Fic recs August 30th: Outside Insight Mega-edition! · 1:02pm Aug 30th, 2014
You have no idea how many times I’ve had to correct that from “Inside Outsight”.
Yes, friends and neighbors, I am finally done with all 111 entries! (Yes, I read the disqualified ones. No, I don’t know which ones they were.) This contest caused me to lose my mind right from square one, but thanks to a prudent judging setup and things looking brighter the further I got, I am here now with my mind fully intact! Or at least as intact as it is normally. I probably shouldn’t have written long-form reviews for these, in hindsight. c.c
Scuttlebutt has results being announced today, though I don't know how likely that is. I’m releasing my top ten (at least as far as the finalists go) at the end of this. No skipping ahead, though. I read an entire Fallout: Equestria over the course of this contest. (Actually, 1.09 Fallouts: Equestria if you want to be technical.) So expecting you to read twelve thousand words of review is only reasonable, if you ask me. :) (That’s including BBCode, of course, I'm sure the real number is much lower. :V) Comrade-in-arms InquisitorM is excused, because he read all the stories himself. I’m never doing another rec journal this long if I can help it, so enjoy!
(And on that note, I’m swearing off writing contests, writeoff aside, for the next two months at least. They have been keeping me from writing and other things I need to do in this fandom for far too long, and it’s time I washed my hands of them. So while you might see me check out things like the winners of the Body Swap contests over in the Transformations group, I won’t be doing any more full-contest reviews for at least a little while. And that’s a promise to myself more than anyone else.)
Highly Recommended: 7
Recommended: 18
Conditionally Recommended: 25
Vaguely Recommended: 21
Not Recommended: 40
Timber Heart by Spectrum Shine: A timberwolf finds a filly lost in the Everfree Forest and takes care of her for no clearly-defined reason. This author seems hellbent on showing that not all timberwolves are monsters, and I have to wonder why; there’s no real explanation. The writing is amateurish and, I suspect, fraught with ESL issues. The time skips are abrupt, the timberwolf doesn’t seem alien at all, the dialogue doesn’t fit either character, and absolutely nothing makes any sense. And of course, it ends on the cheesiest note possible. Not worth the time to read. N
An Outsider’s Perspective by Kavonde: The nicest eldritch abomination you ever did meet wakes to the sun and sets about trying to make friends with the creatures it encounters. It goes better than you might think. That he doesn’t understand the ponies and tries to placate them in the creepiest of ways is where a lot of the humor comes from. There’s a lot of great Lovecraftian passages in this that only help to reinforce the comedy, given their juxtaposition against the ponies’ normal lives. His continued casual references to the end of all things never ceased to amuse me. The timing of everything just gets better and better as the story progresses. And for once in my life, a reference to something else (only old school Transformers fans will get it) did not ruin a story for me. This is some solid comedy, right here. H
In the Eyes of a Griffon by ChaoticLightning: Princess Luna shows up at the griffon kingdom with a new treaty, and then the story changes to one of the griffon princes wandering around Canterlot. POV in this piece is a real head-scratcher. Not only does it shift focus without warning, there are also a couple “our”s in the narration that don’t point to an actual speaker. Furthermore, the sentence structure is fairly simplistic and the whole thing rushes through itself. Lastly, Alexander is not a particularly compelling or interesting character, just sort of moping around when he gets the cold shoulder. I’m not sure what this was trying to accomplish. N
What Do Ponies Call Stockholm Syndrome? by CogWing: Discord, as unreliable a narrator as you can ask for, narrates his attempts to escape his life with Fluttershy. The writing isn’t top-notch, but I have to hand it to the author: the first scene shows us who the main players are without naming them, and Discord is written pretty well. Him talking to himself gets a little old, and some of the references are off, but with a bit of polish, this could be another great addition to the Discord-POV fic canon. Also, for what it’s worth, the cover art is inspired. C, If You Don’t Mind Editing Mistakes
Infiltrator by Vermillion Prose: Just a simple story about a changeling out on the town. The major issue with this is that it takes place in the middle of some far longer story, and thus doesn’t stand on its own well. On the one hand, it’s really a solid look at changeling life, even if it’s a bit telly about the details. On the other, the conversation in the middle makes absolutely no sense at all. Also, it’s paced rather fast. Still, I did enjoy the first scene, at the very least, so it’s not all bad. Those interested in changelings might want to check out the main story instead. V
Pooka Tries to Take Over Equestria by warewolves: Follow the exploits of Pooka, the only Púca in Equestria, as he wakes up, discovers that the ponies have forgotten his kind and think he’s a goat, and becomes rather cross for it. I’m really not sure what this story was supposed to be. Pooka is kind of a jackass, for starters, and his continual laying of ridiculous curses on ponies he meets isn’t particularly funny. He’s operating on such a different level from the ponies that this feels like a bad crossover. Also the dialogue is poor on several levels, both in canon characters not sounding like themselves, and Pooka vacillating between broken Early Middle English and more modern speech patterns. And of course, I didn’t appreciate the blatant fourth-wall breaking. The actual conflict involves Pooka making a nuisance of himself and the ponies concluding that he’s a changeling, and honestly I don’t know why anyone was acting the way they did. N
Perspective by Quixotic Enigma: This story does a few things right in telling events on Sweet Apple Acres from the trees’ perspective. The sense of time as the trees experience it is shown very well. The word choice could be better, everything being very conveniently laid out for the reader, but having Discord as the only one who recognizes the trees’ intelligence was a nice touch. Unfortunately, just about everything else needs work. It moves too fast, has multiple speakers in the same paragraph, doesn’t go anywhere (granted, Discord’s role is kind of interesting), and generally feels like a first outing. That said, I would encourage this author to get some assistance with the structural stuff, because their head is obviously in the right place for future storytelling success. N
The Lost Bride by TheMessenger: It will dawn slowly on the reader that this is A Canterlot Wedding told from the perspective of the wedding dress, and it is very confusing until that is figured out. And, since we all know how the episode turns out, you can see the dark ending coming a mile away. Beyond that, this doesn’t really go anywhere, a hazard of writing inanimate objects as one’s POV. The tenses shift around, there are some word usage problems, and embarrassingly, the title is different inside the story than out. I can’t say I enjoyed this. N
A Moosterious Past by draygan: I find my words about second-person requiring telling to work right coming back to bite me. This is too telly, or at least the wrong kind of telly, reading more like the setup for a D&D campaign than anything. Beyond the questionable narrative tactics, well, this is about a zebra archaeologist finding some tapes post-apocalypse (why were there recording devices? Not sure), and hearing the story of a cow. It paints ponies, the Apples in particular, in a really poor light that turned me off the story, but it is at least an attempt to explain the relationship between ponies and cows. N
I Am Harmony: The Story of Equestria as Told by the Tree of Harmony, Vol. 1 by CountDerpy: Unfortunately, this is just what the title suggests. Large parts come off as straight retellings of Equestrian history, but once the headcanon for the Royal Sisters and so forth comes in, it gets a little better. Honestly, the worst thing I can say about this, other than it needs proofread, is that I’ve read better historical tracts from the Tree’s perspective. But, of course, that’s not valid criticism for this contest. V
The Kingdom of Palidark by Idio Adustum: Some kind of crocodile creature seeks out Elements that will counteract the powers of Harmony. This leans heavily on a completely original creation of the author’s, not only the titular kingdom and the beings that inhabit it, but some other fantastical creatures as well. As such, it feels very disconnected from ponies at large. As such, I found this hard to follow — pulling off an “evil society” is difficult, and our protagonist isn’t a terribly sympathetic character, plus there are a lot of “D&D campaign” elements that don’t have a lot to build on — yet I can’t help but feel good about this one. I think if the author avails themselves of this fandom’s excellent writing assistance system, they’ll go far. V
We Who With Songs Beguile by Loganberry (Reading by the Author): This is an incredibly charming piece told by one of Fluttershy’s songbirds. The author’s done a wonderful job coming up with a bird-centric lexicon, and the POV character’s observations on the world around him are generally amusing. It might be a bit too precious in spots for some readers, but honestly, I can’t find fault with it. R
