• Member Since 15th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen January 15th

BronyDerp117


A dood from the west. I'm not a brony anymore and I haven't posted here since I was teenager, but I hope you enjoy the few stories I managed to finish back then!

T

There's a fierce thunderstorm attacking Ponyville. Twilight has invited Rainbow to stay over for the night, and since Rainbow cannot fly home, she agrees. She thought hanging out with the egghead that lives in the library would be boring, but she soon finds out she was incredibly wrong.

Veggie55 gave me permission to use his title and comic panel as the title and cover image.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 63 )

Hmm. The beginning sounds very much similar to my story 'To Hell and Back.' I don't think it was intentional... Anyways, I really enjoyed this one. Well done.

1505978 I've never heard of that story, what was it about?
Also, glad you like it! :twilightsmile:

That was interesting and hilarious too.Great job.

A fanfic based off a Veggie comic? Win! :pinkiehappy:

1505983
Basically, Rainbow Dash is supposed to set a storm to come up at a certain time, but she messes up and it comes early, leaving Fluttershy stranded out in the storm and she has to go get her.

Funny story. Bet it will make the feature box...

1506020 That sounds interesting lol.
1505995>>1505999>>1506003 Thanks! :twilightsmile:
1506026 That would be awesome. XD

1506036
Give it a read, if you have the chance. I think you'd enjoy it. Also, I'd be genuinely surprised if this didn't hit the Featured box.

"Wait, where's Spike? Can't you just ask him to get a towel?"
"He was with the Cutie Mark Crusaders when the storm began. They're at Sweet Apple Acres,"

A moment of silence for Spike's now lost sanity.

over all the story is good, just the end seems a bit forced.If you´d had kept writing a bit more, like making 2 or 3 more rounds of it, maybe, just maybe even add another game to the mix and don´t end it with something like "and they lived happily ever after" it would be plain awesome. better ending in my opinion would be to go to bed, but meeh, can´t have everything.

still worth a like.

1506036 I just realized we both have 117 in our name.

1506109 I was hoping we both were getting it from there can't wait for Halo 4

Funny :yay: you should find a thesaurus for rainbow dash and twilight sparkle, but other than that it's good

1506370 Nope! As easily as I could've turned this into TwiDash, I decided not to. I love shipping(AppleDash, TwiLuna, and TwiDash being my favorites), but I just wanted to keep this story in a "friends" state.

1506382 And that's why this is a win in more ways than one. You have successfully retained the innocence of the show (kind of), while keeping this funny and entertaining. Good job!:twilightsmile:

:rainbowlaugh: Now that's what I call a comeback.

Awww, I wanna see more!!

Eh, not bad. Not great. S'okay.

It should be "supposed to" and "nowhere" should be one word.

If you're going to have the entire fic be a lead-up into awful jokes, you need to pull out the punniest of the bad puns to make it worth it.

Oh well. It was mildly amusing anyway.

1506109

"We're going to hell, aren't we?"

"Yep."
that just about killed me XD

Right Dash because Spike is just a fucking slave who does menial stuff so ponies don't have to.

Other than Dash's comment there, very funny story. I think Twilight could have kept her trolling up for at least a minute though.

1506382
And I regret suggesting it! I do hope this get featured! :pinkiehappy: Can't wait for your next story!

:twilightsmile:Great job BronyDerp!

No, it's enough you're in my PMs and blogs, no comments Twilight!

:twilightangry2:

Still no!

1506771 And there, folks, is one of my two insane pre-readers XD

That was sweet and funny, nice bit of friendshipping. :rainbowkiss::twilightsmile:

1506617 You're not the only one. :rainbowlaugh:

1506784 That reminds me, how can I set up having a pre-reader on this site? I've only got one more chance to submit my own fanfic to Equestria Daily, and I don't want to screw up again. It'd be easier if someone here could look at it and give me some advice (even if they have to actively TRY to find things wrong with it).

I was okay. Could have been better. Longer perhaps.

1507093 One of my pre-readers is a friend I've known for a year, and the other(Zonfic) became my pre-reader after I made a blog post asking for pre-readers.

1507113 See, I have a pre-reader on my Fanfiction.net account, but he's not exactly a brony, so it would be harder to make sure I had everything right if I had him look at it. He's said that he could still help me with grammar and stuff, but I also really need to make sure I get the characters' personalities and mannerisms right (which includes writing Applejack's accent phonetically, something that's never been my strong suit).

I just want my fanfic to be noticed, something that isn't likely unless it gets in the feature box (which is itself extremely unlikely at this point, seeing as how I've already posted three chapters, and that darn thing seems to be biased towards new stuff and stuff that's already been up there) or Equestria Daily (which I only have one more opportunity to submit to, and if it gets rejected again, my hopes will be crushed.)

1507058 well all i can say is.....

SEE YA WHEN YOU GET HERE.

1507199 I'm not sure how to help you there :applejackunsure:
Although, writing isn't a popularity contest. Write because you enjoy it, not because you want to be noticed. While being noticed is pretty awesome, it's not why you write. My story The Bluestar Element only had 9 likes and 130 views, yet I kept writing to Chapter 9, and then I stopped because Writer's Block came. Why did I keep writing? Because I enjoyed it! Writing that story was loads of fun, and I wish I could get past my writer's block and finish, or maybe even re-write it, since there's a lot of things I could do better in it. If you like writing it, then keep writing it. Who knows, maybe you'll get loads of sudden viewers at like chapter 8.

