen that point.
“Yeah.” She nodded, smiling at each of them in turn. “Okay. I’ll go.”
As they cheered her decision, she felt her smile growing. They’d see. They’d realize the truth. Her and Rarity were meant for one another.
A couple days couldn’t change that.
Applejack’s stomach twisted. It was impossible to tell if it came from the boat swaying underneath her as she stepped onto the dock or the thoughts that had been rampaging through her skull in the last forty-eight hours. Shouldering her small bag, she stared at the beach houses that she’d become so familiar with in the last couple months. Such alien, weird things, standing up on their tall stilts. So impractical. So imperial. So… not normal. How could she have forgotten their strangeness?
“Applejack?” Fluttershy easily stood in the boat, removing her life jacket as she did. “Are you alright?”
“What?” She turned in time to see Fluttershy neatly set the lifejacket back in its container. “Oh, uh, right.” Dropping her bag, she shrugged off her own lifejacket and handed it to her friend. She couldn’t help being a little envious of how well Fluttershy could move about the boat, as if it wasn’t rocking chaotically under her feet. The very idea made Applejack sway, and she turned away in a hurry. “I’m sorry, I’m just… nervous.” Her eyes drifted past the beach houses to the forest beyond.
What if Rarity and Sweetie were already gone?
With her own small bag in hand, Fluttershy stepped off the boat. “Do you want to go straight to the pond?”
It was a query with no expectations, no demands of commitment, no accusations. Applejack couldn’t say in words how much that meant to her. “No. Not yet.” Nor could she explain how painfully hard it had been to answer that way without her voice hitching.
As they walked to the beach house, Applejack reflected on the last two days. To an outside observer, they wouldn’t have meant much. She went home, and nobody there asked probing questions or made insinuations about when they thought she should return home for good.
She went for a walk in the orchard with her big brother. As often was the case, he didn’t have to say anything. Just being with her for a couple hours was enough. He knew how to say ‘I’m here whenever and for whatever you need’ without ever taking the piece of straw out of his mouth, much less opening said mouth. They had a way, the two of them, a bond that pushed them through the worst times. Except for the past year. She wondered how much it hurt him to know that he couldn’t fully help her with this one.
Granny Smith was as lively as an elderly woman with a bad hip could be. She’d made it clear that Applejack was to do no work whatsoever; visiting home for a couple days did not mean her vacation was over. Applejack knew better than to argue. No one knew the farm like her grandmother did, and she was sure that if she so much as raised a finger to help with the chores she’d be found out and receiving the mother of all lectures within thirty seconds, bad hip or no bad hip. They’d spent a few hours one morning sharing old stories. Stories about the family, both near and far. Stories about Applejack’s parents, especially her father. And when it became too much and Applejack broke down crying, the old woman hadn’t said a word. She’d just held her granddaughter. Perhaps she’d merely been relieved to finally see it happen.
Nothing had hit Applejack quite as hard as spending time with Apple Bloom. They played games in the orchard, and later did some work with some pipes for some experiment or other the child had in mind. She was a smart kid, and there was a question as to whether her little tinkering hobby would lead to something more. Watching her little sister, knowing she may be fated for things other than the farm, filled Applejack with both pride and despair. She just couldn’t get over how her parents should have been there to see it. When she hit the emotional wall, Apple Bloom had panicked at her tears. But she didn’t leave, didn’t run for help. She took responsibility, as if it were her fault. In the throes of her guilt, Applejack loved her for it.
Other things happened. Fluttershy indeed took her to the local spa. Rainbow even came along, if begrudgingly. They got together at Rainbow’s place and played their guitars together. She’d expected Rainbow to want to jam, which was her usual fare, but this time she’d resorted to lighter material, something moody but gentle. Applejack appreciated both their efforts to no end.
She hadn’t gone to visit her parents. She simply couldn’t bring herself to try.
Now she was back. In the beach house’s guest room. She’d started thinking of it as ‘her room’, but being away for a couple days reminded her of the truth. This wasn’t home. It couldn’t be home. Home was a farmhouse surrounded by apple trees in the country. Her room was on the second floor, first on the right, next to her sister’s and opposite her grandmother’s. Home was the smell of fresh apple pie wafting from the oven, dappled sunlight filtered through limbs pregnant with a coming harvest, and a brilliant dawn rising over the hills. But, as the hat left behind on the vanity clarified, her home was also missing something. Something that couldn’t be replaced. At least… not easily.