My Pain by phantombronierain: This is one of those “monster comes out of Everfree but isn’t all that bad” stories. The monster itself is interesting — it leaks poison, from which flowers spring — but not much is going on here. It’s all telling, the sentences are pretty simple, and this could use a lot of editing. Bafflingly, the pronouns continuously change from “it” to “she” to “I” in reference to the creature. I have no idea why, and it was very offputting. N
Let Them Eat Grass by Cloudhammer: A tale of potential rebellion muffled because sheep are dumb. Why there’s no comedy tag, I don’t know. I made things happen. :B This is a great example of how to treat non-ponies in ponyfic, hailing from the worldbuilding side of the fandom without tripping over itself or moralizing. That said, I felt there was more to the story than what’s here; it wraps up a bit abruptly. Still, that’s the only fault I can find with it, and it’s a fun read. R
Echo by 314: This is a lengthy series of looks at… well, I don’t quite want to say. Just know that the end of the first part was quite the pleasant surprise, and pleasant surprises don’t happen often in this fandom. That said, it also starts with a zebra enslaved by ponies, which I found no justification for. Our POV character even says that the unicorns could do the slaves’ work easily; there’s no reason for this to be. That said, it’s quite well written, though later chapters I can’t say as much for. In particular, there’s a newspaper article that doesn’t read well, and the first POV character seems to be the only one with a really distinct voice. Still, this is a fairly ambitious piece about intertwining destinies throughout time, and as such, it fulfills what it sets out to do. The author just didn’t put equal time into editing all the chapters. C, If You Can Handle the Slavery
The Wrong Knight by Swashbucklist: A heartbreaking look at Spike learning the difference between ponies and dragons. It’s a tad heavy-handed, and has issues with talking heads and POV shifting. We also have to accept that young Twilight was rather callous toward him, which I was okay with. Still, this is a great look at Spike’s earnestness. I also appreciated that he’s shown looking up to a female storybook character. C, If You Like TwiSpike Bonding
A Holiday in Ponyville by QrV: The author says English is their native language, and it shows through in the clinicality of the narrator’s voice. That said, it does something to add both an official feel — this is a report, after all — as well as alienness to the viewpoint. Interesting too is the changeling’s ability to copy everything about a pony, not just their appearance; he talks about feeling the pony’s desires after changing form. Still, the reader will need a good bit of concentration to navigate some of the sentences. Also, the format is odd, given that we get a little bit of “official report” before the narrative fills out what happened. So, while not the best-written story, it’s still a fun and detailed look at changeling infiltration. It is, unfortunately, also incomplete, with a lovely bold “TBC” at the end. V
Of Woods and Witches by Shieldbreaker: A timberwolf wakes to a corruption in the forest and tracks it down. For being a timberwolf, our narrator is certainly florid. Still, this has a lot of really fascinating headcanon about timberwolves in it. It gives them purpose beyond being just monsters, and I really liked the scene where he pulls himself together from various bits of surrounding forest. Unfortunately, as overwrought and image-heavy as the opening is, the editing in this piece breaks down over time, and so you’ll want to approach it with a “function over form” mindset. It’s certainly high in hitting the spirit of the contest. V
...Nor to Battle the Strong by MagnetBolt: The first part of this is really amazing. Unfortunately for terms of the contest, it’s moer about griffons than ponies, but it’s got some fantastic and entirely believable griffon-centric worldbuilding, not to mention it’s hands-down the best diplomatic scene I’ve read in fanfic, with a perfectly written Celestia. Unfortunately, the second half is an “and then”, where the lessons of part one are shown in use years later. It also deals with a pony-griffon hybrid, which yuck, and really horribly shoehorns in what happened during the timeskip. I think this has a lot to offer, but the two halves are unbalanced and won’t please everyone equally. C, Just for the First Part
When a Giant Jellyfish Visits Ponyville by A Random Guy: This is an incredibly silly story-in-a-story wherein the titular tale is being read by a dragon to his daughter. Now, establishing that this is a fictional work inside a fictional world made it a good bit more enjoyable, but I found the continued interruptions distracting. (Though what’s going on in them is kind of fun to suss out, at least.) Not all the jokes work well, either. The stairs, for instance, were hilarious, but Flash Sentry is kind of silly, and the meta commentary didn’t do anything for me. As I said though, this is incredibly silly, and a good amount of fun. C, If You Like Silly Stuff
Nothing in This World That I Don’t Know by Silent Strider: Discord helps the CMCs with a school presentation. This pairup (quadrupleup?) works well in the wake of a certain Friends Forever comic, and I was pleased to see them doing something not cutie-mark-related. He takes through a whirlwind tour of Equestrian history, up close and personal. I do feel like his dialogue wasn’t quite on the nose, coming off a bit too stilted in word usage. He’s definitely in character (I appreciated a certain passage about him not hurting ponies), he just doesn’t sound it. There’s also some very convoluted usage of a lamp in the middle. Sill, this is a fun little romp, and I particularly like the lesson the CMCs learn at the end. C, If You Value Function Over Form
The Planes of Dirax by Velox: This starts off with a very convoluted and difficult to follow epic fantasy worldbuilding opening, which transitions immediately into two characters talking with no explanation of who they are or how they relate to the preceding paragraphs. Unfortunately, this is characteristic of this entire piece: overblown prose, underwhelming characters, and very little having to do with ponies. (This reads like original fiction until Equestria is mentioned at the end of part two.) This is not particularly good as world-building goes, and I found myself thoroughly uninterested in the story. N
A Lone Windigo by ManeShadow: This is a very “sympathy for the devil” look at windigoes, fairly one-sided in trying to redeem them as a species. That said, I’ve had similar thoughts about them, so this at least makes sense to me. That said, it’s a fairly flat tale where a windigo follows a colt, feeds off him, and generally just watches his life unfold. Unfortunately, since he’s not an actor in the story, the scenes that he watches are far more interesting than his plight. If Pinkie’s interference had caused him to do something, that might have made him a more interesting character. Instead, this could easily have just been slice of life without the windigo interloper as narrator. V
That Orange Colt With the Bare Wings by BlndDog: If I’m perfectly honest, I usually find stories about diamond dogs to be the most dreadful slogs to get through, but this one made me stand up and take notice. A story about a dog who’s fearful of the mine he’s working, and grumpy because he has to take care of a pony, really has a lot going for it. It could use some work on the descriptions, and the dogs don’t feel like an alien species much, but the conflict-becomes-friendship plot is handled remarkably well. R
Changeling: The Movie by Obselescence: This is a hilarious look at Queen Chrysalis trying to improve the changelings’ intelligence of pony capabilities. Fans of Look Around You will get a kick out of the setup. Granted, how the logic of the premise works is anyone’s guess, but that’s half the fun here. No comedic beat goes missed. Plus, it’s a great story about two alien cultures discovering each other for the first time. You’ve never seen changelings — or ponies — like this before. H
Queen of Queens by JawJoe (Reading by Thornquill): You’ve never seen changelings like this, either. For once, someone attempting to give them a society, a purpose, and to give Chrysalis depth of character, succeeds marvelously. There’s an awful lot going on in here, and I can’t really make note of it all, but there’s good world-building, fascinating parallels between pony and changeling culture, and Chrysalis’s arrogance is shown to stem from surety and confidence, not evil. I will note that the opening threw me. The writing is clunky, and made me think our narrator was a drone and not Chrysalis herself, but it soon becomes apparent that that was deliberate. Here’s an author who really knows what they’re doing. H
Moot Model by Sarcasmo: A donkey named Daisy goes to Photo Finish to try and become a fashion model. But for a few hints, one could be forgiven for thinking this was one of the Flower Trio, prior to her species being named. (Actually, until that point, I thought she was a cow.) Also, the writing is a little herky-jerky, with some need for proofreading, Photo Finish doesn’t really sound like herself (and I don’t mean because her accent isn’t in the dialogue), and I’m not really sure what this says about ponies at large. Still, it manages to tell its story without moralizing, and feels pretty realistic. I particularly like Photo’s reaction to Daisy. C, If You Don’t Mind Plain Writing
Moonlight Palaver by Carabas: Leaders of the other nations that share the world with Equestria debate what to do in the wake of Nightmare Moon’s return. Number one, great cast of characters. Number two, excellent world-building. Number three, excellent politics. It doesn’t have much to do with ponies, and it needs some editing, but this is a remarkably charming story, and it’s nice to see the donkeys have a land of their own that isn’t teeming with squalor for once. R
