• Member Since 15th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen January 15th

BronyDerp117


A dood from the west. I'm not a brony anymore and I haven't posted here since I was teenager, but I hope you enjoy the few stories I managed to finish back then!

T

Rainbow Dash is a tough pony. But all of us have that line. When crossed, it breaks us, and the bright rainbow that was our life becomes dimmed to gray. When Rainbow's line is crossed, can her friends piece her back together?

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 73 )

I'm really sorry about the short prologue, but most of the chapters should be of pretty good length.

It's a good concept and actually I was just about to release a fic rather similar to the plot of this one. However, your grammar has a few mistakes, and your description is a bit too plain. It sounds just like someone's just saying simple words. Needs a bit more emotion and vivid description. Other than that, I like it dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/lolface_Celestia.png

This is really good! Great use of the tragedy in the Everfree from an actual accident rather than an attack from Timber Wolves. Very Effective.

Keep it a goin'! :twilightsmile:

Great job. Very well writen. I look forward to reading more as it comes out. Have a thumbs up. :pinkiehappy:

Thanks guys!
936662 Yeah my description isn't the best. I'll try to work on it, but for some reason I'm finding it a bit hard. :derpyderp1:

I hope you plan on addressing the consequences to equestria regarding the loss of one of the element bearers.

Pinkie's always been lucky, but this time failed...
I'm motionless too.
I wonder how it will end, but the prologue gave me some ideas...
...
Strange, i usually cry to this stuff, but i'm just froze. I'm literally froze on my keyboard, typing this comment, with the mouth open from the shock. At this point, the "Feeling Truck" should crashed into my head, but i'm still froze.
Ok, my hand is shaking and that's not a good sign. My throat's dry, it's not a good sign too.

5 minutes has passed, still nothing.
I'm just shocked and froze. That's all.

R.I.P Pinkie Pie, ????-2012.
She ran out of Luck.

I think you might be featured, judging on the popularity.

936910 Writing is a lot harder than it seems, that's for sure. I became a better writer through LOTS of reading. I read a ton on the genres I wanted to learn to write, and attempted writing. It didn't turn out so well, but after quite a few years of reading fanfics and other genres I wanted to write, I became pretty good at it! :pinkiehappy:

Sorry if I sound like advertising or full of myself, but maybe you can read my fics for ideas? Right now I have a sadfic and a grimdark (not thinking you want that) but I'm waiting for my fic that's similar to this one to be accepted. You don't have to, it's entirely your choice, and I wouldn't blame you if you were defiant.

Sorry, run on sentences. :pinkiegasp:

>>BronyDerp117 well, unlike TruePinkamena i think you did a pretty good job, actually at one point i almost cried:fluttershysad:

937218 Lol, I might check them out(I tend to get a bit lazy with reading fics at times. Like Past Sins..so....long...).I like sadfics, I've more sadfics than anything else. I've also read some shipping fics. So I was reading a sad fic before I started writing this and for some reason just *click*! A tragic, sad love story about Pinkie, Dash, and Twilight popped in my head. Why? No clue. Am I glad I got it? Yes, because I very much enjoyed writing this. Oh God that sounds so bad now that I think about it...;_; I think I'll stop doing random crap and get to Chapter 2 lol.
937179 That would be EPIC.

937286 Cool :pinkiehappy: Now we wait for the fic to take forever :flutterrage: to be accepted

937232 I'm not trying to be mean or anything, it usually takes a lot to get me to cry, and I'm usually very critical. You should just be happy that I 'want him/her to be the best (s)he can be' :flutterrage: (sorry, don't know gender :facehoof:)

>> TruePinkamena well dont worry you weren't being mean and I know what you mean, I know people who, like you takes, alot for them to cry :twilightsmile:

937319 Lol you know if you want me to be notified of a reply to my comment, you click that little reply icon in the upper right corner of the comment, otherwise I have to keep checking dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Derpy_Hooves.png

A few criticisms for this: The story doesn't seem to flow very well, if that makes sense. It seems all very 'Pony did this. Pony then did this. Then another pony did this.' Additionally, it feels like it moves too fast too.

