Scootaloo has a great life. Her mother and father love her, and she adores them in return. She does well in school, even if some of the kids are jerks. Sure, she doesn't really have any friends, but she doesn't mind too much. She has almost everything she could wish for. And with her eighth birthday coming soon, who knows, maybe things will only get better from here. After all, everypony knows if you make a wish on your birthday then it comes true, right?
Please, leave a comment telling me what you think, I love hearing from my readers.
Chapters (8)
Blah blah blah. Blah blah.. Blah blah blah... Blah blah blah blah blah blah
Like I said before, great read. Excited to see what's in store for future chapters!
I like the feel of this story. It's hopeful, if you get what I mean. It looks like there's a lot of opportunity for character growth, too. I'm excited to see more.
2329295 I couldn't agree more, fine sir.
Some stories have a broad, sweeping feel that rolls over you and drags you along. Others sort of sit there and don't really engage, just exist.
Then others, like yours, sneak in and set up shop in your brain because they feel so comfortable to slip into and feel like you're an observer in the room, rather than digesting a summary of events.
I really enjoy your writing style- it's unobtrusive and conveys feeling, tone, and action without feeling like I'm reading someone else's words. I wish my own writing could be so sneaky.
I hope no one complains that the pacing is slow, because for the emotion this story can bring up, it's perfect- this is a very contemplative story. I love the mix of sad and hopeful- life is never just one emotion, and you've done a great job of mixing the two together here so that, even when it's a tragic outcome (for the time being), there's no sense of finality.
Freakin' nice work!
This sounds very promising. Keep up the great writing.
2329295
As for YOU! I expect better from my counterpart. What do you have to say for yourself?
Looking good. Added to Twilight's Library.
2339712 im sorry
2340127
That is good to hear. I hope that you learn from your mistakes and I trust that I won't see them repeated.
2340141 I promise!
2340160 I still kinda want to know what... blah blah blah was supposed to mean.
2340160
Good, you have earned yourself a mustache.
2340168 I couldn't think of anything to say so I wrote blah blah blah. But it was positive hence the
Mushy stuff.... eww.
This is turning into a glorious read. I'm really enjoying Cypress as a character, even if he's the biggest dork ever for not knowing Rainbow Dash.
I'm surprised we've both managed to give Scoot's mother the same first name, though. But that just makes her easier to visualize; I just substitute my own headcanon appearance.
Please continue this, looking forward to Scoot getting Dashie's autograph! Wonder what else will go down on her birthday...?
2364625 I read your story after I finished this chapter and was waiting for my editors to go through it. You weren't the only one surprised!
That's why I decided she would go by Dawn, instead of Misty.
2364709
Aahaa, that works! Hope you've been enjoying the latest few chapters. I'm looking forward to the rest of this
>>>Sad Tag.
Oh, no.
Trepidation aside, still a wonderful look at Scootaloo. Very well-written and heart-warming. And sensible, you don't see that much these days.
Another great chapter. Quite an enjoyable read, m starting to like Cypress a lot. His exchanges with both Scootaloo and Dawn are freaking gold. Also curious to see how Sweetie Belle may fit into everything.
Keep 'em comin'!
2418948 Absolutely! I have a lot of school work right now, but I will keep working on it whenever I can.
It's so cool to get a look into character's lives before the show began, not enough authors dare to go down that particular road less traveled.
It's clear that while the Cutie Mark Crusaders may be bad for Ponyville's general health, they're infinitely good for their own self-esteem. Poor Sweetie.
Oh, dear. Better get that oven fixed before plot happens.
2439293
Yes, all the appliances must be ready for when something actually happens.
What an unexpected turn of events! The stakes are most definitely higher now. I'm glad you brought DT into this; DT's my fave baddie.
Thanks for giving your readers information on DT's lack of a cutie mark, though! That tells us exactly where this would take place, say, in the show's canon. It explains the absence of Apple Bloom.I would have liked to see her present at the bulling, though, but that's just me!
Archer and Dinky have pretty good characterization. Archer reminds me of Dash as she's both confident in her own abilities and yet willing to do something her friend is better at to cheer her up. Best filly.
