//------------------------------// // 7 - You got jokes // Story: One hoof at a time // by SkarinOfAtmora //------------------------------// Cinnamon Chai's Tea and Cake Shop sure was a fancy place. It was in Canterlot after all so that much was expected. Even though it was a pastry shop, it had the interrior of a five star restaurant. Celestia, Fancy Pants and Fleur were used to this kind of decor, but Orion... "Are you alright?" Fancy raised his eyes above the menu he was holding and looked at Orion who was fidgeting in place and looking around nervously. "Who, me? Peachy!" Orion replied very convincingly and looked back at his menu. "I could buy a house with these prices..." how did Orion deduce that? Well, you hear ponies talk when you prowl hidden in the night and certain everyday items come to conversation. Then take a look at the prices and simple math will do. "You are mumbling again, Orion." Celestia scolded from Orion's left. "Besides, I don't think the prices here are that high." Orion gave her a deadpan look. "You live in a castle." his response fell on deaf ears apparently as Celestia hummed in thought. "What do I order, I wonder." she said completely ignoring Orion's frown. "It's alright Orion, we will pay for breakfast." Fleur joined in on the conversation and her husband backed her up with a firm nod. "Oh I can't possibly allow you to do that." Celestia lowered her menu and looked at the couple. "I insist I pay since-" "Since you'll probably eat the most?" Orion finished that sentence but with no malice in his tone. However, Fancy and Fleur's jaws hit the table and the shop suddenly went quiet. Did he just call their Princess fat? Celestia, on the other hoof, looked at Orion with a raised brow. "And what is that supposed to mean?" she asked, trying her best to sound not too insulted. Orion, completely oblivious to what was happening around him, delivered his surprisingly logical answer. "You, and me-" "I." Celestia corrected, her expression unchanged. "-are alicorns and we're like, two times the size of other ponies." Celestia blinked in surprise. "And we have to eat more, which will make for a higher bill and you don't want to make everypony to pay more than they have to. Truly, a benevolent ruler." Fancy and Fleur looked at Celestia as if looking for confirmation to Orion's words. Celestia was skeptical about his explanation, even though she knew it made sense and was actually true. Celestia sighed and looked at the married couple sitting across from her and Orion. "It is true, my little ponies." the two unicorns sighed in relief. "Very observant of you, Orion." "Thanks." he replied, still looking over the menu and finally deciding on orange juice and some donuts. Fancy bowed curtly to Celestia and was ready to dispel any discomfort the princess had about them paying. "Well, your majesty, I assure you that-" "And also." Orion suddenly turned to Celestia whose ears perked in interest. "That whole diet thing is stupid. You don't have to lose weight." "Oh! Why, thank you Orion." Celestia replied a bit flustered. "Besides, you're not ready for my fat jokes." ah, there it was. "Try me." Celestia challenged with a smirk. Just as Orion opened his mouth, a waiter came to the table. "Good morning your majesty. My name is Savoir Flare and I'll be your waiter roday." Savoir Flare greeted with a bow which Celestia returned with a polite nod. "Oh thank goodness." both Fancy and Fleur sighed in relief. "Sir Fancy, Miss Fleur." Savoir nodded curtly to the two and turned to Orion. "And Sir Orion, it is an honor having you here." "You know who I am?" Orion asked, his head tilted to the right. "Why of course! You are the biggest news in Canterlot right now." Savoir responded and took out his notepad. "Now, may I take your orders?" he was still looking at Orion. "Oh, uhh, I'll have an orange juice with a straw and four chocolate donuts." Savoir wrote it down and looked to Fancy and Fleur. "Well, we already ate so we'll just have some refreshing mint tea." Fancy said and Savoir got a nod from Fleur. That finally left Celestia. "I will have a chocolate cake." she said with a smile. Savoir wrote it all down, picked up their menu's with magic and made his way to the kitchen. "What about him?" Orion looked towards the remaining blue pegasus guard who was stationed outside. "Storm Breaker has declined