It's a really hot day in Ponyville, and Scootaloo is working hard to win some bits by herself. The dreadful heat makes her crave ice cream, so she decides to purchase one with the money she earned. However, things never go as planned...
Original idea by Carmine.
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More tragic than King Lear
Some awkward dialogue, but eh
The grammar is off in places, for example, "invite me for an ice cream" but it's not bad. The ending felt kind of rushed though.
and then they fucked
......oh wait this wasnt a clopfic.
dont know what to say....kind of intresting, made me remember the time it happened to me, but the clerk was nice and gave me another for free.
Awww, some nice Scoots and Rainbow. We've all been there Scootaloo, I feel for you.
On a side note... What do you say if I invite you an ice cream?, R-really? You… you will invite me an ice cream?
Pinkie Pie is gonna EXPLODE,
They are apparently inviting the Ice Cream to a PARTY
Ice Cream+ Party =
:1373449
that's an easy error, if you speak spanish, (that's exactly how you say it in spanish, literaly translated) and just checked deistar's youtube channel and that happens to be true. So if you take into account he isnt english native, i'm quite impressed by his grammar, If it were me instead, i'm sure i would have been buried alive XD
:_:
meh.ro/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/meh.ro1975.jpg
My little dashie has nothing on this.
Written nicely, and totally believeble
Somepony bring us four scoops of ice cream and extra hot fudge, stat!
oh come on this is a sweet fic but now you need to explain to us what happened to dash as a filly
1373392
Couldn't have said it better myself. <insert Princess Bride references about 'invite' not meaning what one thinks it means>
1373528
That actually ruined the fic, ti's a pointless sentence that adds nothing to the story, it just distracts from everything else that was going on.
There's potential here, it just needs to be cleaned up a little bit in places, and word choice needs to be considered a little better.
1373570
1373528
Is it not clear that Rainbow says that to mean she dropped an ice cream when she was a filly? Hence why she stares at the ice cream and says "I don't want you to suffer what happened to me as a filly." Meaning she doesn't want to see Scoots sad about dropping an ice cream.
1373608well yes it is clear of that but there is a hint of something more in depth, like there might have been something else that happened to her other then dropping her ice cream, but might have transpired because of it.
1373608
No, the sentence is quite awkward. It's vague enough and worded in such a way that implies Rainbow is referring to some greater tragedy, like abandonment or something to that effect. The root of this issue is, "suffer the same thing that happened to me as a filly." There's no specific incident mentioned, and the verb "to suffer" exacerbates the vague nature of the wording when it is combined with the equally vague "me as a filly." Together, those words imply some sort of ongoing event from Dash's childhood that she's trying to spare Scootaloo from. It would be better to just have Dash answer with something like, "Because I want to be" and follow it up with some description of a memory that Dash has of dropping ice cream. We don't know what Dash is thinking unless you describe it to us.
A quick-fix would be to just to have Dash say: "Let's just say I know how you're feeling." Actually, forget that, just don't have Scootaloo ask why, Scootaloo wouldn't question something like that and Rainbow hasn't really shown herself to be a jerk to Scootaloo.
1373641
Rewrote.
Better now?
1373677
And props for sifting through my own incoherent mess of a comment.
Much
Side note, how long as your avatar been 'Let it Be?' I'll have you know I had to listen to Abbey Road 3 or 4 times after reading 'She Came in Through the Bathroom Window'!
1373689
Ever since I created my account. I haven't swapped my avatar ever since.
And that's cool. My favorite part of Abbey Road is the medley.
1373696
Is the next one going to be "Mean Mr. Mustard?" Nearly any title off Abbey Road works 'cept for maybe Maxwell's Silver Hammer *shudder.* Really, nearly anything out of their catalogue works.
I'm sorry I didn't notice it at the time, seems more than one of your stories is taken from one of the Fab Four's song titles
1373706
Being for the Benefit of Silver Spoon!
If you want to reply, I'd appreciate if you did in my userpage rather than having a chat in the fic's comments.
