When a letter from Celestia urges Twilight to be her own pony and find love, she begins to see and experience things that she never knew were there.
Chapters (4)
- Member Since 20th Nov, 2011
- offline last seen Jun 19th, 2012
E11imist
I just try my best to write a good story.
E11imist
Joined 20th Nov, 2011 ·
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Tracking this ish
Interesting... to say the least.
Possible DerpyLight? That is a rare one indeed.
Oh how I Adore derpylights.. Anyway keep it up!
Also cOngrats twilight
I'm just glad that you're one of those people who are smart enough to call Derpy by her REAL name and not that "Ditzy Doo" name. Ugh. This looks very promising! Everyone's favorite background pony and our favorite beautiful little egghead. I can't wait to see more!
My love for the muffin queen demands I track this.
Great storytelling as well!
Hm.... I'm lovin' the Derpy x Twilight potential, but the story is not the best. Mainly some issues with Celestia's letter seeming kind of forced, and Twilight seemed a bit out-of-character.
Overall, a solid start, just with a few minor issues.
36278 I try man, also remember that Twilight, or anyone, will not be exactly as they are in the show since this is shipping and obviously a bit more grown up.
A story starting with Muffins?! Tracked!
~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria
Nice use of language *Click* Now I'm watching you...
nice story, twiderp is pretty rare, and you got a nice start
I love twiderps! definitely my favorite paring...
And i am loving this fic keep it coming please!
Please fix the grammar in this. I beg you to do so.
37212 Please tell me where. I beg you to do so.
Thanks so much for the positive feedback guys. Sorry for grammar mistakes here and there (I wrote chapter 2 in less than a day and I just couldn't wait to show it to you guys). Gonna slow down on the writing a bit because of exams but I will be back with a vengeance when I have finished writing. Derpylight yay!
Sun of a biscuit, you just had to end it like that, didn't you?
The dream made me laugh more than it should have.
So far so good.
TwiLove...
Goddammit. Like 90% of cast is female. THIS GONNA BE INTERESTING.
inb4 male characters:
Angel (inb4 not pony)
)
Big Macintosh
Braeburn
Chiefthunder Hooves (not a pony either)
Discord (turned into stone
Doctor Whooves
Gummy (another non-pony)
Hayseed
Hoity Toity
Manticore (Not. A. Pony.)
Noteworthy
Owlowiscious (Y u no pony?)
Pipsqueak
Prince Blueblood
Royal guards
Snails
Snips
Soarin'
Spike
Tank (not a pony. again.)
Everyone else is female.
Click.
BRAVO! my good sir just BRAVO!
it is a little speaking heavy but i enjoyed it!
You're doing a pretty good job of this so far.
And thank you for calling Ditzy Doo by her real name... I detest the fan dubbed name!
Only thing I can point out is your paragraph organization when it comes to quotes. Very few people realize this, but you’re only supposed to have one person talking per paragraph. If you have multiple people talking – especially multiple times – it gets confusing for your readers. Hence why you’ll see paragraphs of nothing but single sentence quotes repeatedly in books.
Just trying to help you out a little!
URA!!! I find myself reading yet another fantastic story!
Actually, I don't know what Ditzy/Derpy's name is either (Though I usually use Ditzy) I shall be following this story!
This story is Very good and needs to be finished
just a question... when do you plan on writting the rest? I need to read it please finnish this.
183208 I'm getting there. Next chapter by the end of next week or I will write 2 chapters before the end of Feb.
AHHHHH YEAH! Derp got swag!
Yes! I love me some TwiDerp.
nice, please make it longer, or update more frequently... I will gladly read this story until it's finished.
also on that note, Ditzy (Derpy) is quite straightforward I like it.
Well done so far. I really like this pairing...
I love it !
This must continue. It's fun, and very cute.
ahh sweet, cant wait to see what happens next if there is going to be a next chapter.
I found this story very hard to read due to it's poor grammar and punctuation: you consistently use semicolons were you should have used commas, use commas where you should have used semicolons or nothing, and use nothing where you should have used commas.
Normally I would pick a few sentences as examples of your mistakes and then show the correct use of the punctuation: but in this case that would involve practically rewriting the first chapter. I would recommend getting a proofreader, but I'm afraid that they would end up having to rewrite the story completely from the ground-up.
Sorry, but while I love stories that feature Derpy, I found the sentence structure and awkward punctuation so difficult to get through that there is no way that I could continue reading to continue reading unless the story itself was amazing, which this is definitely not.
Oh, wow.
That ending made me laugh; the way you worded it was hilarious!
But that's probably just me.
But, there are a few things I want to tell you. I didn't see anything wrong with the grammar that caught my attention, as I see some people are saying. But, there were problems with the dialogue; you forgot to create a new paragraph when a different character began to speak. It's a common mistake, but it happens frequently in your story. Also, I advise that you split the story with some kind of symbol, to alert the reader when the setting has changed. It gets rather confusing when the setting changes without any notice. And finally, the detail. I have to say that you don't do a bad job of describing the surroundings, but I don't think you're describing the ponies themselves with enough detail. You did better with this issue in the Rarity scene;i got a good mental image of where the characters were, what they were doing, and the atmosphere of the situation. But not so much with the rest of the story. I can recommend you add more gestures, describe what the characters are doing (with more detail), and write with confidence.
And I can recommend something for pegasus wing gestures; you didn't pay derpy's wings (or anybody's wings) much attention. Unfortunately, most writers don't.
So this story here, >>>This <<< Moodwings, is a great guide/fic on pegasi wing gestures. I highly recommend it. Overall,i like your story. Not a bad start. Could use some improvement. For now,i will thumb up. Have a mustache.
Seems to me like somebody likes to get right into the fray. I mean, Twilight and Derpy were too accepting; they aren't even surprised that they like each other. It's just that it isn't very realistic, even for a fic (ironic, huh?). Just slow down.
And I'm hoping for the next chapter not taking extremely long to upload. But I don't think that's going to happen anytime soon... Sigh.
Yup, read all your comments while on your break, if you're stuck.
yay :D
39560
Obviously, he will prove to be Twilight's soul mate. 
You forgot poor Steven Magnet!
Regarding the story, I'm surprised to see some pretty recent comments about semicolon use; I didn't notice any, which would mean you must have gotten it fixed shortly before I read it. Yay!
Celestia's letter does come off as a bit forced, since it doesn't have enough explanation as to WHY Celestia thinks Twilight is growing up to the point that she should find love. Something as simple as X recent adventure in which she demonstrated Y adult-ish quality proving she's becoming an adult, and romance being possibly the most important relationship in an adult's life should cover it nicely. Also, Twilight does seem to tack on to the idea that she should find love pretty quickly. Of course, an order from Celestia is not to be ignored. Perhaps you could work that in. It IS, after all, a strange thing to ask someone to do.
*digging noises* "All right, drop it in" *buries dead fanfic*
Blunt Rarity, Perverted Twilight, and Seductive Derpy.
I love it.
Most Excellent story. Can't wait for more.