Chapter 1
You are Twilight, and today in a difficult situation. Applejack has adopted some creature from the Everfree forest. And while it seems harmless enough to AJ and everyone else, even the Princess, you're not so sure. Never before has anybody seen anything like him. It does have some level of intelligence, after all it's wearing clothes for warmth and seems responsive when you talk to it but it doesn't understand anything anyone says. It just wandered in one day from the Everfree into Sweet Apple Acres, got attached and nobody questioned it. So once a few months went by, nobody is wary or sees a reason to be afraid, aside from you.
Right now you're sitting in Sugar Cube Corner, voicing your concerns to Pinkie when in walks Applebloom followed by the lumbering creature.
"Hiya girls," Pinkie chirps, "And Anon."
"Anon?"
"Nopony seems to know who or what he is so we thought it seemed appropriate," Applebloom replies as she gives a smile to 'Anon'.
"He?"
You examine Anon and while you can agree some of his features do seem masculine when compared with similar animals.
"Yup."
You can't help but think there's really only one way for them to be sure of that and you hope poor Applebloom wasn't the one to discover that.
"AJ found out so we'll know what we're in for in case we'd have to deal with estrus cycles or something."
"Applebloom, perhaps it's not such a good idea to get too attached to him."
"Why?"
"Well, he's only been here for a short time, there's no guarantee he'll stick around. After all we're not of his kind."
"There's no reason to think he'll leave."
You're trying not to get frustrated but you do anyway. So far, any and all words of caution to the Apple family have fallen upon deaf ears but you're not giving up on this. They ignore it in favour of keeping their big pet but you're going to remain cautious until proven there isn't a reason to be.
"Applebloom, listen-"
Anon, seemingly to sense your heated attitude, steps in front of the two of you and even tries to carefully push you away. Your own heartbeat can be felt in your throat as he looms over you. Even with his unusual face, you can see the stern glare. He doesn't like you. Once he's pushed you backwards a bit, he takes a deep breath in and holds it to as he straightens his stance up to make himself look more intimidating.
And it kind of works. He's a giant compared to you. With a sharp inhale, you summon your courage and use your magic to push back a little. Nothing quick or threatening, you just want to send a message that you're not intimated. Instead it sends Anon into a spiral of panic and fear. Something about your magic spooks the thing and in a swift decision of flight. He scoops Applebloom into his arms and darts outside. You're left there in a stunned daze. By the time you step outside, Anon is already long gone. His legs are much longer than yours but that's still some impressive speed. There's only one place you can think of that he'd retreat to.
Once you arrive at Sweet Apple Acres, you're greeted by AJ.
"Howdy Sugarcube, it's great that you're here actually."
"It is?"
"Yeah, why were you using magic to spook Anon?"
"To-What? I wasn't trying to--I had no idea he'd react like that," you stammer defensively.
"It's alright Twi'. I know you didn't, and neither did I. I'm just wondering what happened, is all."
"Is Applebloom alright?"
"Of course, why? Did something else happen?"
"Well, no. He just took off so fast with her in his arms, I just wanted to check."
"I do have something you might be interested in though," she says as she leads you inside.
You quickly follow suit. Anon, who was sitting calmly at the table, bolts upright on your entrance.
"It's alright dearie," Granny Smith reassuringly states as she walks over to your side.
She wraps a hoof around your withers and smiles. His eyes never break off from you so it's obvious he's still wary of you but he takes his seat as he slowly sits down.
"Seems you two have something in common," Granny remarks as she takes her seat.
"So what did you want to show me?"
Applejack gestures to Applebloom who excitedly places an apple on the table.
"Apple."
She gestures to Anon and holds there for a moment as Anon's eyes dart off you to her for a brief moment. Then he seems to understand and realise what she's waiting for.
"Apple," he mimics.
He slurs a little but that was definitely 'Apple.'
"I don't mean to be a downer but he's only mimicked one word-"
"There's more," AJ breathlessly blurts.
Her tone is excited as she gestures for you to hush, AJ's eyes never leave Anon.
"Applebloom," the filly states as she points to herself, then points to Anon with a pause.
"Anon," he replies as he points to himself.
"We've taught him a few other words, but we thought you might be a better teacher than a bunch of farmhands. Not to mention it'd give you a chance to study his habits and things so we'll have a better understand like you've been wanting. And then you'll come to see what a harmless little critter he is," AJ explains.
