Chapter 37 - Hearth's Warming Eve
37.
Caramel sat on the bench outside Sugarcube Corner and looked at the clock inside anxiously. Redheart was ten minutes late. From his memory, Redheart was never ten minutes late, and he wondered what was keeping her. She was the one who had arranged this meeting anyways.
Outside of Sugarcube Corner, a light layer of snow covered the ground in a thin white sheet. The day was covered in clouds and a wind blew through so cold it chilled Caramel through his black sweater, but no more snow had fallen. Festive lights in bright blues, greens, golds, and reds adorned the houses of Ponyville, and a large pine tree set up in the square had been decorated. Hearth’s Warming Eve was only a few days away; a large sign advertised a play for the occasion to be held at the stadium on the hills just outside Ponyville, and carolers walked through the ribbon-lined streets singing carols. The enthusiasm and friendliness of the lilting voices was infectious, and soon Carmel found himself tapping the snow underhoof.
It wasn’t until a little while later, after the carolers had come and gone, that Redheart appeared. Caramel almost didn’t see her coming, the white of her coat blending in with the pure snow, yet it was not so hard to spot the pink mane, loose and flowing instead of tied up in its usual bun, and the red sweatshirt she was wearing. She walked up to Caramel and told him to wait a minute before heading inside Sugarcube Corner.
Inside, the store was brightly lit. Cookies in the shape of ponies and deer and pine trees and ornaments filled the display cases. Bright, multi-colored signs advertised pies and loaves of bread freshly baked that morning, the steam lifting off in thin wisps. Redheart was soon at the counter and picking up a container with two cups of hot chocolate, a small dollop of whipped cream at the top of each one and a thin line of steam wafting from the surface.
The contained in her mouth, Redheart came back outside and sat on the bench next to Carmel, who had brushed the snow off a spot for her to sit. Redheart took out one of the cups and gave it to Caramel, who took it gratefully and immediately put the cup to his bright red nose.
“I’m sorry I’m late,” Redheart said, taking the remaining cup. “I was packing my things together.”
Caramel looked at her. “You’re leaving?”
“Doctor Stable gave me the holiday off,” Redheart said. “This afternoon, I’m getting on a train and heading over to meet my mother and father in Whitewater Ridge for Hearth’s Warming Eve with the family.”
“Oh, good,” Caramel replied. “I thought you meant you were moving.”
Redheart shrugged and took a sip of her hot chocolate. “I thought about it.”
Caramel took a sip of his own cup, wondering where this was going. “So… you left me a message saying you wanted to talk. About what, if I may ask?”
“Oh, I just wanted to talk for a minute or two.”
Caramel blew a raspberry. “You’ve been avoiding me for months. There’s got to be an explanation why you suddenly called me up to talk. Have you and Twilight broken up yet?”
“Nope. Still going strong.”
Caramel nodded. “How have things been going with her?” he asked gently.
“Doing pretty good, so far,” Redheart replied. “I take my shift at the hospital, get off in the late afternoon, and we go out and spend the evening doing something. I’ve made quite the circle of friends lately.”
“Really? Like who?”
“She’s got connections with Octavia and Noteworthy, so we sometimes go to their concerts and hang out with them afterwards. She took me to a poetry reading with Written Script not long ago, too, and they’ve even got me into writing.”
“I bet that’s been fun,” Caramel said.
“It has. Matter of fact, I think I’ve been having more fun than I have for a while.” Redheart smiled and laughed at the thought, and Caramel thought she looked even prettier than she ever had. She turned and looked at him with bright blue eyes. “What about you? How have things been going between you and Lyra?”
Caramel sighed. “We broke up not long ago. I… caught Lyra cheating on me.”
“With who?”
“Bon Bon. That mare who occasionally helps out here at Sugarcube Corner but otherwise has her own candy business. What’s worse, afterwards, Lyra told me she wanted to continue the relationship, that Bon Bon was an old friend of hers that was just satiating a desire. I couldn’t do it.” Caramel sighed. “I suppose I understand how you feel now after seeing me with Lyra a few months ago and Roseluck back in Trotsworth.”
Redheart’s smiled softened but didn’t fade. “I suppose you do,” she said gently.
Caramel chuckled. “I thought you’d be laughing at me,” he said. “For making myself look like an idiot three times now.”
Redheart shook her head. “I’m not. Matter of fact, at the moment, I wouldn’t even think of doing so. It’s a hard thing to go through, and it’s not something I’d wish on anypony.”