Rise by Blueshift: A young breezie sets off to prove herself as an adult in this great look at breezie culture. It really fits the pathetic, fragile things they are, making this one of the best examples of world-building from this contest. I particularly like the mantra of ”we lift ourselves”. This is just a wonderful, tiny adventure starring a heroine fighting her own inadequacy in the face of her heritage and the unforgiving world, and it’s really something memorable. H
Taking a Gander by Hackamore Halter: Gander is a hippogriff, and this makes him sad as it should because he sucks at being a griffon. So he goes off in search of his mother, bumps into a pegasus (who isn’t actually Spitfire) and spends a great deal of time arguing with her about nothing. Gander is unfortunately not a great character, alternately self-loathing in private and a total jerk around others, and that’s what really sinks this piece, as I didn’t care about a thing he was doing. It doesn’t help that Ducky is perky and annoying. And what’s with all the waterfowl names? N
The Day Harmony Awoke by stanku: The spirit of Harmony itself awakens, takes on pony form, and heads off into the world to figure out just what in the hell is going on. I have no idea why this doesn’t have a comedy tag; there’s quite a lot in the way of amusing phrasings throughout the story. Unfortunately, most of this is equal parts dry and confusing, as Harmony attempts to explain itself to the mane cast, and gets rather long-winded about it. This will appeal most to people into creation stories, but I can’t say I found it terribly riveting. V
Hello, My Name Is by LoyalLiar: A changeling masquerading as a banker rushes to Canterlot ahead of the wedding invasion while his disguise crumbles. This is one of those rare stories that makes people think writing a wise-cracking protagonist is a good idea, because it pulls it off so well. His own asides are entertaining, and never halt the story, and that’s what so many writers get wrong. This skips along at a nice pace and, though we know how that episode turns out, our protagonist’s own tiny victory is rather satisfying regardless. R
Mortal Coil Foiled by RainbowBob: Sombra approaches an entity of great power, hoping that it can help him protect his home. The narrator in this story confuses me. He speaks with a ponderous air, like a thing with many eons under its belt, but it goes off on tangents and cracks wise, and the two halves just don’t mesh well. All the prevaricating just drags the narrative out. That said, this makes good use of the second person (shades of contests past!) and the story being told is certainly interesting as headcanons go, not to mention a decent tragedy. C, If You Don’t Mind Long-Windedness
Gazebo by NotARealPonyDotCom (Reading by Crafty Arts): A changeling and a unicorn take shelter from the rain. This story threw me in a big way when the unicorn flat-out asked if her companion was a changeling, and didn’t seem to care much about the answer. Changeling integration into pony society is not a new concept by any means, but it tends to come with lengthy world-building to justify it; this just gets a paragraph of explanation, and I wasn’t buying it. I definitely didn’t appreciate the references to “Faust” either. I feel silly coming down on this story, because it’s quite well written, I just didn’t find the premise interesting in the least. C, If You Find the Premise Interesting
A Second Chance by Emerlees: The life and times of a mule jenny. This leans very heavily on “ponies are disgusted by mules”, and I’m not sure how believable that is, not to mention it just means this is very dramatic and couched entirely on “you should feel bad for this character”. It also wastes an awful lot of time detailing minutiae in its protagonist’s life. I had some quibbles about the writing as well, specifically the thick accents. And I just want to point out, we get Deviantart submissions at EQD once in a great while, so that in itself is not unusual, but this is the first time I have ever seen a story written in a journal. N
Twilight and the Knights of Tambelon by StellaMagic: The title got me excited. Then at the start of the second paragraph, we get this:
”Guess you’re wondering why a gargoyle would be out looking at Ponyville at night,” he says in a narrative voice over
And I just had to stop and wonder at that for a while. DNF: 1/12
Griffons Don’t Get Cutie Marks by Chinchillax: A little griffon moves with his ambassador father to Ponyville. He of course makes friends with the CMCs. Once I realized the main characters were named for major players in the Redwall series, this became a little harder to take seriously. But ignoring that, this still has some issues, notably dialogue and the lack of capitalization of “Ponyville”. There’s also a certain unbalance in the narrative, taking too long to get to the actual meat of the story and lingering overlong on certain scenes. N
Why Ponies? by bahatumay: A changeling is put on trial for having sexual relations with a pony. That’s a very “WHAT?” setup, and I can’t say I was terribly comfortable with the subject matter. That said, this isn’t bad, and the protagonist is actually a pretty decent character. C, If You Don’t Mind Non-Pony Relations
Harbingers: Shadows Under Horseshoe Bay by Aurlingus Stretchfeather: A pony summons a creature of the sea to ask for his aid. This is very interesting, but it’s also one of those stories where the characters speak in grand riddles, and that can get irritating after a while. It also makes the POV character’s shifts into familiar, teasing tones baffling as all get-out. And for all that this is written with some very strong and deliberate imagery, it’s got issues like tense changes, word agreement, and missing words, not to mention it fails the Luna Test and some of the accents are just atrocious. With the addition of Princess Luna acting very out of sorts for a princess, I feel like while this has a lot to offer, it doesn’t hold up to its own promise overall. V
As Time Marches Onwards by KingDaddyDiscord: A dragon with an adopted pony daughter confronts his misgivings about ponies at large when a trio of them show up at his cave. Other than regular tense shifts, this is pretty good. I’ve seen the same idea written again and again, but this is one of the few that makes it work. C, If You Don’t Mind Tense Shifts
I Am Demon by Aquaman (Reading by Astro-Brony): One windigo survives the fires of friendship and Clover the Clever has to deal with it. The first thing you’ll notice is the colored words. Once they’re explained, I think they work pretty well — it’s easy to figure out what new ones are — but until that point, I found them somewhat annoying (negative comparisons to White Box came to mind), and anyway the whites and yellows don’t show up against a white background. But the best part of this is the alien perspective: seeing Demon define words, slowly figuring out the world around him, works fantastically well. This also plays with memory in some rather remarkable ways, as he sometimes experiences the world with multiple minds. With that said, I feel like the failed romance and tragic backstory plotlines only work by virtue of being part of a larger whole, in concert with Demon’s perspective and personal motivations. By themselves, they feel like fairly standard plots, but together, they make something greater, if only just. R
Wisp by rockyrobben: A consciousness wills itself from the void and into reality, shaping itself into a pony and finding its place in the world. Her relationship with the ponies is storied and somewhat confusing. The writing isn’t bad, but is a little rough around the edges, with lots of close repetition and “suddenly” and the like. I found the opening, when the spirit is referred to as “it” somewhat hard to follow. This makes good use of the alien perspective, but I did find the character’s continual innocence-shattering discoveries, and the constant back and forth of her opinion of her ponies, to grow irritating after a while. C, If You Like Alien Perspectives
Cranky Doodle Donkey’s Bad Asssssss Day by Einhander: After running over Pinkie Pie with a cart, Cranky Doodle Donkey finds himself in jail. On Hearts and Hooves Day. The writing could use some cleanup (the author’s note mentions this was a last-minute entry, and it shows), but good lord, this is hilarious. Cranky’s voice is spot-on, and the author even gets some traction out of him still being peeved by Pinkie despite the events of A Friend in Need. Plus, he has to deal with a life of resenting the very ponies that the love of his life appreciates without question. This is totally the kind of story about the plight of non-ponies in Equestria I’m always looking for, and once it gets a good editing, it’s gonna be fantastic. R
Bloomberg by ROBCakeran53 (Review #1200!): Bloomberg’s story, told by himself in the style of Forrest Gump. There’s a few minor punctuation errors, but otherwise this is a pretty solid fic. Bloomberg’s voicing is really consistent, and furthermore, really fits a tree. (There’s something a little tragic and a little chilling about the revelation that none of the other trees in the orchard talk.) Not to mention, this does a real good job of recontextualizing Over a Barrel from his perspective. I mean, the whole opening scene of that episode was funny, but did we ever consider how the tree felt? No, we did not. Also, getting to see what happened to Appleloosa during Discord’s return is pretty keen; there are a lot of very effective little background touches like that. Overall, this is a very touching and effective piece, and quite good, especially if you’re really into this contest’s alternate perspective deal. R