"That is, if you're willing to," Granny adds as she clears her through.
The trio then sit there in silence, all expectantly smiling at you while Anon remains locked on you. There's a fearful cry echoing in you, pleading to not do it. Yet it's not enough and so, with a heavy sigh, you agree. Applejack is right after all, this is a chance to get to know him. Either he'll prove to be truly harmless or you'll find the reason to prove that he shouldn't be kept around like a housepet.
"Great! We'll send him over tomorrow--If that's alright by you."
"Yeah, any time is fine."
With a forced smile, you head home with plans for some kind of syllabus and something you can use to stop Anon if he gets out of control.
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Ehhhh. The dialogue's pretty dry. You also need to space the paragraphs and sections.
wait what
Well, that's certainly starting out different from the typical Anon story.
>i love greentext fanfictions, and i would be fine with keeping them in the typical greentext format
When I saw the dreaded '2nd Person' tag, I expected this to be from Anon's perspective, but:
This kills the story.
This chapter reminds me of Tarzan when Jane is teaching Tarzan English
7068752
Not necessarily. If anything it helps to deviate the story from the slough of other Anon fics.
7069171 Well, it is certainly something different, at least ¯\_(o ͟ʖo)_/¯
7069171
I was looking through the comments and was about to post my own when I saw your profile pic. The first thing I did when I saw it was scream "what the fuck" and bolt out of the room for a couple minuets to regain my sanity. Good job sir, You broke my sanity for a minuet or two.
p.s I totally did not scream like a girl and babble like an idiot for three minuets afterward.
Well that makes sense.
7066447 7068752 7069171 7069480
May I introduce you with one of the great Anon fanfics of our time?
Enjoy!
~Leonzilla
Second Person Perspective with Twilight as the protagonist? That an... interesting choice.
Okay, this story has a lot of promise. I love how you actually give a reason for his name to be Anon, but there's a couple big things that make it very difficult to read.
First is the unneeded and improper use of the second person. The second person is intended to let the reader place themselves in the story as the protagonist. This means the protagonist of a second person story should have as little personal descriptions and backstory as possible. If your story is about a twenty-two year old guy with red hair from Cincinnati, anyone that isn't a twenty-two year old guy with red hair from Cincinnati will immediately be pulled out of the story.
This story is told as a second person story, but it isn't about the reader, it's about Twilight Sparkle. Telling it in the second person doesn't help immersion, it destroys it. Every time the story says 'you' the reader has to replace it with the proper third person noun or pronoun. If you went back through this and replaced 'you' with 'Twilight', 'she', etc, it would be so much better.
Second, the reveal that Anon can talk has no impact, because we don't really see him being unable to speak. All we see is one scene with him getting aggressive with Twilight (which I must also say, one of them over reacted. Either Twilight lost her temper with a filly because she likes her new pet, or Anon became aggressive because Twilight was mildly annoyed, I couldn't tell) and then running off. Hell, we don't even see the discovery that he can speak. All we see is a three ponies showing one pony something they had already discovered.
Third, give us a reason Twilight is worried that Anon is dangerous. All we have is a 'gut feeling', but Twilight isn't the type to rely on something like that. A scene where he shows his potential danger or some other clue to hint to it would go a long way. Maybe he has something on him that belonged to a dangerous animal or Fluttershy or Zecora discovering a dead animal near where he was found.
In short, I would recommend two things, change the second person to third, as it adds nothing and ruins immersion, and lengthen the chapter to better establish that Anon can't speak and actually show the discovery that he can as well as establish why Twilight is wary of him. There is a lot of potential here and I would love to see it realized.
7065355 Actually, one only needs to either double space paragraphs or indent. Doing both is unnecessary and redundant. Some do prefer both, but it's actually grammatically incorrect.
7070300 It is different and unusual. I shall see how it develops.
I'm thinking gerbils.
7071415
Wow this is some really honest feedback which I can agree with.
Author read this!
He's harmless. Just don't give him a reason to harm.
Already learning equestrian.
That's good.
7074844
The epitome of a good pet.
"Don't start nothin', won't be nothin'."
2nd Person as Twilight? Huh... I'm intrigued, please... continue.
I have not read an Anon story I like.
I have only read second person stories I have tolerated.
But you have my attention.
9081512
Have you read Prank war or Exchange?
I don't understand you people who dislike or hate stories with Anon, you can almost every time see that tag so why do you even bother reading those?
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