17 - Butt stamps and cats
That was quite the introduction Orion had. Not that many saw him since everypony was ducking down to avoid the crows. Once they left the train station Orion got his first view of Ponyville. It looked like an ordinary little village to him.
"That it?" Orion looked to Twilight and her scrunched muzzle.
"What do you mean That it?" she asked looking up at the taller alicorn.
"I dunno'." Orion shrugged and continued with the slow pace next to Twilight. "It's nice I guess. A quaint little village." it did seem like a peacefull place, minus the crows that were now flying around and scaring everypony.
"You dont' sound very impressed, Mr. I Lived In A Castle." Twilight huffed and rolled her eyes.
"I slept in a dumpster for two weeks." Orion deadpanned and Twilight imediately flinched. "Guess I thought it would look... Different?"
"Well, I can assure you, you'll like it here." Twilight responded and ruffled her wings. "To be fair, I was also a little sceptical when I moved here but I now call Ponyville my home."
"Moved? From where?" Orion asked while looking around his new home.
"Canterlot." Twilight replied and puffed out her chest. "I went to Celestia's school of magic and was her favorite student. She even took me under her wing and gave me advanced magic lessons."
"Then why did you move here?" Orion looked down to a suddenly stiff Twilight.
"Princess Celestia said I needed to learn about friendship." she then laughed sheepishly. "I was kind of a loner."
"So she yeeted you here?" Orion asked with a raised brow.
"Basically." Twilight's brows furrowed. "Now that you say it, it was a little rude."
"I think Celestia knew what she was doing." Orion then halted since they reached what was basically the center of town and stood in front of a fountain. "Just hope she's right about this Discord guy." Twilight stood next to him and gave him a reassuring smile.
"Discord is not so bad. Well, now anyways." before Orion could react Twilight continued. "Anyway, welcome to Ponyville!" and on cue ponies swarmed the two of them and Orion nearly fell into the fountain.
"Oh my Celestia it's him! He's real!" Roseluck squealed and almost fainted.
"I can't bucking believe it!" Berry Punch gasped.
"Language!" Cheerilee smacked the pink mare upside the head.
"Come by Sugarcube Corner, Your Majesty!" said Mr. and Mrs. Cake before stuffing a muffin in his mouth which actually made him fall into the fountain.
"Calm down everypony!" Twilight tried to calm down the situation before something bad happened. "Give Orion some-"
"Twilight." the lavander alicorn froze upon hearing Orion calling her. He did not sound pleased. Her head slowly turned towards the fountain and color drained from her face. Orion's horn was starting to glow.
"Alright everypony give him some space NOW!" the crowd immediately backed away, startled by Twilight using the Royal voice. Even Twilight realized what she did and covered her mouth. "I am so sorry..."
"Geez. You could have asked nicely." Vinyl Scratch huffed and subtly pulled back her hoof that was trying to hand Orion her mix tape. To her surprise, Orion grabbed the tape harshly.
"You better hope this is good." Orion said ominously and Vinyl gulped.
"Please. Give him some space." Twilight now practically begged the townponies. Orion slowly stood up and got out of the fountain. He eyed the ponies with a deadly glare, water dripping from his mane and body. The mares couldn't decide if he was hot or terrifying. Bit of both maybe... "Orion is new to being an alicorn, just like me, so all of this attention is a little too much for-"
"He's a blank flank!" you could hear a snap from Twilight as soon as Diamond Tiara opened her mouth.
"Really?" said the CMC who puffed into existance before Orion. It was like all the rage melted away in an instant as Orion's senses were flooded with excrutiating levels of cuteness. Their big eyes immeditaley went to his flank and the fillies smiled widely. "One of us!"
"Oh my god!" Orion dropped down to eye level, his eyes wide as saucers. "You three are so cute!" Twilight sighed in relief so much she almost blew away a couple of ponies. She just couldn't help but smile when she saw Orion jumping around Apple Bloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle like a big dog that just encountered the cutest puppies. However, her expression soured when Diamond Tiara approached the four.
"Pfft. Blanks go with blanks." she chuckled and earned herself angry looks from the CMC. "Nothing to see here ponies. Just a blank flank alicorn. I guess they let anypony become alicorn these days." Twilight knew that last bit was directed at her but brushed it off.