Old Friends by Bad Horse: A vignette told from Philomena’s perspective, in very simplistic phrasing. I’ll hand it to Bad Horse, this is a worthy experiment, and I’m impressed he was able to keep this up for fifteen hundred words, but I found myself grinding my teeth at how irritating this narrative voice is to actually read. It’s unfortunate, because the description of this story made me very emotional, but all of that is buried beneath an unending tidal wave of baby speak. As I tend to say about experimental art, experiments can sometimes fail. C, Only If You Like Experimental Literature
Not in Bluff Nor Bravado Nor Loneliness by Vivid Syntax: A nice look at Iron Will. (He used to be a wimpy nerd!) What’s really interesting about this is it turns current discussions of gender roles into a conflict cutting along species lines: ponies are feminine, minotaurs are hyper-masculine. I was surprised to find myself connecting with the character, but making Iron Will into someone who peddles assertiveness training because he himself once needed it is a really excellent approach to his life story. Not to mention the malaise of casual racism in which he grows up coupled with societal expectations for him commingle to set him up for a bit of a tragic fall. A real surprise, this one. R
Outsider by Raugos: A griffon visits Equestria, with Gilda as his guide. This has a pretty good view of griffons, honestly; the scene where Lenny thinks about how ponies are missing out on hunting and killing prey really says a lot about his mindset. His evaluation of Gilda as “horsey” was pretty interesting too. That said, I was put off at least a smidge by both his initial attraction to Gilda and whatever’s wrong with his wings. This is very much your standard “OC introduced to Ponyville” sort of story. At least the attention given to the setting helps this stand apart from that particular crowd. Aaaand it’s got a bit of a surprise near the end that I definitely wasn’t expecting. C, If You’re Looking for Something New in the OC Department
Her Scarf Fluttered in the Absence of Wind by ArgonMatrix: (Reading by Thornquill and Scribbler.) A dragon wakes to the sound of screaming, only to have a pony literally land on his face. And, oh, this is a sequel to another story Argon Matrix wrote, which I have reviewed, so you can probably figure that out, but dang that’s one heck of a reveal. (You’ll be able to get this story if you haven’t read the other, no worries.) Not to mention the pony’s identity is used well, and there’s a great parallel narrative between the two characters. R
Pride by InquisitorM (Reading by ShadowOfCygnus): A wounded griffon is tended to a pony. They try and deal with the presence of the other as things in the town get heated. This is a really masterful piece, and what makes it stand out from the others in this contest is that nothing is explained. Far too often, writing an alien perspective involves a lot of “what is that? why are they doing that? I am doing this, and it is different from what they do”, but not here. Osvald, the griffon, just goes about his business as he normally would, and the ponies’ reactions are what tell us that it is unexpected. On top of that, this gives us a couple stories’ worth of redemption and a thrilling mystery, plus the perspective of a people with long memories in conflict with short ones. This is plain great. H
Au Naturalligator by TantiMount: Gummy accompanies Pinkie Pie to Manehattan and gets gator-napped. It’s mostly just an excuse to play with the “alligators in the sewers” urban legend. For not being tagged comedy, it’s fairly amusing. It’s also very weird seeing Gummy actually talk to Pinkie. Usually, we just get her side of the ‘conversation’. That said, something about this just feels off. The narration is rather flat, and not in a “this is how the character talks” sort of fun way. There are a few word choice errors and tense shifts, too. I can’t say it’s uninteresting — though the alligator chieftain’s tale of woe is rather pat — but it failed to wow me. V
Veni, Vidi, Verti by thesecret1: This was originally called “Veni, Vidi, Mutatio”. A changeling attempts to infiltrate the mane six and ends up getting attached to Rainbow Dash. While not the most fascinating look at changelings, I nevertheless really like the way the author used the hivemind in this: captured and converted ponies’ original forms are “stored” and available for use by infiltrators. Of course, this comes with the danger of turning into someone that a pony already knows, which is what befalls our protagonist. (I also like where the cocoon spit comes from.) What makes this work is that “changeling replaces Rainbow Dash” is only the beginning of the story. There’s a lot going on that’s actually foreshadowed, which makes this a pretty solid read with a pretty solid main character. The “mysterious stallion” turns out to be a good character as well. R
The Last Trumpet’s Call by Cold in Gardez: A griffon visits Cloudsdale to meet his friend’s family and tell them about their son. Once more, Gardez’s mastery with imagery shines forth. Being in first-person, this does give the griffon protagonist a bit of a dreamer’s air, but given that he went off to join an outreach of the Equestrian military, I think it fits. One interesting thing about this is that it’s so “about ponies” that it forgets to be about griffons almost entirely. (Also, fans of bat ponies may notice a hole in the narrative.) Most of the storycraft is focused on making the here and now vivid and alive, not so much the world at large beyond the parts of it we see. Of course, that’s hardly a criticism. The story itself is pretty standard, but the thick prose makes it a joy to read. Also, you get to see a weatherpony in use for combat. I can’t overstate how good the pegasus-related world-building is in this, and it’s obvious the author has drawn from personal experience. Don’t pass this up. H
Little Apple by oroboro (Reading by ShadowOfCygnus): A story about Winona going through a somewhat memorable day, from her perspective. This author has come up with a clever way to give the audience more of the story than what the main character actually comprehends. This is maybe the best reason for using a textual gimmick — and it’s a fairly understated one — I’ve ever seen. It does have a few minor editing errors, and the plot is kind of your standard “there is a dog in this story”, but at least it didn’t go for the schmaltzy feels ending. A decent effort. C, If You Like Figuring Things Out
Sylphidine by RazgrizS57: As alien perspective pieces go, this is the about the aliennest. It’s told from the perspective of an air spirit, a sylph, and until it starts interacting with ponies (“thumpers”), the story is very difficult to make heads or tails of. Still, as perspective experiments go, this is pretty amazing, just be warned that also means it’s very non-standard. C, If You Like Alien Perspectives
The Rescue of a Friend by Eugene Velvelidis and Jim Fotopoulos: Given the authors’ names, I was very surprised to find this to be a story of a breezie named Eugene. That just doesn’t seem to fit. This is very obviously “a story about me and my friends in a fantasy world”, and as such, it really leaves a lot to be desired. Fast-paced, with simplistic writing and flat characters, all I can do is wish the authors the best on their future endeavors. N
For the Sake of Love by SingSongThePegasus: The story of a changeling, told with very direct and often nonspecific language. (“The Upper Hives were made of changelings that were destined to become the Queen’s advisor, or leaders of the armies, or something high rank.”) This isn’t the best story — it’s a first story, we all start somewhere — but it’s actually got a fair amount of decent world-building, so let it never be said that this is without merit. DNF 1/7
The Town Downstream by radio414: The story of a scientist and his assistant capturing a windigo in a very unusual locale. I feel like this story wastes an awful lot of time preparing the setting, giving us the history of the town and its surroundings without really adding in a lot of character. Truth be told, the opening feels like general fantasy rather than ponyfic. Also, the windigo is perfectly placid, which I also found surprising, though not unpleasantly so. The writing needs some polish, but is otherwise decent, as is the story on the whole. C, If You Like Windigoes
Spid3r Ey3s by Silver Mist: It’s never good when the author has to include a note stating that their story is not a trollfic. Anyway, this is a story about spiders that like being on, or possibly in, eyes. I don’t know what to say to that, other than this is full of talking heads and needs more description besides. I will give the author credit for not revealing the narrator until a few pages in; that actually works, but on the whole, this does not. N
Harmony’s Flower by WA0nderer: A vast, celestial being, the harmonious twin of Discord, watches over Equestria, striving to prevent it from reaching the fate that countless worlds under her care have before. The prose is the real draw here, occasionally overblown, but imparting epic grandiosity through being so. This is undercut somewhat by some ill-fitting similes (“it was eclipsed by a shocking inevitability like the last day of school”) and some easy to fix errors in this: homophone confusion, word agreement, word usage, and the like. I do like how this recontextualizes Discord’s reform, and I liked the conversation she has with him after he breaks free the first time, though the dialogue could use some work. Still, I found this a worthwhile read, a definite standout in the annals of creation-style stories that just needs some love and polish. C, If You Don’t Mind Typos
