//------------------------------// // 4 - Dem' good beans // Story: One hoof at a time // by SkarinOfAtmora //------------------------------// As Celestia's Sun rose above the horizon, it was time for the citizens of Equestria to begin their daily lives. Shops are being opened, colts and fillies are going to school and the birds are happily chirping in the trees. However, for the staff of Canterlot castle had to be awake before sunrise so that they could tend to their duties as soon as the day began. One such staff member was Honey Comb, a cream colored earth pony mare with a brown mane. Last night when duties were being assigned, Princess Celestia hoofpicked her to be Orion's personal maid! A true alicorn stallion was staying in the castle and she was going to be his personal maid. How great was that? She heard from the other maids he was quite the looker too. "Of course he is. He's an alicorn!" Honey said giggling to herself while trotting happily towards Orion's room. The days of tending to the obnoxious Blueblood were finally up! "Better not mess this up. " she said with determination as she reached her destination. Taking a deep breath she readied herself and knocked on the door. "Good morning, Prince Orion! My name is Honey Comb and I will be your personal maid for the remainder of your stay!" she got silence in response. Clearing her throat, Honey knocked once again. "Excuse me, Prince Orion! It is morning and I must ask you to join Princess Celestia and Princess Luna for breakfast!" again, nothing. "I'm coming in." She swung the door open and was met with a peculiar sight. Sure enough, there was Orion, sleeping on the bed but in a pose nopony slept in. He was on his back, legs half bent and grasping on air. His tongue hung lazily from his muzzle as he snored lightly. It made him look like a dog that was having a nice dream by the way his legs were twitching. As Honey Comb observed the sleeping stallion and her gaze traveled along his sleeping form, she couldn't help but see- "Oh..." Honey turned away with a hard blush. She expertly, without looking, pulled back the cover over his exposed stallionhood before clearing her throat. "Good morning!" "GAAAH!" Orion screamed before graciously landing on the floor. "What? Where's the fire?" he looked around in panic before his eyes landed on Honey Comb. "Who the heck are you?" the maid flinched a little at his tone and choice of words but remained calm. "My name is Honey Comb and I have been assigned by Princess Celestia to be your personal maid." she stated proudly as Orion eyed her suspiciously. "It is a great honor to be in your service, Prince Orion Pax." "A babysitter. Great." Orion rolled his eyes and got up on his hooves. "Wha- No! I am not your foalsitter!" She stomped her hoof in protest. "As a maid, my job is to make sure you have everything you need and make your stay as pleasant as possible, Prince Orion." "I don't need a maid." Orion rolled his eyes and went about to put on his red scarf/table cloth thingy. "Princess Celestia said you might say that, but unfortunately her orders go above yours, Prince Orion." "Would you stop with the prince thing? I'm not a prince." Orion said with a little annoyance and it left Honey Comb dumbfounded. "But you are an alicorn!" "So?" "That makes you a prince!" "How and why?" Orion stood before Honey Comb, actually interested to hear why she thought that, but the height difference and his imposing stature made the maide a tad skittish. "W-well... You see..." now that she thought about it, did it really? "See? I'm not a prince so stop calling me one. Orion will do just fine." he smiled at the mare and she visibly relaxed. What caught him off-guard was when she smiled mischeviously. "Well, Orion, since you're not a prince then, that means Princess Celestia's order is absolute." the look of surprise on the stallions face was priceless. "Clever girl." Honey smiled widely in response and Orion chuckled. "Fine, you're my maid. Now what?" Honey stood straight and proud of her achievment. "You are to join their royal highness's for breakfast." "Hope I make it there before lunch." he patted Honey on the shoulder before walking past her. "Lead the way." "Um, yes!" she trotted up beside him and motioned for him to folllow. "This way, down the stairs." she casually went down but the lack of hoof sounds behind her caused her to stop and turn around. "Is everything alright?" "I hate stairs." Orion took a careful step forward "One hoof at a time..." watching him slowly but surely descend the stairs, Honey Comb remembered the briefing Princess Celestia gave them. Orion suffered a harsh head injury and he was basically re-learning everything, even walking. Honey quickly got back to his side and made sure that if Orion tripped, she would be there to catch him. "So, a maid?" Orion asked trying to keep his tone casual but he was still betrayed by a certain edge it had. "What made you pick up the feather duster?" "My family has been part of the castle staff for generations." Honey replied proudly and almost had a heart attack when one of Orion's hoof slipped on the edge of a stair. Luckily, he managed to prevent himself from tumbling down and acted like nothing happened. "And you felt it natural to continue the tradition." Orion stated and Honey frowned. "You make it sound like a bad thing." she then held her head high. "I'll have you know that serving the royal sisters is a great honor and privilege! Making sure our delightful rulers have their sheets changed and meals made by professionals, in a timely manner, gives them more time to properly lead our country!" "Last I heard you can't lead a country if you make your own breakfast." Orion replied