"What's a blank flank?" Orion stood up to his full height and Diamond Tiara realized how small she truly was.
"It's a rude term for somepony who doesn't have a cutie mark." Apple Bloom, standing between Orion's front legs, replied and glared daggers at Diamond Tiara.
"Like muggle?" Orion tilted his head and got confused looks all around. "Nevermind. Yeah I don't have a cutie mark." Orion lowered his head and stared at Diamond Tiara. "What about it, pipsqueak?"
"Somepony called me?" a tiny white colt with brown mane peeked out from the crowd.
"I should have known." Orion deadpanned upon seeing the little colt. His eyes then went back to the snobbish filly. "Beat it, brat." Diamond didn't have to be told twice and ran away, leaving a cloud of dust behind her. "What's her deal?"
"That's Diamond Tiara." Sweetie Belle sighed and Orion looked down to see all three CMC's standing beneath him like he was some sort of guardian.
"You get used to it." Scootaloo added.
"You don't get used to it." Orion grinned menacingly. "You get even." his expression and suggestion left the three fillies mortified, yet really intrigued...
"Alright everypony! Go back to your lives! There's nothing to see here!" Twilight shooed away the crowd to finally get Orion settled in. Ponies left rather displeased and murmuring among themselves, a perfect cover for Orion to arrange a secret meeting with the CMC. Twilight only caught the end when the CMC trotted away and giggling. "What did you say?"
"I am unable to disclose that information." Orion replied smugly and Twilight rolled her eyes. "That brat has it coming."
"What?"
"What?"
"Ugh." Twilight rolled her eyes. "But she has a point." Orion frowned slightly. "It is curious how you do not have a cutie mark."
"My kind don't get cutie marks." Orion the shook violently to get as much water off himself as possible. "Besides, I don't need a tramp stamp."
"Cutie marks have nothing to do with dog stamps. And it's not something that gets stamped on you." Twilight elaborated but Orion only chuckled.
"Alright. Then how do you get one?" Orion asked, a smile still tugging at his lips.
"You have to find your special talent." Twilight chirped. "Something you're really good at. For example, I'm really good at magic." she then showed Orion her cutie mark.
"What do stars have to do with magic?" Orion's brows furrowed.
"Well, stars are magical and..." Twilight's brows furrowed in thought. "And magic... Sparkles. And sparkling stars are magical! And-"
"So you basically get your name stamped on your butt." Orion deadpanned.
"No you don't!" Twilight retorted.
"Really? Celestia has the Sun, Luna has the Moon." Twilight's ears drooped slightly. "Applejack has apples, not sure about the jack. Flutteshy has butterflies and she is shy like butterflies anyway." now her ears were flat against her head. "Rainbow Dash has a rainbow coming out of a cloud like lightning. You get it? Lightning is fast." Twilight slowly stepped back. "That Diamond Tiara kid literally had a diamond tiara! And Pinkie Pie-" now Orion had to stop since he had no idea how balloons made sense with Pinkie Pie. He shook his head and continued. "See where I'm going with this?"
"I-I never thought about it." Twilight looked mortified with the sudden revelation. Her brain raced a thousand miles an hour and sure enough most ponies basically had their name as their cutie mark. But what did that mean? Did their names dictate their cutie marks?
"Sure you didn't, Sparklebutt." Orion patted Twilight on her back and the mare returned to reality. "I wonder what my cutie mark would be?" Orion tapped his chin in thought.
"Well, what are you reeeeally good at?" Twilight was still trying to repress the new realization that connected names to cutie marks.
"Cunnilingus." Orion replied smugly but only got a confused look from Twilight.
"What's that?"
"Eating pussy." Orion kinda' expected how Twilight would react to this.
"WHAT? EW! THAT IS DISGUSTING!" Twilight resited the urge to vomit.
"You're saying ponies don't eat pussy?" Orion pressed on with a grin.
"OF COURSE NOT! WHAT KIND OF MONSTER EATS CATS?" he wasn't expecting this. It took him one second flat to fall down to the ground and laugh his rump off. "THAT IS NOT FUNNY!"
"YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW FUNNY IT IS!" Orion had tears running down his cheeks.
"What is going on here?" Rarity approached the green looking Twilight and roflmao-ing Orion.
"Rarity?" Twilight looked at her friend. "I thought you went with Fluttershy to her cottage?"
"Oh darling I did. But I suddenly remebered I had to do something at my boutique." Rarity looked at Orion who was now trying really hard to not continue laughing. "Speaking of, Orion?" the grey alicorn looked at the mare. "Why don't you come over and I can make you the most exquisite-"
"NO!" Twilight jumped in front of a shocked Rarity. "He will eat Opalescence!"
"What in Celestia's name are you talking about?" Rarity looked back and forth between Twilight and Orion.
"We were talking about cutie marks and he said that our cutie marks are basically our names anyway then he asked what his would be and I asked what he's reeeeeally good at so he said it's cunilingus and when I asked him what that is Orion said it's eating pussy and who in Equestria eats cats-MMPF!" Rarity stuck her hoof in Twilight's mouth and the white mare's coat was now beet red.
"Twilight, ahem..." Rarity removed her hoof from the stunned Twilight's mouth. "Cunilingus and eating pussy means-" she then whispered the rest into Twilight's ear and Orion could see the lavander fur slowly change to red as steam shot out of Twilight's ears. The urge to explode in laughter in Orion was too damn high.
"Oh..." Twilight stood stunned and dazed, strands of mane slowly twanging out here and there.
"Yes." Rarity then quickly composed herself. "Now, as I was saying." she looked at Orion and her face immediately flushed. "Umm, master-I mean, Orion." the stallion almost went into another fit of laughter. "I would be delighted if you cum-I mean, came in my dungeon-BUCK!" Orion really couldn't help it now and did his best not to pee himself from laughing.
"What is going on here?" Octavia Melody asked and Orion stopped rolling on the floor and looked at the new grey mare.
"I was just telling them what my special talent is." Orion said cheekily.
"Oh? Is it perhaps music? I myself am a musician!" she showed him the violet treble clef.
"No, but I do play guitar." Orion smiled. "We should totally jam some time!"
"Jam?" Octavia recoiled. "I'm afraid I do not partake in such rowdy music styles."
"Rowdy? Apparently my special talent is also rowdy." Orion looked smugly at Rarity and Twilight.
"Really?" Octavia looked at his blank flank. "Umm..."
"It's cu-"
"DON'T YOU EVEN!" both Rarity and Twilight screamed.
"Cultivating? Are you perhaps a farmer?" Octavia wondered but it only gave Orion more fuel.
"Well, I do like to plow fields." he smirked at the two blushing mares, making their eyes' twitch.
"I see." Octavia nodded. "Well, welcome to Ponyville where there's fields aplenty!" Octavia bowed curtly and trotted away. Orion waved and called after the grey mare.
"I'm loving it already!"
Well, I'm rested. Took a short hiatus since I kinda' burned out with everything. Back to writing again.
Also, here's something from chapter 15 :)
See ya' next time!
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Well damn! It stands to reason Rarity is the closet perv!
Oh this is good!!!
It looks like their are some ponies in Equestria that aren't pure as a Rated Y cartoon. Makes Orion want to find a Triple X Store but the magazines there might be a bit uncomfortable to him... until he learn of other races. Those of with humanoid appearances like Minotaurs & Centaurs.
how has twilight someone who has been in a librery most of her life never picked up "that" kind of book. pretty sure most people have at least had a quick skim on one in the past so the only reason i can think of twilight has not read a bit of one would be her company she kept aka celestia and her brother
Luv da Pic!
Also this was a very punny and cunning chapter. also have to pull the pervert card on Orion. 
I'm intrigued, usually a dungeon means she is a Dom but the implication here is that she is a Sum seeking for someone to used the dungeon on HER.
Je you learn something new everyday right? Also oh that infamous scene, funny or not I fully expect a maid really scolding Luna for be so childish and doing something so dangerous.
Remember kids it never ok to be running around with scissors, not even if you are a princess of the night.