They sat in silence for a while, sipping on their hot cocoa.
“What time does your train leave?”
“I’m meeting Twilight here in about fifteen minutes. Once she arrives, we go over to her place and grab her things, then over to my place to grab my suitcase, and hopefully arrive at the station in two hours’ time.”
“Twilight’s going with you?”
“So is her family. Well, her mother, father, brother, and sister-in-law are going, at least.”
“You’ve hit that point where it’s time to introduce each other to the family?” Caramel smiled.
“Oh, mother and father are in for a shock when they see I’m dating Canterlot nobility,” Redheart chuckled. “But, it’s not about that for me. Twilight’s treated me like nopony has for a while: like I’m special. Like I’m the one her world revolves around. And… I feel the same way.”
Caramel nodded. “I’m sorry about what happened with Lyra,” he said. “I wish… I wish I had just called the thing off the first time I felt something was going to go wrong.”
“When was that?”
“When we went to that one restaurant and Lyra was among the band playing on the patio. I should have gone up to her the next day and told her that she should have just stayed away. I wonder if things would have turned out differently if that was the case.”
Redheart shrugged. “I think I would have turned out a jealous lover anyways. Considering it had happened once before already, I would probably be quick to be suspicious of you. I wager it would have lasted a few more months before a spat.”
Caramel looked at his cup and took a final sip. “Do you think those wounds will ever be healed?”
“That’s why I’m here.”
Caramel raised an eyebrow. “Don’t tell me you’re going to start an affair with me while you’re with Twilight.”
“No, nothing of the sort. But Twilight taught me something.”
Redheart took a sip of her hot chocolate and set it down on the bench. “After she began to recover, we went out on a picnic with another pony, Rainbow Dash. Just to fill you in, Rainbow Dash created a Sonic Rainboom that, when she smashed into Twilight, caused her to fall at very high speed from ten feet up. The resulting crash led to Twilight going into a coma while Rainbow Dash went away with nothing more than a minor concussion. If you were in Twilight’s position and you woke up to find that fourteen weeks of your life were taken away by something as careless as that, how would you respond?”
Caramel thought about it. “Well, I’d be angry. Maybe even angry enough to reprimand them or get in a fight with how they were being inconsiderate of me and what they did to me.”
Redheart nodded. “Now, what if they had a sense of guilt over it? What if they wanted, for fourteen weeks, to tell you how sorry they were that it happened and how worried about you they were? Would you still harbor the same resentment?”
Caramel had to think about this one. “Well, I… I suppose I would… I would forgive them. If they were really sorry about it, I don’t think I could stay mad at them for too long.”
Redheart smiled at Caramel and put a hoof around his shoulder. It was warm and more intimate a gesture than Caramel had expected at this point. “For twelve weeks I was with you dealing with a tumultuous relationship. I dealt with stress from my life with you as much as I was dealing with stress from work, if not more so. But after what happened, you seemed guilty. I saw you once outside of Sugarcube Corner with Lyra talking about how you felt you had made a mistake.”
Caramel nodded; he could see where this was going. “But… you forgive me for all that? But how?”
“You were my best friend at Trotsworth and, for a short time, my only friend there. When I was dealing with the stress of work when Twilight was in a coma, you were able to make it go away for a little bit. And when we finally split up the second time, when I spoke with you later you felt sad about it. You can’t be all that bad if you’ve done something like that.”
Caramel found he could not meet Redheart’s eye.
“You’ve got a good heart in you, Caramel, I’m sure of it. It just needs some time to settle down.”
The snow in a few spots became darker and slightly melted away. “I… I can’t believe…” Caramel choked out.
Caramel felt a hoof on his cheek and the tears were dried away. “Caramel, I may still be in a relationship with Twilight and may continue to be for the foreseeable future. But I do want to be friends again. We don’t have to start from scratch. We just need to make sure we pick ourselves back up when we stumble again.”
Caramel finally picked his head up and looked over to Redheart. For a long time, he gazed into the soft blue eyes smiling at him. Finally, he smiled back. “Yeah. I suppose I could do that.”
Redheart smiled and put her hooves around him. Caramel returned the gesture. He wanted to hold on for as long as he could, but eventually he managed to pry himself apart from Redheart, who was looking down the street. Sure enough, Twilight was coming.
“Hey, Redheart!” Twilight called as she approached. “You ready?”
“Yeah, pretty much,” Redheart said, getting off from the bench. “Twilight, come over here and meet Caramel. He’s the friend of mine from Trotsworth I was telling you about.”