my invitation to join us. He feels it is unproper for a guard to eat with the princess." Celestia explained briefly and Orion nodded in understanding. That didn't mean he was just going to accept it. "Storm Breaker, huh?" Orion looked at the guard who probably hadn't moved a muscle since taking his post. "He looks hungry." "I imagine he is. Storm Breaker has been working overtime for the past month and I heard reports he has been skipping his meals." Celestia's voice held a tone of sadness. "I admire their commitment to their job but I fear for their health." "Can't you just order him to take a break, your majesty?" Fancy chimed in but before Celestia could respond, Orion jumped in. "Sometimes, there has to be somepony other than your boss to tell you to slow down. Maybe he needs the money." Orion then stood up. "Where are you going?" Celestia asked as Orion made his way to the exit but got no reply. The trio watched as Orion went outside and talked to Storm Breaker. The guards's head suddenly snapped towards them before returning to Orion. Orion said something and the guard nodded before following Orion back inside. The two got to the table and Storm Breaker spoke. "You wanted to speak to me, your Majesty?" Celestia was caught off guard by that question but Orion spoke for her. "Yes, Princess Celestia just realized that I am lacking security." Orion said and gave Celestia a look. The princess quickly caught on. "That is correct." she said with a nod. "Therefore, she suggested that you be assigned as my personal guard." Orion continued and Celestia realized where he was going with this. She smiled lightly and nodded in confirmation. "That is also correct. Storm Breaker, you are hereby assigned as Sir Orion Pax's personal guard. Wherever he goes, you go." Celestia said sternly and Storm Breaker stood to attention. "Yes, your Majesty!" "You shall also be under his direct command during this time." Celestia continued. "Yes, your Majesty!" "Awesome!" Orion trotted in place before turning to Storm Breaker. "First order, you will eat with us." "Yes, your High- wait, what?" Storm Breaker's exterior faltered as he looked at Orion "I couldn't possibly-" "Yes, you could. And, since I'm techically a diplomat from a foreign country, it would be very offfensive if you declined my offer." Orion then looked at Celestia with a pointed look. "We wouldn't want an international incident, now would be, Princess Celestia?" "Oh, most certainly not!" Celestia replied as if she was horrified by the idea. "I..." Storm Breaker looked between Celestia and Orion, trying to find a way out but there was only so much he could do. He couldn't risk an international incident! His mom would kill him! "Excellent!" Orion exclaimed and sat back down next to Celestia. "Now pull up a coushin and sit. You can order when the waiter comes around." Storm Breaker stood frozen in place until Orion raised his voice. "Move it, soldier!" as if Orion slapped him, Storm Breaker quickly found a coushin and dragged it to Orion's right. He sat down and looked at the other ponies sitting at the table. "Uh, hello. I will be joining you today, if that is alright." he said sheepishly and rubbed his front hooves together. "Of course it is." Fancy said with a smile and his wife joined in. "We are happy to know that our friend Orion is in good hooves." she added. "Storm Breaker is one of my best. You really have an eye for talent, Orion." Celestia's words caused Storm to fidget in his seat. "Thank you, your Majesty." he said and tried to regain his composure. It's not everyday you get praised by your boss like that. "You can take off your helmet if you want." Orion said and Storm Breaker looked at Celestia. "Don't look at me. Orion is your boss now." Celestia replied with a giggle and Strom Breaker looked between the two alicorns. Well, this has been unorthodox so far so why not roll with it. He raised his hooves to his helmet and pulled it off, revealing red mane underneath. "And as your new boss I have an assingment for you." Orion's words got Storm's attention. "After this, we'll make an in-depth tour of Canterlot so I don't get lost if I go out on my own again. I mean seriously, I thought the castle was bad but the city's even more of a maze." he huffed an looked at Celestia. "More roadsigns wouldn't hurt ya' know." "I shall take your proposition