They remained at the beach house for a few hours. Long enough for dinnertime to come. They worked together to make a stew. It came out wonderfully. How could it not? It was her mother’s recipe.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to go with you?” Fluttershy asked once they’d stored a couple to-go Tupperware bowls in a bag.
“Nope.” Applejack’s answer was as blunt as a hammer yet landed dull and lifeless. “But I think I should do this alone.”
Her friend nodded. The trust on her face may or may not have been warranted. “Okay. Let Rarity and Sweetie know I’m going to come by tomorrow to check on her tail, won’t you?”
“I will.” Applejack started to turn away, but paused. Her long study of her oldest friend earned her a questioning look. “It’s nothing. I just… I think you were right. I needed to get away for a bit. I’m sorry about how I reacted a couple days ago.”
Fluttershy beamed. “It’s fine. I’d do it again if I had to. Just…” Her smile fell and she nudged the floor with her toe. “Try not to make me do it again?”
Chuckling, Applejack pulled her into a one-armed hug, making the smaller girl squeak from the squeeze. “You’re an angel, Shy. Thanks. I mean it.” Releasing her, she grabbed the bags and headed for the door. “I’ll see you in a few.”
A less controlled person might have ran all the way to the pond. Applejack would be lying if she said the idea wasn’t tempting. Her legs moved with a mechanical precision enforced by sheer willpower. Any less effort and they’d carry her sprinting the whole way. But she had to do this the right way. She had to appear calmer than she felt. Rarity had to think that all her faculties were working at one hundred percent. The little voice in the back of her mind kept asking all the familiar questions: What if they were gone, what if something had happened, what if… What if what if what if, over and over again.
It was a very long walk.
At last, the leaves and limbs parted to reveal the pond. The near-full moon shined brightly upon and through the water, creating a pristine picture perfect for any painting. And there, resting on a familiar rock and staring at the sky… was Sweetie Belle. Applejack hoped her disappointment wasn’t apparent on her face.
The small mermaid turned to smile at Applejack. “Welcome back.”
“Hey, sugarcube.” Pausing at the edge of the rock, Applejack raised her arm to show the bag she was carrying. “I brought you two some food, in case you were hungry.”
With a combination of crawling on her arms and a serpentine swaying her tail, Sweetie smoothly approached from across the rock. “Thanks. The food was low.” She gestured to the north side of the pond, where they’d hidden a plywood box of nonperishable foods for the mermaids to use should they feel the need. Apparently, Sweetie’s boasting of being able to provide for herself and Rarity didn’t quite line up with reality. That or she’d simply decided to partake in the easier food source left for them. Applejack hoped it was the latter. The former had… frightening implications.
As Sweetie examined the two bowls of stew curiously, Applejack studied her. She really did look like she’d be around Apple Bloom’s age. Maybe the two of them would have gotten along. What was Sweetie’s future to look like? Did their culture even have jobs as humans perceived them, or did they all just do what they needed to in a given moment for survival?
Yet there were similarities. Both children had lost their parents at a young age, one due to her own cultural upbringing and the other because of a terrible accident. Both seemed to have dealt with it. Apple Bloom, strong as she was, didn’t seem at all burdened by the loss of their parents anymore. Sweetie certainly never seemed to be bothered. But then, they both had big sisters to look after them. Or… did they? Now that she looked back on it, Applejack realized that her little sister had been caring for her far more than the other way around in the last year. And what was Sweetie doing now but looking out for her injured surrogate sibling? Such responsible kids. It was humbling.
“Applejack?”
She blinked, realized Sweetie was watching her curiously. “Oh, sorry. I’m just…” She smiled and settled down on the rock next to the mermaid. “You know, Rarity’s lucky to have you.”
The child blushed, abruptly finding the bowl in her hands very interesting. “She is?”
“Yeah. You remind me of my sister. Responsible. Smart.”
Sweetie’s face scrunched up, her ear-fins fanning out. They glowed a dim pink in the shadows. “Res… responsible.”
