• Member Since 8th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

Alaborn


Somewhere in the USA. Probably older than you. And something about MLP:FIM makes me want to write stories. Unfortunately, being gainfully employed cuts into my writing time.

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Scootaloo has never talked much about herself. Nopony knows her family, or has visited her home. But she has one big secret she's never told anypony... especially Rainbow Dash.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 181 )

The astute reader will have noted the lack of Sad or Tragic tags common to fics with this kind of description.

1251323
I have that weird feeling I know what this fic is about, I will read it now. :unsuresweetie:

You clever bastard....:pinkiegasp:

Very good. I do wonder if this will be canon, namely BECAUSE IT MAKES PERFECT SENSE.:pinkiehappy:

Well, that was a big improvement over the endless sad fics.:scootangel:

Interesting take on the homeless scoot story.

I will read some of this before school.

Edit: Well, I read it. I liked it all the way up until the end. Then it got weird. Scootaloo can actually fly, her name isn't Scootaloo, and she had a disguise on? That just went down the wrong way.

1252625
As that old boyscout song goes "Throw it out the window, the window, the second story window!"
You threw my expectations out the window with this one and you did a good job at the same time. :scootangel:

This is quite interesting, I really enjoyed it :scootangel:

Well done for completely inverting the cliché "Scootaloo's Secret" trope and giving us something unexpected and new. The idea that Scootaloo might actually (a) have parents who care, (b) might have a good reason for being apparently alone in Ponyville and (c) might actually be doing a job that no-one expected is unique. You did well to think it up and bring it to life here!

awesome story!

Very nicely done!:scootangel:

Very cute. And good job with Zecora's rhyming, thats not easy. :twilightsmile:

I can honestly say I didn't see that coming at all. :pinkiegasp:

This is definitely a different take on the absence of Scootaloo's parents. I really like it.:scootangel::pinkiehappy:

1252832 It is hard. Normally, I'll just write the story in a sequential manner. For this, I actually wrote down rhymes as I thought of them, before writing the scenes with Zecora, and then fit them into the dialogue.

Currently in the sidebar... come on feature box! :pinkiesmile:

Brilliance wrapped in a nondescript package. Much like Scoot herself, in fact. Well done.:scootangel:

That was different. But the nice kind of different. :rainbowkiss:

1252880 I'm guessing someone's very happy right now...

1253126 Took a screen shot as well!

Honestly quite refreshing from some of the sadder Scootaloo fics I've seen lately, I love it. :scootangel:

1253223 Scootaloo deserves to have an awesome life now and then.

Congrats on the feature :pinkiehappy:

That was unexpected . . . but only in a WTFery sense.
She's a foal who scouts out talent for the Wonderbolts by playing foal-in-distress just to see how they'll react so that the Wonderbolts will hopefully cut down on any ponies with bad attitudes in their ranks since that would reflect poorly on the Equestrian military.
WTF. :rainbowhuh:
More Random than it is Slice of Life.

There are some pacing issues, especially in the last act. It feels like all of the characters jump straight to the expected conclusion without any sort of discussion, exposition or thought. This is especially true with RD. I'm also just not really sold on the whole idea who Scootaloo is supposed to be, it just doesn't really fit that well.

That said, bonus points for not writing Scootabuse! I was excited to see the lack of those familiar, depressing tags when I opened this up!

wow I feel really mixed about this one, I mean I love the concept, and the twist... but it seems kinda lacking some umph I guess.I guess the ending felt a little rushed with to many names thrown in making myself as a reader feel a little lost. I also loved the portrayal of Zecoura, felt very show accurate.. as did the whole everfree crusade.

This quite a refreshing take on an old cliche, very fun, and definitely deserved to be featured.

You are the must clever bastard I have ever met. When I first began, I thought of Scootaloo is the doaghter of RD. In the midle offan. The ending, mindblowing.

That was definitely different, I like it! :raritystarry:

So Scootaloo is a super awesome Pony? That's nice. Fuaaaarrrk.

1253373

I have to agree with this. The premise of having the children of Wonderbolts act as talent scouts (possibly to bad ponies) seems bizarre.