Harmonious by Doctor Breznov: I literally have no idea what’s happening in this story. It’s about a pair of creatures called “Vodniks” that I cannot make heads or tails of, going to Equestria, and never once speaking like a real person does. This is written in an exasperatingly literary style, taking forever to make a point, using ten words where one would suffice, and generally tripping over itself to pontificate rather than get on with the story. And yet, this is mixed in with self-awareness and POV shifts. I can’t, and I don’t, and I don’t recommend reading this, either. N
The Changeling Way by Jonny Manz: This is mostly just a changeling headcanon dump. I have to say I find the narrator incredibly annoying, with his tendency to break into the narration for pointless asides. Not to mention this is structured like your standard high school story, and after the opening scene, it more or less has nothing to do with changelings at all. N
Of Ponies and Dragons by NobleValor: Spike expounds on his insecurities after Secret of My Excess. Oddly, he doesn’t sound like himself at all, while Twilight is written just fine. She’s very supportive and understanding of him. There’s not much to this beyond that, though, and I feel like I’ve read it before. N
Seeds of Future Past by Georg: This is just what it says on the label: the story of Equestria, told by the Tree of Harmony. And unfortunately, there’s not a whole lot beyond that. It’s well written, and the Tree’s frustration at its own powerlessness comes through strongly, but beyond the scene with Celestia right after Luna’s banishment, there’s not much that reading this adds to the canon story. V
Too Cold to Cry by Desavlos: The Hearth’s Warming tale from the windigoes’ perspective. What I liked most about this was the narrative voice: the windigoes are portrayed as semi-sentient, animalistic and instinctual, but still cognizant of things like fun. Still, I couldn’t help but think of Bats! while I read this, in that “they have offspring” isn’t enough of a reason for me to sympathize with them. Though honestly, had this story been continued past the second part, with the first merely to set up what happened to one windigo in particular, I might have found this more compelling. V
Let’s Pretend by Pen Mightier: The Pie sisters play make-believe, as narrated by Boulder. This is a marvelous Maud Pie piece, as it ends up being her coming-of-age by the end. Between irascible Marble, irrepressible Pinkie, and disconsolate Limestone, Maud sticks out like a sore rock. She’s incapable of approaching the world on anything but a flat, rational level, and this holds her back from bonding with her sisters, as well as stepping to the fore when she’s most needed. My complaints about this story are twofold. First, the main conflict comes out of left field with precisely zero warning. Second, we don’t really need Boulder. His observations add little to the narrative, and honestly it would have been a good deal more poignant if he hadn’t started talking until Maud believes in him, and thus herself. But apart from that, this is an original, unique and entirely enjoyable piece. R
I Don’t Want to Be a Tree by RAWG98: A pony-turned-tree narrates his life. Right off the bat, the voice of this rankled me. I just don’t like the way I am immediately addressed, nor was I too keen on the narrator’s plight. I also question Fluttershy’s actions; she doesn’t have a habit of talking to trees in the show. Not to mention Applejack isn’t really in the habit of causing her friends grief. This mostly just exists to play on that single line of Fluttershy’s that has, for so long, been indelibly etched into the fandom’s consciousness. N
A Mother’s Love Never Dies by ocalhoun (Reading by Goomabasa): After the wedding fiasco, Chrysalis gathers herself and her few remaining changelings out of the horrid pit of despair they landed in. Though this gets a little heavy-handed with the “the changelings were dealt a terrible blow, feel sorry for them” angle, it nevertheless does a good job of showing Chrysalis as a doting mother burdened by the weight of her own sins. What’s more, the setting is marvelous, filled with stark bleakness and subtle dangers, and it helps breathe a lot of life into this piece. R
Thoughts of an Angel by TP Night: Just what it says in the title. This has a lot of issues: fast pacing, odd line breaks, inconsistent paragraphing, and overall a very simplistic approach to its subject matter. Mostly, I feel like it makes Angel out to be a little too caring, to the point of being nice. I mean, I can believe that he’s secretly truly grateful for everything Fluttershy does, but I can’t believe he’d be nice about it. N
That Could Have Ended Better by ThePhoenixrising: Gilda gets a drink at a tavern and vents her spleen about Rainbow Dash. This is really haphazardly written, jumping from idea to idea without much connection. Gilda spends a lot of time fending off other griffons hitting on her, for whatever reasons, and then pretty much just recounts the episode from her perspective. Needless to say, I didn’t find that terribly interesting. N
Everypony Needs an Angel by Braeshy: I’d compare this the previous Angel story. Yes, he’s nice to Fluttershy in this one as well, but the story at least tries to justify it. Granted, neither his tragic backstory nor Fluttershy’s really works (you don’t just burst into a kid’s house and say “Your mother passed away”), but around that is a soft narrative about quiet understanding. It at least gets across the idea of old friends. Oh, and Rainbow Dash randomly being dead. Still, I wish a bit more had been done with the parallel narratives here. V
Changed Heart by Rariity7: Gummy tries to cope with Pinkie’s death. Major problem with this is tries to hammer the reader over and over with his feelings, in the bluntest of terms. It becomes depressing for all the wrong reasons. N
Something Magical by Dark Avenger: This is a very weird story. On the surface, it’s about Cranky Doodle Donkey, in a retirement home, talking about ponies with a griffon, who isn’t as big a fan of them. Look into it just a smidge, and it’s meta commentary on the fandom, with the griffon standing in for people who don’t get the obsession with MLP and Cranky as those who do. There’s also discussion about fanfic in there as well. This is certainly not what I was expecting from this contest, but I enjoyed it. That said, this is missing something in the form of backstory. There’s nothing really suggesting why they’re in the relationship they are. Still, it’s a decent piece, and it’s nice to see Cranky outlive his name. R
Wonders by Popper: A windigo is brought to Ponyville to see if it would be a good location for a new windigo kingdom. I’m not sure why exactly anyone would agree to let this happen, but the idea that Celestia would show him around, knowing full well that Ponyville is too harmonious to be hospitable to windigoes is a great idea. Unfortunately, this is executed sloppily. The OC is flat and uninteresting, and the canon characters don’t react in-character. The pacing is fast, helped in no small part by the tiny chapters, and there are a lot of punctuation issues. This would unfortunately need a lot of work to live up to the promise of its central idea. DNF: 3/9
Life in the Inner Wing by Zeck: The Griffon King comes to Canterlot for a royal visit; one of his retinue has her own reasons for being there. I was somewhat mystified by the protagonist’s name. I mean, it’s not reasonable to expect all authors to give their griffon characters G names (I need to work that into a story sometime), but at the same time, when her squadmates have names like “Razor” and “Talon”, well, “Yukari” stands out. Also weird is that the four who end up being main characters end up in a continual cycle of “I thought you two were dating”. It happens three times, and I had to scratch my head at that. And the choking thing. Despite a weak start and a rather lengthy world-building sequence, I got a decent feel for the characters by the end. They develop a good rapport, which is often a lot to ask in this biz. C, If You Like Good Character Dynamics
If Trees Could Talk by Thornwing: The Tree of Harmony waits for the mane cast to place their keys in the box. This is pretty decent, all things considered, though the voice wobbles here and there. That said, nothing really happens, so this isn’t going to have broad appeal. V
Beyond One Lifetime by MegaTank: Philomena tells her story, as one of the few phoenixes to live beyond the walls of the natural sanctuary in which she was born. Expository in places, this is nevertheless a decent little adventure from a unique viewpoint. Philomena’s pranky streak really shines through, and I found it very interesting that a being of fire would be sustained by water. C, If You Like Unique Viewpoints
Evil Enchantress by Dizzy Daze: A tale of Zecora’s first visit to Ponyville, which sadly couldn’t make it out of the first scene without breaking both meter and rhyme. It explains how Pinkie went from welcoming Zecora to town to calling her an “evil enchantress”, which more or less ends up being entirely Zecora’s fault. It also conflicts with canon, as Rarity meets Zecora. The writing is rather flat, and I can’t say this was particularly satisfying. N
Between by Takarashi282: A kind-hearted changeling tries to keep his inability to kill ponies a secret. This is a very strange story, as it begins in the heat of battle, with some good imagery, and then transitions to Reiss, our protagonist, hiding a pony in his room and avoiding his parents’ suspicions by pretending to masturbate. I have to say this doesn’t do a good job of making changelings their own society; what they do in this story falls halfway between earth-analogue and normal ponies. The central idea, of a changeling sheltering a pony, has merit, but there’s too much excess noise in this story to make it shine through. DNF: 2/4