Chuckling, Applejack elaborated. “It means you work hard. Take control. Don’t get scared.” It dawned upon her that she didn’t know the exact definition. Eh, that probably got the point across.
“Oh. Hmm…” Sweetie smiled and nodded. “Responsible. I try. Reh-reh-tzee always responsible. Reh-reh-tzee protect me. My turn.”
Once more, Applejack was reminded of her sister. Did she think the same way? “Do you think…” She hesitated, not sure how to ask this question. “Someday in the future, will you two separate? Like, is it a mermaid thing to do that?”
Sweetie sent her a deadpan look. One eyebrow rose. As if reciting the obvious, she muttered a pointed, “Mine.”
“That ain’t what I mean.” It dawned on her that she’d been trying to avoid that particular word, ‘ain’t’, when talking to them. She let the slip go. There were more important things. “I worry about you. Both of you. Mermaid culture sounds real… independent. You remember that word?” She waited for Sweetie’s nod. “You’re not wrong. I… I like Rarity. I like her a lot. And I do want her to stay. But…” The words didn’t want to leave her throat. Closing her eyes, she muscled her way through. “But she m-might not. I know that, now. I just want to know she’ll have someone to look after her.”
Sweetie studied her solemnly, her bright green eyes glittering in the dark. Her little white fingers toyed with the lid of the Tupperware bowl. “Shvee… I. I’m small. I’ll be bigger. Later. Be bigger, be like Reh-reh-tzee. Be pretty and smart.”
Applejack smiled. “You’re already pretty and smart.”
The child slowly shook her head. Her eyes were aimed at some distant nothingness. “Not like Reh-reh-tzee. Hope to be. Later. Always later.” She bowed her head, solemn. “Don’t know future. Maybe not together always. Want to be. Need her. Need me. But… maybe. Someday.” She at last met Applejack’s gaze. “I try. I try very hard. Big orca almost end Reh-reh-tzee. Shvee-tzee-braille scared. Could not help. Cannot do everything. Big surprise. Big hurt.” Her hand pressed against her chest, over her heart. “Here. Big hurt.”
That angle had never occurred to Applejack. It should have been obvious in hindsight. Now a lot of Sweetie’s early behavior made sense. “I’m sorry. I had no idea you felt that way.”
Sweetie sighed, once more staring at the ground. Her hair, naturally curly when dry, bobbed lightly with her motions. She ran her small fingers along the edges of her scales. “Shvee-tzee-braille not help Reh-reh-tzee. Applejack take Reh-reh-tzee, put her in small place. Very scary. The most scary. Applejack take... my sister away.” She hugged herself tightly. Applejack was certain that, had she tear ducts, she’d be shedding some now. “Shvee-tzee-braille only have Reh-reh-tzee. Shvee-tzee-braille not lose Reh-reh-tzee. Others say what they want. Shvee-tzee-braille stay with Reh-reh-tzee.” This last bit with a defiant pout.
A fresh spark lit up in Applejack’s heart. She knew she had to be careful, balancing Sweetie’s feelings with her own. Was this a bad idea? She had no idea. Fluttershy or Rainbow might have known, but they weren’t here. So, cautiously, Applejack voiced her thought. “If… If Reh-reh-tzee had to stay here… would you stay, too?”
It took a moment for Sweetie to answer. Perhaps she was trying to regain control of her emotions. At last, she turned to Applejack, weariness etched across her face. “We never stay.”
“But if you did—”
“We never stay.” The words were strange. Forceful, yet also worn out. Like Sweetie was exasperated. “It not like us to stay. Reh-reh-tzee want to leave. Shvee-tzee-braille want to leave.”
Applejack closed her eyes, feeling a fatigue of her own wash over her. She should have known Sweetie couldn’t be convinced. She’d always seemed more rigid than her elder. Her way forward was still going to be a struggle.
“But.”
Applejack’s eyes opened. Sweetie was facing the pond, holding herself once more. She spoke quietly. “Reh-reh-tzee hurt. Surgery may not work. Don’t know. If not work… Ocean not safe with no tail. Not safe at all. Very bad. Reh-reh-tzee safe here. Safe with Applejack and Fluttershy and Rainbow.” She turned her head to Applejack, but didn’t lift her eyes. The next words came slowly, perhaps to ensure she said the next sentence properly. “You’ll… protect her… won’t you? Please?”