Before the big reveal I was expecting something more along the lines of Scootaloo already having a cutie mark, or being a colt all along.

Good story with a nice idea, but oh so rushed. Every scene felt like it was just listing and telling, not showing us what is happening. Especially the 180 her personality took when her true form was revealed felt really off too. A gazillion things start happening that are not relevant to the plot and are mere distractions from it (PInkie and Applejack were completely irrelevant for the story and only served to confuse the reader).

That was a great story... Now i dont have to worry about little scoot... i men Comet Flare ^_^. great story.

Wow, a pleasent suprise when compared to so many other Scootaloo fics.

It was unique. I'll give you that.

However the premise and ending we're very very strange. This certainly an example of "it came out of left field." The fact that everyone is so nonchalant about this also is very odd. You made something original sure, but that still doesn't make it really good without adequate buildup.

1253636

I think the big secret was bizarre as well, but I found it refreshing. And after all this is Equestria, so most of the normal laws of human society really don't apply leaving these types of subjects open for expression ( which our author here has done well)

All in all I liked this fic and enjoyed how it was a happy tear jerker (as the term would be)

Score: :scootangel::scootangel::rainbowkiss::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

Adding to read later list.

I like it, although it doesn't seem exactly plausible that her parents would let her be alone like that. Scoots deserves a little happiness

Dun dun duuuun

That was... a twist:unsuresweetie: Um. Very good, but it kinda felt like there was no point to it. Good charactrization, dialogue, etc, but it felt a little... I dunno. It just doesn't seem like it was a story worth telling.

12533731253636 To expand on the genesis of Cometfall's and Scootaloo's plan in greater detail, there were several circumstances at work:

1. Cometfall and spouse were dedicated to a job that had them travel frequently.
2. Scootaloo needs someplace to stay and some form of trusted adult supervision.
3. Scootaloo wants to be just a normal filly for once.
4. The Wonderbolts are concerned about Rainbow Dash's character.

So they hatched this great plan, that didn't work out as they had planned. For one, they didn't think it would last more than a couple of months. Scootaloo turned out to be a good actress, and figure that Rainbow Dash was a bit dense, too. But in the end, it's working out for Scootaloo and family, so they're happy to keep going with it.

This isn't going to be Scootaloo's job, or even a common occurence for the Wonderbolts. Given that the Wonderbolts test candidates like this, the consideration of a new member would happen infrequently enough that each review would happen on an ad hoc basis, and be tailored to the concerns for each candidate. The concerns about another candidate might be related to overconfidence, or ability to work in a team, or something else entirely. The way I envision it, they wouldn't even have sent a filly to help judge Rainbow Dash were it not for that plan meeting the needs of Scootaloo and Cometfall.

...

Of course, the real reason for writing this story was to subvert the overused Scootabuse trope.

Mind=blown. Well done.

This was a new and new take on Scoots. I liked it a lot. but I feel that the story was really rushed, you could have drawn it up and added more Drama .

But over all I liked it. good work.

Wow I did not see that plot twist coming, you subverted everything anyone has ever come to think about Scootaloo's parents and for that I must say well done, you should keep an eye for "Scootasode" when it comes out this season and see how well it stacks up in comparison to this. :yay:

What a Twist. :twistnerd: Very original. :pinkiehappy:

the idea for this story was amazing, but that's all that was amazing. the way everypony acted to everything was severely lacking, and this should have been a much longer fic, with everything that was going on. everything was just ending too quickly everywhere, you suddenly start something, than its ended almost right away, and the reaction to everypony finding out about scootaloo was way off, nopony seemed surprised at all, matter of fact, way too accepting of the situation, especially rainbowdash for being lied to for so long, and the crusaders for not being told the truth, and the real reason for scootaloo being there.

I don't really know what to say.

It certainly was different, and it all made some form of sense, but it was kind of rushed at the end, not to mention the dialogue was slightly out of character for some parts.

Altogether, it made for an interesting (if somewhat bizarre) read.
Have a moustache.:moustache:

Nice set-up, and interesting investigations, but I have to agree that the ending's rushed.
Still, props for avoiding, or subverting, the typical Homelessloo cliches!

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