• Member Since 28th Nov, 2012
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

hawthornbunny


Always be nice to other people. They outnumber you seven billion to one.

E

Ever wondered what might have happened in 'Read it and Weep' if Rainbow Dash had decided to steal the Daring Do book from Twilight, instead of the hospital? This is my attempt at an alternate ending to that episode. It's also my first story, so apologies if it's no good. Criticism is welcomed!

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 111 )

I actually liked this alternate take on the episode. Kudos!

This. I like it. +1

EDIT: First story you say? Nicely done.
EDIT 2: Inb4 featured.

Ah ah, really good :rainbowkiss:

First story? Impressive.
The story was great. The idea was creative, it flowed well, and your style of writing is very smooth, not to mention error-free. The best part is that I could actually picture this as an alternate end to the episode. Worthy of a fav and watch for sure!
*edit* Wow, featured. Good job. It deserved it, for sure.

I shall read this later.

1701934
SWEET JESUS REGIDAR COMMENETED!?!?!?!?! THIS CAN ONLY MEAN THAT ITS A GOOD STORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nice! :rainbowkiss: I think I like this alternate ending more than the real show's ending!

I enjoyed this and it felt like the show. So bravo!

she looked at Rainbow, then the book, then thought for a moment, and her eyes lit up as she quickly put everything together. Her lips widened into a smile. I'm surprised nobody's posted this already, but...

:rainbowderp::twilightsmile: You like reading, don't you Rainbow Dash?

Great Job; I'm not usually into alternate endings but this certainly hit the spot. I would have also liked to see Rainbow's letter, wether you modify it or not: It will make the story more complete

Also, a few mistakes I saw:
"Everything's fine. I'm looking for Pinkie?"
That should be a period at the end
"Sugarcube Corner are giving away free muffins." she whispered in the grey mare's ear.
Should be is instead of are and it should have a comma, not a period, at the end of muffins
which turned to a frown as she realised it wasn't real
Realized, not realised
Rainbow sighed as she laid on the floor. She couldn't even think of
a convincing lie. "I wanted to steal your book. This book." she said,
opening her saddle bag. Twilight levitated the book out, bringing it
Dein front of her eyes. "Daring Do?But you -" she looked at Rainbow,
then the book, then thought for a moment, and her eyes lit up as
she quickly put everything together. Her lips widened into a smile.
Paragragh should be split when Twilight starts talking
Also, the character tags are a bit off: while Pinkie Pie and Ditzy are in the story, they aren't really prevalent enough to be put in the description of the story itself

Not actually much mistakes actually. trust me, I'm actually a proofreader for some other beginning authors

Wow, I totally didn't expect this response! I guess I shouldn't have doubted myself. Thanks for your comments guys! :pinkiehappy:

1702286

I figured she could still fly; just not without discomfort, and not for very long. That's why she's in such a bad shape by the end.

1702321

Thanks for your corrections. I always seem to have trouble with the whole period/comma thing :)

1702378 glad to help any beginning authors:twilightsmile:

1702362 have you ever Broken your leg or arm?
It hurts like F*** to even move it or put pressure on it. Now imagine that with a wing that has to support your whole body

1701934 Chinese special forces training manual :rainbowkiss:

have you ever Broken your leg or arm?
It hurts like F*** to even move it or put pressure on it. Now imagine that with a wing that has to support your whole body

In fact I've broken both my arms at the same time, which is where I got the inspiration for Ditzy's comment :) however, three things: firstly, pegasi are magical; secondly, avian wings are quite strange, and do heal surprisingly quickly; thirdly, if it was really that serious, the hospital wouldn't take off your bandages and throw you out in a couple of days. The doctor himself said that Rainbow was 'fine' and that she'd be back in the air in a few days, so clearly pegasus wings DO heal very quickly.

1702472 nah give her some Chinese stealth armour and maybe a couple stealth boys to be safe

Now that was a great story, a good alternate ending to that episode. Good portrayal of Rainbow Dash in this episode and a decent sense of humour. I look forward to reading more stories by you Hawthorn.

Loved the story! I hope you write more!

Wow, first story, feature box, high praises and all thumbs up? What's your secret? :twilightoops: I look forward to reading this first thing tomorrow morning! Congratulations on what appears to be a great story!

1703068

Holy Celestia, I'm featured? Wow! I just didn't expect this at all, I've never had any confidence in my writing ability. Shows what I know! Thanks so much, everyone :)

1703123
Yep, featured! Lucky you! Just read it now, I couldn't wait. It is very good, you certainly captured the characters personalities really well! I am envious of you right now! :twilightangry2:

1702035

...He wasnt first...:rainbowderp:

HIDE YOUR CHILDREN!!!!!

also well done. This hardly seems the work of an ametuer and I hope to see more quality work. like,fav, follow.

