//------------------------------// // 3 - One hoof at a time // Story: One hoof at a time // by SkarinOfAtmora //------------------------------// "Let's see if I got this right." Orion said while hugging his puking vase like a teddy "Your mother made a law." "About a thousand years ago, before we came to rule, yes." Celestia nodded. "Which says only an alicorn can marry you or Luna and worst of all, you can't say no to a official proposal." "Many believe it's stallion only but it's not exactly specified. And being unable to say no was forcefully added in by the nobility during one of our hardest times, lest we risk Equestria falling back into tribes." "Right." Orion nodded before continuing."So, she feared someon-pony, somepony, would take advantage of their newly gained position if they married you." "It was the founding of Equestria and ambitions, along with greed, were high." Celestia explained. "And so she just casually slipped that little law into the founding documents of Equestria." "Right between Pest control and Waste management." Celestia said with a deadpan look "A little insulting, but ultimately succesful." "Clever girl." Orion muttered to himself. "She was, yes." Celestia confirmed with a small smile and that's all Orion needed to know "Nopony bothered much with it since they thought it was for appearances only, having two alicorns as rulers." "What they didn't know was that only fem-mares, dammit, could become alicorns, birth or ascend." "My mother, sister and I were the only natural born alicorns." she said proudly "It was a known fact that you could ascend to alicorn status so everypony thought they would ascend at some point. But mother knew better." "And now all of you think I came here to marry you and become king?" Orion got a nod in response "Hmm..." he stared hard into his vase, deep in thought. "Orion?" Fancy asked, trying very hard not to vomit from the smell coming from the vase."What's the matter?" "Well, I'm thinking how laughing in the face of an immortal ruler is not the best idea."his answer got Orion confused looks from Celestia and Fancy."I mean, you realize how ridiculous this sounds, right?" "I assure you, the laws of Equestria are no laughing matter."Celestia said with a serious look. "Well yeah, but this whole situation?"Orion spread his front legs wide."Just because I'm a guy, everyone thinks I'm here to marry you." "Are you?" Celestia asked with a stern look. "No!"Orion shot back loudly."Trust me, marriage is the last thing on my mind right now. I thought I was the only aleecorn-" "Alicorn." Celestia corrected. "Alicorn, until Fancy brought me to meet you two."he pointed a hoof to Fancy."And now there's all this talk about marriage, becoming king, defiling you and whatnot." "I apologize for my sisters behavior on the last one." Celestia said but Orion rolled his eyes."Luna is the more suspicious one between us and she was merely trying to protect us from another impostor." "Yeah well, you have no reason to fear clumsy ol' me."Orion said before a thought struck him."Speaking of, what happens if a pony manages to trick you? Makeup has come pretty far these days." "Ancient magic woven into the law will bring a terrible fate upon the impostor."Celestia said flatly."But ponies still try nontheless." "I seem to recall some very convincing alicorns come to court."Fancy said thoughtfully."Was it Silver Tongue who thought painting on wings was a good idea?" "Seriously?" Orion asked with a raised brow. "I believe my favorite was Clean Bill with that paper tube horn."Celestia chuckled lightly. "Wow. That's just lazy."Orion looked inside of his vase and decided it was time to let go of it."Look, think what you will but I'm telling you right now I have absolutely no intention of marrying you or Luna." "Why? Is there something wrong with us?"Celestia asked in a challengeing tone. "That's a trick question, right?" Orion asked with a raised brow and Celestia smirked in response. "It would seem your higher brain functions are working properly."Orion rolled his eyes at that stab."Which brings me to the next topic. I'm willing to give you the benefit of doubt until your mind is fully healed. So far your actions showed that you have no evil intentions, however, I have been deceived before." Celestia then gave him a stern look "Should you prove to be a danger to my little ponies I will send you to the moon." "You can do that?"Orion received a short nod in response which made him gulp."I'll keep that in mind." "Good."Celestia nodded aprovingly."Now, I believe you were promised some lunch?" "Actually, I think I'll skip lunch for now."Orion looked at the vase."Vomit and all that."Celestia's and Fancy's