The question which kicks off this story was inspired by an Avengers crackfic, and of course I had to make this equally outrageous in its own special way.

Advance warning: If you're here for explicit on-screen sex, you'll be disappointed. Try One Knight Stand instead.

oh god

i'm crying

ahaaaaaa

That.
Was.
Glorious.

Wait, what about AJ?

Sweet Fucking Alicorn Shit!!!

.......... ~cocking gun~ BLAM! X-P
I think he is dead now so Uncle can do passing out now. Ahem AIIIIIIYAAAAAA! ~pass out~

"Alright, Pinkie, Fluttershy," a voice came from the second floor. "I'm not trying to interrupt, I just forgot my sweet fucking alicorn shit —"

that...that line there is the funniest and best thing i've heard all day

What is this I don't even

^--- Seems to be the appropriate response. An excellent read, friend.

3296465
Oh, you would have to ask about what happened to Applejack …

Once she put the door lock into her room's door frame, her trembling hooves hanging her hat on the wall, she sprawled on the bed and tried to get some sleep, crying out in frustration at the noise outside. Princess Celestia remained in Canterlot, blissfully unaware of any of this, and with a wicked smile plotted a completely unrelated prank against her sister. That's when Philomena dove into a pile of leaves, setting them on fire, and while the entire town watched television, a chef in the Canterlot royal kitchens got third-degree burns from sticking his hoof on a stove, which Luna kissed and made all better.

And that's how Equestria was made.

And again... Spike gets no booty.

3296885 Ha ha very funny you never had AJ answer that question as to who would she fuck in order to save Equestria.

She'd be a good femme for you. Add some froo-froo to your bedroom. Girls like us need some froo-froo, and we're not getting it outta Rarity without growing danglies.

And suddenly I'm imagining Dash wearing one false eyelash and drinking milk with knives in. Horrorshow.

In any case, a fascinating story of ponies behaving like adults, with all that entails. My only quibble is the use of the word "hippophobic." That's an excellent example of when not to use a horse pun. Aside from that, a great read. Thank you for this.

3296895
Ah! Sorry, misinterpreted. That was answered in chapter 2, but it was easy to miss:

Pinkie broke the silence. "What about you, Applejack? Who would you do to save the world?"

"Pink Lady," Applejack said immediately, "and anypony who don't like the idea of being saved by hipponians can go leap in manure."

"Hear, hear," Rarity said, raising her mug. Around the table, mugs and shotglasses lifted, and six ponies drank.

3297034 I would've suggested Lyra and Bonbon.

Most stories like this, I need to look at the title, cover art, and rating before I go all total recall on it, but all I needed to see here was the title...

*Sees story title*
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/37903768.jpg

I am kind of confused are Rainbow Dash and Pinkie still dating or did they kind of give up at the end. I hope they are but since Pinkie and Fluttershy are down in the basement...

That's not very fair of Twilight what she did right there. Rares and Dash were just getting to the good bit. Very mean of her.

This kind of thing is getting more common of late. This, E.E.E.... I'm sure there have been others.

Sup with that?

Yes.

All of my yes.

This story is going right on my motherfucking favorites.

*smokes a cigarette* damn...

Ah drinking and sex talk....two things that really shouldn't go together.

OK, now you just need a sequel and some Twiluna.

3297530
No problem.

3296921
> a fascinating story of ponies behaving like adults, with all that entails.

That's the most awesome thing anyone's said about this story yet. Thank you!

> My only quibble is the use of the word "hippophobic." That's an excellent example of when not to use a horse pun.

Hm. Ironically, it's not the horse pun you think it is. I backformed "hippophobic" from "Hipponian", which describes mares who like mares (used a few times throughout, mostly by Rarity). This is vaguely hinted to have an etymology similar to "Lesbian" (with those Greeks and the isle of Lesbos). There's no such thing as a "hipposexual" here. That having been said, I could see hippophobic as feeling linguistically awkward. If I can come up with some super awesome alternative I'll fiddle with it.

3297069
Didn't think of that, and there are certainly advantages to using named background ponies, but I like the subtly creepy implication of keeping it in the family.

3297236
There are going to be a great many awkward conversations in the morning. That will be one of them.

3297244
Which "this kind of thing" exactly? The story's wrong in so many ways I don't know which one to assume. (Also, what's EEE?)