Applejack felt like a monster. For a second, a passing villainy had come over her, a faint yet foul hope that the surgery would fail. That alone would have been bad enough, but to witness the fragility of the girl before her and understanding the consequences of that wish was enough to crush Applejack’s heart. “Oh, sugarcube…” She pulled the little mermaid into a hug. She was mildly surprised when Sweetie returned it, squeezing tight around her waist. “Of course. I give you my solemn promise, if Reh-reh-tzee does have to stay I will do everything in my power to keep her safe. Everything, you hear me? Ain’t nothing gonna happen to her while I’m around.”
The child chuckled quietly. “Knew Applejack speak wrong on p-purpose,” she muttered.
Applejack giggled in turn. “All the time, Shvee-tzee. All the time.”
They remained that way for a while, Applejack running her fingers through Sweetie’s hair. Silken, just like Rarity’s, but shorter and wilder. She’d held Apple Bloom like this just yesterday. But then it had been Applejack in desperate need of comfort. A troubling thought. How could she be sure she was really ready to take care of Rarity when she herself was such a mess? All the more reason to settle matters tonight.
Not yet. She could wait. For Sweetie’s sake.
The moon had shifted half its width across the sky by the time the child finally stirred. She pulled from Applejack with a yawn, her chubby cheeks tinged a faint pink. “Sorry,” she mumbled.
“It’s alright.” Applejack settled with her legs crossed and smiled at her. “Feel better?”
“Some.” Sweetie smiled in return, then looked at the sky. “Want speak to Reh-reh-tzee?”
What time was it? Applejack had left her phone at the beach house. It had to be late. “Only if she’s awake. Don’t go waking her.”
Sweetie nodded sleepily. “I check.” She turned as if to slip into the water but paused. She stared sideways at Applejack, uncertainty and worry in her eye. Applejack was sure she’d speak. Whatever it was had to be on the tip of her tongue. Then Sweetie was gone, slipping beneath the water’s surface without so much as a splash. She barely caused a ripple. Applejack wondered what she’d been about to say.
Every minute that passed left Applejack more and more nauseous. Was she really about to do this? Dread crept its way across her mind. A fierce desire to stand and pace came over her, but she adamantly refused to follow the impulse. The dread might grow into terror, and the pacing might turn into panicked running from… whatever was coming. She hoped Sweetie would come back alone. She hoped Sweetie would come back quickly. She hoped Sweetie wouldn’t come back at all.
I don’t deserve her. The future of her and her little sister is at stake and I was hoping she’d be a cripple for life! What kind of fool am I? It’s a messed up world when Rainbow Dash makes more sense than I do. I wanna go home. I wanna be with Rarity. Why can’t it be simple? What do I do, Papa? What do I do?
The temptation was too much; she started pacing.
I love her. Don’t I? I think I do. Why do I think that? She makes me happy. Why? Because… A chill ran down her spine. I don’t know. Oh, Mama, I don’t know. That don’t mean anything. Does it? You don’t have to know why you love someone to love ‘em, right?
A fierce shake of the head, strong enough to make her ponytail slap against her shoulders. Other things, Applejack. More important things! You just promised to take care of Rarity. How do you do that and take care of the farm at the same time? I c-could come back on the weekends. No, too long without being here. M-maybe I can commute. It’s only a couple hours. I could live with that. But then I’d spend so much time driving and working every day, when would I have time for Rarity?
“Damn it all,” she hissed, leaning her arm on a tree and her forehead on the arm. “Why didn’t ya think this through, AJ? Ya can’t do both.” Admitting it was the mental equivalent of being doused in ice water. She couldn’t do both. A decision needed to be made. If Rarity chose to stay, if Applejack had to make the choice… Her breathing increased in pace. She stared at the hard bark of the tree before her, seeing nothing. What would I tell my folks if I chose Rarity over them? What would I tell Rarity and Sweetie if I broke my promise?