nose scrunched up a little but said nothing."I'll just go to bed if that's okay." "Very well. I will see that somepony comes to get you for dinner."Orion shook his hoof so-so."In the morning then."Celestia smiled and opened the door to Orion's room."Sir Fancy Pants, I thank you for bringing him here. I assure you we will do everything in our power to aid your friend's recovery."Fancy bowed to his princess before speaking. "Thank you, Your Majesty."he then turned to Orion."Well my boy, I believe this is goodbye for now. Should you ever need anything, you know where to find me." "Thanks Fancy. For everything."Orion raised his right hoof and after a curious look, Fancy smiled and bumped hooves with him. "Don't mention it. You're in capable hooves here, Orion."Fancy looked to Celestia again."If anypony can help you, it would be princesses Celestia and Luna." "Not so sure about the blue one."Orion muttered. "Luna will come around eventually."Celestia said calmly."She's been gone a long time and it's difficult for her to... Accept new things, as it were." "Until then, avoid in a wide radius. Got it."Orion saluted and Celestia rolled her eyes. The gray alicorn was not very comfortable around the Lunar princess and he wanted everypony to know it. Celestia stood before Orion and raised one hoof in the air, her face a hard mask of determination. "Rest now, Orion Pax, for tomorrow, we will begin piecing together your memories."Celestia declared in a grandiose manner before giggling."Toodles!"and with that she was out the door, leaving Orion to stare after her in confusion. "That was weird."Orion received a shrug from Fancy. "I have heard that at times she can be a bit... Loopy, is the word."Fancy said thoughtfully."After ruling for thousands of years, I suppose one has to make their own entertainment from time to time." "If I lived for a thousand years I'd become Sheogorath or something."Orion said with a snort but then a thought hit him."Wait. I'm an alicorn..."he slowly turned his gaze towards Fancy who offered a sympathetic smile in return. Orion's ears drooped and paired with a horrified expression."Puta madre..." "Is that an expression from your home?"Fancy asked with a tilted look. "Sort of."Orion looked down and let the realization of being almost immortal sink in. But it will not sink in for a long, long time. Sensing his friends troubles, Fancy placed a forehoof on Orion's shoulder. "Listen, I may not know much about alicorns but I know about friendship. And for as long as I live I will be your friend."Orion slowly lifted his gaze towards Fancy."if you want to talk about anything, anything at all, you know ehere to find me."this caused Orion to smile a little. "Thanks Fancy. I'll keep that in mind."he then chuckled."then again, by the time I wobble over to your place I'll already forget what I wanted to talk about." "You could always ask Princess Celestia to teleport you." "But your walls look better in light blue than vomit green."both stallions shared a laugh before Fancy said his goodbyes and left Orion in his new room alone. The gray alicorn took in his surroundings before slumping to the floor in exhaustion. "Why did this happen?"Orion let out a long breath."I mean, I could have died but still. Magical pony world? And an alicorn?"he then looks nowhere in particular."That's just lazy writing." he somehow rolled over on his back, the feat being easier now that his wings were bandaged to his body. "Should I just tell them I'm not an alicorn? Maybe they could find me a way home. Or string me up by the balls. Who knows? Life is like a box of chocolates."he rolled over to his side and faced the balcony."But it's all so cutesy here. Rainbows and sunshine as far as the eye can see. If I could choose, I'd go to Skyrim."he then cracked a smile."To my vampire waifu."and then he was back on his belly."I'd probably die at the chopping block though."this statement soured his mood again so he decided to get some fresh air on the balcony. It took some effort but he finally managed to get on the balcony and took a peek at Canterlot through the stone railings. The city was bustling with activity and he even saw Fancy Pants leaving the castle. He wanted to call out to him but decided against it so he doesn't draw unnecessary attention to himself. Surveying the city further he even saw ponies singing and dancing in perfect sync, something he witnessed a couple times before. And as he stood there watching, he felt a feeling arise deep from his heart. An unexplainable desire that needed to be satisfied lest he burst to pieces. "I need booze." Luna sat in the Royal garden, enjoying the silence of her night and reflecting on todays