• Member Since 24th Mar, 2023
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Try and guess my favorite pokemon. No, really.


So, I got blasted by some mages in my world, and now I'm in a completely new one. I'm something called a 'kirin', and I've lost my opposable thumbs. Surprisingly, it wasn't a polymorph spell either! My magic has gone completely wack. I burned down a forest. And apparently I'm the first ever Kirin to have alicorn magic, which sounds awesome right? Well, not when you're constantly combusting into flames! I never wanted this! And for some reason these ponies keep treating me so nicely. Even after I keep screwing everything up. How hard is it to act like normal for once in my life?

What? There's nothing wrong with me! Please don't send me back...

Cover art by: Ziper Ace
Featured on: 2023 - 4/13, 4/17, 4/22 and quite a few more... Thanks everyone!

Chapters (17)
Comments ( 457 )

A promising start! You have my attention. I don't think I've ever seen a Kirin Alicorn before, so props for that. Keep up the good work!

The only dragon/kirin pony stories like this that I've read were from long before kirins were introduced. The character here feels too OP and quite close to Mary Sue territory. However, I do like alicorn stories and stories involving characters struggling with overpowered magic. So I'll keep reading and I'll probably enjoy it. Just be careful when handling a character so highly charged on magic. For a mere foal, Twilight-level magic is quite a bit much. Although it is technically canon that foals are susceptible to higher-than-normal magic surges (especially alicorns such as Flurry Heart.)

Going forward, I'd suggest taking care with your character's interaction with their magic and avoid having it consistently OP all the time. Some readers can be more picky than normal on alicorn stories (less so now than it used to be) But other than that, I'm sure to enjoy the story regardless.

This is an interesting concept, and so far you have executed it very well I look forward to more

Thanks, I'm well aware of people's distaste for characters like that, and don't intend to fall into it. He's not going to be zipping around doing any bad guy one-shotting anytime soon lol. I appreciate the comment!

Reminds me of centaurworld, and just because of horses. Someone finds themselves from a wartorn world to a magical pretty world of niceness.

Bruh he's a BUCKING FOAL Twilight!
He's not even Evil, just a scared lost Colt who needs help & Guidance from a trusting Adult. :fluttershysad:

Also he might tell Ponies that he's a Kirin half Pegasus & not realizing that he's an Alicorn since Changeling have Wings & Horns also and their not Alicorns.

Is the MC going to be given to Kirins for care, that seems like the smart option?

jihardist kirin

Right what do you feel comfortable with I personally will read a chapter that gets up to 8K but it all depends on the writer how comfortable they are at writing

I feel like Kirin Alicorns are very under used. I have a idea for a MLP-Middle Earth crossover story where the MC is a human form our world dropped into Equestria during Discord's rule along side three races of Men, the Easterlings, Forodwaith, and Haradrim.
The human MC has one of the nine rings of men and a master Palantir while the three races of Men each have a normal palantir. The MC finds the races of Men are slowly changing into Kirins, Earth Ponies, and Pegasus. The MC uses his magic to restore them to their original forms with some changes being kept, Easterling have horn bumps and nose/back scales, Forodwaith have hair-like fur, and Haradrim have small feathers on their cheeks and become very light on their feet.
The four groups discover a land untouched by Discord and settle there, founding a realm of Men ruled by the MC. After Discord is defeated by the Royal Sisters, the MC becomes a Ringwraith wearing armor made by the three races of Men and still rules as their King.
A month before Luna becomes Nightmare Moon, the Royal Sisters find out about the MC's Realm and believe he's evil when he's not. They do battle and the Sisters use the Elements to turn the MC to stone causing the Realm's land to collapse and the three races of Men to flee.
A month before the show, the MC wakes up to find himself as a Alicorn Kirin. Later his body changes a bit as he rediscovers his people, the Kirins, Hippogriffs, and Bat Ponies. The MC's body becomes a Alicorn Kirin/Hippogriff/Bat Pony hybrid.

I can read chapters as long as 10k+, but I would suggest aiming for 3-5k.

become foal>hospitalized>misunderstandings

ah, repetitive but always amusing, somehow.

The Classics are classic for a reason.

I like where this is going, I hope his water magic comes back once he learns to use his horn, it makes an interesting dichotomy between his Kirin/Nirik forms.