She pulled back, slammed her fist against the tree’s trunk. It stung, but it was a good sting. It helped her breathing ease and her mind to slow down. Think, Applejack. Back to the first part. Rarity. Why do I love Rarity? If she could make that connection, legitimize the feelings that had been controlling her every action over the summer, then surely that would make the choice easier. She’s smart. Inquisitive. Fancy, in her own way. Never thought I’d have had a thing for fancy, but here we are. She’s… so pretty. Pretty like a dream.
The sick feeling was back. It all sounded shallow in her skull. There had to be more. So much more! She’s… protective of Sweetie. So loyal. Is that something worth exploring? “Or maybe…”
The splash was quiet, but she whirled towards it as if it were a thunderclap. Her heart slammed into her throat at the sight of Rarity. The mermaid held herself up with her arms, torso half-out of the water, beads of moisture running down immaculate flesh that shimmered in the moonlight. Her long hair, soaked and dripping, half-covered an eye and only added to the intoxicating allure of her diamond blue stare. She was smiling, and the sight of those upturned lips threatened to catapult Applejack’s soul to heaven.
The smile was gone in an instant. “Applejack? Are you—?”
Applejack caught herself, but not before she’d already taken a few running steps. Cringing with effort, she forced her legs to stop. The jerking effort dropped her to her hands and knees, sending water splashing all over. Upon recovering, she looked up to find Rarity hadn’t moved, only gaped at her.
“I’m sorry. I…” Lowering her head once more, Applejack covered her face. Her hand shook, her fingernails dug into her skin. Mama. Papa. Give me strength. Please. With straining effort, she lowered her arm and met Rarity’s anxious eyes. “Rari… N-no. Reh-reh-tzee. I gotta know. I just gotta.” She swallowed, trying to make room in her throat for the heavy words fighting to escape her lungs. “Are you gonna leave?”
The mermaid’s perfect eyes widened beneath perfect locks. She kept her peace. To Applejack, that was the worst possible thing she could do. She was thinking of how to let Applejack down, there could be no other explanation! If she didn’t do something now…
Rarity opened her mouth. Applejack moved forward, catching the mermaid’s shoulders. “I want you to stay. It makes no sense and I don’t know how I’ll do it but I will, I’ll make it work. Please, stay. Don’t leave me. I-I’ll do anything.”
Still, Rarity said nothing. She seemed at a loss for words. She looked to Applejack’s hands squeezing her pale shoulders. When their eyes met again, there was a sadness that pierced Applejack’s soul. “Poor Applejack. Good Applejack. Can’t do ‘anything’. Can’t do everything.” She reached up to caress Applejack’s cheek with a silky palm. “This not my home.”
What was this feeling? Her heart shattering into a million pieces and descending into the depths of her being, cutting and ripping everything it passed along the way? “B-but… B-b-but it can be. You just gotta… just gotta try it a little longer, that’s all. I can make ya happy. I can!” Didn’t she understand? Didn’t she get how Applejack felt?
A second hand rose. Applejack’s face, wet with tears, was held in place as Rarity scrutinized it with that soft, sad smile she got sometimes. The kind of smile one uses when they don’t want to add to the problem. Not a fake smile, but one of empathy, of guilt. She shook her head. “I’m sorry. Your feelings. My feelings. They are not the same.”
Not the same. Not the same? How could they not be the same? After all this time, all the long conversations, all the shared happiness. Only now to swim away, never to be seen again? Never to speak to her, never to help her, never to make her laugh and smile and fill her world with joy? Just two cold bodies under the ground, and then just a memory to grasp at, like threads burning to nothingness. A sunset over the ocean, over an apple orchard. Standing there, watching, waiting for the nightmare to end. So many voices saying it’s alright.
It’s not alright. It was never alright.
“Not ag-gain.” A sniffle. Burning eyes. Applejack pulled the mermaid close, buried her wet face in her wet shoulder, squeezed the slim waist to hers. “Not again. Please. Don’t l-leave me again. I can’t take it. I can’t.”
“It’s okay,” a sweet voice whispered in her ear. “Shh, it’s okay.”
“It’s not. It’s n-not okay. Why can’t they come home? Why do you have to go? Why? Damn it, w-why?”
