//------------------------------// // Chapter 32 - Catharsis // Story: Married to Her Job, Single in Her Heart // by Revenant Wings //------------------------------// 32. Over the next few days, Redheart learned a lot about Twilight, and Twilight learned a lot about Redheart in return. Redheart told her about her Academy days, and Twilight told her about the School for Gifted Unicorns, which their experiences were quite similar. Redheart told her about her time in the hospital, and Twilight told Redheart about some of the adventures she had been on that the rest of Ponyville didn’t know a thing about. It was strangely intimate and yet Redheart couldn’t help but enjoy herself and she had the feeling that Twilight enjoyed it, too. There were the exercises still, even with the increased conversation. Every day, twice a day, Redheart would make Twilight get up and walk a short distance. First it was just through the top of the library, but soon it became up and down the stairs, and nearly eight days after their schedule started, Twilight finally managed to walk outside on her own for the first time. The walk only went around the base of the library, but it was quite an achievement for Twilight and Redheart couldn’t help but laugh at the sight of Twilight giving tiny hops of joy and excitement at being outside again. Even so, she tired quickly and soon Redheart was helping her back up to bed. Redheart figured it would be nearly time for her to move back into her apartment soon with Twilight nearly on the mend. A blood test and a checkup at the end of the second week and Redheart’s duty over Twilight would be finished. It was… sobering to Redheart when she realized this, and she wondered if Twilight felt the same way. One evening when Redheart had made dinner, Twilight walked in and sat down at the table with her. It had been the first time she had gotten up of her own accord, and the first time she had walked anywhere without Redheart watching her. Redheart was confused at it but said nothing and continued making dinner. When the salad, soup, and sandwiches were finished, she set then down on the table along with napkins and utensils without commenting on Twilight’s accomplishment and they sat across from each other and served themselves. “You’re quiet today, Redheart,” Twilight said. “Ever since we started having our little conversations, you’ve been quite talkative.” “Yes,” Redheart said. “I suppose I have been today. I’ve just been thinking.” “About what?” “Your progress. You’ve done remarkably well lately,” Redheart said, trying to sound upbeat. “It surprises me that only eight days ago you were nearly confined to your bed and shaking whenever you walked a short distance. Yet here you sit in front of me after walking by yourself.” “It’s thanks to you, Redheart,” Twilight said. “I’ve been exercising and eating well and making sure I get enough sleep, but I couldn’t have done it on my own.” “You have other friends, though,” Redheart said. “Yes,” Twilight said, “but none of them are medical professionals. They wouldn’t know what to do if I fell or I became sick. They’d just call the hospital and one of you would have come down here to help me.” Redheart poked at her food. Twilight was halfway done with her meal, while Redheart had only taken a few bites. “Is there anything else?” Twilight asked. Redheart shrugged. “Come on!” Twilight encouraged. “We’ve told each other some of our most personal thoughts and experiences, yet something still has you bothered. If you want, you can tell me whate—” “I’m fine,” Redheart cut Twilight off. “I’m not bothered by anything.” “Come on, Redheart. You can tell me whatever you want and I won’t tell anypony.” “I’m sorry, Twilight. You’re still a stranger to me. You, your magic, your life, your friends… I don’t know anything about them. All I know you from is your medical records and these conversations we’ve had these past few days. I know about you, but I don’t know you.” Twilight cocked an eyebrow. “Is that an invitation to something?” “No. I just… it’s only been eight days and yet you’re acting as though I can tell you anything.” “I’m not acting like it. I’m telling you.” It was not what Redheart had expected to hear. “…what?” “I’m being completely serious. Redheart, before I fell into a coma, I said I wanted to get to know you better. A few days ago when we started my exercises, I told you that I wanted to know more about you since you were being my caretaker and I hadn’t the chance before. Now is the chance I have to ask the question that’s been bothering me since I asked you out on the picnic.” The room went entirely still. Redheart stopped mid bite, waiting for Twilight to speak. She felt like she should ask something in return, yet every muscle in her mouth was paralyzed as though waiting for Twilight’s command to speak. Twilight took a deep breath and let it out, an action that Redheart felt only prolonged her misery. “Redheart… what was it that you were crying about that day I asked you to go to the picnic?” That was it? That was all she wanted to ask. “I had just finished reading the book A Knight’s Tale.” “There must be more to it than that,” Twilight said. “I’ve cried reading books before, but that was because they struck a particular chord within me. What had made you cry?” Redheart knew there was something behind the question. “Twilight… I’ve been dealing with a lot of stress lately. Not from my job, but from other ponies.” Twilight had stopped eating. Redheart could tell she wasn’t finished, but Twilight wasn’t paying attention to the food. She was paying attention to her, the violet eyes gently staring at her that was doing the poking and prodding at her that words were not. Redheart gulped. “Alright, I’ll tell you. Before you invited me to the picnic, I had met up with a stallion I hadn’t seen