Anon is a cheap bastard, and hates paying to stay at places. Ergo, when Twilight threatens him with either paying rent or writing weekly friendship letters for room and board, Anon takes the free route. Too bad the free route is filled with frustration, confusion, and autism. Otherwise known as interacting with the local populace of Ponyville at least once a week.

>topkek

TRIGGER WARNINGS: this fic includes racial, homophobic, and equine slurs that are used purely for comedy's sake and are not meant to offend or cause a problem in the community... mostly.

"For some reason I've chosen to write more letters to that stupid Princess. Let me know who you want me to write about for future chapters." –Anonymous

PROFESSIONAL REVIEWS

–Okter

"Thank you for confirming my suspicion that Anon is gay." –Uniame

"So, did they get sexual harassment cutie marks?" –DRaily

"What the fuck anon" –Qaz223

"ANON DID NOTHING WRONG" –nothingtoseehere

"So majestic" –Xzaves

This story is a sequel to Never get naked in your shower

Anon visits the crystal empire for some R&R. Too bad trouble seems to follow him wherever he goes

Celestia has just announced it: Equestria must surrender to humanity or face destruction. Gathered in a chamber, the restrained Element Bearers await their horrible fates. That is absolutely what is happening here, and not a bit of manipulation from a sun goddess that has gone far, far too long without getting some.

T rating for sexual references, no clop here.

A young man lost in the hilly embrace of a mountain sleeps the night away under a knot of tree roots. When he wakes he will find himself thrust into a strange new environment, the Everfree Forest. With only his pack and his experience as a Boy Scout to aid him, he must survive, make sense of his surroundings and with some luck, ultimately find his way home. What does one do after wandering beyond the edge of the map? And better yet...

What if you are not alone?

I have been reading fan fiction here for a while and wanted to give something back.
My first fiction ever so constructive criticism is welcome. Fair warning, it takes a while for me to write a chapter so expect gaps between updates.

[Hiatus notice: As of 10/1/2022 this fiction is on hiatus so I may focus on other projects and items, will resume at a later date.]

Rated teen for strong language

Awesome cover art by Carnelian. Seriously, the guy has major skills with how fast he drew this up.

and of course ALL CHARACTERS / REFERENCES BELONG TO THEIR RESPECTIVE OWNERS. “MY LITTLE PONY FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC” IS OWNED BY HASBRO

NO PROFIT WAS MADE IN THE CREATION / DISTRIBUTION PLEASE DONT SUE ME OR ANY PARTY THAT DISTRIBUTES THIS WORK (unless they try to sell it, then by all means go nuts)

3/14/24 Still Alive Edition

There's only one pony in Ponyville that the Mane Six have never met. Pinkie Pie has never thrown him a party, Applejack has never sold him a mug of cider, and Twilight has never seen him check out any books. And as far as that unicorn, Lapis Print, is concerned, that's exactly how it should be.

Lapis can't risk them knowing where he lives, what he does for a living, or even what his name is - if he gets his way, the Mane Six won't even know he exists, and nopony in Ponyville will miss him once he's gone.

It should be a piece of cake - after all, it's not like the biggest magical power in Equestria is about making sure everypony looks out for each other, right?

(Rated Teen for language - mental cursing mostly.)

After an urgent summon from Fancy Pants, both Celestia and Luna attend Day court. However, a new precedent is set when Fancy Pants presents a male alicorn to the two princessess, one he found dumpster diving behind his house.

Not much else to say without spoiling a lot of the story. Just jump in and heave a read!

Accessing Files... Accessing...
File Found.

Name: Anton Ilario
Troop Number: #35863756-878
Location of Birth: Elysia Secundus, Elysia Prime
Date of Birth: 2.456.922.M41
Unit: 158th Elysian Drop Troopers
Rank: Trooper (Field Chirurgeon)
Previous Campaign: N/A
Current Campaign: Second Offensive against House Lysimicus forces on Veyland Sinestre.
Status: MIA (Believed KIA)

Leaving File...
Imperial Thought of the Day: Suffer Not the Alien to Live.

Skyrim guard travels the magical land of Equestria, making friends and foes, having adventures and lecturing about proper citizen behavior.

But how will our hero fare against the native ponies with such a short repertoire of phrases? Will he help the land or cause its downfall? Should we follow?

Of course we should!

***

Also, all comments saying anything about anything get a prize!

A human has arrived in Ponyville that the Apples dubbed, "Anonymous."
Twilight is worried he might be dangerous. They know nothing about him after all. However, the Apples still treat him like a common pet, until he begins mimicking speech.

Hearts and Hooves Day. Anon wants a pizza; Cadance wants to find him a marefriend. Only one of them is going to get what they want today.