A spirit composed of wisps, the most fundamental entity of magic, awakes in a land familiar yet unknown to her. She remembers little, but knows that her destiny is tied with the pony folk.
However, she finds herself isolated and unable to interact with the ponies around her. What is her purpose in this world if she, by all means, does not exist? How can she find happiness in a culture that treats her very life force as a commodity?
How can she survive when even the most feeble pony can destroy her with one errant burst of magic?
Alone and afraid, she quests on.
[**This is my Entry for the 'Outside Insight' Fanfic Contest.**]
[**Oh, and I supoooossseee I should thank Blue_Pancake for his help with the editing. Oh, and for making sure I didn't panic and back out of this competition, because, believe me, I was panicking! Cheers mate!**]
Wooooo. Credits :P And you know i shall say it one more time.. Don't Panic (In large, friendly letters)
4851884
=)
Damn! Fancy Pants and Blueblood must be powerful, considering what they pull off at their age! Or did I just a wrong reading here?
4856839
You know those nobles, incredibly powerful, incredibly self centered.
Plus, I believe I had the intention that magic looks more more impressive in their domain than in the pony world. I t takes a lot of wisps for it to do stuff, you know. ; )
Anyway, thanks for reading, it means a lot to me.
Oh yeah, If you've ever played Divinity 2: Ego Draconis,Magic Missiles FTW!
Interesting concept (although a bit wordy for my tastes). I wish you the best of luck.
4879553
Many thanks.
How the hell did I miss this? Dammit. Another one for the mist tomorrow...
Urgh.
Hmm. The story comes up empty, for me. I'm not sure if I missed something in the narrative, but nothing has really changed, no insight has been gained, and nothing happened to have any significant investment in.
In the way that I've warned several stories about the pitfalls of re-treading things the reader already knows from the show, this was more like adding detail to things we essentially know, but not in any way that gives us new perspective or adds meaning to anything else.
Though it is clearly technically proficient, I kind of got the end and just went, "Oh."
4/10 Prompt: Moderate
-M
4909287
Although it's kinda disappointing to receive a comment like this, I cannot deny that what you have said is very much useful and appreciated.
So many thanks for stopping by my small corner of the internet to read and comment on my humble script.
Onwards and upwards and all that, eh? =)
Why has this not had more attention? Especially after this contest.
Anyway.
I do agree with 4909287 about most of what he said, such as the technical proficiency and that the story is mostly a fleshing out of what happens in the show. However, I don't agree that it weakens the piece. It certainly took a perspective not usually approached, and your characterisation of Magic was fantastic. Honestly, I feel like it's more of a personal reaction than anything else. InquistorM got to the end and went "Oh.", I got to the end and went "That was good!" Your technical writing skills are excellent - some people just have different tastes to others. Of course, he's now probably going to come back and tell me how wrong I am, but that's what I think.
I really liked this for what it was. Have a fave, upvote, follow, and a place in my favourite stories group for good measure.
4959020 Opinions can't be wrong. That's why it's always worth having one :)
4959057
Very true.
It would be kinda interesting to see the perspectives of the other few intelligent wisps.
Right, time to see if I fail at writing comments again...
4959020
Wow, I'm speechless. I have literally been sitting here for a good 15-20 mins, unsure as to what to say other than thanks (either that or I'm trying to avoid writing my dissertation again). So, thanks so much for that comment, its really uplifting to read that. I'm glad you enjoyed the story.
4960847
Aha! so that's how one replies to multiple comments! Phew, I'm not a total interweb scrub.
Hmmm...it could be interesting, agreed. A community of wisp like creatures holding council for the betterment of their people would be a strangely engaging topic to write about. I also quite like the world I built here / the world in my head that I so pitifully transcribed into story form. But I'll probably quit while I'm ahead with this story. ^.^
Now, I need to stop procrastinating so I can get back to work...
My enjoyment of this was mixed, although the ending makes it skew towards positive. The first and fourth chapters are strong, while the second and the first part of the third drag a bit; just a bit too wordy without saying much. I enjoy a good mystery in a story, and while Aquaman had the the superior one in this contest, yours was quite engaging and a very interesting take on the elements. Also, the cutie mark being a wisp frozen in time, love it.
P.S. Inquisitor M can be a bit crabby and pedantic, keep that in mind.
Not bad, not bad at all. I found the central concept really interesting, and some of the world-building (eg The Well) really caught my attention, too. Could have done with sharper pace in the middle, though, and needs a bit more proofreading (eg you have "filly's" for "fillies" in ch. 2). Worth the read, though.
You have no comments. This story needs comments :)
Haven't finished it yet, but I like the idea so far. Its a cool exploration of consciousness.
Interesting start
5250282
I absolutely agree that there should be more comments here