Do not disapoint me. :sithlestia:

1702103 Do you read everything? 'Cause it seems that way.

I admit, this was a good alternate ending. Characters in-character, realistic scenario in-universe and no forced romance like I was afraid there might be! *Salutes* Good work mate.

This was a great writing style!

I felt as if it really was an alt ending NOT by a fanfiction writer, too.

It felt as though our beloved writers themselves could have done it!


You have earned a favorite from me. :twilightsmile:

Its an interesting take, the radioactivity and the shrink potion seemed a little off cannon to me but other than that it fit pretty good.

I am still trying to figure out why Fluttershy was in town in the real episode and why she was smiling the whole time. Best i figured so far is sleep over at Rarity's seeing as they are both in bathrobes spa day or something.

But yeah good job. :twilightsmile:

This was an excellent piece. It read very much like an actual episode, which I know is quite hard to pull off. I noticed a couple of errors, but they weren't quite enough to detract from the story. Good job, hawthornbunny. :pinkiesmile:

Oh and:

reading, the greatest pastime in the world.

Damn straight.

Loved it :rainbowkiss: This could fit right into the actual show.

My favorite part was the line about infiltrating a magical fortress with a guard dragon. Real life is never as glamorous as the stories, even in a TV show :rainbowlaugh: And yet, she still screws it up, even with the dragon on her side. Poor Rainbow. That wizard was just too powerful :twilightblush:

This was really good. I kinda hoped for a friendship report, but it was good nonetheless

A nice variation on my favorite episode; well done!

Not to mention that Pinkie was hardly the most reliable of ponies. Only an idiot would bring her along on an important stealth mission.

Yeah Twilight, no one would be that silly!:rainbowlaugh:

1702220
I always think of this when this episode is mentioned....

Now, I'm going to have to re-watch Read it and Weep so I can keep my canon straight....because this was awesome enough to be canon that I might get the two confused....buck it, this is now my head canon.

Also, nice references to It's About time and One Bad Apple (I still don't get that salad joke Pinkie made...)

This is really amazing. I would have actually preferred that this be the canon story for what happened because it is that good. Keep up the good work in future stories.

Oh, that was adorable! Adorable and hilarious.

1704884

I am still trying to figure out why Fluttershy was in town in the real episode and why she was smiling the whole time. Best i figured so far is sleep over at Rarity's seeing as they are both in bathrobes spa day or something.

Actually, my biggest question is why Applejack is there - but with your sleepover idea, it's all starting to make a lot more sense...

1705824

buck it, this is now my head canon.

I'm honoured, thank you!

Also, nice references to It's About time and One Bad Apple (I still don't get that salad joke Pinkie made...)

Some friends and I are still puzzling over that too. I couldn't resist putting it in. ^^

Thanks so much to you all for all your nice comments and criticisms! I really can't believe the response this is getting. I might end up having to write my own letter to Princess Celestia about not doubting yourself... :twilightsheepish:

Great Story! :twilightsmile:
Loved the way it was executed.
Still... soo many things fell that day :twilightsheepish:
hope to see more.

That was enormously enjoyable! I've always particularly liked stories that feel as though they could make episodes, and this one really does deliver on that score. I was struck by the "experimental Miniaturisation Potion" thing: did something in the S3 preview inspire that, or was it coincidental? (I'm guessing you could make it if you found a way to control the effects of Poison Joke, given "Appletini" way back in S1.) I'm wandering off the topic now, though, so I'll mention that I really liked the way you wrote Spike; he was quite adorable in this. Mind you, you've got a cheek putting that "Veggie salad!" joke in just to remind me I still don't get it! :rainbowlaugh: Doesn't take away from how satisfying it was overall, though. This gets a :yay: from me!

1707123

I was struck by the "experimental Miniaturisation Potion" thing: did something in the S3 preview inspire that, or was it coincidental?

Nope, that was totally pulled out of nowhere. I was trying to think of a way that Rainbow could hide (there's not many places you can go in a tree), and that came to me. Twilight isn't known for being a potioneer, but I can well imagine that she dabbles in it.

I really liked the way you wrote Spike; he was quite adorable in this.

Strangely, Spike is probably the character I put the least effort into when writing. :)

Mind you, you've got a cheek putting that "Veggie salad!" joke in just to remind me I still don't get it!

I don't get it either! ^^

That's one other way to do it.

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