events. A true alicorn stallion has appeared before her and Celestia, after all the fakes that came before. Should Orion make an official proposal they would have no choice but to accept and that did not sit well with the princess. She could hire somepony to, umm, khm, make him un-alive, but that was beneath her. Luna could very well do that herself. "Castration."that was apparently the best course of action. Orion would be king but he wouldn't be able to hump the royal rump. Luna nodded in satisfaction as the notion pleased her greatly. Spreading her wings and getting ready for a quick, relaxing flight around Canterlot she heard noise coming from the castle entrance behind her. Turning her head towards the noise, Luna's expression quickly turned sour once she saw Orion coming down the last few of the stone stairs, stepping on them like each one could be his last. Orion's eyes caught her's and he froze in place. "What art thou doing here so late? Tis' almost midnight."Orion's eyes went wide once he heard what time it was. "Almost midnight?"he almost yelled and this took Luna by surprise."You mean to tell me I've been going down the stairs for the past three hours?"Luna didn't even try to hold back her laughter and almost fell over. "That is the funniest and most pathetic thing We hve seen in our life!"Orion glared at the dark blue alicorn before speaking. "Careful Luna, or I just might ask you to marry me."Luna's eyes shrank to pricks before she cast a deadly gaze towards Orion. "Do not even joke about that, you fil-" "Then shut the fuck up and show me the way out of here."Orion growled while succesfully besting the last stair. His words took Luna by surprise. "Out? Out where?" "Out of the castle! Canterlot! Anywhere!" "But... Why?" Luna was now carefully approaching Orion. "Because this is a daring escape, that's why!"Orion shot back and just chose a random direction and began walking."I wouldn't even be here if you ponies had some decent booze." "You mean alcohol?"Luna was now right beside Orion and for some unknown reason, to her at least, kept Orion steady with her magic."Thine room has the finest selection of cider from all over Equestria." "Yeah well, it didn't do jack for me. Hang on, that's a lie. I just had to pee a lot. Sorry about the mess." "How vulgar."Luna said while her nose scrunched. "How prissy."Orion deadpanned and before Luna could counter he continued."Not only that, who the hell makes such a large castle without an elevator? It's a wonder I didn't trip and tumbled down." "T'would have saved thee a lot of time."Luna smirked and Orion snorted. "Funny but also true." "Why dost thou want to leave?"Luna asked as they walked through the gardens in no particular direction. "Because I don't belong here."Orion sighed."And all this talk about marriage and becoming king is just crazy. I don't want to marry you or your sister."Luna raised a brow and looked down to Orion. "And pray tell, why?"Orion caught the challenging tone in her voice and decided to bite. Taking a look back towards Luna's rump he smirked. "My anaconda don't want none unless you've got buns hun."Luna's jaw fell open and Orion huffed victoriously before wobbling away. Luna shook her head and quickly followed Orion."You still didn't apologize for almost choking me." "We are still considering it."Orion rolled his eyes and continued forward. After a few more wobbly steps, Luna couldn't watch the sorry excuse of an alicorn any longer and jumped in front of him. "Move." "Nay! We cannot watch this any longer!"she stomped her hoof hard on the ground."Whatever your motives may be, thou art an alicorn and should behave as such!"she trotted around him gracefully."Stand tall and pround with thine head held high!" "Calm down, Vegeta." "Here!"she took Orion with her magic and put him in the proper posture, elicting a surprise yelp from Orion."We shall teach you to walk properly so thine next daring escape may go better." "Can't you just teleport me out of town?"Orion asked as Luna stood next to him, her stance mirroring his. "As much as it would please us to have you out of our mane, Tia would not approve."Orion was somewhat grateful that at least one Celestia showed some interest in trying to help."Thus, we shall teach you the sacred art of walking so that thee may escape while we just so happen to look the other way."she gave Orion a knowing look and the gray alicorn smirked. "Make yourself look good while also getting rid of an annoyance. How princessy."Orion managed to take a few steps before falling flat on his snout. "How coltish."Luna raised him back up with magic, took a deep breath and slowly made the first step forward."One hoof at a time."