into consideration. We don't want an internation incident, Sir Orion." Celestia answered sarcastically. "You were this close with that mud water you call coffee." Orion's gaze sharpened towards Celestia. "Your new coffee made it possible for me to work overtime, your Highness." Storm Breaker happily chimed in towards Orion. "I haven't slept in 36 hours!" "I'm cutting you off." Orion's head snapped to Storm Breaker whose eyes widened in shock. "Boss' orders. You need proper rest and no coffee for the next two days." "B-but! It's so good!" Storm Breaker pleaded but to no avail. "Your little pony body isn't ready for real coffee." Orion patted Storm on the shoulder. "We'll start our coffee takeover soon, young grasshopper." Storm Breaker nodded, a small tear in his eye. Fancy and Fleur chuckled at the display while Celestia smiled lightly. Orion was making a new friend. "Your orders, dear customers." Savoir flare announced his presence and started laying down the dishes. "Tea for the lovely couple." two cups of mint tea were set infront of Fleur and Fancy. "Orange juice with a straw and four chocolate donuts for Sir Orion." those donuts looked really good and Orion could't help but drool a little. "And the chocolate cake special for Princess Celestia." THUMP "Holy mother..." Orion's eyes were wide as saucers. The cake was huge! He thought she'd get two, three slices but this was a whole cake. Four layers filled with chocolate cream, covered in whipped cream and strawberries on top. "I guess it's past noon somewhere." "This is the Princess' regular order." Savoir Flare chimed in. Orion only blinked a couple of times. "Okay, you have an eating disorder." Celestia raised a brow at Orion. "You will it dis order and that order and all other orders." "Har-har-har." Celestia stuck her tongue out, though she had to admit it was a good joke. Fleur and Fancy were just glad that Celestia took it as a joke and hadn't thrown Orion in the dungeon. Wait, does she actually throw ponies in the dungeon? Does the castle even have a dungeon. "If you skip a meal, does the stock market drop?" guess they're about to find out. "Will you be paying Orion? I swear I saw ducks throwing bread at you." Celestia shot back with a smirk and Orion recoiled in mock shock. "Now, pay attention as I- oh wait, you can't afford to pay attention,can you?" "You've got game, princess." Orion found a worthy opponent. "Uhm, what will I eat?" Storm Breaker asked with a raised hoof. "Ask Sally Struthers over there to share some snacks." Orion rolled his eyes. "What?" all present ponies asked. "What?" Orion asked as well, completely forgetting they don't know about a certain cartoon set in a small town in Colorado. "Anyway, here, have a donut." Orion pushed his plate to Storm Breaker who waved his hooves. "Your Highness, I couldn't-" "First off, it's not highness, it's Sir Orion, and when your helmet's off, it's just Orion." the gray alicorn said quickly and pushed the plate even more towards Storm Breaker. "As you wish, your High-, I mean Sir O- I mean-" "We'll work on it." Orion patted Storm Breaker once again and the pegasus took one of the donusts. "You're not getting my juice though." Orion pulled the glass closer and took a big sip through his straw and observed as Celestia brought her fork towards the cake. She took a big piece out of it and brought it closer to her mouth. "Princess Celestia!" Serifa appeared out of nowhere, startling the Sun princess into dropping a fork-full of perfectly good cake. "Horsefeathers!" Celestia exclaimed as she watched the cake splatter on the floor. "Did I not tell you yesterday that you need to keep your diet?" Serifa scolded as Celestia's ears sprawled back. "Hurry back, Raven Inkwell..." she said so quietly that nopony heard her. Well, a gray alicorn did anyway. "And must I remind you, once again, that appearancess are important to-" "Wait!" Orion suddenly put his left forehoof on Celestia's shoulder firmly. "Do that again!" "Do what again?" Celestia asked, one ear perked up in interest as others watched with anticipation. "The cake! Eat the cake!" Orion said urgently as his eyes looked off into the distance. "I feel... Memories." he blinked a few times and moved his gaze to Celestia. "You must eat the cake! Hurry!" "You have got to be kidding me." Serifa scoffed but Orion glared at the mare. "Are you