Six members of the elite griffon guard, Inner Wing, accompany their King to Equestria. The purpose of the meeting is unknown, and none of the Inner Wing are allowed inside the meeting. So instead, Yukari decides to catch up with an old 'friend' down by the lake.
Written for EQD's Outside Insight Summer Fanfic Contest.
Rated 'Teen' because Yukari offers advice to a pony on a certain matter.
Page generated in 0.121 seconds
Total duration
880 users online
1,792,675 hits today, 2,707,512 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Well this makes me want to read the related works. Well done you magnificent bastard! (And I mean that in the best possible way.
.) Good luck to you.
4844913
I didn't think this story would get any. Thank you very much.
Oooooo...a comment!
If you really want to read the 'related' works, there are two main ones.
The first is a trilogy about Trixie. Gazing Into Darkness is the first one, followed by A Shattered Stone and finally Trixie's Task. If you don't want to read them, the short version is that Trixie found this strange stone with Twilight and it has Luna very worried.
The other story is Shattered, and it's incomplete. It's how Sea Swirl and Symphony met.
Huh. Well ain't that a thing. If it wasn't for the lack of spaces after an ellipse and the use of said-isms (and a couple of reversed he said/said he couplings) I would almost think this was my writing.
Obviously, you must be awesome.
But seriously, that does make you awesome.
Okay, but really seriously, it's so refreshing to actually post in book format that it warms my little black heart. It doesn't quite carry the smoothness that had me so entranced with other entries like My Father Used To Say, by Nightwalker, but it's an easy read that isn't trying to push itself too hard. Not hugely a fan of the decidedly adolescent feel to the but where everyone assumes everyone is dating everyone else – that kind if trashed the tone the story had built – but it did hold the mystery nicely, doing the reveal only when it could blossom in to poignancy instead. Could probably do with a few paragraphs off the opening, but that's always been one of my banes, too. The only other issue I could see is that you could still use another proofing sweep. I found at least five errors, and sadly it's past midnight and I wasn't savvy enough to make a note of them.
On top of that, though, you absolutely nailed the prompt.
6/10 Prompt: Strong
-M
P.S. Due to the similarities both stylistically and conceptually, I would like to ask you to read my entry into the competition: PRIDE. I have a feeling you might find it as spooky as it was for me reading this, and I'd really be interested to hear what you though of it.
4891357
Yet another comment on this story. Yay. I wasn't expecting anypony to take the time to do it.
Sadly, this story did not get the same level of proofreading (or even all around pacing) that my other, longer ones do, so the errors don't surprise me. I didn't find out about this contest until it was almost at the deadline, so I rushed it through a bit.
As for the book format thing, I feel your pain. I struggle to read through any story that doesn't have indented paragraphs because it just hurts. My brain is constantly screaming at me that it's wrong, wrong, wrong because that's not how I was taught.
Glad you enjoyed the story enough to leave a comment. Thanks.
I was surprised by the strength of the characters in this. That middle scene with all four of them was really well wrought. (And I can assume by process of elimination that Shana and Symphony are dating, since they're the only pairing who wasn't challenged.)
Unfortunately, the scenes that bookend it are rather lackluster, if only by comparison. The opening wasn't particularly attention-grabbing, and the "this is what I think about ponies" scene felt very tacked-on. So pacing's an issue, but character work like this doesn't come along every day. I'll have to check that other story out.
4914425
Begone! Critics are not welcome here! Even if they are important ones!
No, wait. I'm kidding. Actually, I agree with you completely about the whole "this is what ponies think" scene. It was really bugging me when I wrote it. It was actually even longer, with Yukari sitting up there and just spouting off lines of dialogue, but I trimmed it down because honestly, who wants to read through all of that? Sadly, I wasn't able to fix it to where it didn't feel shoved in before the deadline came. I didn't hear about this contest until a week before it was due because I was on vacation and so I didn't get much time to plan it out.
But! I'm glad you liked the middle scene with all four of them.
That was my favorite part to write, mainly because it has Symphony and Sea Swirl in it and I'm writing another story starring them, but not many ponies seem to care for it. I guess it's because they're extremely uncommon characters or something...?