Schoolhouse Rock!
Chapter 13
Schoolhouse Rock
Edited by: Neko-
“Ah still can’t believe the size of that sucker.”
“Can we please not talk about that?”
“Ah mean I’ve seen a some nasty burrs in mah time, but the one you brought the other day, hoooo-whee, Grannie’s thinking about getting it framed.
“Please don’t.”
For those who are a little lost, Applejack and Twilight were waiting for the hughemaan to appear. The Mayor had arrived with her photographer and were both getting ready back at the homestead. The photographer was preparing her camera equipment, while the mayor made sure she was presentable and was in no way hyperventilating into a paper bag in the bathroom. She was just using the mirror. It wasn’t her fault the one in the parlor was too small. Or that the one in the living room was too big, nope, not her fault one bit.
For their part, Applejack and Twilight had been waiting outside just in case their friend showed up early, which quickly led to boredom and the eventual ribbing that Applejack was giving her friend.
See, yesterday on her way home from the forest Twilight had a brief but memorable encounter with one of the Everfree’s more exotic flora. Titanis Terrestris specifically. This tall bush had a rather unique way of spreading its seeds. Most burring plants usually had light, small and barely perceivable seeds. Through nature's design these would get carried for a time by an unwary passing animal until their presence gradually became pronounced. Where they would be quickly dislodged by the animal’s irritated scratching, fall to the ground and begin the cycle anew. Quick, easy and not much trouble for either party involved.
This is not so much the case for Titanis Terrestris, or as it’s more commonly referred to, the Tackleweed.
See, whereas most seeds were small and hardly noticeable, this thing was somewhere between the size of a softball and a melon. One would imagine it would be rather noticeable, both on approach and when it eventually snagged onto the fur of some passing creature, thus not traveling very far. This is where you would be right, it doesn’t help that along with its size it also weighs quite a bit. Another thing you might be wondering about is the size of the hooks this burr must be sporting, well thankfully they are actually fairly small, just extremely numerous. However, this would usually present the problem that it would make this seed almost impossible to snag on a passing creature. Usually.
The tackleweed however has a rather unique method of delivery between plant and animal. It detects vibrations with its complex root system and is able to distinguish hoof or paw falls from falling leaves, pine cones and other such disturbances. It then triangulates their position and projected path. After which the plant rears up and hurls its young at its new host with the speed and precision most professional baseball pitchers would envy.
The animal or person on the receiving end can usually expect to end up getting hit with what can be fairly equated to a slightly undersized bowling ball traveling at speeds somewhere between 40 to 60 miles per hour. Normally this would cause serious injury, but luckily nature has some sense of mercy and the outer layer of the seed is rather malleable. So while it might raise a nasty welt it most likely won’t break any bones. Still, unfortunate souls have taken walks in the woods and wound up getting knocked out when they caught one of these oversized plant babies in the face.
Luckily for Twilight that wasn’t where her burr ended up. No, this one landed in the middle of her flank, dead on her cutie mark on her right side. Unluckily for Twilight, this was one of the larger seeds, and swept her off her hooves without so much as the courtesy of a dinner date. It then spun her on the ground like a festive purple top and deposited her in the brush a few steps off the path. Zecora, after making sure that they weren’t under attack from some monster and making certain that Twilight wasn’t actually injured, very nearly proceeded to laugh the stripes off her flank, though through herculean efforts of self control managed to contain her mirth to a mild bout of hysterical laughter .
Now back to plant biology, as this is an incredibly noticeable method of delivery, not to mention painful, most animals would remove the burr immediately. And almost all make an attempt. See, between the numerous flexible burrs grabbing onto any fur they can manage, and the seeds flexible shape resulting in a larger surface area coming in contact with furred body parts, the comparisons one could make to Velcro are apt and at the same time a massive understatement. Twilight found this out when her attempts to remove it were met with complete, abject and painful failure.
Zecora’s advice had been to wait a few days, as the burr’s hooks lost their elasticity after a while and it would fall off on its own. Those who’ve met Twilight know she isn’t a ‘let the problem resolve itself’ kind of pony, so once she had made her way out of the forest she looked up one of the few ponies she knew that might have a different answer. Unfortunately, all Fluttershy could do was offer the same advice and mention some fertile areas good for plants that were out of the way for when it eventually would fall off.