Looking forward to more!
2486742 Well, the events in the story take place about a month and a half before the start of the show. As for Archer and Dinky, I kinda put them in the story as a shout out to another fanfic favorite of mine, Of Rumbling Dinks, which if you have not read, you really should.
2486800
Hmm, Rumbling... Thunderlane's brother, perhaps?!
I shall check it out sometime!
Oh, a crippled Scootaloo fic! I love that idea. Poor Scootaloo not being able to fly is a sad idea, but I really enjoy it. It gives her more depth as a character, I really hope that they make her crippled in the show. :)
Calling it now oven goes boom
(YAY! Finally, a story where I'm not homeless and starving and hiding from abusive dead parents while sleeping in the clubhouse and stealing food out of the dumpsters behind Sugarcube Corner and my whole life doesn't suck! YAY!)
(A-HEM! Language, Scootaloo...)
(Sorry...)
(reads avidly...)
(...yeah, yeah, that's it, Diamond, you just messed with the wrong pegasus, you stuck-up little brat...)
(...and then...)
("On hiatus"? Oh COME ON!)
(Now, Scootaloo, we talked about this...)
(Yeah, yeah, "it's just a story", I know! But...)
(Would ice cream make you feel better, squirt?)
(Um... maybe...)
(A double scoop of rainbow sherbet?)
(YAY!)
“Scootaloo, you’re as bad as your father!”
“Thanks, Mom.”
“That wasn’t a compliment!”
My mom would say that
The worth it joke reminded me of a yugioh abridged joke scoot has aproblem laughing at every thing me too
2613216 I hope for her to fly sometime in the show myself. I won't mind if she never does, she's already awesome, but I can still hope.
2614370 Thanks for the feedback on the last chapter. Honestly, it's the one I'm least confident over, mostly because I wasn't sure how it would be received. In my mind there's not much difference between calling someone a blank-flank and calling them useless, but it still felt a little too mean, even for DT.
2616340
Yes, but Diamond Tiara (at least within the in-show continuity) is a mean bully, so what you've written is actually quite believably in-character for her. Bullies find a point of weakness, and go after it until their target breaks. The CMCs (or CMCs-to-be, in this case) are sensitive about their blank flanks displaying for all the world to see that they don't yet know who they are or what they're meant to be, so that's Diamond's line of attack.
(*grumbles* Unfortunately... rotten little stuck-up bi--)
(SCOOTALOO! You watch your mouth, young filly, or I'll wash it out with soap -- and don't think I won't.)
(Eep! ... sorry...)
(Now just cool it and behave yourself.)
(Yes sir...)
(the orange pegasus filly quietly backs away, mumbling to herself)
(...wow, and I thought Fluttershy had the Death-Star Stare around here...)
Okay, look.
Fluttershy can fly.
Roid Rage can fly.
Rarity can fly.
Pinkie Pie can fly.
TANK can fly.
There's no reason they can't make it so SCOOTALOO can fly!
2613216
You do realize how sick that sounds.
2617244 Exactly! And that is on my wish list for season four; oh, I'd also like to see Scootaloo's family.
Gah I need more! Such a cliffhanger! Can't wait to read more. This chapter was intense. The fight was described well enough for me to imagine this perfectly.
One theory/idea I came up with about Scootaloo not being able to fly is that she's an earthpony/changeling hybrid.
I guess it's more along the lines of making sense of her being a changeling but, why not?
Scootaloo can shape shift, go life without ever eating love, does get a cutie mark, but unfortunately can't fly.
2617244
(Um...that's because I'm... you know, a pegasus? And not very well...most of the time... I'm sorry...)
YEAH! 'Cause I'm a PEGASUS!
(Kind of a weird-looking one, though.)
(...)
(...what? Am I wrong?)
(Not unless Twilight casts that spell on me, darling. And considering what happened the last time...)
(OnlybecauseIhavethisreallysuperneatopedalpoweredflyinghelicoptermachinethingythatletsmegoZOOMintheairwhenIpedalreallyreallyhardandmakethepropellersgoallwhackawhackawhackaandit'sreallyrealltyfunyoushouldtryitsometime!)