She sobbed. And sobbed. For an eternity, she sobbed. She clutched her mother close, smelled her father’s sweat, swayed in Rarity’s humming lullaby. It all felt so wrong. It all felt so good. Just one more time. Just a few more minutes. Was that really so much to ask?
Warm apple filling on her tongue, not quite hot enough to burn. Smooth hands caressing her back and shoulders. The crunch of grass under her bare feet. A fading sunset. A brilliant sunrise. Warmth. Fertile soil slipping gritty through her fingers, forming a mound upon lacquered wood. A sobbing child. A laughing child. Strong arms holding her tight. Hot tears. A lullaby. Sweet. Smooth.
A lullaby.
I want to go home…
Applejack?
Go away.
Don’t be like that. Don’t you want to say goodbye to your mother?
I wouldn’t have to say goodbye if you’d let me come with you.
We talked about this, apple seed. Your ma and me are gonna be going to the hospital to get your new sister. It’s all white and dull and full of sick people. You’d be bored.
Would not.
Is it because of how long we’ll be gone? Is that what’s got you all pouty faced?
I ain’t poutin!
I don’t know, that looks like a pout to me.
Papa…
It’s only for a few days.
That’s too long!
You’ve got your brother.
Mac stinks.
Applejack…
Hmmph. Okay, I’m sorry. Mac don’t stink. Most of the time.
What about Granny Smith? You always get along with Granny.
I get along best with you and Mumma.
That you do. But listen to me, won’t you? Please?
…I’m listenin’.
Good girl. Applejack, you’re twelve. Soon enough, you’ll be all grown up. And when that day comes, you’ll have to get used to not having your mother and I around as much.
Why? Where would you go? Or… Or would I have to leave?
That’s up to you when you get old enough. You have to learn to take care of yourself. You might have to learn to take care of others, like your new sister.
I don’t understand, Papa.
Not yet, but you will. Someday, your mother and I won’t be around. You’ll have to be a big girl. Do you understand what I’m saying? Applejack?
…I don’t want to talk about this anymore.
Okay. You promise me that you’ll be a big girl and take care of yourself, starting right now, and I’ll never bring it up again. Do you promise?
…
Come on, apple seed. Promise.
…I… I promise.
That’s my girl.
Does this mean I can come with you?
Nope.
Aw, come on! I promised and everything!
What part of “starting right now” didn’t you understand?
A gentle humming caressed Applejack’s ear. Fingers trailed through her hair. An image of her father’s smug smirk faded from the back of her eyelids. Her eyes blinked open to blearily take in the pale, orange rays of a morning sun casting its light through the trees. The pond. She was still there. Her head lay on the very end of a purple tail. It wasn’t the softest pillow, but it was better on her neck than hard ground. The pain in her chest returned, but it was subdued. Faint, like the coals of a fire that had burnt itself out.
Rolling onto her back, she was rewarded with the lovely face of Rarity. The mermaid smiled down at her, warm and comforting. She said nothing, only kept humming and running her hand through Applejack’s loose hair. Applejack studied that face intently, her gaze settling upon something alien and unknown: a small scar beneath the left eye. Had that always been there? Yes, now that she thought on it. Had she been so blind that she’d forgotten it entirely? The realization grounded her, not so much an anchor to keep her pleasantly rooted but the shoals of an island she’d failed to notice and gone crashing into.
She smiled up at Rarity, the kind of smile used to keep from frowning. “Why do you have to be so perfect?”
Smile undaunted, Rarity shook her head. “Not perfect.” She tapped a finger against Applejack’s forehead. “Only in here.”
This time Applejack’s grin was as real as they came. “Naw. Pretty sure you’re perfect.” She shuffled off Rarity’s tail and sat up on her knees, stretching before looking around. There was no sign of Sweetie or Fluttershy. It was just her and Rarity, right where she’d fallen asleep a sobbing mess. “Have you been with me the whole night?”
Rarity’s cheeks flushed and she glanced away, biting her lip. “Took turns. With Sweetie. Fluttershy.”
“Oh.” The disappointment dropped onto her skull like a hammer, making her lean forward a little. “Right. That makes more sense, I guess.”
