“It’s always vampires, isn’t it?”
Celestia sighed, tightening the drawstring on her crossbow until the bolt was fitted to launch.
“Whenever ungodly horrors happen while at night, it always has to be vampires. Jeez, this is so much of a cliche it hurts.” Celestia stared at the garlic laced tip of the bolt and smiled. “Well, not as much as this will, anyway.”
Celestia kicked her door open and pointed her crossbow down both ends of the hallway, poking her head out afterward to make sure the place was clear. Satisfied, she pointed the crossbow at the ceiling and said, “Okay, get down from there. I’ve seen too many movies to fall for that.”
From the dwelling of the shadows on the ceiling fell a figure hidden in black. It landed directly before Celestia, then approached her closer in a hunched over position.
“Whoa, hold it.” Celestia pointed the crossbow at where she was sure the creature’s heart was located. Or its liver. Either one would work. “Stop that clinging shadows trick and let me get a good look at you.”
The figure sighed, but finally obliged. The darkness that used to hide the figure now dispelled, revealing the hunched-over stranger. Celestia almost wished it hadn’t.
It was a creature unlike Celestia had ever seen before, and now wishes she never had to see for the rest of her immortal life. He was… simply appalling. His skin was a deathly pale color, with a tinge of grey that made it appear ashy. All of his hair had moved to his eyebrows, leaving his skull a perfectly white dome. His nose was so beaky it would make a hawk blush in envy, and his buck-tooth fangs could make a beaver swoon just at the sight. To complete the signature creep look was a black button-down coat and claws that looked as if they hadn’t been cleaned for centuries.
He smiled, and Celestia nearly vomited.
“Hello there, my dear,” he said, voice similar to a gust of air breezing into a cold, abandoned tomb. “I’ve been waiting for you.”
Celestia closed her eyes and held her breath, already telling that this guy smelled like the inside of a used casket. “Oh, how pleasant.”
“When I heard you’re looking for a suitor, I arrived as soon as I could.” He bowed to her, his beaky nose actually touching the floor. “I… am Count Orlok.”
“And I’m that one mare who has some important business to attend to, so, if you wouldn’t mind…” Celestia jerked her chin towards the other end of the hall opposite the two.
Count Orlok chuckled, though it sounded more like a wheeze from and old, brittle machine halfway to the scrapyard. “Oh, I do, my dear. For you see, I have important business to attend to... as well.” Count Orlok licked his lips. “I desire… a bride!”
“Why do you always add dramatic emphasis to everything you talk about?”
Count Orlok held his hand before his face, his fangs gleaming for some odd reason without any reflective light available. “For… dramatic emphasis!”
Celestia’s expression turned deadpan quicker than her sudden desire for a strong drink. “Yeeeeeeah, I know where this is headed already.” Celestia pulled the trigger of her crossbow, piercing Count Orlok where Celestia was pretty sure his heart was located at.
Count Orlok looked down at his pierced heart (or liver) and laughed. “You think that by stabbing me in the heart I’ll die? You fool! Nothing can destroy my fearsome might!”
Just as Count Orlok finished his sentence, a blade penetrated his skull from the back right out of his domed head.
“Oh really? Then what about this?” a seductive voice asked, right before Count Orlok’s head was cleaved right down the middle. This his body was chopped into individual slices, with all there being left was his legs. These were kicked away by the mysterious figure that had helped Celestia.
She stared disappointingly at the twin blades mounted on bracers to her arms, both of which were covered in dust. “Shame the old man didn’t have more blood in his system before dying off.” She blew off some of the dust, glancing at Celestia with a small smile and wink. “Sure was easy to kill, though.”
Celestia’s jaw nearly hit the floor at what she was seeing. Her savior was undeniably, impeccably, without a doubt one of the hottest humans she had ever seen. Actually, it was much more likelier she was a vampire. The fangs probably tipped her off.
She had a shapely, curved figure that drew the eyes to her ample assets both in the back and the front, with skin as white as snow and looking just as fun to jump into. She was dressed in what could only be described as functional badass lingerie with red and black the main color pallet, although none of the red could compare to her hair. It was as if she dipped it in blood every night.
“Name’s Rayne,” she said, voice as cold as a blizzard yet as enticing as a warm fire, “and you must be Celestia.”
“Uhhhhhh.”
“I heard about the recent vampire problem that was going to meet at your doorstep. Doesn’t take much for all these bloodsuckers to get riled up. When I got wind I thought I’d drop on by, kill as many as these creeps as I could before the party was over. Part of my job, but also…” Rayne smirked, her fangs barely seen on her blood-red lips. “To have a little fun as well.”
Celestia still hadn’t picked up her jaw from the floor.
Rayne arched a brow. “Um… hey, you okay? Do you need my help or—”
“Do you want to go out with me?” Celestia blurted out, before quickly covering her mouth with a hoof and turning a darker shade of red than Rayne’s hair.
