• Member Since 28th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen Nov 28th, 2020

Revenant Wings

"The world is a looking-glass, and gives back to every man the reflection of his own face." - William Makepeace Thackeray, Vanity Fair. Admin of LGBT, somewhat obsessed with Crash Bandicoot.


Nurse Redheart is a young nurse working at Ponyville Hospital. She's done a very good job of it, too, but her superior believes her bedside manner is lacking. Forced to take a week-long vacation, Redheart struggles with finding herself without anything to do and without what she believes is her purpose.

When a young mare ends up in the hospital with an injury, Redheart is called back to take care of her. When an old flame returns to her life, Redheart finds herself conflicted between the feelings she has for him and the memories of what happened before. While initially happy to get back to work, Redheart finds these two revealing something in her that wasn't there before, something that will make her re-figure her priorities in life.

Because there's not enough Redheart fiction. Ever. And I've been meaning to use her in a fic for a while.
Oi... I liked the other one better, but I changed back the title.

Rated Teen for sensuality, suggestive moments, somewhat heavy alcohol usage, and some language.

Like and favorite if you enjoy, and leave a comment with specifics about what you like/don't like.

Chapters (38)
Comments ( 237 )

This needs some work, mostly with your run on sentences. However I shall keep a lookout for more.

This is all right... I dunno, all the dialog and description seems just as cold and clinical as Redheart is described as being. It's kinda weird to read.

This story is very thought out well..:pinkiesmile:

A little fixing up on this chapter.:eeyup

3039777Nice mane.:twilightsmile:
It made me jump.


So you really like my mane?:rainbowlaugh:

Not enough Redheart fiction I agree please allow me to direct you to this group.

This looks like a great story! It's got the occasional grammar mishap or awkward phrasing, but I'd be hard pressed to find a story that doesn't. Also, I entirely agree with your premise that there isn't enough Redheart content on here.

Very good read so far, giving a thumbs up and a favorite, curious to see where this goes.

The stallion climbed a mountain and soon found herself near to the dragon’s lair.

Erm, what...
Also, 'to' isn't really needed.

Other than that, it seems okay. Though the same thing was pointed out last time by someone, the dialogue just seems...lacking. I can't sayexactly what but I just feel it's a little...cold.

For the corrections: thank you very much for pointing that out. Changes have been made. :twilightsmile:

Hiya, Revenant. I've just finished reviewing your story on behalf of the Good Grammar Directory, a comprehensive directory of grammatically correct stories on FIMFiction. Congratulations- It has good enough grammar to be added to the Directory. You can therefore ignore the rest of this comment if you want.

That being said, there's one sentence in the very beginning that's a little concerning.

Most of the staff of the hospital was off-duty as well with the fewer patients and the only ones there were mostly nurses taking care of check-ups and tending to older patients, most of which were to be released soon anyways.

First of all, this is a bit of a run-on sentence, not necessarily for its length (it hasn't cracked 50 words, at which point almost any sentence is too long) but because you've got at least three ideas rattling around in there.
-Because there were fewer patients, most of the hospital staff were off-duty.
-The ones that remained were nurses taking care of check-ups and older patients.
-The older patients were to be released soon anyways.

That leads into my second problem with this, which is that the syntax is a little confusing. For instance,

Most of the staff of the hospital was off-duty as well with the fewer patients

sounds a bit like it's saying that most of the hospital was off-duty and currently hanging around with the minority of the patients. I feel like you would probably be able to fix a lot of stuff like that by splitting it into two sentences.

But as I said, your grammar is good enough, so feel free to ignore me.

I've adjusted the sentence in question a bit to try and remedy it. Does it work?


Much better, thanks. I'd recommend that you take out the "the" in "the fewer patients," but that's just me quibbling at this point.

Comment posted by Glocky deleted Aug 14th, 2013

.......What in blue blazes did Caramel do for heavens sake. Because either he's kinda an ass or she's overreacting.

It's coming. There was a hint in the conversation, but I'm not going to say what.

Grammatically this is certainly not the best thing I've ever read on FimFic, and the sentence structure can undeniably get frustrating at times, BUT I do like some of the ideas and plot points you've got going, plus I completely agree that Nurse Redheart does not get nearly as much attention in fanfics as she should, so here, have a like and a fave.

Despite the fact that characters' behavior and dialogue can even be a bit wonky and hard to make sense of at times, I did especially like the shower scene, mostly because it was a very good example of showing not telling. The emotions were undeniably there, you could tell just from what was going on that a lot was coming to the surface, but wisely you chose not to just flat out tell us what she was crying specifically about (that is, if there can even be one thing pinpointed). Very nice scene, kudos on the execution. :twilightsmile:

WOOOO! I know it can be klunky at times; dialogue for me is a weak point and I'm too big a fan of long sentences and I really need to curb that habit. Thank you for the comment about the shower scene, too. :pinkiehappy:

No problem, always happy to help and compliment a fellow author when they deserve it. Looking forward to more updates! I will say that I envy your ability to compress your chapters to fairly short lengths; my own first project is quite an ambitious one, and seeing as I'm a bit of a completionist (which gives me nightmares with getting through my gaming library as well :ajbemused:) my chapters are proving to be quite lengthy. Ah well, I still find it rewarding, and that's what matters most right? Just getting the story that we have in our heads out there for all the world to see, or at least a small circle of other readers and bronies. :twilightsmile:

Hey, one of my other works, The Prince and the Gunslinger, is getting to have 6k-9k word chapters, so I am not entirely a master of compression. I wanted to try something short but I could involve myself with it.