sarcastically. "Yes, well, the pay's not bad either." Honey replied sheepishly and Orion smirked briefly. "You sound like you don't like royalty." "I have different views on resource management." Orion replied and heroically braved the last step. "But that's just personal opinion." "Then how do you rule your country?" Honey asked, making Orion roll his eyes. "I'm not a ruler." "As far as you can remember." Hone smiled brightly and made her way to the dining room. "Oh I remember pretty well..." Orion mumbled to himself. "What was that?" Honey asked while turning around. "I said what's that smell?" Honey was sure she heard something completely different but decided to go along with it. "Why, breakfast of course!" she said in a cheery tone and trotted towards a great wooden door. Not as big as the throne room's one but if he had to guess, it was about two heights of him. Honey opened the door and went inside, closely followed by Orion. He noticed a common theme in the castle. Very high ceilings. "Must be a pain to clean all this." Orion mused while taking in the grand scale of a simple dining room as Honey excused herself and left to her other duties. "That is why we have magic, mister Orion." came the voice of Celestia from the head of the table and Orion noticed the distinct lack of blue needs-anger-management pony. "Good morning. I hope you have slept well." "Mornin'." the present guards and maids were a little taken aback by his casual tone but since Celestia said nothing, neither did they. "It was fine I guess. Had a little meeting with your sister." "Oh, did she come into your dreams? I specifically told her not to!" Celestia scrunched her brows in disapproval. "Luna can do that?" Orion asked while sitting down on a pillow to Celestia's left. "She is the guardian of dreams after all." Celestia responded kindly and Orion blinked in disbelief. "Oooookay... Ignoring that terrifying bit of info, what's for breakfast?" Orion looked over the table and found an assortment of toast, jams, fruits, cereals and basically anything that would make for a nutritious breakfast. Except bacon... "Coffee." both heads turned to the door and there stood Luna, her mane disheveled and bags under her eyes. "Good morning, dear sister." Celestia greeted her but Luna just mumbled something before sitting on Celestia's right and plopped down muzzle-first onto the table. "How was the night?" Celestia was met with another round of mumbling. "Who pooped in your cereal this morning?" Orion asked with a raised brow getting a chuckle out of Celestia and an annoyed grumble from Luna. "She's like that before she has her morning coffee." Celestia clarified and took a sip of her tea. Orion looked between the tea cup and Luna for a while before speaking. "Can I have some coffee?" Celestia stopped mid-sip and Luna's ears perked up. "You want coffee?" Celestia asked and Orion nodded. "Mmmmhm. Hadn't had any for a while." he replied casually and, using skills he learned last night, expertly grabbed a piece of toast with his right forehoof. A simple look from Celestia to a nearby maid told the unicorn mare everything she needed to know and she rushed off to the kitchen. "Sooo what do we do after?" "Well, I thought I would give you a tour of the castle to minimize the risk of you getting lost." "That's actually a good idea. This thing's like a maze." Celestia chuckled and remembered her early days here. It was indeed easy to get lost here. "Also, you will be glad to know that I sent word to Ponyville to find the pony who helped you." "Pony?" Orion asked in confusion. "Why Nibbler of course." "Oh..." Orion said before shaking his head. "You won't find him." "I have much confidence in my guards." Celestia replied. "I'm sure you do but you sent them looking for a pony." Celestia tilted her head in confusion. "He's a squirrel." "Oh! I just assumed he was a pony. How silly of me." she looked to a guard who nodded in response and dashed off to inform the search party. "And just out of curiosity, a squirell?" "Well, you see-" "AUNTIE CELESTIA!" the annoying screech that came from the hallway made Orion's ears slap down on his head and in walked a unicorn stallion with a white coat and blonde mane and what appeared to be just the top of a tuxedo. As soon as the stallions eyes landed on Orion, the alicorn felt violated. "Oh my word!" the stallion rushed towards him. "It is a great honor to meet you, Prince Orion!" "I'm not-" "My name is Prince Blueblood!" Orion's hoof was taken from him in a vigorous shake. "Nice to-" "When I heard stories about a new alicorn, and a stallion no less, I merely chalked it up to pleb gossip!" "Pleb-" "But here you are! Oh and might I say how magnificent you look this morning under my dear auntie's bright Sun!" "Auntie Ce-" "Your choice of attire is a bit concerning but I suppose that's how royalty dresses in the far away land of Terra!" "It's not-" "Oh but where are my manners?" "Nowhere." "I shall let you enjoy breakfast to the fullest and then I shall give you a grand tour of the castle and explain who's who in Canterlot!" "Actually-" "No need to be modest! You are royalty and therefore should act like it!" "But I-" "Would like to finish breakfast? Yes, I understand and I shall bother you no longer. I'm taking my leave, Prince Orion." Blueblood nodded curtly to a dumbfounded Orion. "Auntie Celestia." he smiled sickeningly sweet to the white alicorn who smiled in return. "Aunite Luna." his tone changed completely and was cold as ice. "Freeloader." came to reply from the midnight alicorn and Orion snorted in amusement. Blueblood's eyes narrowed towards Luna but he said nothing more before trotting out. Orion noticed the staff breathing a sigh