So Twilight’s final stop and final hope had rested with the Apple family, which resulted in Big Mac yanking on the burr with some oven mitts in his mouth to avoid having it stuck to his face and Applejack holding onto her friend’s rump to brace it.
The problem was Big Macintosh would constantly end up pulling the two of them across the dirt whenever he started to make progress, so he offered to switch with Applejack who could have a go at pulling. It was when Applejack objected to her brother holding onto her friend’s rump that Grannie Smith seemed to materialize out of the aether, or wherever it is old ponies come from, to comment on how she would be happy if Big Mac finally showed interest in some fillies plot, seeing as she wanted to see some great grandfoals in her lifetime. That, and “prize cans like that don’t trot by everyday.”
There were blushes all around as Applejack tried to berate the elder Apple through the heat on her cheeks, pointing out they were just tying to help a friend. With Granny launching a counter offensive by pointing out to Big Mac that girls usually didn't let you stick your mouth in the rump region util after a romantic evening of fine dining. The siblings were left sputtering at the conjured mental images, with the aging matriarch cackling as she strolled along the many rows of apple trees, vanishing as quickly as she came.
The Apple siblings ended up trading places finally, though Mac needed some encouragement when it came to hanging onto Twilight's posterior. His sister's advice being to ‘firmly grasp it’ did not help terribly. At the end of it, Twilight was very red in the face and very quiet. Whereas Big Mac had apparently ascended the mortal plane given the fact he was very literally glowing with embarrassment. It looked like one of the neon signs from Las Pegasus had wandered off after a lunch break.
They got the burr off, but by that point it was a hollow victory.
Twilight was more than happy to pretend the whole thing never happened, but her friend seemed just as happy to tease her about it.
“So, should ah break out the good Mareson jars for the wedding or are you gonna bring your own?”
“Please, just stop. Wait, do you actually have ‘good’ Mareson jars?”
“Oh Celestia no, ah mean we do have some, but if ah tried to put those out at a wedding? Shoot, Grannie would be madder than a wet hen.” Applejack thought for a moment then let out a snort of laughter before leaning in on her still blushing friend in a conspiratorial manner. “But could you imagine Rarity’s face if ah brought out some stemmed Mareson jars all spiffy and fancylike?”
They shared a laugh at the idea before settling into a more comfortable silence. They both watched the woods, waiting for the strange creature to emerge and pose for a photograph. To Applejack it was still strange. Sure she had had a hoof in defeating Nightmare Moon and Discord, and that would go down in history books. This was something else though, this wasn’t stopping a disaster. Rather it was building what could be a major success.
Applejack wasn’t stupid by any measure, she knew that this thing was able to shrug off magic, and that it was able to take on a pack of timberwolves and win when so inclined. Whatever these creatures were, they were not to be trifled with, so the friendlier terms they were on now, the better chances of avoiding some catastrophe later. Heck, with their help, the world could be made safer from dangerous magics. However, that line of logic wasn’t the only thing bouncing around in the back of the farm pony’s head.
“Twi, can I ask you something?” Applejack asked as she lay down in the warm grass, and continued her line of inquiry at Twilight’s nod. “What’s been botherin’ you, and don’t go sayin’ nothing’s wrong. Ah’ve noticed, Zecora’s noticed, pretty sure a few of the girls have noticed.” Applejack tucked in her hooves and gave her friend a warm, but concerned look. “Talk to me, ah’ll help how I can.”
Twilight for her part had been mostly silent, only trying to protest before it was clear that wouldn’t assuage Applejack’s inquisitiveness. And for a solid minute she stuttered and stumbled through a few false starts, until she let loose what could only be called a Pinkie Pie-eske deluge of word vomit. Raw emotion and many, many words poured out of Twilight as she did her best to explain herself, often realizing what she had felt only when she had actually said it.
After an impressive and near incomprehensible tirade, Applejack straightened her hat and went to work trying to break down what she’d heard. She might have been friends with Pinkie the longest, but that didn’t mean she could always keep up with the mare.
“So let me get this straight. You’re mad at this critter because it broke into your house in the middle of the night?”