Loving this story, i am like, MEGA invested

out here just droping bangers, please keep the good work going

Thank you, I will try my best! 👍

Well done, can’t wait for the next 👍

I enjoyed this, please keep up the good work!

Very good. There is some evidence in the show to suggest that foals can have disproportionately large magical surges early on, and I've seen other authors follow that canon too. I look forward to seeing where this story will go. I'd be especially interested in seeing how a magic user will adjust to a new magic system and relearn how to connect to a different type of magic than what they're used to. So far, we've seen him use his passive ability, but he is yet to learn active magic. Many authors do skim over the learning magic part and cover it in a short time. But I also understand how difficult it would be to conceptualise the experience in detail. His original alignment was with water magic and healing magic if I can remember correctly. My personal headcanon is that kirins are aligned to fire and nature magic.

"I'll always be zero" yeah, if you keep telling everyone you are. Self fulfilling prophecy and all that.

Anyway, cool little story. Look forward to more. Hopefully "Zero" here takes that first step into being something more than his alias soon.

As to the authors comment last chapter, any length of chapter is fine, but 2500+ is where I can feel invested in the chapter and the work of fiction itself. It's the content amount where I can actually care about the world the author is building and envision what's going on.
Shorter chapters end before I get that feeling and then I'm like "Why did I read this?"

I actually said the word "yay" aloud when I saw this updated. :rainbowlaugh:

But seriously Celestia? :facehoof: What are you thinking? At least Twilight doesn't live in a tree anymore, but I'm not sure how well the Friendship Castle will withstand alicorn-level Nirik fire when she inevitably messes this up. :twilightoops:

Speaking of which, lucky there was a lidded trashcan in there. :trixieshiftright:Are we going to get an in-world explanation about niriks and water, or is there nothing more to it than was shown? Do ponies know that it's apparently incredibly painful for a burning nirik to be submerged?

I do hope that when he gets out of the hospital, we still get to see Nurse Lovelight. Bravo for not just using Nurse Redheart. As much as I like her, having her be basically the only nurse in the hospital (or at the very least, the only one with screentime) strains credulity.

Also, I didn't realize that Spark was that tiny. Assuming that Lovelight is roughly average size for am Earth Pony, that picture makes him look barely bigger than Flurry Heart. Kinda makes the interrogation scene worse, in my mind. Of course, I might have my sizes mixed up. So is he actually that small, or am I just crazy?

Anyway, nice chapter! I enjoyed it greatly, and hope you keep up the good work!

He is tiny, I love it.

Spike gritted his teeth and coughed, unsure of what she would do after he told her. “I am currently on my way back, and will help once I arrive. However, until then, Twilight, I entrust you with temporary guardianship of the colt.”

Damn yourself Celestia. I honestly don't blame her for making a decision like this since Twilight should be trusted to do what she thinks is right as a princess.

But that being said, Mellow Spark is already weary of Twilight and he might feel like he's being ripped away from Lovelight.

Really glad to see another chapter for this story.

Aww, he's so itty bitty!

Mellow Spark, huh? Decent name, and like previously stated, he's only a Zero if he wants to be. I feel like he really should lean into this fresh start harder now.

I'd also like to see this "Master" make an appearance to have all these angry ponies show up on Sparks behalf upon hearing "Zero"
That's worded weird, but an example.

Master shows up as a full grown Kirin in Equestria, realizes he's been polymorphed, also realizes Zero was never found and could have ended up where he was, begins looking for him, goes to local ponyville, makes inquiries, gets half the town mad for making an Alicorn Colt feel bad about himself.

Anyway, tangents aside, looking forward to more of this, and grats on featured.

I don't think Twilight should be forced to be near the little Kirin. He'd probably prefer to stay with Lovelight rather than the alicorn who terrified him. Suppose that's what happens when Celestia believes her student can do anything.

(By the way, love that art in the chapter's middle.)

But zero is such a cool name!
Magnus of zero, zero of the rebellion, etc

That was a very nice chapter and also a very nice picture

Yeah plus twilight is still knowledge crazy and doesn't really interact with children very good. If she hadn't been teaching the cmcs a few things for a short period of time she would have messed up. She even messed up with her niece considering she tried to babysit while helping cheer up the sick kids. She didn't really have to both well and should have chosen just one thing but instead she had to deal with flurry getting into trouble because she couldn't understand that she had to wait for attention.

Twilight should absolutely not be responsible for Mellow. Lovelight already has a much stronger connection to him. I can see no way in which this goes well.