“Oh, you’re the one who wanted to open the music store!” Twilight said, holding out a hoof. “I’m Twilight, ‘Twilight Sparkle’ or ‘Princess Twilight’ not necessary.”
Caramel extended his own hoof and politely shook Twilight’s hoof. “Pleasure to meet you, Twilight. And yes, I wanted to own a music store.”
“Have you found a decent space yet?”
“No, I’m still trying to earn money. I have a job at a music store now as a clerk. Better money than the bookstore I was at, I’ll tell you.”
“Pretty much the same job, isn’t it?” Redheart jabbed.
“Maybe it is,” Caramel said. “But the pay’s better, so I’m not complaining.”
Twilight looked around. “Anyone know what time it is?”
Caramel turned around and looked at the clock inside Sugarcube Corner. “It looks like it’s about one-fifteen now.”
Twilight nodded. “Well, we’d better head off, Redheart. We’ll need to grab our things and make sure to pick up our tickets early.”
Redheart nodded. “I’m ready whenever you are.”
Twilight and Redheart turned to Caramel. “It was nice meeting you, Caramel,” Twilight said. “Perhaps you and your special somepony can meet us for a double date sometime?”
“Well, I don’t have any special somepony as of yet. But I’m sure there could be a mare or two I could invite to come along with.”
“Or guys,” Twilight said. “I’m not offended either way.”
Redheart laughed. “Of course you wouldn’t. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have treated me the way you did last night.”
Twilight’s face went bright red as Redheart and Caramel laughed. “Oh, please, Redheart! Nopony needs to know about that!”
Redheart whispered something in Twilight’s ear, to which the mare nodded. Twilight began walking off as Redheart turned to Caramel. Without much warning, she wrapped a hoof around Caramel’s neck and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, causing Caramel to go red.
“You’ll find someone, I’m sure,” Redheart said.
Caramel smiled back at her. “Thank you. For forgiving me.”
Redheart smiled at him. “You’re a good friend, Caramel. And for a while, you were a good lover. Don’t think it’s over yet. I’m sure you’ll find someone.”
Caramel wrapped a hoof around Redheart and they held each other for a minute. Eventually Redheart released Caramel and walked away. “Take care!” she called as she galloped off to where Twilight was standing a short ways away. Caramel waved to her as she left, then sat and watched as they walked down the festive lane side by side. Somehow, the cold wasn’t biting through him so much anymore.
“You too, Redheart,” Caramel said when they were out of earshot. “And take good care of Twilight. I know you will…”
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Ugh! I would have preferred Caramel to end up with Redheart after all he worked hard to prove himself and only one, small mistake which was walking around the town with Lyra; Redheart overreacted.
I hope you will make a sequel. Either way was a very nice read
Loved the journey.
I hope you make a sequel, possibly something of this future of Caramel. I want to read your perception of his life past the told events so far.
only 1 chapter do i want to see... thats her parents meeting twilight and her family
And that's a wrap!
I'm glad I was right about caramel not being a bad guy after all, and that he and red heart were able to patch things up! Now for him to get a double date, get over to Twilight's house with his date, red heart, and twilight and get a foursome going...of monopoly that is! 
A very good story sir. Hopefully a spin off with Caramel finding that special mare maybe?
And that is how Caramel ended up with spike
3407570
...if I ever write and use him as a character. Which, unfortunately for him, is probably not likely.
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Doesnt matter to me really. I`m more of a Twishy fan and if Spike should be shipped it sould be with Sweetie Belle
Proves my senses wrong... nothing bad was going to happen after all! Well actually, for people out there who hated caramels guts you must have hated red heart forgiving him, but it was SUCH A GOOD CHAPTER! The feels...
3417491
YAY I've done my job!
3419582. Pretty good to if I might add.
Holy Bananas Batmare!
I'm used to time skips but one chapter we're on the last day of summer. *clicks 'next chapter" button* BAM!! hearths warming! in yo face!
talk about out of left field...... *says the one who has literally no room to talk...* my fic is a steaming pile of random. i cant even tell it i had a general direction for mine to go.
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Yeah, but for the most part, time doesn't skip that much. I'd be going over very intricate details in the relationship. Some people can do that sort of thing. As for how I'd be able to continue without anything really exciting happening in that time period, I don't know if I could. I may include a chapter or two about Hearth's Warming Eve, or maybe a chapter with Octavia and Noteworthy, and a chapter with Written Script, but at the moment they aren't plot relevant.