Destination Unknown by Pale Horse (Reading by Scribbler, et. al.): Vinyl Scratch, actually a changeling, escapes north with her love. In some ways, this is your standard ScratchTavia, albeit well written and nicely atmospheric. In others, the decision to make Vinyl a changeling really adds a lot to her character. For instance, going to clubs where love is given away freely: that works. Dubstep appeals to someone who grew up in a hive full of buzzing wings. Granted, it’s never quite explained why or how they fell in love, and on top of that, this is also your standard pony x changeling ship, complete with “hey I’ve been a changeling all along” reveal. Still, the writing and the fact that this is easily the best ScratchTavia I’ve ever read help propel this beyond its humble roots. R
Holier Than Thou by Quillamore: Windigoes are actually watchers, helping ponies in such secret that they may as well be myth, and certainly not anything ponies would recognize as friends. This is a really hard-to-swallow look at windigoes, and I applaud the author for taking on such an ambitious task. I’m not entirely sure it works, however. It starts with a lengthy explanation of what “Watchers” really do, followed by the revelation that the narrator’s mother was a changeling. (?) It’s very weird, and maybe a tad heavy-handed, but… I dunno. V
Against the Wind by Shayzorr: A windigo captures a pony in order to learn about them. Unfortunately, it means a lengthy headcanon dump in conversation form, and the dialogue leaves something to be desired. This is interspersed with some fairly direct observations on the windigo’s part. Unfortunately, when the pony’s identity is revealed, along with the purpose of her cutie mark and, oh yeah, the windigo just totally missed that her eyes point in different directions, I stopped being able to take this seriously. N
Good Boy by NuclearPony: This is told from the perspective of a puppy, but I wasn’t convinced. The language isn’t particularly alien, nor childish, not to mention the dog is particularly self-aware. It’s very hard to believe the narrator is what they’re said to be, and this is kind of haphazardly put together to boot. N
Hubert the Mule’s First Day of School by Stotter: With a title like that, this has to be either a comedy or a children’s story. Unfortunately, it trends toward the latter but doesn’t quite make it there. The writing is simplistic and Hubert is precocious to a fault. Also, the description of the CMCs is wholly opaque. Apple Bloom, for instance, isn’t “grayish olive”; I honestly have to wonder if the author is colorblind. N
Tears of the Forsaken by newBIZ5000: I honestly have no idea what happens in this story. It has a lot of typos and the dialogue has a tendency to be overblown and dramatic. Can’t say I’m terribly chuffed by the way the narration stutters, either. For once, a story that explains nothing truly explains nothing. N
For the First Snow by Velkan Nobody: This story is incredibly hard to follow thanks to dense prose and thesaurus abuse. It’s purple and extremely catty about actually imparting information to the reader. I think it’s about a windigo watching a filly Applejack shortly after her parents’ deaths. Why all the rigamarole before that fact becomes clear? I don’t know. Read this if you like solving puzzles. N
Daisy Jo by Drizzle Quill: An anti-pony diatribe from one of the Apple family’s cows. This gets kind of repetitive after a while, though it is fairly amusing. I will give the author points for the Hindu cow god, though. V
Somewhere I Belong by DouglasTrotter: A donkey adopted by pony parents struggles with his place in pony society, specifically the question of a cutie mark. The writing is decent, but it does rush a bit and has some issues with unnecessary minor details. I was shocked at the bitter ending, however. Nothing is resolved, despite our narrator having a long chat with Cranky and Matilda. That’s a fairly risky thing to do, and I have to say, it works. C, If You Like Sad Slice of Life
Stage of Discovery by Miller Minus: A dragon has to deal with a dragon-groupie pony who shows up uninvited in her cave. This takes an awfully long time to get where it’s going, not that it’s poorly written, just that one word is never used where five will suffice. Not to mention, Minerva is horribly annoying, though I didn’t so much sympathize with the dragon as wonder why don’t you just eat her already? Despite her apparent disdain for ponies, Concordia is awfully cordial with this one. I will say that both are voiced well enough that the talking heads was never a problem (it’s not always a bad thing!) The ‘contest’ they engage in is pretty odd, but overall this is decent. C, For Dragon Fans (Ironically)
Frail Creatures by DerpRavener: An exiled changeling wanders through Ponyville and ends up fighting off a hydra. That second part kind of baffled me — the hydra shows up out of nowhere, the changeling has practically zero motivation, and strangest of all, he comes complete with a war hammer. I don’t recall seeing changelings use weapons before, but whatever. This does end up being more about ponies than anything else, so it’s got that going for it, at least. V
Lend Me Your Eyes by Smaug the golden: A dragon swoops into a pony town, stealing and killing, and then tells the one pony who follows him back to his cave about why he did it. There’s a neat thread in this about short memories breeding conflict, and the nature of “right”, but once it mentioned Faust, I had to roll my eyes. There are a few typos in this, but the ending saves it from being a waste of time. V
Three Days in the Cooler by Green Akers: A travelling zebra magician tells the story of when he ended up in Trottingham jail. I was pleased to see that, while he obviously falls victim to pony racism and corruption, while inside he meets a lot of really decent ponies. And a few not-so-decent. This is something of a light comedy with a lot of very strong characters, and definitely worth the read. Oh yes, and by virtue of having the decency to explain why there’s only one real line of rhymed dialogue, this passes the Zecora Test. R
Love and Death by morningMist: Bizarrely, this features another griffon with a Japanese name. It’s also full of typos and rather fast-paced, with flat characters. On top of that, the writing is attempting to be flowery, and more often ends up needlessly melodramatic. I don’t even know what it’s about, but I sure know that I didn’t want to read the one character’s poetry. DNF: 1/5
Reminiscence by Such a Chlorbag (700th review of 2014!): The story of Discord’s life, from when he first met Celestia and Luna to the present day. He’s cast as a misfit loner, shunned by ponies at large, which suits him quite well and does a good job setting up his eventual reformation. Unfortunately, while the dialogue is just fine, the narration doesn’t really sound like Discord, and that I think it what’s holding this back. Which is unfortunate because this does a great job in showing his downfall despite the cute opening and background Dislestia shipping. The writing also breaks down a little bit — and fails the Luna Test — as this goes. Still, it’s a good historical tract, even if it doesn’t make the best use of its viewpoint. V
Opalescence Whines by Glazen Dew: Yes, she does. I’m not sure this entirely works; some parts of it do, some don’t, and I can’t quite put my finger on why. Maybe it’s the things Opal focuses on, like Rarity’s flirting with stallions, that just don’t seem like the kinds of things a cat would notice. Most of the jokes fall flat as well. I suppose “trying too hard” would be the way to describe this, but its heart is in the right place, at least. N
Story Attempt by haroldman: Formerly “The Siege of Canterlot”. This is a piece about Diamond Dogs, with a rather fanciful and organized society for them. This doesn’t appear to have been edited at all, unfortunately, and also unfortunately doesn’t have a whole lot going on. N
Dr. Ends’ Curio Shop by Goldymarg: aka, “The Tale of Marmalade Skye”. A dragon wanders into the same shop Trixie got the Alicorn Amulet from. The narrator is a major letdown in this piece: he’s tortured, he’s misunderstood, and he pushes away those who try to get close to him. It’s exasperating. The formatting in this is questionable: along with using asterisks, characters actually say words like “gasp” and “sigh”. It’s unfortunate I spent so much time being bothered by the writing and the main character, because this does set up an intriguing mystery: the dragon wants a token for the ferryman of the River Styx because he’s searching for the titular Marmalade Skye. I mean, that made me want to keep reading, but I just did not care about this character’s problems in the least. N
Like Only the Gods Can Do by commander sweetie belle: Philomena’s father awakens from a rebirth and ponders ponies. This is a challenge to read thanks to the copious errors. I suspect the author is not a native English speaker. Beyond that, there isn’t much to this, just the narrator talking about his life and thinking about the ponies. N
Learning About Colors by HAZESHIFT: After peace is established between the two races, Twilight Sparkle hosts the first changeling ambassadors in Ponyville. This is another one of those stories where the changelings aren’t really all that different culturally from the ponies, but it still makes for some decent comedy. That said, it has some issues with telling, especially in the form of expository dialogue. The central conceit explaining why young changelings can’t see in color is also horribly convoluted and a little “wha?” It doesn’t really go anywhere with the idea, but does end up being pretty cute, and without the little changeling being too precious or anything. V
