Scootaloo has lost both of her loving parents in a terrible storm. Now she lives in the Cutie Mark Crusader's clubhouse all alone with nopony to care for her. What will happen when her surrogate older sister finds out about her dilemma.
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Wow, not bad at all. Scootaloo's almost like the female equivalent of Lightning Twister: No parents, no home and a special somepony to care for her. Good job.
A few little mistakes that can be easily fixed, if you need an editor or proof reader just ask besides that so far loving the story ! I like how you just let Scootaloo tell the truth rather than us having to read 4 chaps in before she does finally spill the beans. I also liked the way you managed to keep Rainbow as cannon as possible without making her seem too brash and a bit more gentle and I can see how your adopting some tactics from your lightning twister story too so great work !
so on the whole a few niggly things that need some adressing but as it stands a great start to a new scootadopt story, great work ~Alex - lead writer for - Shadowblades.
cdn.crushable.com/files/2012/08/right-in-the-feels.gif
Excellent start for a story remeber to make more.
Nice. You have my attention.
Now, can you keep it?
Can't wait for moar!
not sure what the vibe is that if anyone was an orphan in ponyville, theyd live in that clubhouse or an ally at the back of S.C.C, I mean theres gotta be plenty of ruins in the everfree or whitetail woods
Scootaloo has lost both of her loving in a terrible storm.
This needs to be loved ones or something. "both of her loving" doesn't make sense.
3357397 I'm sorry that meant to say loving parents I don't know how I missed that. thank you for pointing that out and I will fix it right away.
That's why I'm the element of
honLOYALTYGreat chapter. It's almost like A Mothers Love. By the way, are both these stories connected? Like, did this story take place before Fluttershy found Lightning Twister?
this story is good but im still wondering if Lightning Twister ever found out about scootaloos past
intresting...
3364191 Yes they are since Scootaloo lived with Rainbow Dash during "A Mothers Love" but this was maybe a few months before Fluttershy found Lightning.
3364359 I'm not to sure if Lightning ever asked her.
3364486 What do you mean?
Huh.
3371469 What is it?
3371507
Where to go from here?
Usually, I can see a story in a spider web pattern. I start at one thread, following it down to the end where the silk forks off showing two or more possible chapters.
In short, making an educated guess to what the story will be like in the future.
I can usually do that.
Usually...
Right now, I'm having trouble seeing where this might go. It might just be me not asking the right questions.
3371231
En mitään.
Don't forget Tank he's also a part of the family.
"to talk to the unicorn"
"Listen to your heart"
"she had before she came to Twilight"
"Rainbow remained silent for a moment as she let what she was told sink into her mind"
Anyway it was a great chapter
i love it and i forgive you for talking so long and ok
Good chapter. Keep it up.
What a nice chapter.
Um, if Rainbow is close to Scootaloo's parents, then how could she have not known about their deaths for three straight weeks? wouldn't she have gone to the funeral, or at the least heard something from her own parents?
i forgive you for talking so long on making chapter 4 and i love it
love it
hnnggg it hurts!
my feels!
i did enjoy reading this story and your welcome for the love and support for this story.
Awesome ending!
I can't wait for it to arrive. Until then, consider yourself followed.
This had me crying the whole way through It..It was so beautiful, I LOVED IT!
*Cries uncontrollably while reading the last three paragraphs over again.*
My life has been complete! I love this story! Scootaloo and Rainbow Dash (aka to me Rainbow-Chan) are my fav characters! This will always be my mist favorite story ever.
Daaaamn you just hit me in the feels with this chapter
/ 10
Okay this just . . . my feels. . . my tears. . . Damn.
I gotta go cry.
Beautifully written story with the perfect emotional pacing. Have a like, fave and a follow.
Overall rating:
/ 10
"You're". Also, you don't have to put an apostrophe after a nickname as though it was a contraction.
Awwwww
I'm still crying and its been two hours since I read this story I love this Sooo much that's for the feels
The feels man... The feels....
how could anyone dislike this, I've read many stories like this but this Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo story was by far the most tear jerking story ever, thank you for making this
3358985
The elements of harmony do not grant any other effects other than the ability to use them
Only thing that bugs me is that a child lost her parents in a small town and no pony noticed.
Ihave to wonder how two ponies disappear without their child for such a long time without any being getting worried.
You could use some editing; the flow is a bit clunky, but it's still okay.
The ponies seem a bit out of character. For instance, Dash probably wouldn't cry without at least making it apparent to those around her that she doesn't like doing it. I suppose a one-on-one situation might allow her mind to bypass it, though. However, it's still fairly unlikely.
The only problem with the storyline is the fact that Dash's foalsitters asked a very young filly to take care of a foal if they die. That's a pretty big request for someone her age. Couldn't Scootaloo's parents have at least told Dash's parents, and maybe have Dash overhear them?
Other than these slight qualms, the story is all in all pretty good.
i...a...ummm.....this...
i492.photobucket.com/albums/rr289/axlthehedgehog_2008/responses/waveoffeels-1.gif
stay classy
Too Cute!
Did anyone else picture Sweetie Bell singing this when they read it?
i loved it