3297469
I actually wrote this story before Season 3. While "Keep Calm" does make Fluttershy's revelations in Chapters 4-5 explicitly canon-compatible, it also robs them of much of their impact. C'est la vie.

3297691 "The Elements get drunk and do fucked up shit" stories.

E.E.E. is "Ethanol, Equines, and Estrogen," by Kilted Key. Similar sort of story. Lots longer though. Has a sequel now too.

S'funny.

3297691

Hm. Ironically, it's not the horse pun you think it is. I backformed "hippophobic" from "Hipponian", which describes mares who like mares (used a few times throughout, mostly by Rarity). This is vaguely hinted to have an etymology similar to "Lesbian" (with those Greeks and the isle of Lesbos). There's no such thing as a "hipposexual" here. That having been said, I could see hippophobic as feeling linguistically awkward. If I can come up with some super awesome alternative I'll fiddle with it.

I understood that, and may even incorporate the isle of Hipponos into my own headcanon. My issue with it is that the ettymological link just doesn't feel right. We don't say "lesbophobic." (At least, I don't know anyone who does.) Furthermore, "hippophobic" literally translates to "afraid of horses," which is more than slightly silly given the setting. You may need to settle for homophobic in this case. Or you could knock the ball out of the neologistic park. I say give it a shot!

3297691 You mean like how Babs and Applebloom was getting it on during the Apple Family Reunion when no one was looking?

3297710 Ah, everything becomes clear.

3297701
I notice that About Last Night just updated as well. I don't know where all these are coming from! Like I said, this was written an embarrassingly long time ago.

3297755
That's fair. I'd think a world run to such an extent by females would have more of a female bent to their etymologies, but the whole "afraid of horses" thing does make it seem like a stretch.

Well, the search for a workable alternative to "fillyfooler" (which drives me crazy; linguistically, it has no English pun basis, and basically asserts that homosexuals are pedophiles) continues …

3297701 3297836
A fresh new batch of college kids entering school has affected the noosphere and now writers are being subtly guided to write things about what it means to be an adult instead of 'epic fights lawl' and other, more childish thin-

I have no idea what I'm talking about.

3297778
Actually, the Moona Lisa's name has nothing to do with either Luna or Nightmare Moon! In the wake of Celestia's efforts to suppress knowledge of her sister's rebellion in the First Century, the painting was removed for many generations from the Royal Palace, and reintroduced in the Fourth Century —
Twilight …
— as a portrait of an unnamed unicorn standing in a moonlit field which Celestia just so happened to find aesthetically pleasing; she claimed she didn't know its origins, which sent scholars madly combing for details about who this mystery pony could have been —
Twilight.
— and since everypony drew a blank on identifying her, the mare in the portrait was given the name "Alissa", which was a diminuitive form of "Alice" (a name derived from the old Germane word for "noble"); literally she was "the unknown little noble." Because of the painting's setting she became known as "Moonlit Alissa" —
Equestria to Twi …
— over time shortened to "Moon Alissa", and after the linguistic switch from Germane to Canterlothian became officialized in the Sixth Century, the name "Lisa" was the closest modern counterpart, so it became corrupted into "Moona Lisa," which is what I learned in my art history classes, and had no basis to question the story even after Luna's return, unlike Rarity who always keeps ahoof of Canterlot gossip —
Twilight!
What?
Nobody cares.
…

3297960
Haven't read the story yet. Was actually a step away from deciding to skip it. Glanced at the comments to finalize my decision, and find this. This glorious bit of wonderment. If your story is half as good as your random silly comment, this is definitely going to be worth reading after all. Damn you.

I'm sorry, I have to have a sequel to this.

This story is criminally underrated.
Twenty eight downvotes? Twenty eight names added to my list.

Absolutely. Jaw droppingly. Spectacular.

Poor, desperate Rarity. Poor desperate Dash.

Poor, poor Twilight Sparkle.

Phenomenal. Absolutely phenomenal.

Very rarely have I read such excellent mature takes on the ponies personality outside of something by SleeplessBrony. Every month here was a month well spent.

Fucking brilliant.

