• Member Since 13th Dec, 2011
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Raugos


T

Having grown up in Griffonia for most of his life, Lenny Redtail has a very low opinion of ponies. But a quick foray into Ponyville just might teach him a lesson or two about friendship and what it means to be equine.

[Intended entry for the Equestria Daily Outside Insight Summer Fanfic Contest.]

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 56 )

That coverart ... I applaud the use of quills, but I do believe that you're missing a sofa.

Cutting it a bit close for the contest, hmm?

Interesting, but we've seen at least two griffons interact with ponies and a whole team at the game. Surely he can't be that ignorant about their social graces?

:3 dammit now i am all out of crunchy snacks...

Yeah dude, just try telling Gilda that she moves and sounds like a pony, I'm sure it'll go over really well.

Incidentally, that movement detail is an interesting idea. As is that short griffon challenge ritual.

Poor Lenny, regardless of his request Gilda really should have brought him someplace a little more cosmopolitan.

This seams intersting.... I'ma read it....

4855563 It's not that unusual for nations to have isolated communities that are ignorant of foreign cultures. Lenny could be from one such community.

4856715 Sounds like a ship-worthy premise. :trollestia:

Ooh, this is getting interesting. Or at least more so.:derpytongue2:

What a twist! You tricked me.

4858293
Nice.

I was thinking Klingon mating rituals myself.

4858293 Eh, I think they just like any excuse to exercise their vocal chords. :rainbowlaugh:

Okay, that I did not see coming.

Well done, sir, very well done. Now I REALLY want to see where this goes.

sequel ? :rainbowhuh:

HAH! Didn't see that coming. :pinkiehappy:

Well now, that was a good twist. Suddenly a few things make a bit more sense than they did before.

Wait, he's a - holy plot twist!

Interesting.... Do go on... :moustache:

4858375 this was really good, are you going to write a sequel to this? I hope you will:pinkiehappy:

4858293

They also roar at people they're angry at.

It's too establish their dominance, which is important for defining relationships with others- romantic or not.

Funny concept, though!

Nice. Does need a followup.

4858871 4862074 4866678
:rainbowderp: Gaah, but I need to work on my other stories! :raritycry: Still, I suppose it's worth keeping in mind.

I think you're doing a great job with this story so far! I hope to see more of it in the future.

Wow. Was not expecting Lenny's identity. :derpytongue2: Story feels incomplete, though. That's my only real complaint. That and the use of "a myriad of" instead of just "myriad," which is inconsequential.

s1

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I would like to see a reverse version of this story where a griffin that grew up in Equestria and is raised by ponies.
I'm now actually curious as to how the culture shock would work when a griffin that grew up in Equestria visit the Griffin territory for any long period of time. That would be a interesting story to see.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Okay. I was not expecting that. Well played, author.

4869214

I really like:

The character and the situation you've set up here, and from a writing standpoint, this was definitely in the group of "good stories" we had submitted to the contest. But as much as I like it, I couldn't give it my vote to move on into the final round because it feels so incomplete. It's a wonderful beginning and I would love to see where you might take it, but it needs a middle and an end. :twilightblush:

Mike

4904638 Fair enough. Thanks for the feedback! :twilightsmile:

4901207 I concur. :rainbowlaugh: Really interesting concept. I indeed look forward to reading more of this when it arrives. (Can't help but feel sorry for Lenny. Poor guy doesn't know what he has on his hooves. :facehoof:)

Ah, so he's adopted by griffons.

Had me going there for a second. The second chapter had me pretty on edge with that crowd scene. I was convinced that this would turn out to be something obscenely dark, that the ponies had some sort of ambient magical field that mollified and made docile usually more aggressive, independent creatures, :rainbowderp:...

:rainbowlaugh:

Glad to see I was just fooling myself. Either way this turning out to be rather interesting. I wonder if he'll be able to simply tell Pinkie up front that invading his personal space makes him unhappy and there for she can't make him happy if she keeps it up.
Probably not. :facehoof:

That ritual was pretty cool. Nice worldbuilding. :twilightsmile:

Poor Lenny. Can't really blame a foreigner for making a faux paus.

... Wow, I really didn't see that coming!

Awesome job. I would like to see a follow-up to this at some point if you're interested in writing one. :ajsmug:

5481510 Thanks for your kind words. I'll keep that follow-up in mind; can't make promises, though. :twilightsheepish:

Wasn't expecting the pony part, that threw me for a loop. I liked the story though.

Is he a pony or a hippogryph?

5699583 He's a plain pony.

I enjoyed reading this, but have to echo what others have said about this needing some follow up.

I keep coming back to this story, time and time again and each time I'm equally rewarded.
:twilightblush:

6124562 Same.

Myself, I'd say that this doesn't really need a followup. Everything is so dependent on the twist and the foreshadowing leading up to it that once that's blown, the story won't be anywhere near as interesting.

This does make me ponder what it must be like for a griffon in an area dominated by ponies. They'd be going from a culture where respect involves aggressive posturing to one where respect involves immediate acceptance. A griffon who isn't used to being around ponies would be getting constant signals that the ponies that they interact with don't even respect them enough to bother to threaten them.

Looking at Gilda's behavior in the first episode in that context, she might be trying to establish exactly where she stands in regards to Ponyville, acting increasingly aggressively in order to fish for reactions. If Pinkie had confronted her over her actions while at the market, she could have postured for a bit and then backed down with the excuse that she didn't want to upset Rainbow Dash, establishing herself in her own mind as a dominant figure who is restraining herself out of respect for her hosts. Instead, Gilda eventually ended up accidentally challenging the one pony that she already respected, who was also more or less backed up by every other pony at the party, which would make sense to ponies but would be perceived as ridiculously unfair by griffons. At that point, Gilda would be trapped an a position that would have no social out in griffon society.

Huh. The story seems to end in a weird way; I expected it to go on a little longer.

My one complaint about the story is that it's not complete. It is a good story but that is 8 no way an end to any story I have ever read. I'm sorry but in my opinion the ending just feels lazy.

6611468 Fair enough. The story arc basically involves Lenny getting over his mild xenophobia, which is supposed to end with him learning that ponies aren't as pitiful or silly as he thought after all.

I made the mistake of having Gilda make a reference to Pinkie, having her appear to pay off that foreshadowing, and then ending it right there. It took attention away from Lenny's character arc and created the expectation of something more to come when there was nothing left, and in my haste to meet the contest submission deadline, I didn't remove it when I should've.

Oh well, lesson learned. If I find the time, I may go through the story again to tighten up the plot and remove unnecessary threads. Thanks for the feedback. :twilightsheepish:

6613649 Knowing that makes the ending make more sense. Also the fact that there was a contest. Thank you for the explanation.

Somehow, he got the feeling that her grin was born of equal parts anticipation, glee, and pity on his behalf. The sort of look that people had when they expected something to go hilariously wrong for someone else.

So, basically an awful lot like the grin every single reader sported upon reaching this part.

... Does that mean Gilda was trying to court Fluttershy?

Welp, that went well.

Huh, so this is where Lenny always before that other fic. I liked it.

Through gryphons are clearly the best. *sage nod*

That'a griff, Lenny, you can never round home unless you step up to bat :pinkiehappy:

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