Rayne chuckled, her voice sounding like water splashing in a stream during the winter. “Well, you’re certainly one to go for the important questions, aren’t you?” Rayne pursed her lips and drummed a finger against her chin, undaunted by the enormous blade inches from her head. “Actually, I’ll cut you a deal. You help me with the vampire slaying, and we’ll grab a cup of coffee after this. Deal?”
“DEAL!”
God damn, I love this story.
So Celestia's going to have fun killing vampires with the damphir, huh?
In the words of Abridged Alucard...
"Neat."
huehuehue
Wait... are you brazillian?
Hue is a meme here (HueBr)
lol
No clue who Rayne is, but she kicks ass. I really hope she and Celly at least part on good terms.
Hey, hey! Let's do the Dark One from The Wheel of Time
Rayne… Rayne… God DAMNIT, I KNOW this stuff, I just KNOW it! I feel like I should KNOW where she's from, but I JUST CAN'T PUT MY FINGER ON IT! SOMEBODY HELP ME!
Oh, and if we're throwing in vampires, are we gonna see Rachel as well?
vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/blazblue/images/f/f5/Rachel_Alucard_%28Chronophantasma%2C_Character_Select_Artwork%29.png/revision/latest/scale-to-width/300?cb=20121211154257
Wait, she's probably too busy ogling Ragna… Oh, hey, Rachel! What're you doing here? Hey, where'd you get that branding iron? No, OH GOD PLEASE SAVE ME! AH! WAGH! YEEEEEAAAAAAAGGGHHHH!
*Valkenhayn appears* Ah-hem. While my lady and Mister Swimming Dalek are… shall we say… having a very heated discussion, I am afraid he will not be available for… oh, I say the next four days. Would any of you ladies and gentlemen like some tea in the meantime?
That author's note.
YAS
Leaving jars all over the floor? Someone could get hurt...
5569953 Bloodrayne, comic and video game character
static.comicvine.com/uploads/original/1/15776/1042800-bloodrayne1.jpg
Eagerly awaiting Alucard's appearance.
5570196
Hot damn, no wonder Celestia was drooling!
31.media.tumblr.com/20be31269cac769bba0b2c470869967f/tumblr_inline_nfxfv1paBB1sexx4g.gif
At least things are looking up for now. Enjoy it while it lasts, Celestia
Bloodrayne's a game I haven't heard from in a while.
5570094 Ah yes, Rachel Alucard. My respect for her skyrocketed in Chrono Phantasma.
Here's hoping that when Alucard shows up it's only to be beaten up like a wuss by other vampires, just to subvert expectations.
Of course, said beating would be perfect if delivered by wimp-class vampires like Count Chocula or Sue from "Vampiyan Kids" (a tiny, vegetarian vampire girl, believe it or not), but I'd be fine with genocide class ones like Master Mosquiton or the OTHER Alucard (the building-sized eldritch abomination from Rosario+Vampire).
...I admit it, I don't like Alucard very much.
5569860
In the words of Big Mac, "Eeyup."
Has Alex Mercer already made an appearance?
Raynelestia. <high fives all around>
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww yeah~
Not lesbians, they just don't limit themselves. Celestia cause she doesn't have the option when it comes to immortals and Rayne because she's kinda designed like that for the games.
Then again i'm making this up as i go along too so i dunno
Did celestia forget she is the godess of the Sun and at any moment could raise it killing most of the vampires?
Woah.
I've been binging this story from the beginning for the past week and finally caught up. Now THIS is where I'm forced to pause? DAMMIT!
5570720 Have him defeated by Bunnicula.
5575906 That too would be quite amusing.
Well, if all the guys are turning out basically useless in your immortal love life, might as well give the girls a try. Then, give a go at the the non-gendered and multi-gendered ones. Then clone yourself and see if that gets you anywhere. Then try an evil clone. Then an apathetic clone.
If all that doesn't work, get a sculpture that look like your ideal partner, ensure it cannot be animated, and declare you have married it. The crazy will hopefully help you in diplomatic matters by making people too afraid to contraindicate you.
5570196 Don't forget the absolutely terrible movie.
5580999 Oh yeah lol. I've never actually played the games or seen the movie. If it is done by Uwe Bolle (sp?) I just avoid the movie.
Well, if we're gonna have a half vampire help Celestia, then we need to add another one.
A certain son of Dracula who's also appeared in a few video games.
http://b-ten.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/alucard-castlevania-1363105391.jpg
5581001 Yes, it was directed by Uwe Boll
5572588 I was wondering that myself, she could flash fry them anytime she wants so I think this is just her way of venting.
5569860 "You cheeky dickwaffle!"
Where's Blade,
He's a half vamp
I'm sure he'd show both ladies a helluva time
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And I gotta see the scene in this story where the Twilight Stripper Vampires show up,
~~~~~
Twilight Sparkle teleports in packing Spike like a flamethrower,
"Celestia? These bitches are giving me a bad name. They're mine!"
*cue the green wall of fire *
"DON'T TAKE MY NAME IN VEIN!!!!"
7400402
That was a good pun, there.