3424233 perhaps you could include those "bonus" chapters at a later date. i was making the comment more or less because i wasn't prepared for the loss of time. (it was so tempting to make a reference to Twi's song "i wasn't prepared for this"... Sooo Tempting!)
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That is partly my intent. For now, I'm waiting for a WRITE group review and currently devoting my time to a different work, The Prince and the Gunslinger, to attempt to finish it (heading towards the longest work I've ever written, and I want it to be done by the end of the year.
3424247 I'm sure you'll have it done by then. I have no foreseeable end in sight for my fic, which i have yet to publish... i should probably get on that huh?
3493189 I thought you meant that. I do that every time the author notes mention plot. You should see me in my prime.
Welp. I got sucked in by the early story of a shut-in mare finally giving an old lover a second chance; I liked that Caramel had undergone actual character development and worked to improve himself for her, proving that anyone can change-
Nope! Everypony's in love with the mane six! Again! It wouldn't be so disappointing if it hadn't started out as one of the best straight shipping stories between two highly-unexplored characters on this site!
If it had been apparent from the start that Twilight was even a love interest, I would have found this a great, well-thought-out romance with incredibly realistic character interactions. As it is, I feel sucker-punched for having expected (and initially received) CaramelxRedheart. And the worst part is that I can't even feel mad about it, because the way it's written works!
sigh... There's absolutely nothing wrong with the writing, the characters, the... anything... yet I still feel betrayed. I just... wanted what it started out as, not what it became. If that makes any sense.
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I can't tell if that's a success or a failure. Probably somewhere in the middle since it still worked but not quite, I think, what anyone expected.
And yes, everyone loves Twilight. Yes, maybe I didn't set it up as good as I should have; I was actually thinking about putting in things regarding Redheart x Twilight as memories similar to the ones with Caramel, but I didn't have that idea until about chapter 27.
It does make sense. I worried for a long time about the possibility of developing the relationship between Caramel and Redheart too much, but gut and my original plan of wanting to do Twiheart went ahead of me and I probably should have stuck through with the original ship. I might think about later, in the future, creating a different ending that puts Redheart and Twilight as friends - Redheart still gaining her ability to come out of her shell but not pairing her with Twilight - and Redheart hooking up together with Caramel again, but it may take a while for me to come back to this with an idea of how to do that. Not like it'd be hard, but I just haven't looked at this for a while due to other projects.
Thanks for writing this, I really had a fun time reading it.
I really liked how Caramel and Redheart were able to become friends at the end. Caramel learning that he wasn't a bad pony and most importantly the one he felt he wronged the most was the one who told him this. I got the feeling that he really needed to hear that from Redheart in order to grow past these tendencies of his.
There were a few references to someone vs. somepony but thats an easy fix.
Splendid work chap.
Hey there! I’m FloydienSlip, and I’m here to deliver (incredibly late, I apologize) your WRITE review. Normally, I’d list the things you did well and the things that you need to improve on, but since this is a longer sort of story, it’s going to be slightly different. We’re going to take things several chapters at a time, covering both weaknesses and strengths. Let’s get started!
---
First off, just some general comments. There are many grammar mistakes in this story that might be easy to miss, because most of them don’t sound wrong: what it mostly boils down to is clunky syntax and some awkward phrasing. Here’s an example:
Technically, the structure of the sentence is correct, but what it’s actually saying does not make sense. If something “usually” happens, it’s implied that there isn’t a limit on the time period in which it happens. Therefore, the “lately” is contradictory to the sentence. If I may, I’d recommend changing the sentence to:
OR
Either one would make sense in the context.
---
On to the first set of chapters.
I really like your portrayal of Redheart. Even though she’s only canonically appeared a handful of times, she’s exactly as depicted: a very cold, even callous, nurse. And her actions throughout the first few chapters really perpetuates that. In Chapter 3, in regards to the red book; it’s not really described well. I don’t mean the book itself, of course, but the story within. Take a look:
The reader understands this, but is told almost nothing about arguably the most exciting part of a story like this. What kind of magic does the stallion use? How did the dragon fall for it and let the mare escape? How did the couple then escape from the dragon? It may seem like a small detail, but expounding upon small details allows for imagery and the fleshing out of your story.
I like Caramel as a character. Even though he and Redheart clearly have some intense history together, he really gets her to open up a bit, like when she lets her mane down in Chapter 5. It’s a nice little touch.