Twilight nodded in agreement.
“But you know that this feller comes from a different society, one that’s never had contact with ponykind before, which has got you excited.”
Another nod.
“And you know that different societies sometimes have different views on what’s acceptable behavior and what isn’t so you know that this feller might have been thinking he was doing nothin’ wrong, which makes you worry.”
Nod.
“And knowing this makes you mad at yourself for being mad at this feller when you don’t know if he was doing anything wrong in his book or not.”
Nod.
“On top of all this, the possibility exists that it might have been another creature entirely, so now you’re even more concerned and even angrier with yourself for making assumptions about somepony you don’t even know, and you’re scared that there’s something else we got to worry about.”
Nod nod nod.
“And to top it all off you can’t even ask the feller himself because he doesn’t speak Equestrian, and even if he did, asking him might make for trouble on the horizon with his kin. So you don’t want to ask him even if you could, which frustrates you on both counts. Is that all about right?”
Twilight nodded as she slumped beside AJ, her unexpected venture into her emotions had left her drained. She wasn’t sure how to feel about anything anymore. “I’m just… I don’t know how to deal with this.”
Applejack gave her a quick hug. “Don’t you worry none sugarcube. We’ll get this sorted out eventually, but first you need to know somethin’ important.”
Applejack looked Twilight dead in the eyes and when she spoke, there was conviction in her words.
“It’s alright to get mad.”
“But-“
Applejack cut her off with a shake of the head. “Ah know, he might have done nothing wrong by his rules.” She locked her gaze on her friend once more. “But he still broke one of ours, and even if he had no way of knowin’, you are still allowed to be mad.”
Twilight got another hug.
“One thing at a time sugarcube, we’ll figure this out, you can’t help feeling how you do, but you have a choice of what you do about it. You can scream and shout if it makes you feel better. Everything will shake out in the end, you’ll see.”
It was Twilight’s turn to give a hug. “Thank you Applejack, I think I needed that.”
The farm pony just gave her a grin. “Ah think you did, and wouldn’t you know it, seems we finished right on time.” She pointed at an approaching pair of figures, then waved at Zecora and the hueghmaan that followed her.
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Shutter Bug rhythmically went about setting up her camera. It was a ritual she knew well, and it was soothing to her. She was in her element, and it helped her ignore the fact she was preparing to photograph a creature from the Everfree forest. She attributed the slight shaking of her hooves to chilly winds and ‘excitement’ as she tried her best to keep her professional demeanor.
She felt pretty good about her ability to at least appear calm, compared to the mayor who was becoming increasingly agitated as the wait went on.
They had set up behind the Apple family homestead, it was picturesque and perfect for a photo op like this. However, she couldn’t help but feel that this whole exercise was going to wind up being counterproductive. The whole point of this was to show everypony that they didn’t need to be afraid of this creature, but between the creature’s actual appearance, whatever that may be, and the mayor’s obvious discomfort, this would most likely do more harm than good.
That wasn’t her concern though. She was just here to take the picture. It had been specifically requested that she use the old non-magical method of photography for this picture. She was one of the few who actually had the equipment for that kind of picture and was well versed in its use for the option to be viable in a professional setting.
Shutter was putting the finishing touches on her set up when the owner of the property came around the side of the house proclaiming that the main subject of the photograph had just arrived. Shutter Bug clung to her facade of professionalism like a pony grips a life preserver in a roiling sea. The mayor attempted to adopt a calm demeanor, and almost succeeded.
As they brought the creature close enough for it’s shadow to appear, her heart almost leapt into her throat. It would be fine. It wasn’t like it would go on a rampage over a photograph, and she was close enough to the cellar that she could take shelter there until the guards came if it did.
When it walked around the corner she felt… well. A little apprehensive, admittedly, but for the most part that was just because she was waiting for the other horseshoe to drop. Aside from its strange clothes and locomotion, what caught her attention was the longness of the thing. As an artist she was trained to look at shapes and dimensions. This creature in comparison to a pony had a minuscule depth and width, only to compensate with a massive height. Without a tail no less.
