• Member Since 14th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen Dec 31st, 2018

Spabble


I'm an aspiring editor. Not professional, but pretty darn close. Send me a private message if you want me to proofread your fic for spelling and grammar, style, or flow.

E
Source

A sociological experiment gone horribly right leaves Twilight on the verge of the hardest decision of her life.

Now has a sequel, Variables

- - - - -

Hey, everyone. OtterMatt here. Just for the record, I’m not coming back to FimFic. Not ever. I’m sorry to say it, but my life has moved on, as it were, and writing just isn’t a part of it anymore. That being said, I love these stories of mine very much. There’s a lot of myself that I put into them, and at least a couple people have told me that these stories meant a lot to them as well. So, for those people, and for anyone else who enjoys my work in the future, I’m charging my friend Spabble here with curating my completed stories. Thank you all for the love, the faves, and the support as I grew and learned. Keep doing what you love, and the best of luck to you all.

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 179 )

Cute. Much better than most "twilight is pregnant!!!" fics. I particularly liked how you characterised Derpy. :pinkiehappy:

You've got a broken italic tag though.

Thanks:twilightsmile: and now somehow I want a sequal just for laughs:rainbowlaugh:

1814913
Funny you should mention that... Somepony might just be writing a follow-up story—but it's not me. Weird, huh? :derpyderp1:

I must admit, this is one of the more unusual premises I've come across, but I like it, and it's very well written. Very well written indeed. Have a fave and an upvote.

Oh god damn it this is finished. I REALLY wanted to see where you took this.

Great story. 5 out of 5.:moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

This was a great read! :pinkiehappy: I love your ability to write everypony so naturally!

I'm not entirely sold on the premise. Twilight might be a socially awkward egghead who likes to turn things into weird research projects, but I have a hard time accepting that she'd actually conduct an "experiment" like this. I can see her trying to turn romance into data points -- that's the kind of lovably neurotic academic she is, after all -- but not to the extent that she'd basically trick pony after pony into going on fake dates just so she can quantify the experience.

That being said, though, the development of suddenly-pregnant Twilight's emotional state is engaging and well-executed. The exchanges with her reflection are particularly good, and nicely in-character. That bit about foals not following checklists is pure Twilight. :twilightsheepish:

1815010
I think the "trick" part is mostly Caramel's view of it. She just asked them out, and had a miserable time of it when they agreed. But yeah, I suppose it's a bit anthropic overall—if it didn't happen, then there's no story, lol.

You have NO idea how much it means to me for you to say that I kept Twi in character. You should have seen never, ever, ever see the first draft. I've been working on this story for over three and a half months, and it went from so bad I almost quit writing altogether when someone pointed out how flawed my characters were and how bad my pacing was.

1815021
I certainly get the cause and effect thing -- she obviously needs to be pregnant to have a "suddenly Twi's preggers and there's delicious emotional fallout!" story. I guess my issue with the how is that it seems a bit . . . disingenuous, maybe? In the Pinkie Sense episode, Twilight's pretty direct about her investigations, and I'd expect her to be similarly candid even with dating experiments. ("So, now that we've had a romantic candlelight supper and have stared deeply into each other's eyes, could you fill out this brief sixty-page survey about the experience? I need some solid quantifiable data, for science!")

But like I said, once past that issue, Twilight's development is pretty solid.

Very nicely told and developed. I've seen "Twilight goes on dates as an experiment" before but you managed a fresh take on it and ended it with, miraculously, a straight F/M ship. Now that's impressive, moreso because it's convincingly done.

So this was the pic ROBBERGON was working on when I commissioned another piece from him! I must say agree with above commenters that Twilight tricking ponies into dates didn't seem to gel as something she'd do, but I see you addressed that, so moving on! The dating points however were spot on, as were just about all her other mannerisms. I did enjoy Twilight's inherent dork-ness and she reacted about the way I'd expect her to react if this actually happened to her. (Although it won't, but since when has shipping ever been remotely canon besides spike and rarity?)

Overall, I foresee good things for this fic.