Overall, this was a solid start, but could use some improvement as mentioned above.
---
The next five chapters deal with Rainbow and Twilight’s crash, as well as introducing Lyra and part of Redheart’s history with Caramel.
Early on in 6, it’s mentioned that Twilight knows that Redheart is lying about having to clean, and shortly thereafter, it’s mentioned again in the narration. It feels repetitive, and it’s something to take note of, as this situation occurs on a regular basis throughout the story.
Also, how in the world did Dash not notice Twilight? And how hard did she hit her? Jeez, we’ve got a concussion, cracked horn, wing injuries, and a broken rib. Dash somehow comes off with barely a scratch, which makes no sense, considering how she was going so fast as to almost kill Twilight.
The AppleDash subplot feels wholly unnecessary. It doesn’t really add to the story in any way, and might even work better as them just being close friends, but that’s my opinion.
Continuing on, Redheart’s sudden change of mood towards Caramel is illogical, but you apparently picked up on that, considering you addressed in 10. Good on ya, but it still felt rushed. Speaking of rushing, your story is, kinda. It rushes in some spots (like in 9, when Redheart invites Caramel to sleep in her bed) where it doesn’t make sense to rush. One of the better examples I found was in 10, where Caramel leaves to pick up his pay stub and take care of some business, and Redheart waits patiently. This is fine, except the entire rest of the day is skipped, and goes almost straight into the Caramel picking up Redheart the next day. Do some character development, or something! You have a whole day to work with; don’t squander it.
Now, I’ve got to say, I’m not a huge fan of your Lyra. Oh, she’s a solid character (and hoo-boy, is she a jerk), but seeing her be so blatantly rude to Redheart and so forward to Caramel is… a little off-putting. I know that this is a fanfiction, and every character is open to interpretation, but it’s just so bizarre, because we’re not used to it. I honestly don’t know what to feel about her.
---
Chapters 11-15 certainly had their moments, good and bad. It’s still rushing a lot, but it seems to have subsided at least a little bit.
I like what you did at the end of 11, making Redheart question Twilight’s involvement in her new relationship. It would certainly help explain why she’s so concerned for Twilight in the first place; perhaps she feels some sense of gratitude towards making her relationship with Caramel work.
A very glaring inconsistency appears in 12: “Look, it’s gotten so bad Stable is putting me on the first shift of night duty.” What?! That’s not true! She asked to be put on night duty! This makes Redheart seem ashamed that she’s working on the night shift, which doesn’t really make sense, as far as her character goes. We know she loves work, almost to a fault, so why would she want to hide her motivation for working later?
13 is both a pet peeve and a personal favorite of mine. The one obvious question is how and why do the Equestrians have phones? Again, I realize that this is a fanfiction, but as rapidly advancing as technology is, why is there still a need to send letters? Phones would have been recognized as the superior communication system and letters rendered obsolete. It doesn’t make sense at all.
That being said, 13 had my favorite scene: the one where she Falcon Punches Lyra into next Tuesday. Absolutely wonderful, not only because Lyra is a pretentious twit, but also because Redheart’s character shines here. She’s tough, she’s possessive, and she’s not nearly as complacent as one might make her out to be. Real nice job here.
One last thing that I might as well mention here, as a quick grammatical aside: when a paragraph ends with a character talking and the next one begins with that same character talking, you drop the ending quotation marks on the first paragraph. Otherwise, your readers might think a new character is talking.
---
Chapters 16-20 includes the first set of flashbacks, which I happen to like. It shows a nice dynamic between Caramel and Redheart, though the scenes are bit short. Redheart and Caramel seem to genuinely love each other during the flashbacks, and I guess that’s why it hurts Redheart so much when she wakes up in the morning.
One of my biggest concerns of the story as a whole is in 16, specifically about Caramel.
...Why? Why did Caramel lie to Redheart and decide it would be a good idea to hang with Lyra? That completely contradicts his entire character up to this point. It makes absolutely no sense. He’s quoted as saying that he finds Lyra’s flirting obnoxious and that it makes him uncomfortable, so why in the world would he want to “spend some time” with her? On top of that, he’s already dating Redheart, whom he’s already cheated on once before. This is literally never explained, which frustrates me to no end. What you have here is a plot device, not a character.
One other small thing: somewhere in 19, you mention the word “licenses.” Seeing as how there are no cars, I’d recommend changing this to IDs.
