• Member Since 14th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen Last Friday

RazgrizS57


With enough momentum, pigs fly just fine.

Comments ( 44 )

Man... I LOVE stories like this. Ones that just throw established writing perspective out the window, and just experiment with what you can do with writing.

I love it. Huge thumbs up, Raz.

Compellingly strange and sad, perhaps a bit rushed, but quite original in concept.

Thumbs up!

2109903
Agreed, I would have liked to see a bit slower pacing considering the strictly introspective nature of the narrative. Definitely quite unique, however, and leaves me wanting to know more.

Yeah, this was cool and fun. Nice work, Raz! :raritywink:

That was interesting. I liked the unreliability of the main character, but it seemed like something was missing. There didn't seem to be any questions. It was pretty easy to figure out that he was just seeing his reflection right from the beginning (you weren't really hiding it). Besides, 'who is he and what happened to him?' there wasn't too much else to guess at. It was rather open-ended, what with the beginning and ending the way they were, which leaves the opportunity for more I suppose.

Maybe if you hadn't revealed that Me was his reflection right from the start it would have better for pacing, but it is hard to pace a really short one shot like this. You don't really have much time to do it. Eh, what do I know? Either way, I think it had more good points than bad, so I thumbed it up.

That was definitely interesting to read. There need to be more stories that experiment with writing styles like this one.

2110162
I purposefully left a lot of things open for interpretation. I wanted the reader to leave the story with their own conclusions, which was the overall goal I had. There's a much more in-depth self-analysis here on my blog if you care to check it out.

2113881 Yeah, that pretty much covers what I had to say about it. It could have been a bit more structured, but it didn't really detract from the story that it wasn't.

I found that poetic in a sense. I wish I had more to say, but I'm not sure exactly what I think.

But a compliment is due so I'll say that was a fascinating read! :twilightsmile:

This reminds me of the story of Narcissus, if that story had continued. Well done!

Beautiful. Just beautiful. :heart:

This was very White Box-esque (which, from me, is definitely a compliment).
I enjoyed the pacing and the kind of mystery the reader is guided through. I also appreciated how the character's simple perception of the world didn't limit the vocabulary to make everything overly simple; I think a lot of writers who try this sort of story make the story almost unreadable just so it sounds "in character."

The only issue I had with it is that there's not much of an actual story within the story. There's a beautifully explored premise, but the events don't seem to have any particular significance. If it didn't end with "I" bolting away, but rather embracing this new pony (or maybe being pursued by them) and trying to cope (and possibly failing) with the idea that there are other ponies out there, I think this could have made a much more enthralling read. Even though I understand it's part of the character to evade others like a wild animal, I felt like there was still more to be told, even just within the protagonist's mind.

Over all, great story! :pinkiehappy:

A fantastic read! Short, simple, subtle.

I guess if there's anything I might want to criticize, then it would be the fact that it doesn't tie in that closely with the MLP universe for it to have to be a pony fanfic. Perhaps making the story a bit longer, showing more of this character, and some more interactions with Fluttershy could solve this, although that would probably ruin that short, quick "burst"-like feel this story has (which I personally enjoyed). The way it is now, though, I think it could just as easily have been an original work.

Not that I have a problem with that, since I always welcome it whenever such non-conventional fics pop up. That, and I've gotten similar reviews myself... :derpytongue2:

I really liked this story because it plays with what you think at first, or at least, I think it does. At first you just think that the pony has no friends, or that it's just a bit crazy, but then you receive this sudden realization that the pony is just... alone. Alone and secluded, if I have to add.

Very good idea, and a very good story :twilightsmile:

Awesome story! :rainbowkiss:

Whoa... my brain is all twisted around right now. :twilightoops:

Pretty good :ajsmug: nice work:ajsmug:

So it was a pony outside the bounds of society? I thought it was an animal or some sort.

I forget the issue, but this reminds me of a Wolverine comic book I read a long time ago. Very well written story.

Lovely story but... its one flaw is that it's not really a pony story. This same exact tale could be placed in almost any universe and it would work just as well. It neither benefits from nor adds anything to the world of MLP. It's independent. Generic.

Do not get me wrong; that does not mean it is bad. It has earned a thumb up from me. But its connection to MLP is almost nonexistent, and that's just a tiny bit disappointing.