Honestly? This was perfect. I can give up on fan fiction from now on, because nothing can top the ridiculous, humorous, maddening beauty that is this piece.

haven't read yet but braced for epic!

I liked it, but still want to know what happened next!

3296888
Gross.

3298516 how is it gross?

...why do I feel as though I've read this chapter before?

oh, what the heck. have a like~

What can I say that has not been said already? This story is amazing! No, wait, that's been said... Oh screw it, I'll just say it my way. This story was bucking beautiful! A flow perfectly shifting between wild and smooth, excellently taught, and the interest never dropped. Now for a note I feel personally about, I hold some bias because the whole "aggressive plunge into admission" idea is something I love. Almost as much as, erm, other things... But back to the point, I wish I saw more stories with the kind of moments between Rar and Dash in the end.

Okay, enough gushing, back to "correctness". Awesome story. Expect to see me popping up in your meta in the near future.

This hit close to hime believe it or not. Sad part is we were all sober. Gods this made me laugh, because of the closeness and because of the just everything the mane six said and did. Kudos sir, Kudos

That was fucking brilliant, up to the bit about Flutters and Chryssy, AJ going to her own room, Rarity and Dash's fight-fight-fight-kiss-kiss-kiss in the living room, all the way up to "Stone Cold Sober!" being cast on the both of them.

I'll be honest, I can't think of any ways this could've been improved.

Well all I can say is I liked it, but I think that it was sometimes a bit too much.

I loved every part of this story! The ending however made me laugh so much! So I take Twilight fell down the stairs due to her seeing Rarity and Rainbow Dash making out huh or did she just misstep?

Aw. I wish Twilight hadn't walked in on Dash and Rarity at the end there. Them waking up the next morning would have been an excellent mental image.

I'm really surprised at how much they seem to hate each other in this fic. They'd been sniping at each other all story, but what they said at the end there was incredibly brutal. Beyond friendship destroying, I can't see them even standing to be in the same room as each other after that.

Damn you, cover art! So intriguing!! Make matters worse, the story was really good!

I have to say, I enjoyed everything about this up till the last scene with Rainbow and Rarity hate-sexing it up. To be honest, this was the one scene where the characters seemed completely OUT of character. Everything else could be extrapolated from how their canon selves are in the show and comics, but the sheer viciousness of how they act just seems really OOC to me.

10/10 fucking perfect.

First off, regarding your earlier blog post about splitting into chapters... now that I've read this, the breaks felt natural enough, so I think it would make just about zero difference whether this particular story was split into chapters or not, at least for me and my reading style.

Now, as for the story itself. I really liked it for the most part. As others have said, it was rather nice to see a mature story that was... well, "mature." By that I mean, grown up, involving sex, but not just clop. I was enjoying it well enough, then, when Fluttershy's part of the tale came out, that really blew me away. It went from being "a good read" to "fucking amazing." However, you then completely lost me with the Rainbow/Rarity hate-fuck.

It felt odd enough that Pinkie went off with Fluttershy. Fluttershy makes sense, she had been dropping hints earlier, but it felt out of place that Pinkie would so readily go with Fluttershy right in front of Dash. She had to know it would hurt Dash on some level. I could let that slide though, alcohol and all, but then Rarity and Dash... some tension, sure, maybe even a kiss, awkwardness, etc. But the level of vitriol they were spewing just felt way, way out of character, canon or otherwise. Maybe I read it the wrong way, but to me it just felt too cruel to be believable for the characters. As such, it just left a bitter taste in my mouth as an ending, one that even Twilight stumbling in for a last line or two of humor couldn't wash away.

Anyway, in my mind, this story therefore ended with Pinkie getting Fluttershy to say "Fuck" and I give my phantom edit version a full five outta five stars!

how come you let us wait 11 months without knowing this story, this was absolutely brilliant and the way you write the characters 3297960 i mean that comment, it almost seems like you just type and the characters fall perfectly in character, not once in the entire story it felt like they where out of it, so thank you for putting this story and letting us read it it was awesome

just one question, this could be my sleep deprived state, but just how did Rarity got Twilight in the sack, if i even got that one right.

oh oh and please expand this universe i want to see more, like who is the family member that doesn't approves of AJ sexuality, more about that mare that she sees perhaps, how did Fluttershy got the hots for Pinkie

there is just so much win in this universe