There are also some problems with grammar, and 'balling' should be 'bawling'.

I'll keep a watch on this story regardless, as I always enjoy Rainbow Pie in any form.

937644 Wow fail, I'll fix the balling bits. But I'm not to sure what you mean about the story's flow. An example maybe?
And the streak of horrible events are actually suppose to happen fast. That's what makes it so devastating to Rainbow Dash. Just how in a short hour, her whole life was flipped upside down.

940457 Yeah I just could not get rhymes in there without it being cheesy as hell :fluttershysad:
I'll try to work on it eventually.

Chapter 2 is up! At 4:20AM( :pinkiecrazy: )but still. Enjoy.

I read the description... Why they leave her?
I could see Rarity, maybe AJ. But really Fluttershy? :fluttershbad: NOOOO!

Good story. Liked. :twilightsmile:

I know how Rainbow Dash feels like in this story.

I always been depressed for everything. Bullies at school, my life being shitty, watching myself at the mirror...
The only way i had to escape this was venting by HATING ponies and bronies. When i became brony, i fell into a even deeper depression, and in that period i was really different from me now. I was "crazy", i used to yell at everything that goes wrong. I got out of that cycle after watching all the episodes. And i felt better after that.
Now i can say that i'm happy. Thanks for the support of my friends, i got up, and walked in the way i always wanted to walk: not giving a single fuck about anything and doing whatever i wanted to do. And it works.

I want to escape from reality, but i can only run away when i'm dreaming. Dreams have been always a way to escape the gray, sad, reality for everyone. And everypony.

Thanks for writing this, i can feel happier of my situation. It reminds me of the dark times i had, and how i escaped them.

Thank you.

946007 I'm glad you enjoyed it. And you'll see :ajsmug:
946218 Wow, I never expected to help someone so deeply with this story. Your welcome, and I wish you the best in life. *brohoof*
946404 Heh...hehe...uhh...

951450 I've actually read quite a few stories and books that start in the future and snap back :derpytongue2:
And thanks for the favorite! :twilightsmile:

great story :) can't wait for chapter 3 :pinkiehappy:

954289 Glad you liked it :yay:
Chapter three will be here soon, I'm working on some other projects as well as this.

I'm currently working on a new description that does't give a meh spoiler and doesn't generally suck. I ain't got shit
What do you guys think of the new description?

I added Derpy as a character and I named the chapters. Chapter 3 should explain why I added Derpy :twilightsmile:

Emotions are mounting...keeps it a going.

Woah...
I'd never ever thought about such a horrible past for Rainbow Dash. Actually, that would explain her aggressive personality...
And i wonder what happened to Ditzy's father...

969558 I don't know if I'll explain in this story(about Ditzy's father). Maybe a bonus chapter or another story about it. Not sure yet how I'll play that. Though I do have an idea for how that can be brought up in this story. Much later on though.

Stayed up until 4AM writing and proof reading this chapter. Hope you guys enjoy :twilightsmile:

The end fucked my mind.

Tole? It's toll
Four mares went to derpy's, not three
Five mares went to rainbows, not four (derpy counts)

Finish this story, and re-write it later. Peeps can wait.

1115359 Did I really derp that hard? Oh Lord :facehoof: Thanks for catching that for me, I'll fix immediately.
1115983 That's what I was thinking.
1115334 :trollestia:

1116517 No that's NOT funny. NOT FUNNY!
PS: Don't stop writing.

1116923 Hehe, okay. :twilightsmile:
P.S. I'm about to die of dubstep overload. I downloaded Balloon Party last night and I'm listening to it now. DIS DUBSTEP :pinkiecrazy:

1117034
Looks like you're a bit late for
-sunglasses-
the Balloon Party

YEEEEAAAAAHHHHHH!
(I had to)

1120209 it came out the exact day I became a Brony, June 3rd :rainbowderp:

RIGHT IN DAH FEELZ DAH FUCK MAYNG WAH CAN'T I HOLD DEZE FEELZ!

This story is amazing!!! Like ozpakko my mind, was also fucked. DONT STOP WRITING!!! :3:pinkiehappy:

937396 okay thanks :)
i didnt know

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