2320624
This. I love the White Box isolation vibe from this story, but the overall story felt very generic and only tenuously connected with MLP.
(Maybe rejig the story so the narrator is Zecora?)

Still, it was an interesting concept.

I wished I had never discovered there was a forest end or other mes

Typo? Or Am I being exceptionally dense this morning?

2321141 You are being exceptionally dense. :pinkiecrazy:

The narrator is talking about "other ponies" but since the narrator's world is divided only into "I" (myself) and "me" (not myself), other ponies are "mes". (Pronounced "mees".)

2321173
Ah. Mes as in "one me", "two mes". That makes sense. (I swear this story's stylistic use of pronouns feels like it jumped English Grammar in a dark alley, broke its back, and kicked it in its teeth).

2320624

True, this "exact tale could be placed in almost any universe" but then again, so could any story where the protagonist has no given name, gender, race, or any real physical description at all. That being said, I can only see that happening in the realm of fanfiction without being incredibly difficult. It doesn't necessarily add to the pony world, but I would argue that a good number of ponyfictions don't either. However, with the overall goal I had when writing this being to make the reader think and draw their own conclusions, I'd say I succeeded in that regard.

2321173

Oh? I thought I was me. :pinkiecrazy:

A lovely story that invites the reader to fill in the blanks and imagine the possibilities of a pony living in complete isolation for most of their life. Keep up the good work. :twilightsmile:

I realise it must have been very difficult to write this story as you could only use "me" when referring to the character Me, but one thing that has bugged me a little and kind of broken my immersion into the story was that you sometimes switched tense from past to present in a rather jarring way. Just a note for future writing.

Otherwise is was an awesome concept and very well executed! Great job! :pinkiehappy:

This was great. I love when stories play around with pronouns, and how different the protagonist's vision of the world is affected by that. You also got the voice and the details of this unknown pony very well, enough to make me want to know more about his life and his world, but not too little to leave me frustrated.

There is a part of me that kinda wants a sequel, but then again this is great as-is, and I doubt adding more would make it better. On the other hand, seeing this character in the background of other works would be interesting. Anyway, great work.

Wow. this was an incredibly amazing, powerful story. I loved it.

2114425

Aridifolia
I found that poetic in a sense.

You're right it was. It had a certain rhythm to it. I can't really explain it better than that.

So I ran. I wished I had never discovered there was a forest end or other mes.

What I really liked about the story, was it just stepped outside of everything. A herd animal, raised alone, who's only company was their reflection in a pond. No memories of others of his kind. Just one pony and his friend...no others in existence, trying to live in a dangerous world.

How would someone react if they never experienced seeing another pony? Would they be curious or just scared, since it's so far out of their known world? And what would happen if some ponies got together and tried to find him?

Very good story.

This was a wondrous one-shot to read.

Oh my that was a fun bit of reading.
Thanks for that!

Holy crap, so many pronouns!

Anywho, this was great, Raz. It was a very unique, well-executed piece. I loved it!

I is satisfied with a story other me wrote.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Very cool. I was really excited to get to this one, and I'm pleased to have read it. : ) Precisely the kind of thing I enjoy.

Interesting experience and strong execution with this one. Short and a nice way to spend a few minutes; the unique kind of mental stimulation from these kinds of stories is much appreciated.

This is a nice little story, one I can say is truly unique. My brain's a little twisted in loops, but I liked it, enough so to present you with this:

24.media.tumblr.com/a257ad5165644b1f79354634dfdee284/tumblr_mqo61uYbwk1rj6vd5o1_400.png

I have made a picture inspired by this fic and wanted to share it anybody that would want to see it.
http://umbraeternal.deviantart.com/art/I-Alone-429617616

3847404
Hey, that's awesome! Thanks!

I usually don't find myself enjoying the type of stories where 'nothing happens', but the cleverness of and flow of the words kept me entertained throughout. I could easily see a pony living in the Everfree (assuming that's where this is from the timberwolf) being a bit mad. Makes me wonder whether he has always been there or whether something happened to him in the forest and he lost his memory.
I think the headcanon I'm going to stick to is that there was something in the pond water :twilightsheepish:

Reading of story can be found here.


A purposefully peculiar tale, but intriguing to the point where one does not stop 'til the end. Quite a unique read.

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