Just remember that you write for enjoyment. I have 13 stories right now, and only 8 published. I've never been featured, yet I keep writing because it's really, really fun.

1507272 Yeah, I write for enjoyment, but almost all of my prior attempts at writing fanfiction ended because people on fanfiction.net just... wouldn't read them. In fact, I sometimes wonder why I post anything there anymore, given its reputation as "The Pit." I had three stories going on at once, and I rarely, if ever, got feedback. It reached the point where I couldn't enjoy writing those particular stories because of the lack of interest from readers. This is why I mostly post stuff on deviantart now, since I usually get more feedback.

Heck, the fanfic I have here has ten comments in the space of only 3 months. That may not sound like much, but compare it to how well the same fic has done on FFN, where it has received only two in the same amount of time (One for each chapter, in fact). Although, I really wish there were a way to keep track of which specific users liked or disliked it (by which I mean the thumbs-up/thumbs down system)...

It's ironic. Some fanfics or fan projects end in failure because of annoying fans. Others end because of a lack of fans.

...Well, okay, the other reason those three other fanfics ended in failure was because I really didn't like the direction those stories were going. Note to self: When writing a Pokemon fanfic, do not focus on shipping. The Pokemon shipping community is one of the scariest, especially over at FFN. You think the MLP shipping can get crazy? You haven't seen anything.

1507606 Eh, MLP shipping just gets to, "NO! TWIDASH IS BETTER! NO! APPLEDASH IS BETTER! NO! ALL Y'ALL MUDDA BUCKAHS ARE WRONG, SOARINDASH IS BEST!" XD

I've never posted on fanfiction.net, so I don't know how it works here. I think I got lucky here on FiM Fiction, because my first story was my most popular story until Rainy Days. That story(Gray Rainbow) got me around 20 followers, and I've built up from there. I've posted quite a few stories, and some of them get very little feedback, while others get a lot.

But you have to post more than one story to get feedback. One of my friends(And pre-reader, SilverDream) has two stories. Her first story got, I think, one comment when the first chapter was released. She's now three chapters in, and has 9 comments.

People have different tastes in stories. Some like Slice of Life, some like Comedy, some like Sad, some like Dark, some like Romance, some like Adventure. Hell, maybe your story just doesn't appeal to some people. Or maybe people just don't know what to say in the comments, but they still enjoyed the story. And example of this happened to me. One of my stories got 22 comments with just one chapter, while another got 23 with nine chapters. It all depends on the story, and whether or not they find it appealing.

So my advice? Keep updating that story. If you feel stuck, or you are sick of writing that story, try writing another story. Listen to some music, browse art, etc. Inspiration can be found anywhere. Almost every single one of my stories were inspired by music or art, the exceptions being Gray Rainbow, The Bluestar Element, A Cloudy Day, and A Memorable Night. Those stories were just random ideas that popped into my head.

If you get an idea, write it out. Not the actual story, but get your ideas down. I'm currently writing a story about my Ponysona, and I had about fifteen ideas for the plot. I wrote them out and I kept going. I now have forty ideas. I probably won't use all of them, but they could help me write. Now, why am I telling you this? Because the more you write, the more people will see you. Look at Pen Stroke for example. He has a story that has 100 likes and only 39 comments, yet Past Sins has 2619 likes and over a thousand comments. It's all on the story, and whether or not it interests people.

So keep writing. You'll get feedback eventually, and people will notice you.

DAMN YOU BRONYDERP Y U KEEP DROWNING ME IN AWESOMENESS. :flutterrage: It's awesome! It's epic! It's (Insert all synonyms to awesome & epic here)! :derpytongue2: I seriously have no constructive critism to say! (So really I'm just being a little bit useless :ajsmug:) And I know you'll get featured. If not well... Something a little unfortunate... Might happen.... *Evil laughter* :pinkiecrazy:

Thought it was ok. Needs some work with flow though. It feels stiff with every action being individually described instead of tying them together. Would copy a paragraph here to show you but hard to do on a kindle. Just look at the paragraph where twilight gives rainbow a towel and pay attention to how it is worded. It had the stiff fell of something like
A put water in a cup. A then took the cup to B. A handed the cup to B and B took a drink. B said thanks. A took thecup back and said "your welcome." A took the cup back into the kitchen. A stood in the kitchen.

See how stiff that feels and although it does describe whats going on it doesnt flow well.

1509693 She was "doing" her brother...as in incest...
Then when Rainbow asked if Cadence knew, Twilight jokingly said, "No."
Does that explain it?

...I approve.

Haha that was really really cute! :pinkiegasp: Great job! :yay:

1512036 Gracias! :yay:
And since I'm really lazy, thanks to everyone else who commented and fav'd! :yay:

Heh, I know this was based on a comic, and the jokes were still amusing.

That said, the ending was a bit weak and sudden. "and had the best sleepover either of them ever had." is highly cliché and, well, kinda made me cringe immediately after the joke.

1513522 I'm trying to work on something that's not so, "And they lived happily ever after! Lawlz"
Blargh, can't come up with anything though.

Hell is gonna be awfully crowded by the time I get there.

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