However she was taken aback by how, for lack of a better term, normal this utterly alien creature seemed to be. It had no razor sharp claws, no long protruding fangs, no spikes, no stench, no boils, nothing that would warrant the title ‘IT CAME FROM THE EVERFREE!’ in a newspaper. Its stature wasn’t that far off from a minotaurs, though it appeared more fragile in comparison.
The mayor seemed to have had a similar line of thinking, because the first thing she asked was “Is that it?”
Everything went surprisingly smoothly after that. The mayor had insisted that she see what lay underneath the clothes, as she was putting her political weight behind this creature and trying to reassure the populace. She wanted to be certain it wasn’t dangerous, and despite her earlier nervousness she seemed adamant about investigating this herself.
While confused, the creature compiled for the most part, and even removed its footwear, showing off some truly strange appendages, though not the clawed feet that the mayor had expressed concern about. It refused to remove its leg garments, though it did lift them to give a clear enough view to most of what lay beneath. Twilight was taking notes, and more than a few sketches.
After all was said and done the photo shoot had gone smoothly, and three fillies had shown up unexpectedly, but they added some charm to the picture. They seemed just so happy to see it, or rather ‘him’. The shot she was sure to make the papers was the one where the Pegasus was dangling from one of its lanky arms where the unicorn was perched on its shoulders and holding onto its head while the earth filly clung to one of its legs. Everypony was laughing and the mayor was seated nearby sharing in the laughter.
After the shoot, Shutter Bug watched as Twilight and Applejack started to draw things and recite names for things. There was even a picture book. However, Shutter couldn't make heads or tails of what the thing was saying half the time. Zecora would chime in every now and again on unusual grammar structure in rhyming fashion before she trotted off to talk with Granny Smith.
It took her longer than usual to pack her equipment in, due to some of the more unique equipment requested. Still, she was ecstatic. She had just taken the first photograph of a new race! Not only that but at a rather historic moment with a few of the Elements of Harmony to boot. This picture would be circulated for generations and have a permanent place in history.
As she left with the mayor she noticed the fillies talking to the creature near the woods. Apparently he was waiting for the zebra he had arrived with, for the moment she was nowhere to be found.
From the looks of things, the girls chatted with him and drew in the dirt with sticks, apparently asking him for something. She could see the fillies jumping with joy as he nodded to whatever request they had given him before bolting towards the main road and dashing by Shutter and the mayor.
The only thing she heard as the fillies passed was “This is the best idea ever!”
Immediately she felt a chill crawl up her spine that had to have come from the brisk autumn breeze.
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The next day morning Cheerilee held up a newspaper for her class to see. 'New Race Found In Everfree Forest, Saved 3 Foals From Timberwolves!' The historical significance of the event of a new race wandering onto the world stage was not lost on any of the Ponyvilians. Some were already making hughemaan based bric-à-brac and hoofcrafts to mark the occasion. Most of which consisted of very literal stick figures. All the foals had been excited, something new was happening! So when Cheerilee had taken the opportunity to read them the article and show the picture of the newest race to walk Equis. The children were riveted to their seats straining forward to get a better view.
“Now class, can any of you tell me when was the last time a new race appeared in Equestria?
A small hoof waved in the air, “Oh, I know! My dad said that it was five hundred years ago when the griffins showed up and stuff.”
“No it’s not!” Shouted Silver Spoon. “It was the Saddle Arabians when they reappeared!”
Pipsqueak raised his hoof “But they don’t count 'cause ponies knew about them before they appeared. Right miss Cheerilee?”
Everyone had been following the conversation and now turned to their teacher waiting for the authority figure to make the call.
Cheerilee tried to hide her surprise at how well informed her students were, though she did feel a touch of pride at the fact. “All are good points to bring up, the griffins and the rediscovered Saddle Arabians are both important to this topic. Can anyone tell me why?”
Some students looked around curiously while some stewed in their thoughts, one filly in the back raised her hoof.
“Becauthe we can gueth what will happen now athter looking what happened back then?” The filly timidly questioned through her lisp.
Cheerilee smiled, “that's correct Twist.” She started pulling out history books and news articles to display relevant images. “When we look back at history, when we first encountered a new race, and we can see what happened on both sides and because we know why both sides did what they did, it gives us context on how to approach new situations in the present.”