Not very deserving of the 'Sad' theme, I think 'Slice of Life' fits this just fine by itself. But at any rate, a very cute read. Great at being in-character, and very hnnnnng-filled. Nice job.
Short, but touching, and it's easy to relate to being a situation we've all experienced in some form or another. Overall, great work
...You know what? Watch this get featured.
cdn.ebaumsworld.com/mediaFiles/picture/151219/80524702.jpg
THIS MAKES MY LITTLE DASHIE LOOK LIKE A HAPPY FOAL.
Tears...they fell like waterfalls!
Love it
1373495 I see, that makes sense. Thanks for letting me know, I will be sure to not mistake that again in the future. In light of the fact that English is a second language to Deistar, I am very impressed by his writing.
You're welcome for this amazing idea.
...I expect $100. Cash. On my doorstep tomorrow.
Er...wut?
Nice.
In the words of Darth Vader and Spike the dragon: NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not the ICE CREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Poor Scootaloo, and Lyra, for once she's not paired with Bon-Bon and is a nice and sweet mare I can enjoy...I like her.
This fic was great, one or two error but they are minor.
You monster, how could you be so cruel to poor Scootaloo?
Awww, such a sweet story. Just when I needed it :)
Funny.
I just read Regidar's Guardian Angel chapter, Rainbow Dash.
And crying was her turn on
LOL DURP
Well, the story matches the description, I'll give it that. I am now in the mood for ice cream. There is frozen custard place nearby, so it will do.
1373948 really do you post that on every comments page ?
I think you gave that to me TWICE!!!
No tears were shed nor was any sadness felt, Scootaloo crying over ice cream? That's sad? Really?
1373706 Heya Pilate
I'm really glad you gave this a happy ending. You've brought me an unexpected smile. ^^
I like it, DUDE THAT PART WHEN SCOOTS DROPPED HER ICE CREAM......
the tears... the tears...
good job
1375252
I think the 'sad' tag is applied from the perspective of Scootaloo, i.e. she's sad she dropped her ice cream. The entire story is subtle Scootabuse bait, and the switch is that it's actually Scootalove. The last line implies that Rainbow Dash can commiserate with Scootaloo in that Rainbow Dash, too, has dropped ice cream and been sad about it.
1375326 ok that's wierd
But I see what ur getting at
This is why you get ice cream on a stick.
I imagined Rainbow's last line as implying that if you drop ice cream in Cloudsdale, where she lived, it goes straight through the clouds and is gone forever. No five second rule.
Excellent and all, but certainly one of the sliciest slices of life I've ever seen. You could at least have added a twist at the end, like Scootaloo dropping her second ice cream as well. That being sad, I guess there is nothing wrong per se with something utterly harmless being added to our cultural heritage, and even becoming popular.
I hate it when that happens. Poor Scootaloo, I'm sure all of us has been there.
Random song
Dammit, I wanna know what Dash's tragic ice cream childhood was like now!
The tears . . . they fall thick and fast for the tragic loss of dear Scootaloo's ice cream. A moment, for those who were lost . . .
By the way. That picture. I may have contracted a minor case of diabeetus.
*looks at sad tag* "oh no!" *looks at story title* "oh no!" *reads it anyway*
"aww, now that wasnt so bad. Not really a sad story if it ends on a good note"
Meh, this story doesn't have too much plot to it, but I still walk away feeling satisfied. I guess i'm just a sucker for short lil stories that have happy endings. Most of rainbow's comments were totally on character. But that one "mushy", as rainbow would say, bit where she said "besides, I just dont like to see other ponies crying", idk, I think it may have been a tad off character, but I could be mistaken. Overall, good story.
Was that...... oh dear Celestia, was that supposed to mean the same thing as dropping the soap?!?!
holy sh*t, just realized this author is same guy who wrote She came in through the bathroom window , I loved that story too.
1373608
...But the ice cream was actually Fluttershy, who she allowed to fall toward her death, stopped only by a migrant flock of butterflies.
Ha HA!
Fun story, no matter where it goes from here.