saying my mental recovery is not as important as making sure Celestia's scale doesn't say To be continued?" Celestia frowned at that and Fleur had to surpress a giggle. "W-well, no. But-" "Celestia." Orion spoke with the utmost urgency. "It is of utmost importance you eat that whole cake. Do you understand?" her fork was already in the air engulfed in magic. "All to get your memories back." and she dug in with gusto. "I can't believe this." Serifa face-hoofed. "Yes! I can feel something!" Orion exclaimed dramatically while Celestica decimated the cake. "Distant memories are resurfacing!" the strawberries went first, drowned in whipped cream. "It's all so clear now!" the first layer was gone, three more to go. "My life is flashing before my eyes!" half-way there. "Wow, that was depressing." one more to go. "What? Oh no! This can't be real! I refuse to believe it!" Fancy and Fleur were doing their best not to erupt in laughter at Orion's over dramatic display. Storm Breaker was just horrified at the speed at which Celestia was destroying the cake. "I... I realize now..." Celestia was finished with only crumbs remaining. "What do you realize?" Serifa asked with a roll of her eyes. "I left the stove on." Orion blinked a few times and shrugged. "Oh well..." then he returned to his juice, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. Serifa facehoofed so hard she almost broke her nose. "Glad I could help." Celestia said calmly as she cleaned her lips with a napkin in a ladylike manner. "It's... All gone..." Strom Breaker heard the rumors but refused to believe them. "I can't believe you two." Serifa sighed deeply and pulled out a parchment from her bag. "This is your schedule for the day. Do as you please." Celestia took a quick glance at the piece of paper and her ears perked up. "Oh! Twilight and her friends are on their way to Canterlot! It says they've found Nibbler!" "Really?" Orion then leaned over and read it for himself. "Awesome!" "Well, since you don't seem to listen to me, your personal assistant, at all, I will be taking a day off then." Serifa then bowed. "I apologize, Serifa. But it was only to help Sir Orion." Celestia was truly sorry, but sometimes you just gotta' have some fun. Serifa took a quick glance at the empty plate in front of Celestia and then back at the princess unamused. "Uh-huh." "Oh come on, it's all in good fun." Orion joined in but Serifa wasn't having any of it. "Sir Orion, I am Princess Celestia's personal assistant, do you know what that means?" Serifa asked and puffed out her chest with pride. Orion opened his mouth to speak but was elbowed by noneother than Storm Breaker. Orion was impressed how the guard was able to read his mind. "It means I have to organize Celestia's schedule down to the tiniest detail so that everything that has to be done will be done when it needs to be done and not a second later since it could greatly disrupt all other things that need to be done on a particular day and then things can quickly-" "That's a lot of things to do." Orion said quickly. "-and your shennanigans are getting in the way of things not getting done properly." and then Serifa inhaled so deeply, Orion thought she sucked out all the air from the cake shop. "So next time you want to have fun, please do it after 6pm when the Princess enters her personal time." "Fun is to be had at a specific time at a specific place. Got it." Orion saluted but Serifa's expression remained stern. "Princess, we must prepare for your student's arrival. It has sprung up so suddenly that I had to shuffle some things around but we can still accomplish everything for today." Serifa then turned towards the exit. "Whenever you're ready." "She means well." Celestia told Orion who just nodded in understanding. "I know. Go run your kingdom. I'll see you later." "Then, I shall take my leave. Have a good day, my little ponies." Celestia bid farewell and Fancy, Fleur and Storm Breaker bowed to their Princess. Serifa was the first one out followed by Celestia who stopped midway through. "Oh, before I forget. Orion?" the stallion looked towards Celestia. "Canterlot Daily offered you a free yearly subscription and wanted to know your address so I gave them one." Orion looked at her in confusion. He lived at the castle, right? "What address did you give them?" Celestia smirked smugly. "This side up."