An awkward silence passed between them. Rarity rubbed the brace on her tail with one hand and twisted a lock of hair around the finger of another. Applejack stared into the water, observing the minnows and other small things swimming about. Her mind kept drifting back to her breakdown the night before and the dream she’d had. Or maybe it was more like a memory.
Rarity leaned towards her. “Will you… Applejack is okay?”
That was the big question, wasn’t it? Or then… maybe it wasn’t. She thought on her father, on the hat sitting unused in the guest room of Fluttershy’s beach house. She recalled all the strange events of the summer, both the good and the bad. It all seemed different now that her head felt clear. Clearer than it had been in a long time. What was that phrase, the truth shall set you free? Perhaps that is what was happening now; the bandage had been ripped off and the pain was fading. And that meant…
She turned to Rarity, taking the time to properly situate herself so she fully faced the mermaid. Hands in her lap, eyes forward, she spoke. “I owe you an apology.”
Rarity cocked her head, the motion making her hair slide along her shoulder and drift in the light breeze of the morning. “No trouble. Tail soft. Good for you.” She flicked the finned tip of her tail against the sand as if in demonstration.
“Not that. Er, well, thank you for that, I do appreciate it, but…” Pause. Deep breath. Start over. “Rarity, when my parents died last year, I was… I was feeling really bad. Worse than I’d ever felt before. And the hurt just wouldn’t go away. I know that parents aren’t as important to mermaids as they are to us humans, but they were special to me. I… I didn't want to face that they were gone.”
The little vice in her chest gave a squeeze, but the pain still wasn’t as pronounced as it had been before. Applejack wasn’t sure why, but wasn’t about to argue with it. Especially now that she had Rarity’s undivided attention.
Talking. She needed to keep talking. “When I first found you on that beach, I… I thought I’d finally gone crazy. You were a miracle. I thought being with you made me happy, and it did, but…” She pressed a hand to her chest, no longer able to look Rarity in the eye. “I didn’t see it at first. When I first realized it, I ignored it. I tried and tried to deny it. If I refused to see it, maybe it wouldn’t be real. I wanted to drown myself in the happiness you gave me, to let that happiness make me forget the pain.
“I was using you. I was selfish and stubborn and…” She hesitated, glanced up at her audience. Rarity watched with concerned eyes. “I-is this making sense? I’m not using words you don’t know yet, am I?”
Rarity leaned forward, took Applejack’s hand in hers. The touch didn't provide the same jolt of electricity it used to... but it still felt nice. Her blue eyes never left Applejack’s. “Keep going.”
“Right. R-right…” No getting out of this, then. It wasn’t worth the shame the feeble attempt had cost her. Holding tight to Rarity’s hand with both of hers, she made herself continue. “Papa once told me that I’d someday have to take care of myself. Without him and Ma. I doubt he ever expected it to happen this early in my life. I just—” No. No tangents. “I thought I was in love with you. I might be. I don’t know, I’ve never been in love before. I didn’t let myself think about it before, but then I had to, and I-I got scared. I’d let myself get attached and you might… you were probably gonna l-leave me. That felt like the worst possible thing ever. I was so scared, Rarity.”
Rarity studied her. Lifted her face by the chin with her free hand. Applejack couldn’t help thinking about how pretty and pure those azure eyes were. “And now?”
“Now?” She turned her face away. It felt wrong to see something so lovely at a moment like this. “Now I think I’ve been breaking a promise to my father. I think I was putting all my pain and misery on your shoulders. I was using you as a shield instead of as a person. And I’m sorry. To them. To Fluttershy and Rainbow. To Sweetie. Especially to you. Don’t know why I didn’t see all this before. I guess I’m just a plum idiot.”
“No!” Rarity tugged on her arm, making her turn forward once more. She glared at Applejack. “Not an idiot. Only hurt. Okay to hurt.”
“Not if it means hurting everyone around me. I put you in a bad position, making you deal with me all summer, and I—”
A pale finger pressed against her lips. “Stop.” Rarity glared at her, and Applejack decided it would be better to obey. “Applejack not speak for Reh-reh-tzee. Reh-reh-tzee decide if Applejack hurt Reh-reh-tzee, not Applejack. Understand?”
Taken aback by the vehemence of that statement, Applejack could only nod dumbly. “Uh, yeah. Sure.”