My Father Used to Say by nightwalker: A look into Gilda’s new life, living in Appleloosa. For being just a slice of life, this is pretty decent, and well-written to boot. However, it has a major problem: it does not sound like Gilda in the least. How much of a problem that actually is depends on the reader, but I for one can’t believe she’s this poetic and introspective. C, If You Don’t Mind Mismatched Narrative Voice
A Tired Life by Gumball2: A young griffon recounts how the Equestrian recession and eventual war with the griffon kingdom affected him. Unfortunately, this really doesn’t feel like a work of fantasy at all. If not for mention of wings and talons (it took me a while to figure out what species the narrator even was), this might as well just be about real life. They have TV and telephones, for one thing. There aren’t really any ponies, for another. This is a decent look at war and poverty, though I found Celestia’s responses to the declaration of war hard to believe. Still, if you don’t need your ponyfic to be terribly pony, it might be a worthwhile read. V
Another Dog and Pony Show by Stormy Night: A pack of diamond dogs holes up against pony encroachment on their mines. Despite there being a decent explanation for why this action occurs, I found I couldn’t quite believe the ponies would be so stolid about evicting the diamond dogs from their homes after the error is explained. And unfortunately this interspecies conflict ends up being the setup for a joke. This isn’t terribly written, but what that central idea sounds like to you is going to determine whether it’s worth reading. V
A Day of Opalescence by FlutterLights: Opalescence accompanies Sweetie Belle to school for a day. This has the bizarre malfunction of shifting between first and second person. This has a lot of other issues as well, reading like a large block of text, no paragraphing for new speakers, and simplistic writing that moves too fast. There’s not much going on here besides. N
A Short History of Discord by SacredSturgeon: Discord crashes a meeting of princesses and tells Twilight about his life history. My big issue with this is the footnotes: again, it’s exasperating having to deal with them on this site, but in this case, they also don’t add anything. I can see what the author was trying to do, but they hardly elicited a smile. I’ve just seen them used so much better. The story at large is considerably more entertaining, but again I found myself going, “I see what you’re trying to do, but it’s not quite there.” Still, it mentions Tibbles and features lots of Dislestia, so it’s not all bad. C, If You Skip the Footnotes
Tik0Tik and the Extremely Brief Infiltration by Bloodbunny67: A Kobold ambassador comes to pony lands and makes what he thinks is a good impression. This starts out slow, but derives a lot of comedy from Tik-Tik’s arrogance and misappropriation of what the ponies around him are doing. His bizarro culture comes out through his actions, and I was laughing quite a bit by the end. Unfortunately, this doesn’t have much of an ending so much as a stopping point. I mean, it ends on a joke, but the path to that joke feels rather abrupt. If you don’t mind that sort of thing, however, you could do far worse than this entry. R
The Change of One by Dj Shadowstrike556: This is one of those stories where unfortunately the writing is poor enough that it’s hard to know what’s going on, and difficult to want to read to find out more. DNF: 1/7
Ohana by Kipakuta: A seapony water-dwelling creature called a “Merae” helps a pony couple find their missing child. This is extremely telly and moves really fast. I didn’t get a very good feeling for the narrator’s culture, either, which is unfortunate given what this contest has been about. N
An Autumn Leaf in the Wind by sstwins: A story about a pony, as told by the wind. This starts out with what amounts to a nice poem, but honestly neither the prologue nor the epilogue was necessary. I can’t say I found the actual story all that interesting. The pony is a fairly normal sort of pony, and we follow along on his fairly normal sort of life. Still, you can’t ask for a more fanciful narrator. C, If You Like Slice of Life
The Griffon Who Would Be Knight by Ivory Tower: A griffon tries to get into the Royal Guard and encounters a lot of resistance. I am extremely confused as to why the same spelling for “griffon” is not used in both the title and text. Still, this is a decent little adventure, and it did a large part to ingratiate itself by making the guard captain’s racism not intrinsic to his culture. (In other words, Celestia chewed him out for not giving the griffon a fair chance.) The writing is strong, and the characters are pretty good as well. This goes through a fairly standard “outcast proves himself worthy” narrative, but our protagonist also struggles a lot with where his place in the world is, and overall I liked it. R
Friendship Is Hard Work by EntropicIrony: Celestia asks Discord to spend time with each of the mane cast. He’s not too pleased about it. This is very fast-paced, and Discord sounds like he has ADD, but I won’t deny there’s some real comedy in it. For instance, he refers to all the ponies as something having to do with their cutie mark and “-Butt”, except Fluttershy. That single omission is extremely funny. Unfortunately, this doesn’t really go anywhere. N
Gilda, an Honest Opinion? by An-Twan Star: Gilda is now delivering mail in Canterlot; she reflects on her life, both dreaming and waking. This is full of talking heads and Gilda really doesn’t sound like Gilda. Plus, the characters tend not to act realistically. N
The Legend of Falling Rocks, Buffalo Brave by Titanium Dragon: I have to admit, after over a hundred entries, I’m pretty tired of reading these stories. A lot of them are running together. I’m sick of the poorly written ones. So I’m very pleased that this story is entirely worth reading. Thank you, Titanium Dragon, for ending this on a high note. This is great on two levels. First, it’s a good addition to the annals of MLP folktales, capturing well the spirit of Native American storytelling traditions. Second, you get to see the Hearth’s Warming tale from the buffaloes’ perspective, as well as a number of other things, and gosh, they’re all just really great. I hope more gets added to this sometime. H
And now, my top ten. Remember, this is just how I judged the finalists; there were one or two entries that didn’t make it that I would have scored here had they done so.
Queen of Queens
Pride
Moonlight Palaver
Changeling: The Movie
The Last Trumpet’s Call
We Who With Songs Beguile
I Am Demon
Cranky Doodle Donkey’s Bad Asssssss Day
An Outsider’s Perspective
Rise
And that’s it! Thanks so much for dealing with my whining over the last few weeks. And if you skipped down here just to see which ones I rated the highest, shame on you. :P Go back and find them out yourself!
Heh, not even a finalist and managed to score a highly recommended. Thank you.
You are a far braver man than I am, Present Perfect. I salute you. I only read like... ten of these.
Glad I managed to close out the readings for you on a high note. Did you read mine last on purpose, or did it just happen to be last because it was the last entry added?
Huh. Got a V. Figured I'd get a N. I'm surprised you were able to review all these so quickly. How do you do it?
2413581
Please, please, you're too kind.
No but seriously, don't stop. :V
2413583
Nope, it was last in the list!
2413586
Imagine taking a cheese grater to your brain while riding a bullet train.
It's something like that.
No. The protagonist is put on trial for having genuine affection for a pony. That's a noteworthy difference.
I will not pretend that I didn't get very choked up. To think that I managed to write something in my usual no-explanations-give style and you were genuinely enthralled by it... that's... a very rare piece of praise.
Thank you.
Man. I completely missed that parallel! Well spotted, PP!
Almost literally what I had to say about it. I managed to hook Goldymarg up with someone to give him some feedback, though, as he didn't have an editor. I'm absolutely convinced he has some real talent in there that just needs a little nurturing to start shining.
You're wrong, you're wrong, you're wrong, you're wrong, you're wrong, you're wrong, okay, fine, you're not that wrong, but I had to get that off my chest as it's one of my favourite pieces. I guess it just felt naturally like a Gilda that had forced herself to mature a little, to me.
Oh. Oh my. Oh my (as Mr. Takei would say).
I was not expecting that.
I.. umm...
Plus. I could not be happier to be placed behind Queen of Queens. barring a couple of fairly small things, it just might be my favourite story on the site right now. Epic worldbuilding is epic.
Whoops, I totally forgot to read Pride in spite of following along with M's review posts.
I was wondering if we were going to get a review post from you PP, I had been noticing comments from you showing up on some of the entries.
Once again, the fandom owes PP a debt for his ridiculous work ethic. Take some time off, man!
Jesus Christ, Present, how do you do it? We should really have a Present Perfect Day on fimfic, where the entire sites thanks you and buys you a $2.99 cake.
Yay PP likes me
2413591
I'm well aware of your feelings on this matter, and while it's possible to do this kind of thing and be too subtle or non-explainy about it, this story at the very least did it perfectly. A fine edge you walk. :)
2413593
No. D:
2413647
Haha never ;_;
2413656
That's not a lot of cake. :B
Although it is more than no cake, and that means it is good cake. :O
2413663
Yay!