Very nicely done, and kudos for hitting exactly the right tone with Ditzy.

Two-thirds of the way through the pot, she was obliged to admit that she was very definitely attracted to Caramel, and after the pot was finished…
The next morning, after Caramel said his awkward goodbyes and left

What the hay was in that tea?!:rainbowhuh:
Anyway fantastic story :moustache:

1815400
Chamomile is a hell of a drug. :trollestia:

I enjoyed the read. Have a like :pinkiehappy:

Whoo, Caralight is best ship. Okay maybe not best but it's like three-fourish.

Anyway, I think this was very well written and Twilight's reactions were very in character.:twilightsmile:

LOVED it. Seriously, good job.

You really nailed Twilight there. Loved it. Approaching everything as a experiment. Well guess what? Kids aren't an experiment.

Also, you have an entire Royal Family to support you and the kid.

I was sad that this ended. Will you send out a blog post directed at everyone who favorited this with a link to the sequel when it's done?

Mister Otter... you have warmed my heart. Thank you.

Great story! Loved the emotion in it!

Speechless... normally in reviews I like to at least point out things that I thought could be improved.

I don't see anything. You and your editors polished this to the point it almost hurts to look at. The way you approached the characters are amazing. Even the way the characters speak tend to say a little about themselves. For example Rainbow Dash's comments suggest she had a neglected childhood.

I don't see any mention of a sequel anywhere. (Despite a ton of comments on this) Are you planning on writing one?

I suppose it's a bit redundant to comment, since everyone else is already saying the things I'm thinking, but I feel compelled to say well done. Superbly written, long enough to pack an emotional punch but not so long that it becomes boring or drawn out. Somehow you've managed to leave me happy with the ending, but wanting more at the same time.

1815010 I second everything this person has said. Twilight has far too much emotional baggage and not nearly enough self esteem to string ponies along for her groundbreaking thesis on the magic of love--Composure gives us a good approach regarding how she'd tried to reproduce the results in the lab scientifically, while I prefer the idea of Stalker!Twilight following couples around doing field work on how couples interact with this strange new form of magic (on second thought, excuse me--I have a romantic comedy to write)--so the opening didn't really have me sold. Also I've always thought Twilight would've shown more interest in mares given how she acts around Celestia for some completely bizarre reason.

Act II was some of the best Twilight writing I've seen in a while and Rainbow being an unwanted child was a nice touch that I might incorporate into another story--it would explain a lot about her emotional vulnerability issues, of which she has many. Furthermore, the premise itself was just a cool idea, I'd love to see how you expand it. Furthermore the conversation with Derpy was oddly poignant. Emotionally mature!Derpy is best Derpy, and for once you didn't give her "mature conversation" name as Ditzy, something most authors love to do.

All in all my thoughts are a 7/10 and a solid recommendation to consider expanding. I've honestly never seen a story like this and besides the device used to get to where we are I think the writing is more than high quality enough to build on this.

... Didn't see that coming. That experiment was WAY too successful! Awesome story! :pinkiehappy:

Hey, I remember this! I'm so glad to see it finished. I quickly read it, knowing I'd enjoy it based on what you gave me earlier. And I was not disappointed, good sir. I loved Ditzy's characterization, how strong her character was in terms of understanding exactly the position Twilight is in. She guided Twilight into a wise decision, knowing the conflict about the mare. I can just see the scene and wanted to tear up by how powerful this connection was. It's stories like these, so relatable for many, that can bring up strong emotions. I once read a book called "Where the Heart Belongs," where the woman put her daughter into adoption and never made contact with her until eighteen years later. This kind of reminds me of what Rainbow must have gone through as a kid, which also adds something a little to the story, though is also something I can imagine being in a story. The writing overall drew me in, as I felt the characters being there throughout, their emotions strong and believable. Twilight's conflict with her subconscious reminded me so much of her, I couldn't help but chuckle under my breath. She reminds her of myself a little; if there's one pony who stressed Twilight Sparkle out, it's Twilight Sparkle.