“For example, when the griffins encountered ponies, they were territorial because of the recent death of their king and because they knew that without him the Griffin state might be seen as crumbling with the loss of their ruler. Coupled with the fact that pony settlers started logging nearby woods that the griffins had laid claim to, the griffins saw it as an attempt to steal their land and attacked in what they perceived as rightful retaliation. And though the situation did get resolved eventually, that incident soured relations for many moons. The perceived slight on the griffins side, and the attack on our ancestors side. Both sides made mistakes and could have taken action to lessen the risks, but nopony knew that they needed to.”
Cheerilee smiled out at all her students, “That’s why context is so important. It teaches us how to behave when we don’t know for sure what’s appropriate.” She snuck a look at the clock.
“Now I believe it’s time for Show and Tell, I believe you three said you had something special you wanted to show us today?” The three fillies she addressed had huge smiles on their faces and the bright orange one raise her hoof.
“You betcha! But I have to go get it first, I promise I’ll be right back.”
Before their teacher could object Scootaloo was out the door and practically gone.
She made to give chase, but Sweetie Belle promised that ‘we got this.’ This did not assuage her anxiety in the least.
When Scootaloo came back she seemed to be ushering something inside.
“Girls, I thought I told you that you’re not allowed to bring animals to show and tell anymore.”
“It isn’t an animal,” assured Scootaloo, “not really.”
Cheerilee’s first thought of “Sweet Celestia they caught a monster” was cut short as a tall figure stooped under the door frame of the school house and then stood back up.
Cheerilee slowly pulled her gaze from the creature in front of her to the newspaper sporting its picture.
As the Cutie Mark Crusaders introduced the newest species to step into the world to a group of school children, Cheerilee felt mightily conflicted. Being fully aware that next to nothing was known about its kind, and presumably it knew nothing of pony society.
“Everypony,” Sweetie Belle chimed, “I give you: The hughemaan!”
The foals in attendance, to put it bluntly, lost their collective minds in the way only children can. Reactions ranged from Snips wild eyed terror, to Hard Rock's hyperactive excitement usually only attainable through intravenous stimulant consumption. The strange being stood in the eye of the storm, seemingly undaunted by the cacophony of exclamations and questions shouted in its vicinity.
Cheerilee was at a loss. As the volume and excitement among the students grew however, years of teaching experience kicked in and she reigned in the foals nearly on instructional instinct alone while her mind tried to catch up to recent events. Soon she had quieted the class to an acceptable level and turned to the three fillies standing proudly next to their new companion.
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Troy stood as still as he could manage inside the hurricane of insanity around him. One foal looked absolutely terrified and had managed to wedge him/herself into a corner, more impressively instead of simply cowering in the corner of the room the youngling had gained elevation and was backing up against the ceiling spider man style. Another was breaking out the measuring tape with a worrying glint in its eyes.
Though eventually the teacher, that was only what she could be seeing the place was THE stereotypical schoolhouse, started calming the kids down. On the plus side he was getting better at judging gender, though so far he had seen only females up till now if his guesswork was on point. Was it a lion pride kinda deal around here? Lots of females and a few guys? That would make for some very interesting family dynamics.
His mind and eyes started to wander as the chaos was slowly brought to heel. This was really the stereotypical elementary classroom. Cubbies filled with books and pencils, little desks for the foals to sit in, colorful pictures with what had to be motivational messages or educational factoids. There was even what looked like an alphabet ceiling liner running along the walls.
...Wait a minute.
That’s exactly what it was, it just had different symbols for each one. First was an apple, then a bee, then a cat. Unless this was a rather wild coincidence and this just corresponded to their own words…
But it was worth a shot.
As the din was finally dying down Troy began drawing on the chalkboard, writing down his guess for the corresponding letters in each language. After that was done he wrote “Can you read this?” in both his language and what he presumed was the other letters. Then wrote a yes/no again in both languages.
This was admittedly a long shot, even if by coincidence they had a similar letter system to English there was no guarantee that anything would be spelled even remotely the same. Heck, even if they did have the same ‘words’ those words might have drastically different meanings. The more he thought about this the dumber he felt. Odds were he had just doodled on the chalkboard and nothing would make sense.
