• Member Since 15th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen January 15th

BronyDerp117


A dood from the west. I'm not a brony anymore and I haven't posted here since I was teenager, but I hope you enjoy the few stories I managed to finish back then!

T

In the aftermath of Sweet and Elite, Rarity feels bad for blowing off Twilight's 21st birthday. Twilight says it's fine, but Rarity insists on letting her take Twilight out to a nightclub for a 21st birthday nopony would ever forget. Well, except for the two drunk unicorns...

This is just a little idea I got after listening to The Levels Everypony Should Know by Silva Hound.

Rated Teen for alcohol and cussing.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 20 )

Luna's reaction to the moonshine = hilarious. And there is nothing (and I mean NOTHING) better than an inebriated Twilight. I'll bet her drunken dancing was a huge improvement over her white trash dancing.

Only thing is, there's no story here. Rarity introduces Twilight to a few of life's looser pleasures, Twilight enjoys them, they wake up. It's just a series of events, and I was kinda hoping for more.

Also, a much closer and more supportive friend, who's been with Twilight longer than anyone, missed out on her ENTIRE party. You'd think there would be more fanfiction covering that.

Completely out there, but funny nonetheless! :pinkiehappy:

Silver out!

That is a good story

HAHA Oh, God this was hilarious.:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

It lacked conflict and didn't always have a consistent perspective. But it was hilarious. Anything that could have made it more funny is knowing exactly how they got in that dumpster.

1358288 1358304 1358311 1358728 1359650 Thanks guys! Yeah, I know there is a pretty big lack of real story. I did this pretty much for fun and kind of as a test to see if I could be any good at comedy. Me and another user on this site who have become Internet Friends(That's what I like to call it) have been talking about writing a more serious sequel. Though it will still have some comedy, but it will have actual conflict and stuffz.

1360162
Comedic writing isn't very difficult. It's also not an excuse for skimping on the details that make a good story :trixieshiftleft: More descriptions. More details. Axe all that doesn't further the plot. Keep the perspective consistent. You'll be golden. You're already half way there.

1360186 Hehe, sorry :twilightsheepish:
I think I may have a bit of editing to do today.

1360196
If anything could make this story better it needs a little length. I work in nightclubs. Guys hitting on girls like that don't always give up that easily. There's your opportunity for conflict. Then how did they get into the dumpster? Think of the inebriation. The effects of alcohol on the nervous system and general decision making abilities. I'm sure there's plenty of conflict and hilarity to be had in there as well. These are just suggestions should you decide to edit this. But they should be taken into stronger consideration as guidelines when you're writing in the future. You're just as likely to make the same mistakes in a serious piece as a comedic one if you choose to lack effort.

Are you a Eugoogalizer? :duck:

Silver out!

1360778 Okay then...I don't really know how to respond to that one...herm...

1360788

Do you love me?

:trollestia::trollestia::yay::yay: ......:unsuresweetie:

Silver out!

1360820

This one goes out to all of our hard working authors out there! :pinkiehappy:

Silver out!

1360820 MOAR:flutterrage::flutterrage:i mean if thats ok with you:fluttershysad:

1397376 But it's a one-shot....
Actually, me and another person has been thinking about expanding this into a full on multi-part story. I'm not sure, I have a few ideas written down that I want to write, so this one might take awhile to edit/write more of. Time will tell :twilightsmile:
But I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Fantastic! That's some funny stuff. Please write the sequel.

One thing, it needs conflict. Like the person above said, guys don't always give up that easily. I've worked at one before. There are even times when things get violent in this situation.

Anyway, have a dragon with a stache. :moustache:

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