Ah, I see, apologies for the mistake. I do hope to try my own shot at shorter stories down the road, but seeing as I'm currently working on the first entry of a planned trilogy, that won't be happening for some time! :rainbowlaugh: Ughhh, the worst part is having all the ideas I've got for these characters in my head but not getting to use 'em yet! Know what I mean? Having to wait until you reach just the right spot where you can FINALLY get it down. Anyways, sorry to be rambling, this is your story's comment section after all. Again, kudos on using Redheart; there's another fic I'm reading where she's had quite a lovely supporting role, so I might just have to try to get her to make at least a minor appearance in my own fics somewhere down the road.

Love this story! The cliffhangers are killing me :raritycry: ,but alas keep up the good work! :ajsmug:

To be honest, I expected Caramel to be related to Doctor Stable in this head canon. But, I love to see how this is going.

Another lovely little chapter, keep up the great work! :twilightsmile:

I'm afraid I don't quite understand.

And so the plot thickens. Also, not cool Rainbow Dash, is that the first impression of flying you want your friend to have? :ajbemused:

Oh boy new chapter!
Then again, story description...
So I guess I'll settle for
and wait for the next one...

Liked, favorited, and followed, not in that order.

you have been posting very fast and I enjoy so FOR the love of Ponies don't decide now would be a good time to slow down and take the next 4 or 5 days off.

Oh thank goodness, she's FINALLY taking warm showers! I mean, seriously, I was just a bit concerned for NR when I read she was comfortable with cold showers. I know some people are actually like that, but I just can't see the appeal.

Also, Twilight should be dead. :twilightoops: I think the funniest part about all this is that RD came out OK! :rainbowlaugh: Sorry, I am legitimately interested in where this is going and think you've got a good story here, it's just, when AJ said that I couldn't help but laugh and think, "Well, she should be dead. Scratch that, they both should." :raritywink:

Anyways, keep up the great work! :twilightsmile:

Yeah, Twilight isn't going to get off easy. But that was the way I could think of; no other way seemed plausible for the setup for me (that or my thinking was limited). As for Redheart's cold showers, I know a fair amount of people who are comfortable with them and there's nothing really wrong with them. Time would probably have been helpful; I imagined them as fairly short. Also, symbolism!

DO YOU EVEN WRITE!? (I'm so sorry...)

I am really impressed with how good the writing is despite the (so far) short turn around time for the chapters. Keep it up I really enjoy it. :twilightsmile:

This story is like an emergency treatment for Redheart deficiency or something, what with the frequency you're posting these awesome chapters.

Poor Twilight! :fluttershysad: *Grabs flowers and runs for the hospital*

Poor Rainbow is going to feel awful...

Ah, we're finally in the main plot of the story! :pinkiesmile:

...though we've hit a personal pet peeve of mine in shipping stories. Namely one party falling for the other before it would be plausible to do so :applejackunsure:

Take one (1) chapter per hour, no more than three (3) in two hours. Side effects might be feelings of d'aww, an unusual attraction to nurses, and a desire to meet with one of said nurses, possibly through methods of hospitalization. We here at RWQF (Revenant Wings' Quality Fiction) take no responsibility for these side effects and note it is up to the discretion of the reader to follow these guidelines.

I wanted something I could do in smaller pieces while taking a break from the much longer The Prince and the Gunslinger.

I'm sorry about the rather large amount of medical terminology and procedure in this chapter;

Don't be. Realism!

One thing that jumps out at me is that these chapters are all relatively short, but it's still well paced. Good job.

I'm one of those people willing to do the research (in addition to knowing at least most of the knowledge in this one) if I don't know something. But I know some people that, even with small amounts like this, will get bored because they can't understand.

I wanted to do something smaller where pretty much every chapter is a scene, which probably helps towards that since it's just one scene at a time. I will admit pacing is sometimes a bit hard for me, so it's good to know I'm getting it right here.


I'm one of those people willing to do the research

Like Preston & Child.

I've seen chapters where the narrative ended or began abruptly which muddles the flow of the story. Each chapter as a scene means it has a clear arc, which works! :pinkiehappy:

Before you ask, it's just sleeping. I have no intention of taking the fic in that direction.

:ajsleepy:Aww why not?:fluttercry:

Comment posted by Revenant Wings deleted Aug 19th, 2013
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