Feeling dejected he put the chalk back on the tray and turned back to the classroom. They were all staring at him now. Well, they had been doing that from the beginning but this was more intense than when some of them were screaming. Somehow. The teacher, who was some kinda purplish pink approached the chalkboard and circled “Yes” before writing, “Can you understand these letters?” with both alphabets.
Troy let out a whoop and pumped his fist as he circled yes. He turned back to see an obviously startled teacher and some of the kids were hiding under their desks. Sheepishly he wrote “Sorry. Very Happy. Very Excited.” After the others visibly calmed he started writing more.
“Had to talk with drawings before. Now I can talk for real.”
He paused.
“Almost.”
He smiled at the teacher, before continuing. “I imagine you have many questions, I have a few as well. Why don’t we help each other out?”
And there was much rejoicing.
In the beginning the teacher led with most of the standard questions.
“What are you?’
“What is your name?”
“Where did you come from?”
“Where is Mt. Rainier?
“What is the United States of America?”
“Why are you here?”
“What do you mean ‘by accident’?”
The conversation devolved somewhat from there so she opened up the floor to the kids. The first question was from the orange one asking what was the song that he had sung to them. He happily wrote out the lyrics and explained the history behind it, about the story of the hobbit and the ring and the dwarves and the dragon. Then about the war of the ring and it was only when he started talking about the Simarillian and the origins of Sauron being a servant of Morgoth that he realized he might have gone off on a bit of a tangent and opened up the floor to more questions. He had kept things as brief as he could, but he was aware small children came with smaller attention spans. Still, it had been an abbreviated version to the point of near bastardization but that's life for you.
A flurry of hooves went up and the teacher began taking more. Troy took the time to really look at the foals, each one was so different. It was interesting to see the individual differences, right up until he saw one that was familiar, and glaring at him with absolute daggers.
And he had a sinking feeling he knew what she would ask. He kept answering the questions and carefully hid his panic. He was fortunate that this hadn’t blind sided him, but he was over a barrel and he knew it. He began formulating his answer, he wouldn’t be able to deflect or distract. But if he could roll with the punches he might come out of this unscathed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cheerilee looked at the clock and realized that class should have been over half an hour ago. She was ready to field the last round of questions for the hugheman, or rather the human, as the answer to the first question the students had asked had clarified that particular verbal misunderstanding..
“Okay everypony, are there any more questions before our guest has to go?” She offered.
Some of the questions she had been given were… questions only a child could ask. “How are you so tall?” rarely had a worthwhile answer.
“I do.” Shouted Diamond Tiara. Cheerilee had seen a glint in her eyes that she wasn’t sure she liked so she had been avoiding calling on her to try to keep the peace. But it got to the point where avoiding her would only make things worse.
“Yes, Diamond?”
“Why were YOU!” She pointed accusingly “looking in my window that night?”
The class went dead quiet and looked at the human. Cheerilee wasn’t sure what to do, so she decided to simply ask the accused party. Once she transcribed the question to the board she stood back, not knowing what to expect. To her relief the human simply picked up the piece of chalk and began to write.
“To answer that most simply, I was looking for strangers like me. I found you by accident, I am sorry if I frightened you.”
Cheerilee and the rest of the class mulled the answer over in their minds and the classroom became a hurricane of whispers. Cheerilee wrote “Could you explain?” This was fairly important and if a misunderstanding took place here and now it could have repercussions on a national level.
“When I was in your forest, I found creatures that deeply frightened me. But worse than finding monsters, and worse than being lost, was being alone. For much of my peoples history, to be alone is to be vulnerable. So in my fear I sought others like me. When I first encountered your kind I had no idea what to think of you and couldn't imagine what you would think of me. So I looked for any place that might house one of my kin. Your house was one of the biggest so that was one of the places I first looked.” He wrote a little more, then turned and bowed. “Again, if I have scared you or done you any undue harm I deeply apologize.”
Everyone was shocked, this big creature had been scared? Was that possible? Then again, it WAS fleeing from the Everfree forest. Nopony likes the idea of being in there. And nohuman relished the idea either it would seem.