“Good.” The mermaid sat up straight, tucking her tail beneath her and crossing her arms beneath her chest. She raised her head imperiously and looked down her nose at Applejack. “Reh-reh-tzee say Reh-reh-tzee not hurt.”
“But I—!” Those narrowed eyes were enough to make Applejack click her teeth shut.
“Applejack in pain. Applejack save Reh-reh-tzee. Applejack keep Reh-reh-tzee company, help get surgery, help fix Reh-reh-tzee. All true?”
What else was she supposed to do? Applejack nodded. She didn’t dare mention how Rarity made ‘regal and commanding’ look good.
Maintaining her authoritative posture, the mermaid continued. “Applejack help Reh-reh-tzee. Reh-reh-tzee help Applejack. Only fair. No hurt.” Her gaze softened. “You didn’t hurt me. I am sorry I hurt you.”
Applejack bowed her head and sighed. “Yeah, me too. But, if I’m honest, maybe being hurt by you like that is exactly what I needed. I…” She looked up and smiled. It was surprisingly easy to do. “I think I’m finally ready for what’s next.”
Returning the smile, Rarity asked, “What is next?”
“W-well, I…” Squirming where she sat, Applejack felt the familiar sensation of warmth blooming across her cheeks. “I still want you to stay, to be honest. But I understand a bit better now why that’s not likely. I guess, for now, if you’re still willing to put up with me…” She closed her eyes and hunched her shoulders. “W-we enjoy the rest of the time we’ve got?”
A titter. The sound of movement. A hand touching hers made her eyes pop open, and Rarity was there, leaning over to give her a kiss on the cheek. The warmth exploded into flames as she stuttered.
Settling back in the sand, Rarity giggled at her. “What is term? ‘Works for me?’”
“Y-yeah.” Applejack’s lips trembled into a grin. She felt lighter than a feather. “Yeah, works for me, too.”
“Good.” The mermaid struck a proud pose, a dainty hand rising to the level of her collarbone and her nose turned up high. “Now. In return for Reh-reh-tzee’s kindness, Reh-reh-tzee demands clothes.”
Applejack blinked, smile fading. “Clothes?”
Laughing, Rarity threw her arms wide and let herself fall backwards on the beach. “All the clothes!”
There was no stopping it; Applejack burst out laughing. It might have been the best thing she’d felt all summer.
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Heh, "guppy love", I finally got it. Well done!
I'm glad to see that Aj has come to terms with her loss more or less. Sometimes you just need that intervention to move on and thankfully she had friends willing to do it. Not everyone has that. Really good story and glad I took the time to read it.
Great chapter! I’m both a RariSpike shipper and a Rarijack shipper. It’ll be great if you do another Rarijack story just like this one and maybe have them be together!
That was just beautiful and heartbreaking. I hope that even if they're not destined to be a couple, they can still see eachother every so often.
A little shameless self promotion of your own story ^^’ what goes around comes around :)
Can’t wait to see how this comes to an end, will definitely hold off my own until this one finish to not steal the spotlight 👌
10003932
I dunno that I'd call that "shameless self promotion" since I'm not the one doing it, but it's appreciated nonetheless.
spectator.imgix.net/content/uploads/2016/12/moster.jpg?auto=compress,enhance,format&crop=faces,entropy,edges&fit=crop&w=620&h=413
"And that... is your truth, Applejack."
10003941
Well what goes around comes around (if it gets my story more often in the also liked section ^^’)
But of course :)
I’ve been liking it, and (if not direct ‘steal/inspired) it’s definitely made me re-think how I’m going to write Farmer
10003775
We probably should have clued in on that sooner.
Or maybe we did, and just didn't want to believe it was true.
In my opinion it takes a skilled writer to paint such raw grief without slipping into
territory. It's good to see AJ finally admitting her pain, and being able to take the first step towards healing. The wound will never completely go away, but now that she's no longer trying to run from her problems (as it were) the gaping wound can finally start patching up.
Wait, how is there no romance? I knew that at some point Rarity will have to leave but that if there were romantic feelings on both sides
My fav part of this chapter (maybe of this work), AJ was so mesmerized that she lost track of reality, bringing pain to herself.