---
Chapters 21-25 are, perhaps, the most important set of chapters in the story. It shows the growing dynamic between Redheart and Twilight (the ear flick communication is kind of cute, actually) and the increased tension between Redheart and Caramel. Caramel, before the flashback, comes off as a bit of a grovelling, desperate stallion, the kind that feels he can do no wrong. He continually pushes the blame anywhere but himself, stating that he was just “hanging out” with Lyra. They didn’t kiss, and so on.
Redheart falls for none of that, instead moving back to Trotsworth. I like how you revisit The Trotting Mare, but it doesn’t really do anything for the story, as far as plot goes. Again, I liked the flashbacks, specifically the bit about Redheart finding out about the other mare (points for making her equally disgusted with Caramel). It’s not necessary to show it, but it clears up so many questions that the story would be worse off without it. And then we come full circle, which is nice. The one critique I have about that is that, while understand the dialogue was repeated for the last line of the chapter to make sense, it probably would have been better to end it with Redheart walking into the hospital, only so that the reader can make the connection on his own. Just my two cents.
---
The last ten chapters are basically the falling action of the story. I’m not going to go into too much detail here, because there’s honestly not a lot to say. Twilight finally wakes up and Caramel admits that he made a mistake (Jee, you think?). I was somewhat surprised that Redheart x Twilight shipping was kind of shoehorned in at the end, honestly. I mean, there are small hints and lead-ups, and I understand why Twilight would develop those feelings, but it sort of just… happens, you know what I mean? It’s a little too quick for my tastes.
Also, Twilight was a bit out of character in chapter 33. “Yet another reason that proves you need to get out more.” C’mon, really? Redheart is the only reason you survived and came out of your coma, and you’re going to insult her? If this was meant to be teasing, it didn’t come across that way at all. I know Twilight is smart and everything, but don’t you think she’d know better than to a medical professional who saved her life? Sorry for ranting.
---
Overall, this was a decent fic. There’s not nearly enough Redheart fiction out there, and I’m glad to see that this is a good example of it. There are a few inconsistencies in the story (“She had never done this sort of thing for Caramel before… She’d done it twice before, once with Carmel [sic]...”), but they don’t really detract from the story too much. The older characters - the ones in the flashbacks - aren’t really great characters, to be honest. They’re rather flat, though, again, they play such a minor role in the story anyway.
I think the main issue I have with this, besides the syntax, is the fact that I felt like I was reading a novel. Not a bad thing, mind you, but I didn’t really feel immersed in the story all that much. There was nothing that grabbed me throughout the story, and I didn’t really feel connected to Redheart or Caramel because of that. As a paperback novel, I think the story would work wonderfully. Unfortunately, several things were not explained very well (such as how Rainbow Dash basically walked away unscathed from the crash that put Twilight in a coma) and the shipping at the end felt rushed, even with the build-up. I will note that I did enjoy the ending, and I think the story is decent, but overall, I feel that this could have been executed better.
Continue to write, and you will improve.
- FloydienSlip, WRITE’s music-obsessed analyst
well, im kinda glad i read the ending. i still hated the turnout for quite a few reasons (none being that it was mare on mare) but the feeling of hatred for the story subsided to a small dislike bordering neutral. my main disappointment is that what i came here for wasnt given. i know its not written solely on what i like and im not saying you are a bad writer because of this story. its just i dont like the turnout. Caramel's whole story and situation seeing how you wrote it is mostly the cause of my dislike of the outcome, but not the only reason. i wont like or fave this but i will rate on some of the basics.
Romance is a 9 out of 10
Sad is a 7 out of 10
Slice of Life is a 10 out of 10
grammar is a 7 out of 10
overall story is 8 out of 10
Likeness is a 4 out of 10
4137447
Yeah, I am still thinking about rewriting the ending such that Caramel gets together with Redheart and Redheart and Twilight are just friends. I guess I was a little gung-ho about trying to keep with a Twiheart romance idea that I probably lost something good in RedheartxCaramel. I have no excuse.
Anyway, thank you for the reviews and comments, and maybe I'll get around to that alternate ending sometime.
4137866
whats with the black bars in your message?
4137389
Thanks I had a pretty nasty arguement with the shit that comment have me.
4138841
They are "spoilers", denoted by placed around the message. Hovering the mouse over the black bar will reveal the text underneath.
4140971
...... i never knew that.....
this was a good read
I have just under 900 stories in my favourites and I'm going through them atm, rereading. Been a while since I read this. Still liked it enough to finish the second time though.