2413663
NO BLUESHIFT IT WAS A LIE! JUST LIKE THE CAKE!
Well, a V is much better than an N, which is what I was expecting after reading some other reviews. Thank you for taking the time to do this - seriously. This is insane.
Well now... I think I shall have to bookmark this blog, so I can read it as my leisure. (long blog is LONG!)
I have to say, that is pure dedication, not only reading all of these, stories, but writing short reviews for all as well.
PP, that R totally made my day. Heck, it may have just made my year. Thank you!
Hands up for Present Perfect. Amazing effort here, man. You da real MVP.
I am floored that you read all of these. You read an entire complete sample of fanfic regardless of your interest beforehand, the equivalent of reading an entire library bookshelf.
You are the best person I know to ask this question to: Do you believe that Sturgeon's Law applies to MLP fanfiction? That 90% of it is pretty bad, but that there is a 10% that is really good.
Or, like your rating system points to, that most fics in general are pretty good?
First up, wow. That is some serious commitment to the cause. Blimey.
Followed by another wow. Top ten? Also blimey. The company I'm keeping in that list is... well, blimey. Yes, again. That R is rather thrilling, too, but the review is frankly humbling. Fair point about the potential preciousness: it was a fine line to tread, and I thought I stayed the right side of it, but there wasn't much of a margin and I could see why some might feel I'd ended up on the wrong side.
Thank you!
Another echo of thanks for the monumental task you've undertaken. I've added a few more stories to my to-read pile out of these.
A shame I couldn't have achieved an R, but I'll live with a C given present company.
2414146
Yeah, Sturgeon's Law is far more applicable than one might think. Granted, looking at my scores here, I've got around 6% that are must reads, and nearly 20% that I liked (more if you consider that I liked some Cs and even Vs). I rate on degrees of readability, and I don't actually have a "don't read this" rating (I've discussed it before, but the survey said "nah"), but for the most part, bad stories outweigh good, by a ratio of between 20:1 and 10:1.
2414301
The more I've thought about your entry across this contest, comparing it to the other finalists and whatnot, the more I like it. :)
2414356
Honestly, this would have been a very strong entry if not for the whole "sounding like Gilda" thing. And InquisitorM disagrees with me on this, so I think you can be proud of what you've done here. :)
Man, PP, how do you do it? It took me 14,000 words to get through half this number of stories.
Still, good seeing what the competition hath wrought. Seems like there was a fair mix between changelings, windigoes, and gryphons, and a fair number of off-the-wall perspectives. I'm kinda glad I didn't end up writing the story I was thinking of, because I was going to go full-on crackfic and do something about windigoes living backward in time, and it didn't come together in a way that I could have made anything sensible out of. (I'd have hated to break my streak of Hs on it.
)
PP, thanks so much for your help in judging this contest. Now go off and do things you ACTUALLY want to do, haha. :D
Thank you for your review
The lamp bit in my story was a direct Trade Ya! reference; Discord wanted to see how much time he still had before Twilight would return, so he throws his conscience inside one of the Discord-shaped lamps to take a look. I guess I made the common error of providing too little context, not enough for readers that don't have the episode fresh in their minds to understand, though.
2414438
It is interesting how universal Sturgeon's Law is, though the "90%" part is, I think, debatable; it is certainly true that the overwhelming majority of most things are bad, but I'm not sure what the actual ratio is - 80% or 95%, I doubt we could really tell the difference without doing a truly insane amount of research.
2414450
Laziness and slapdash reviewing help.
I was surprised there were no human stories, but apparently they were explicitly verboten. Go fig. :B
2414527
I think I got that, I just couldn't be sure at the time that what I thought was going on was actually what was happening.
2414536
I always take a look at my score numbers after doing a large contest like this, with Sturgeon's Law in mind. Ignoring the fact that they usually distribute on a bell curve (skewed toward the low end, more often than not), things tend to line up with at least the notion of "Most everything is crap".
Thanks for this (mostly) kind stuff you said, it kind if adds some context to why my stuff rated okay but didn't get much attention. Truth be told, I actually had some more headcanon regarding phoenix lore, some of it I only touched upon in the story.
The whole water thing comes from phoenix mythology, in which they live forever by maintaining innocence by not consuming other life. It's a bit weird, but I decided to go with it and I think it went okay.
Once again, thanks for pulling a triple shift and getting all you opinions out there. I've never even done a piece like this before, and I wasn't considering doing one again.
EDIT: Did you count the DNF entries as Not Recommended or what then? I cba to count it up.
I'm so glad I didn't read the stories for this contest. Just linking all the reviews to the stories is tiring enough.
Also, use measurements that mean something. 1.09 Fallout Equestrias? Please. That's only like 0.4 Project Horizons.
2415041
I like the idea of the "Fallout Equestria" as a unit of fanfic wordage. :B
1. I'm a bit trepidatious about reading all of these, even cutting out the ones that aren't R or H.
2. I'm surprised that trepidatious is a real word.
3. Is this the journal where you said you would boost for my own journal?
2415270
It can also double as a unit of how awesome a story is. [random story title] is .65 FO:E's long and .02 FO:E's good.
2415583
No, next normal fic rec journal. :B Which unfortunately I don't know when that will happen, because laptop issues.
A Recommend and a place in the top ten? I'm grateful, sir.
That said, dear god, how many entries? Take a well-deserved break. That's more pony words than can surely be healthy.
MY FAVORITES UPDATE LIST HAS DOUBLED IN SIZE YOU DICK
2418988 ROFL
I was going to enter this when it was going on, but couldn't come up with an idea I liked.
So of course reading your reviews of the entries gave me an idea for it, long after that would have been helpful.
Still, might write it anyway, eventually.
So what does it actually say when the one story of mine you really like scrubs out utterly?
2420134
Utterly is a might harsh, my friend. You did at least make the semis...
Yay! I made it to "vaguely recommended!" And you thought my take on it was ambitious!
2420935
Ambition counts for a lot in this fandom. I've seen too many writers who either write the same old thing or start off with a promising idea and then completely sink it. Your story definitely isn't completely sunk, it was just, well, very weird. c.c
2420134
That the other judges had opinions as well, mayhap?
Or – and these are some assumptions on my end – it could be that PP, being familiar with your work (as you indicate), was moved by your improvements, whereas others might not've had the frame of reference. Which could mean you've still got a bit of a road to walk to suitably impress a majority of strangers to your work – 'suitably' here meaning enough to come across as better than some of the worthiest out there. Lots of luck, mate.
2421771 My apologies. It was a rhetorical question.
2423547
Then why ask it, mate? Bitterness for bitterness' sake, is it? You seem excessively down about the whole thing (if that box at the top of your user page is any indication). So you don't have a fancy piece of art to show for it, so what? Out of a hundred and however many, you stood out enough to hit the final round. Your name is up there. Hell, for all anyone knows, you might've effectively gotten eleventh place out of that mass of folks – I gave your fic a read, and it couldn't've been much lower than that.
Big names and heavy hitters were out in force, mate, but to look at you, one'd think this was some piddly little competition where your placing was all but a forgone conclusion. You did well, is what I'm saying – acting all downtrodden about it won't endear a single soul to you, though, and especially not your fellow competitors. Buck up, mate, and have a good one.
2423855
Because it's funny.
Over here because Seattle's Angels posted "For the First Snow", I saw your comment, and I took a peek at it.
And yeah, I've got to agree with your assessment (though I kind of don't want to say so somewhere where the author is likely to see it and feel discouraged just when he/she is getting some nice recognition). I don't really consider it to have dense prose, just weak prose. There's some nice imagery in the first few pages, but there's some really sloppy pronoun use and a lot of word chaff that really diminishes the effect of that imagery. It feels more like it's being confusing for confusion's sake than stylistic. I never understand why this stuff flies; I think we must be teaching kids these days to think that prattle and incoherence is the highest literary ideal to strive for.
2471151
That is an apt assessment.
Super late reaction: thank you very much for the review!
Yeah, several people have mentioned that the circumstances are a bit vague. I thought about giving a more detailed backstory, but that felt like it would have bogged down the narrative that I was going for (previous experiences have made me fearful of making my own tales too long for comfort). I just wanted to deliver a quick "punch in the gut," leave a few hints here and there about what transpired beforehand, and let the reader come to their own conclusions.
I'll just have to do even better next time...