of relief. "Well, that was our nephew, Prince Blueblood." Celestia clarified as Orion remained staring at the door. "I have the strangest urge to neuter him." Orion mused and just then the coffee arrived. One cup was placed before Orion and one in front of Luna. "Ha! A sentiment we share!" Luna's head shot up from the table and she downed her coffee in an instant. The maid was prepared for it and immediately refilled the cup. "For the life of me, I simply cannot understand how you can drink that vile concoction." Celestia said with a scrunched muzzle. "As I do not understand your infinite need for cake." Luna replied nonchalantly. "Dare I say, did you get a bigger pillow, oh sister of mine?" Celestia's cheeks turned red. "It's the same one! It's just worn with use!" "Widened, you mean." Celestia puffed her cheeks and huffed. "It's the drink of the gods, princess Celestia." Orion said with a smug smirk and emptied the contents of his small cup. But then he stopped as his eyes widened in complete horror and he promptly spat out the drink. "Drink of the gods you say?" Celestia asked smugly while Orion was gagging. "What the hell is this?" Orion looked at the maid who was waiting to refill another cup for Luna should the need arise. "Umm, coffee, your highness?" she replied rather uncertainly. "It's dog piss it's what it is!" Orion jumped to his hooves and the entire room was taken aback by his behavior. "To the kitchen! Now!" the unicorn mare shrunk a little under Orion's size and nodded timidly. "R-r-right this way, your highness!" Celestia was about to protest when Luna shoved her hoof into her muzzle. "Let us see where this goes." Celestia's brows scrunched up in confusion but she went along with her sister's request. Following after Orion and the maid, Luna was impressed by the stallions improving walking skills. Not long after the reached the kitchen and Orion looked at the maid. "Who made that abomination you call coffee?" "H-h-he did, your highness!" the mare quickly pointed to the chef responsible and Orion marched over. "Who dares to come into my kitchen and-!" the head chef immediately paled when he saw Orion towering over him. "Coffee. Now." Orion all but snarled at the head chef who immediately jumped to work with Orion following his every move. "Was there something wrong with the coffee today?" Celestia didn't like the stuff so she had to ask Luna if it was more vile today than ever before. "Good as always I suppose." Luna shrugged and observed Orion watching over the chef like a hawk. First, the chef put some water on the stove, in a kettle of course, so far so good. Then he took some beans and let Orion take a whiff and give his approval. Those were the best smelling coffee beans Orion's ever had the pleasure of smelling. The alicorn nodded firmly and the chef breathed a sigh of relief. Getting back to the stove, Orion noticed the water was already boiling and simply wrote it off to magic. That's when it happened. The chef just dumped a hoof-full of beans into the boiling water and that was that. He looked at Orion for approval but paled in horror when he saw the alicorn's eye twitching. "What did you do?" Orion asked menacingly. "C-coffee, sire! I-" "That's not how coffee is made!" Orion roared and the staff flinched. "W-well, it's a new drink and we're still figuring out-" Orion took the kettle and promptly threw it across the kitchen into the sink. "Are you trying to poison us?" "No! Of course not! I-" "POT! WATER!" the chef wasted no time and poured water into a new, clean pot and waited for new instructions. " TWO TEASPOON OF SUGAR!" Orion roared in his best drill seargent voice and and the chef did as told. "ON THE STOVE WITH IT!" the chef placed the pot on the flames and stood to attention. "GRIND THE BEANS INTO POWDER! HURRY UP!" a small grinder was presented and the chef hastily ground the surprisingly already roasted beans into powder. Just as the first bubble rose up Orion continued. "TAKE IT OFF!" not daring to question the instructions, he did as told. "POUR HALF INTO A CUP!" a cup floated towards the chef and half the water was out. "THREE TEASPOONS COFFEE INTO THE POT!" two teaspoons it was. "STIR IT!" "How long?" "UNTIL YOUR HOOF FALLS OF IF THAT'S WHAT IT TAKES!" the chef quickly went to work and after Orion was satisfied he continued. "Put it back on the stove." his tone surprisingly softened, probably because he relaized he was going Ramsay on the poor chef. As the coffe began boiling and reached the edge of the pot, Orion instructed to remove it once again and pour the water from the cup back into the pot. After that it was back on the stove and once it boiled once again it was done. The chef poured three cups as instructed and one was given to Luna and Celestia while the third was for Orion. "You can add a little milk if you want." Orion then finally tasted coffee as it was meant to be. While all of that was going on the rest of the staff was secretly following his instructions and made this new coffee for everypony working in the kitchen. And as all were drinking this new breed of coffee with blisfull expressions, Luna and Celestia decided to give it a go. On first sip Celestia could tell this was the right way to prepare coffee and it tasted infinitely better than what her chefs were doing until now. She dared even say it tasted phenomenal. "While this does taste delightful, I still preffer tea." Celestia said kindly and Orion shrugged in a fair-enough manner. "What do you think sister?" she got no response and looked to her sister whose eyes were wide open and had her cup empty of even a trace of coffee. "Sister?" Luna slowly looked to Celestia with a thousand yard stare. "He can stay."