Everyone turned their attention to Tiara as she fumbled and mumbled before realizing that everypony's attention was on her now. “I wasn’t afraid,” she said a bit too loudly. “But, since you said you were sorry, it’s alright I guess. So long as you never do it again!” she demandingly declared.
Cheerilee felt no small amount of relief, as she relayed the words and the incident gracefully came to a close. The human excused himself and Cheerilee took that as a cue to end school for the day.
Though she stopped one student on his way out. “Featherweight, I noticed you were taking notes in the back, it was for the school paper correct?”
“Yes, miss Cheerilee!” He happily confirmed. “I wrote down everything, word for word! I was going to take it to the presses tomorrow.”
Cheerilee smiled at his enthusiasm “What would you say about showing those notes to somepony before the printing? I know somepony who would be really happy to see them.” she said as she thought of one pony that would wrestle a manticore for even a peek at the transcripts of what had just taken place.”
“I don’t knoooww.” Featherweight said slowly. “Who is it? Do they have their own paper?”
Cheerilee laughed as she reassured her student. “I am fairly certain she does not.”
‘Weeeeeeeell…… Okay. But she can’t tell anypony. Not before the paper is out.”
"Alright then, come with me please." Though she paused as a distinct orange filly passed.
"Excuse me, Scootaloo? I know the school is fairly close to the Everfree forest, but how did you get the human here without anypony noticing?" She had been partially expecting SOMEPONY to show up, either out of curiosity or concern, but nopony had.
"Pssh, that's easy. Covered wagon. Well, apple cart, but same difference."
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Troy walked home with a skip in his step. He had taken down the translation cypher on a spare sheet of paper when he had left, so now he could actually talk to the pony people. Well as close as he was going to get to talking with his distinctly non equine voice-box, but still. PROGRESS! Though he had barely dodged some character assassination back there practically matrix style. Maybe he should go into politics? Nah. Better to quit while he still had a soul to sell.
Though he did feel a bit sheepish with his massive nerd out back there. He had gone on and on, but the kids seemed to have really enjoyed it. Though he could have sworn they had given him weird looks when he insisted dragons were not actually real, and just instead legends meant to explain unknown phenomena like lightning in the past.
A thought occurred to him, “ I did tell them it was just a story…”
“...Right?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Is everything alright?” Cheerilee said through a strained smile.
Twilight Sparkle was a lot of things, but alright didn’t feel like an accurate descriptor. She was hyperventilating, first off, and she was bent over the notes with her bulging bloodshot eyes practically licking the words, as she drank in the knowledge in a similar mode to that of a man who had been stranded in a desert for 8 months being given a glass of water. All the while a quill and paper manufactured a copy of the notes at a frightening pace.
“Miss Twilight?” Featherweight gently prodded.
“Ihavetosendaletterrealquickokaythanksbye” She shouted as she bolted up the stairs to her bedroom. “SPIKE! LETTER!” she shouted as the door slammed behind her before opening again as she stuck her head out “Don’t worry Featherweight, I will make sure to cite you properly, I promise!” SLAM!
The mare’s head had barely cleared the doorway before it slammed again.
The foal in question turned to his teacher “Is she going to be okay?”
Miss Cheeriee decided to answer as best as the circumstances allowed. “Honestly, she’s taking it better than I expected.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Greg Sargent stood tall outside Celestia’s bed chambers, and saluted the princess of the night as Luna entered. The exchange was brief, but he had been told to let her in, as Celestia had asked for her presence as soon as it was convenient.
The grand doors swung shut with graceful ease. Bits of pleasantry and conversation could be heard through the door, but the guard put them out of his mind as he stood silently gazing at the hallway. Constantly scanning for anything that might pose a threat to her highness. Nothing would escape his gaze, nothing pass his notice, and noth-
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN MULTIPLE DARK LORDS?!”
Luna's thundered shout boomed and made both of the guards jump, not by nerves, but by sheer force and volume.
“Well.” Greg idly commented as he straightened his helmet and tried to get the ringing out of his ears. “That can’t be good.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence. And it was often difficult to tell which was which.”
-Douglas Adams
For those curious to what stemmed mason jars look like.
p.s. If you want a real good time, read the tackleweed section in the voice of David Attenborough
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It lives! It liiiives!
