• Member Since 13th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

RazgrizS57


With enough momentum, pigs fly just fine.

E

A strange, lonely creature that's always on the move drifts into a village one day. It wants nothing more than to find somewhere warm to settle, but such places are hard to come by. However, it is hopeful, despite all the dangers inherent to this village.


8th place winner in the Equestria Daily Outside Insight summer contest.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 19 )

Oh, this looks interesting. I'll have to give this a read here soon.

Pretty. Nice. Very nice. For some reason, I want to cuddle with the Slyph.

Wow. This was beautiful.

Well hello there. Glad to see you're following up on Time & Disregard's strong showing.

Best of luck!

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Curse this phone, I thought my comment went through but I guess it didn't.

Anyways, thanks for your words of support and I wish you the best of luck too.

Interesting, however I felt that the sylph could have identified itself as such beforehand rather than calling itself the entity. (It just feels off is all) Good luck.

Another odd one to judge.

Very interesting use of mythology, and a very apt interaction with Twilight and Spike. Not sold on the voice, though, or the lack of – wait for it – substance.

Ba-dum, tish!

It doesn't particularly do much with the prompt, either, but in the end, I can't say there's anything wrong with the story – it just kind of wafts in and wafts out again. I'm not generally a fan of something so light and breezy unless it comes from the narrative voice. I guess I just wanted a certain special something to breathe a little life into it. Not that I'm looking to be blown out of my chair or anything, I just like a little flutter of emotional kick to whisk me away to another time and place – something with some gusto.

I was quite taken with the flightly perspective hopping, though, if you get my drift. Seeing a puff of dragon magic from the side of the bellows was quite uplifting. But, in the end, I think the opening jetstream of consciousness could have done with a little less float and a little more woosh.

...

I'll get my coat.

5/10 Prompt: Weak

-M

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

I wish something had come of the white text. :B

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I couldn't think of how to utilize them in any way that'd contribute more than their intended use. They're just there to make the necessary extended line breaks, to create contextual pauses and to skip over the dialogues the Sylph was unable to register. Apparently, no matter how many line breaks you add, FIMFiction only shows one, so that was my cheap workaround.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

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Ah, well that makes sense at least.

Congrats on getting 7th place in the contest!

Fantastic. You created a original creature, and yet made it feel like it would fit perfectly into the world of the show. Twilight Sparkle and Spike seemed perfectly in character, the perspective was very unique, and the story itself was very enjoyable. Put bluntly, it felt like we were seeing the "other side" of a potential MLP episode. You completely deserve your placing in the contest, and I hope it gets you more views- this story certainly deserves them.

The only real issue was that, for me at least, I didn't realize that the Slyph was normally blind until you outright stated it. Before it physically manifested in her room, I assumed that the Slyph had its own sense of "sight" it was navigating by. And quite frankly, it wasn't that big an issue- it would have made the story even more interesting if it had become apparent from the outset, but you already did an excellent job at that. This story is going into my favorites.

Oh, very well done, this definitely deserves to have placed in the contest. Excellent story.

I'm kind of with M on this one. It was all very interesting as a concept, and I can't say that there was any one specific thing it did wrong, but it just felt like there wasn't much to it beyond the idea. Not much happened here. It's a perfectly fine fic in its own right, but I feel something deeper could've been done with this idea.

I'm extremely glad I decided to read this. Rare are stories in which Spike's unique draconic nature is critical to moving the plot forward. The sylph's reaction to him was an enjoyable passage, but I'm a little disappointed that nothing further happened in the library.

You also never explained why the sylph developed functioning ocular organs. With no eyeballs to model itself after, and no ability to react to light the same way flesh would, that bit didn't make much sense.

something the sylph has never seen thumpers do.

I imagine from what headcanon I can gleam that it's never seen thumpers do anything.

I thought it might be a Windigo at first, which is a common preconception I'm sure. From what I remember of the prompt, this shows how an outsider sees ponies better than any of the other stories I've read - as thumps, and danger, and warm!

I think this story was just too subtly done for me to fully understand. I was very taken with the choice of POV, er, entity, but I was pretty confused for a while at the start. Maybe a bit too long for a short story. Nicely written and the Spike stuff was particularly interesting, though it did feel a little longer than it actually was.

Too bad this is complete, but I realize that some stories one just has the basic idea for, and no idea for how to continue them in an interesting way. I suppose the reader can simply assume that since it is Twilight we are talking about, things will work out, although in a slow and somewhat boring to read about fashion as she applies Friendship and Science in equal measure. Of course, Fluttershy's contributions are not be to underestimated, both in Kindness and hooves-on experience with various sorts of creatures.

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