P.S: Meanwhile back at the train station! Trixie still remain petrified as someone put a stool beneath her hooves and a hat in front of her as ponies think she is making a pony statue and living bits at the hat.
I was having a bad day, then I get to listen to this gem of a chapter. Now Im grinning like an idiot.
Well done.
Monk
"No, but seriously; I'm going to pee on her while she sleeps tonight and say that Spike did it." -AnalPlugAnon
I was also cracking up!
You know, I never liked the Meme where the human would rather naw his own hoof off rather than bang a mare. It just seems like everyone thinks most people would think this way, while I think most people really wouldn't. I think most people would look at it more like James T. Kirk. And the impression that I get from Orion is that he sees them as people and therefor "Plowable."
Personally, you stick me in a Sci-Fi world or a Fantasy realm, and I wouldn't have a single issue introducing the population to the concept of peace, the James T. Kirk way.
Monk
“Come into my parlor, Ted. I have cookies!” -Reykan
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Barely closeted at that point.
Help, I can't breathe! I'm laughing to hard.
DAMN! Luna got some cake in that image!
I can't breathe. I am cackling like a made woman. Oh this chapter was so desperately needed after the week I have been having. Thank you so much. Oh dear Celestia this was comedy platinum here forget gold. You get 100
Bravo.
Ok that’s funny
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I think discord is going like this guy someone who cause chaos and drive twilight insane without getting in trouble for it.
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Because most of the books she focused on were the fact sections like magic and history. The naughty stories she seems to avoided because friendship wasn't important and romance which is a step up from that would be something she wouldn't really think about. Considering her only crush in the show was barely puppy love.
I'm crying, seriously wow.
If I hadn't already fav'd this, this chapter would have sold it.
Gotta confess, that picture at the end with Luna had me chuckle because the light shining off her butt looks like two of the pictures of black holes, which is hilarious for multiple reasons.
lmao
Glorious picture! Keep up the great work man Tis a fun read!
Jajaja jajaja jajaja que buena comedia
This was amazing!!! I haven't laughed so hard in a while. 5 stars!
I have to wonder what’s it like for him to be so tall since like he might be tall enough to see over roofs a bit depending on the height because I recall Celestia looking tall next to the buildings in Ponyville.
Poor Diamond… pls don’t be to ruff with her
Orion might be teasing but… those mares might trap him if he isn’t carful or Twilight sends him in a box to the Crystal Empire
That was some nice good ol' closet perviness and some not-so-closeted-perviness in there. And the pic is nice too.
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Oh my God, now I can't unsee it
Plenty of fields to plow, indeed.
Plenty of fields to plow...
Orion: I'm seeing that already!
Damn, this is was and is the funniest chapter I’ve read of this fic so far; Just so much LOLz.
Snrk. Orion, you DO know the difference between castration and circumcision, right?
Heh. Ah, the innocence of youth.
Rarity is heccin thirsty.
I'm seriously hoping he gets a circle of stars.
And now that I'm finished, yep, the circle of stars forming the big 'O' of Orion still works. LOL
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I'm fairly sure the good Captain would have plowed anything.
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that, or a spiky leather belt.
Ayy more Luna Buns
Lmao!
Random mare in the background: "Oh no! This strong, good looking stallion is about to punish me...
"
Orion: *smirks* "Indeed. Sit yourself in the corner and think about what you have done."
Are you sure it's wise to piss of two alicorns at once?
How it looks like:
Good story!
I enjoyed reading it.
Poor Twilight. Her coat went from purple to green to red in just a few paragraphs...
And prepare a spray bottle in case Rarity gets too friendly to Orion.
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At least we know Orion isn't unfamiliar with boxes...
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Watch it be the same box he got sent with
I'm also
It always brings me joy whenever a new chapter gets posted.
Well, I guess we now know who's the pervert in the group!
This chapter's fucking amazing!
When he "formally" meets the bully kids, he better say "It's nice to meet you, but it's even better to meet me!"
When wiil he plow fields.
great chapter
Good story. Its a shame this story is not rates M since those photos are genius. Lol
it's so hard to find a story that the mc is an alicorn, and even more so if his love interest is celestia. So let's not stop with this story I want more.