I think this could have been expanded a bit, but after enjoying what was given, I won't complain. Faved and liked. Good job!

Fantastic story. I am so glad you persevered in the writing of it.

Awesome! Loved it the whole way through. You good sir and or madam have defiantly earned a follow from me. :twilightsmile:

Oh god the feels

Yes. I liked it.

More? What more is there to say?

Well, perhaps that I don't really see where this gets its "Sad" tag. Even granted that stories with that tag don't need to be completely, absolutely, unrelentingly tear-jerking, I don't really see any place in this fic that's supposed to draw tears from the reader. Then again, I don't really see what other tags (other than the obvious "Romance") this would warrant. Slice of Life, perhaps? (Though this is nothing you could remotely do on the show, E rating notwithstanding.)

Well-written, and with a few intriguing sequel hooks - RD's past, Derpy and her family, the future of the two lovers - but that applies to any story worth telling, I guess. Experiment successful. :twilightsmile:

I thoroughly enjoyed your story. The premise pushed the boundaries of plausibility a bit when it came to the set-up, I.E. Twilight's dating experiment, but it was well-explained and very well-written, which more than made up for it. I particularly liked your portrayal of Derpy, especially the fact that she was able to act as the older, wiser advisor, despite the fact that most fics portray her as being rather stupid. It was a nice, refreshing change :twilightsmile:

Keep up the awesome writing :pinkiehappy:

This is... Amazing.
I have no other words.

“Um,” Rainbow interjected hesitantly, “are you going to keep it?”
Everypony turned to stare at her.
Rainbow blushed. “I mean, you could put the foal up for adoption, you know.”

Wow, good characterization, I always think that Rainbow Dash would be the most willing to bring that option to the table.

Nice touch with the Ditzy scene, very well done, and you showed that maternal cleverness that's stuck inside my head-canon.

1815164 Yes! A fellow straight shipper! I knew we existed!

1815248 What else besides Spike/Rarity shipping exists? Cadence/Shining, Fancypants/Fleur de lis, Heck, in the latest episode there was some brief inspiration for Thunderlane/Rarity

And lastly, to the author...
[youtube=E-WHW-QNswE]

Wow. That was fantastic. You wrote Twilight's character spot-on, in my opinion.

Why can't I thumb more than once? :raritydespair:

foal-rearing.= foal-bearing

An excellent tale! :twilightsmile: I really enjoyed it! And I have to say that I kinda want to know what goes on next! ...but of course that's just how it is after all no story truly ends. :twilightsmile: I loved the Twi and Derpy moment. :twilightsmile:

I really just want to say thank your for handling this in a mature way. I especially like that you didn't bring up the option of abortion in this fic as well. I really think it would have been very jarring to the story if you had included it. This was really well written and I'm considering putting this in one of my fic reviews on my youtube channel. :twilightsmile:

1817481
Straight shipper? Apparently you haven't read my stories. I'm just applauding that Otter could pull this off in a convincing way when F/F (or F/F/F/F/F/F) shipping is 90% of what goes on in this fandom. Like I said - deserving of its featured status.

Also, bonus points for going with this particular stallion when the other F/M ships out there would mostly have gone with Big Mac, The Doctor, Soarin', or some other pony. Again - well done.

I'm not usually a fan of romance or pregnancy stories (mainly because it's so easy to make them terrible), but this was handled really tastefully.

And for the other commenters, there's a difference between romance and shipping.

Good story. As of late I've been shying away from romance fics but this was actually pretty good. Have a fave.

I loved this. Not at all rushed or drawn-out. Awesome character writing. Commence following now.

Wow... This was actually beautiful. You did a damn nice job on this one, consider yourself followed sir. :twilightsmile:

Oh, my, god............

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE WRITE MORE I WANNA FINDE OUT WHAT HAPPENS XD *squeee!* :rainbowlaugh:

This story is so unique. I don't think anyone'd come up with the idea of Twilight becoming pregnant! When I read that, my jaw dropped so low I thought it'd hit molten lava deep beneath the earth. XD :facehoof:

Great job! :pinkiehappy:

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