[Evil laughs while thunderstorms happen in the background]
Oh wow.
You weren't kidding.
Kudos for sticking with it!
I'll be damned! A new chapter! It's been so long, that I'll have restart listening to the whole thing from the beginning just to catch up!
Five years later...
10695151
What it not that bad its only been *looks at calendar* five years since the last update. And about 9 years since I started this thing.
Congratulations on joining the group of writers who have chosen now or around now to come back. It is nice how many have done so. For every 5 who leave, one elder comes back.
Aaaah, zombie!!!
Welcome home, good buddy
yes, YES, YES!. -plankton
This was one of the first fics I read on this site, which was a while ago.
Nice~!
It's back!
oh, several nearby restaurants have recently started using mason jars (without stems) for drinks instead of GLASSES!
IT alive! The story is back!
Also oh ho, he better clear the air before ponies start to think he either is Sauron, or he was there when Sauron was defeated. That could be a very awkward conversation with the rulers of the land starting to believe he is their equal in terms of power…maybe more if they think he defeated more than one Lord of Darkness
Where the hell have you been?
Huzzah, an update! Great breaking of the language barrier and needing out over Tolkien! I can’t wait to see Troy explain it was all a story! But if Tolkien gets that kind of reaction I can’t wait to see what Star Wars and Harry Potter get.
This is the reason I never clear out anything on my watch list unless it gets completed or cancelled. Sometimes I get surprised like this. Now to go back and reread everything to jog my memory before reading this one.
J.R.R Tolkien what have you done
Damn I just look now and I just realise its been 5 years last time there been a new chapter on thus story 😳
Just read the new chapters. Good job!
It is pretty funny. Especially the dark lords bit. That and Granny Smith being sneaky yet smoothly uncouth.
Glad to see a new chapter!
10695209
]
Careful, your giving me... Ideas. [Maniacal laughter
10695249
whops, ah what the heck what is the worse that can happen? He riding Celestia in the air while fighting a hydra like that scene in hercules?
What in the God damn.
Guess who's back back again Jarofhearts is back back again thought the story died this time for real welcome back and look forward to more updates
Oh woah it lives!!
Always love a good excuse to reread something from the start~
Fucking hell!
I never gave up hope!
Granted it was mostly through the power of denial but I read somewhere that it still counts!
This is not fair at all, now I have to re-read it!
Good thing he's into Tolkien instead of a worst case scenario, like, say, Aztec mythology.
Imagine accedentaly giving them the impression that one of the gods we worship is called 'the flayed one', or that the moon is trying to kill the sun and bring about the end of the world, or even that our world is made from a half dead corpse that will eat everything if not given enough blood sacrifices.
He really should be thankful for many things.
happy to have an excuse to re-read this.
Long time, no see. Proof that all you have to do is wait and the stories you follow will eventually continue.
A new chapter?!
Finished reading the new chapter, though I expected some explanation for the long absence. Can we get maybe a blogpost update on where you've been and the status of this story going forward? The last blogpost was over a year ago.
10695394
Fair. I'll draft one now.
*Edit: Here's the post: https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/938584/been-a-hot-minute
It could be worse. Troy could have talked about the world wars
Hope for a new chapter soonish
Thank you for the update!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had long given up hope on this. My eyes almost exploded when I saw that you updated this story. Thank you so much! I hope this means you're back! Also, I love what you did with the chapter and how you got them to figure out how to communicate with each other. I also love how funny it is that said method of communication comes with a .... "sort of"
Aw hell yeah, glad to see a new chapter. Welcome back.
IT LIVES anyway had to re-read but still great, one of the many story's I read first on this sight and happy to read again. Also the last part is hilarious because context is alway important
fuck after so long i will have to re read the whole thing so i am not lost on the last chapter
The author is back!
IT LIVES!!!
Unexpected but very welcome update.:D
10695159
Honestly, you get used to it. Good on ya for posting!
It's great to see you back!
HOLY SHIT!
An update?
It's alive. ALIVE! *Insert mad scientist laugh here*
Thanks for the chapter, see you again in 2026
awesome chapter
and overeager twilightying did its thing once again xD
It's alive, it's alive!!!