Apparently I have bad takes? Dunno why my comment would get a downvote.

Dunno why I'm talking about this but I find it odd that someone would do that. Bugging me more than it should.

Don't worry about it. I really appreciate hearing other people's ideas/theories/thoughts! Don't let it get to you.

I was the one that downvoted you. Mellow is going through enough. Why bring in the abuser to the abused? Do you just want Mellow to suffer more?

Not the intention of my post, more to show that he has friends to back him up and that he's not alone. I like seeing the strong realize that the weak they've been abusing aren't as weak or as alone as they claimed they were.
Basically the arrogant put in their place.

I definitely don't want the poor guy to be hurt more than he has been.

Thanks for the chapter

This is great keep up the amazing job plz.

I like the fact you put some art in here and there. Was trying to picture Nurse Lovelight looked like. Then I saw the artwork.

keep the pressure up!

and when will woona come to dreamrape him?

I'm totally Excited 😊 right now!

After reading 📚 this chapter
Twilight you peace of BLEEP!

Интересная тема.

I mean your not Wrong Zero is a Cool Name
I think it just depends on how people use it.

My HEART! ❤️
That was a very sweat & tear jerking 😢

Also Celestia WTB?!?!
I hope Luna & Cadence will beat some sense into her

If Luna find his Dream how will she react to his Abusive life while still being in Kirin Form in his Dream?

How will ponies react 🤔 that he has killed people before because his Master trained him to do that
(I'm guessing here, I'm not sure if it actually happened.)

Oooh what would his First Toy would be? In Future Chapters? And maybe his First ever Sweets he ever has eaten, Oooh what if his Master Food him Leftover Foods or Trash? Or Rotten or Expired Foods? How will the Doctors & Nurse Reacts?

Also what does his Patience Files said about him?
Also Kirin can't get Cutie Marks since Ponies are the only Race in this Universe who is able to get it.

Will Pinkie Pie scare him to Death and then she will feel bad for scaring him and realized that he never had a Birthday Party before also has Social Axianty of meaning new Creatures and worries that their gonna hurt him.

Is Dimond gonna be reform in this Fanfiction? since Twilight is a Princesses & I'm pretty sure The Cutie Mark Crusaders have earned their Marks already in this Fanfiction Timeline.

How will he react to other Creatures like Dragons, Yaks, Donkey, Cow, Diamond Dog, Cats, Griffins and other Races that exist in the MLP Universe?

How will other characters react to him finding out that he has an Abuse Past, how will the Aduls & Youngsters deal with this situation 🤔

OK I need more Details on how to draw Zero.

Like is his Wings 🪽 are made out of feathers 🪶 their Bat or Dragon wings?
Also what color is the Wall and floor?

I'm drawing him crying in the trash can hugging his tail.

How much does he fit in the trash 🗑 can?
Like is he sitting up straight crying in the Trash Can?
Or the trash can is big enough for him to lay down and cry?

Also what color is the Flames? Because I can't decide if I want to draw him with Flames or not when he's crying 🤔 like is he in one of those Metal Trashcan that has the Lid on top of it? And has to press the bottom part to open it?

That's super nice of you!

He has dragon-like wings, I suck at drawing wings so I've been purposefully hiding them when I draw lol. I was imagining Mellow just curled in a ball hugging his tail. And he looks like most kirin when he's nirik, his fire is just blue and white, instead of red and blue. Also I'm not sure about pony trashcans, so yeah let's just say it's one of the trashcans with the pedals, haha.

I'm glad you're enjoying the story!

OK another Question?

Does his approach changed while he's on fire?
Like does he look like this but the only difference is that his fire 🔥 is Blue & White?
Like does his Skin turn Black? Or Dark Orange?
Does his Horn and Shell on his back change dark gray like other Kirin as well?
Or is it Dark Yellow?

Yeah, 100% the same as other kirin. Just with blue and white fire, and obviously foal sized. Same black body and gray scales and everything.

Comment posted by Ziper Ace deleted April 20th


Here's the Fanart!
I have not Drawn Him in a Trashcan Yet
I'll do that later

Here's him in a Hospital Room, I made sure to get the Background correctly Directly From the Show.


Enjoy! :yay:

My god, My Heart. I need more. These feelings are what I need. Its that prefect feeling of warmth that you want to cuddle up and enjoy.

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