(Pinkie, that thing can't possibly generate enough lift to get you off the ground. The math says so, see? It's against the laws of physics!)
(Well,that'sokiedokie,'causeIneverstudiedlaw.)
(... ARGH! Pinkie, that joke is older than Celestia!)
(Excuse me?)
(A-heh...)
(...)
(Tank, you're up.)
(Turtlesdon'ttalk,silly!)
(Oh, right.)
(Hey, if you've got a fighter jet I can borrow, I'm there. I'd still kinda like my wings to work, though.)
2617495 Yeah, I suck; month-long hiatus after a cliffhanger, I should be shot. I'm glad the description was detailed enough
2617770 Changeling hybrid, huh? Well, points for creativity, but I find the whole changeling thing being way overused. The changelings can't be responsible for everything!
This is one of the few Scootaloo fics which gives her a great home life. While her parents appear to be somewhere on the lower end of middle class, they're warm demeanor and obvious love for their daughter more than makes up for it. Hooray for Scootalove!
Probably my favorite bet of all time was the one between the old man and the young man. The young man challenged the old man, who was said to have never lost a fight, to a battle of wits. The old man promptly shot him dead, "Smart man would've brought a gun."
2635309
Haven't heard that one before.
And Scootalove is the best
I am now beginning to read this story. I will write the review when I am finished and have time.
REVIEW
Reviewer: TheDrunkenJinjo
The following review is as objective as possible, but could eventually contain some subjective influences. I'm an All-American whitewashed Brotha, and proud of it, so take from that what you will.
Once you've posted your story in the group A for Effort you've accepted to be reviewed. No review is made to humiliate the writer, but to make him/her grow up and enhance his skills.
Name of Story: Birthday Wishes
Grammar: Your spelling is essentially flawless and your grammar is impeccable. Nothing else needs to be said, it's as close to perfect as you can get.
Score: (10/10)
Originality: While stories about a disabled Scootaloo are nothing really new around here, the way you approach the concept is entirely fresh. The story doesn't focus so much on the illness itself, but more on how it's affecting the lives of Scootaloo, her parents and her friends. It also includes more high points than most stories of the same nature, creating a nice balance with the more depressing aspects.
Characters: Scootaloo herself is portrayed wonderfully, keeping her core personality intact while also fleshing it out and giving it more depth, as well as giving her thoughts and feelings that match how an actual child would think or feel. The supporting characters such as Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Diamond Tiara are also presented well and are in character, but it's clear that Scootaloo is the focus, as it should be for a fic like this.
OCs: Scootaloo's father is amazingly fleshed out and genuine. His reactions and concern for his daughter come off as completely heartfelt and realistic. It's also worth noting that the guilt he feels for believing himself to be the cause of Scootaloo's illness give him even more depth and complexity. A fantastic character if there ever was one.
Additional Notes: From a personal point of view, this story is amazing. From an objective viewpoint, it's even better. I seriously can't give this fic enough praise and I am very much looking forwards to where you go with it from here.
FINAL VERDICT:
[APPROVED]
Congrats, your story has been approved by the group A for Effort! Your story will be moved from the "Stories Under Review" folder and deposited in the "Main" folder shortly.
Best Wishes,
TheDrunkenJinjo
2617244 I'm gonna have to take a rain check ón that reality check.
2728676 ??? Why couldn't she fly?
Story Title: Birthday Wishes
Author: ShootingStar159
Reviewed by: Sirius_Face
Scootalove is best love, or so I have heard before. I’ve also heard the opposite, that Scootabuse is best abuse. Regardless of which is more entertaining, readers can often expect something interesting when a story focuses on the least developed member of the CMC. Birthday Wishes has the best of both love and abuse, without the need of a dark tag. Being a sad slice of life story, Birthday Wishes presents an original idea of Scootaloo’s life before meeting her friends and becoming a crusader, introduces her well-developed parents, and even puts a fresh spin on established characters.
Full Review
Score: 9/10