in four years. He was a past lover of mine, the one who I had grown the most attached to. But four years ago he broke my heart by having sex with another mare before breaking off our relationship. He came around a few months ago intending to say he had changed. And for a while, I was drawn into him. He had charmed me as he did all those years ago.” Redheart had noticed that her voice had gone from stern and almost guarded to soft and vulnerable, and yet she continued. “For a long time, I was with him and believed he had changed. He had me wrapped around his hoof, taking me out to dinner and going with me on walks and just having the sweetest personality. When another mare started flirting with him and disrespecting me, he stood up for me and defended me, saying that I was his marefriend and that he loved me. But then we grew apart as the mare intruded into our relationship more and more. Eventually, he said he was going off for a weekend and I walked around town feeling lost without him, only to find him still in town with the mare that had for a long time intruded in our relationship.” Redheart took a deep breath. “Four years ago, I gave him up and focused on the work I had set out to do based on my college education and my cutie mark. I buried myself in my work and closed myself off to the world despite having a chance to settle down and have a normal life that was split between work and friends. But I didn’t take that chance. I went on doing the same thing, and when he came back to me a few months ago I did the same thing as I had done four years ago. I went along with him even though something in my head told me it would be the same as last time.” “You’re probably asking yourself ‘what does this have to do with that book’? Well, I’ll tell you. I was the stallion knight, going about my work so dutifully. The stallion was both the dragon and the mare; the dragon by virtue of his faults and the way he guiled me into falling in love with him, and yet he was the mare for the sort of life I dreamed of. When I left him to devote myself to work, it was me leaving the mare to continue my passion. When he came back, it was as though I as the knight had been struck by the bandits, falling into the pattern of fighting without regards to the possibility of a normal life.” Twilight was still silent and her food had gone untouched by the end of Redheart’s story. Redheart felt her eyes water and she took her napkin and dabbed her eyes with it to keep the tears from falling down her cheek. “That’s why you told me the night I awoke that you were thinking of going to Trotsworth,” Twilight said. “You thought it’d be normal.” “No,” Redheart said. “I thought it would get me away. I’ve had multiple chances for the normal life. But I’m about to run away from it all because I feel like I can’t stand it here much longer. That it’s not for me.” Twilight got up from her spot at the table and walked over to Redheart and sat down next to her. “Have you thought about trying again?” Redheart shook her head. She found she couldn’t look at Twilight and averted her gaze. “I don’t want to be hurt again.” “Haven’t you ever thought about even finding just a close group of friends?” “I’ve envied ponies like that.” “Give me an example.” “…you.” For having said it to her for the first time, Redheart was surprised how well Twilight took it. “I can see that. But… what are the specifics? Why have you envied me?” “I think it really hit me at the birth of the Cake’s twins. You weren’t even related to Mr. and Mrs. Cake, but because they were friends of yours you were there for them. It was like you were combining your work in the study of friendship with the fact that they were simply friends of yours, and you did so with ease. Meanwhile, I was sitting there on the sidelines feeling like I had to choose between one and the other.” Twilight nodded. “There’s a time for work and there is a time for play. They say that to foals in school to get them to balance homework with playing, and yet it applies to adults as well. You, Redheart, have been so focused on work that you’ve forgotten the importance of play. You’ve been so caught up in your work you’ve forgotten to make relationships that are just for the purpose of being friends. You are married to your job, so to speak.” “That isn’t the first time I’ve heard that remark from somepony,” Redheart commented. “And yet it’s true. When I became a princess, I had gone on to a smaller project that allowed me to study friendship with others, to get to know other ponies. I chose you because all I knew you from was your work. I hadn’t seen you do anything or be with anypony outside of it. And, to be truthful, that makes me kind of sad. Even the cellist Octavia, who devotes herself to the study of tones and the practicing of her cello, has a small group of friends she goes out to drink with and can actually be very pleasant company. So can you if you’re not so focused on work, but I haven’t seen that much of it until recently.” Redheart bit her lip. “Redheart… I suppose what I’m getting at is I want to be friends with you. I want to know you. I want to see who you are when you’re not so wrapped up in your work.” Redheart looked back up to Twilight to see a gentle asking in her eyes. It was all true, she thought to herself. Twilight had said what no one else had said. Not even Caramel. “I suppose it couldn’t hurt to be… friends.” “So, when I get better, I’ll ask some of my friends to come along and we’ll have a picnic by the lake like we tried to have before. It won’t be much, but it’ll be a start. Oh, and I’ll introduce you to a couple of ponies around town in addition to my main group of friends. There are some of them like Octavia that I think you would like.” Redheart nodded and managed a smile through her tears. “I think I should like that.”