Chapter 1: The Fall(Re-write)
Chapter One: The Fall
To old readers: This is the rewritten version. If you haven't read the re-written Prologue, it would probably be a good idea to go do so.
Two years earlier
"Pinkie, come look at how bright it is outside!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed. She wasn't too interested in the night sky normally, but her marefriend loved these types of night where the moon was full and bright, and all the stars were out.
The two mares were in Pinkie Pie's room in Sugar Cube Corner. Pinkie was giving her pet alligator, Gummy, a bath while Rainbow Dash was reading the newest Daring Do book on the wooden chair next to the window. Pinkie quickly took Gummy out of the small bathtub and dried him off, then set him down on the floor. She then rushed over to the window where Rainbow Dash was, and let out a squeal.
"OOOOoooo, it's so pretty!" she squealed in delight as she bounced up and down. "I love these kinds of nights! The moon is so big and pretty and the stars are so bright!" Pinkie went on describing the night as Rainbow simply listened, putting a hoof to her mouth while her large grin threatened to break into laughter. After a few more descriptions, Pinkie paused and then said, "But you know Dashie, that's not the best part about them."
"How come, Pinks?" Rainbow Dash asked as she looked into the water blue eyes of Pinkie. Her moonlight-filled eyes reflected the dim, fiery orange flame of the lantern that was a few feet away from the pink pony on her bedside table. Her eyes were mesmerizing for Dash; a true beauty.
"The best part about these nights is that I get to spend them with my marefriend!" Pinkie Pie said as she buzzed with joy, wrapping her forelegs around Dash's neck.
"Oh really? So, who's your mare friend? 'Cause she must be totally awesome and cool to be going out with you." Rainbow Dash said with a smug expression and a wink. Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash both laughed as they went back to their peaceful and never boring nightly routine.
Rainbow Dash opened her eyes. The bright mid-morning sun shone through the window of the room and hit Rainbow Dash's eyes, making her slightly wince. Rainbow squinted her eyes shut and rolled out of the teal-blanketed bed, and cocked her eyebrow confusingly when she saw no trace of Pinkie Pie in the small room. She assumed that Pinkie had woken up early and went downstairs to start cooking. Rainbow Dash turned around to walk out of the door and go to her weather duties, but she spotted a note with mouth-written writing attached to the door.
The note read, "Last night was great Rainbow! I had to get up earlier to make a big batch of super delicious cupcakes, sorry! Make sure you kick them clouds real good! -Pinkie"
Rainbow Dash chuckled to herself after reading the note and set it down on the bed, then trotted out of the room and descended down the stairs to the main room of Sugar Cube Corner. In the kitchen, behind a counter in the main room, she saw Mrs Cake cracking open two eggs into a bowl of mixed flour and butter. She trotted over to Mrs Cake and said, "What's up, Mrs Cake?"
Mrs Cake looked up from her work and saw Rainbow Dash in front her, her lips forming a smile. "Hello Rainbow Dash. Pinkie Pie is at the market buying more flour if you're looking for her. Anything I can help you with?"
Rainbow Dash politely smiled and replied, "Nah, that's all. I've got to get to clearing the skies, it's a sunny day planned." Mrs Cake nodded, and Rainbow Dash trotted out the door and onto one of the cobblestone roads that ran through Ponyville. She began trotting down the street, her hooves forming a rhythmic clapping sound. The sounds of other many busy pony's hooves clapping against the hard stone filled the air too as Rainbow Dash trotted through the streets to the market. The hot sun against her cyan back energized her. Her wings screamed out to her, begging her to take to the skies, yet Rainbow ignored their pleads. That could come soon enough. With her marefriend being an Earth pony, Rainbow had to spend less time in the skies, and more on the ground. She had developed a small liking to the ground. Just a small liking.
Rainbow Dash arrived at the market and began searching for her pink marefriend. She walked from stand to stand, ignoring the sales pony's generic persuasive lines as she went. Rainbow continued to search through the crowds of ponies. Finally, she spotted Pinkie Pie's bright pink coat through the crowd. It wasn't too hard, since Pinkie's coat might as well have been a pink star. She was trotting away from Applejack's apple cart, her saddle bags stuffed with apples and sacks, which Dash guessed to be flour, judging by the white smudges on the bags. Rainbow Dash unfurled her wings, and took to the sky, flying up over the crowd and soaring to Pinkie, landing with a quiet thud next to the pink mare.
"Ah!" Pinkie jumped, calming down when she saw Rainbow Dash. "Oh, hey there Dashie, you scared me!" Pinkie said as she gave Dash a slight pout.
Rainbow laughed. "What's up, Pinks?"
"I was getting some apples and flour for a cake that Zecora ordered. She came by and asked for an apple cake. It's going to be yummy!" Pinkie said, a large grin on her dace as she bounced up and down.
"You should make an extra one for me, Pinks," Rainbow Dash said with a wink.
Pinkie Pie giggled. "Okie dokie lokie! I'll make the second one after I deliver the cake! Boy it's-"
Rainbow's eyes widened slightly and her grin fell. "Whoa whoa whoa; deliver? In the Everfree Forest?!"
"Yep!"
"Pinkie, are you sure that's a good idea? I mean, the Everfree Forest can be pretty dangerous, with its timber wolves and cockatrices and all. You remember the incident with Spike and Applejack, don't you?" Rainbow Dash said, her hooves and wings shifting nervously.
"Oh, it'll be fine, Dashie!" Pinkie began, waving her hoof. "It's just to Zecora's and back. I'll stay on the path she made and I'll be fine!"
"If you say so, Pinks," the cyan Pegasus said with a frown in her face. "Just be careful, okay?"
"I promise! Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!" Pinkie said as she went through the famous ritual. Pinkie and Rainbow said their goodbyes, and gave each other a goodbye kiss, then went their separate ways. Rainbow took to the skies, while Pinkie bounced off in the direction of Sugar Cube Corner.
Rainbow Dash flew up to the many clouds that were littered across the sky and began clearing each individual one. She twisted and kicked from cloud to cloud, clearing the sky of the puffy white things. Once she cleared every cloud in the sky except for one, she flew over to it. It was on the edge of the town. She slowed to a stop above it, and plopped herself down on it. She stretched her hooves above her rainbow mane and arched her back as the various joints crunched and popped like popcorn. Rainbow unfurled her wings and let them lay outstretched against the soft, fluffy cloud. Dash closed her eyes, her breathing calmed and a faint smile on her face. By now, it was mid-afternoon, and Dash was overdue for her lazy nap.
Meanwhile, at Sugar Cube Corner Pinkie had just arrived back from the market. She would have gotten there much sooner, but she ran into in Twilight Sparkle and had a brief conversation with the lavender unicorn. As Pinkie walked in through the front door, she saw the Cakes and their now one and half year old twin foals getting ready to leave. They sorted through a few saddlebags that were on a table, seeing if they had everything they needed.
"Is today their doctor's appointment?" Pinkie started, making the Cake family all jump slightly as they didn't hear Pinkie Pie enter. "Oh, I hope they aren't nervous! But they're only a year and half year old, so I don't think they can be nervous. They don't even know what a doctor is! Oh, but this is their first time! What if they are scared? What if-"
Mr Cake put his hoof to Pinkie's mouth, silencing the pony. He said, "I'm sorry Pinkie Pie, but we have to go. Zecora's cake is still waiting to be made, and we have to go, so we'd appreciate it if you baked the cake and brought it over there."
"Okie dokie lokie, Mr. and Mrs. Cake! You can count on me!" Pinkie answered with a bounce and her usual happy grin.
Pinkie bounced to the wooden counter as the Cakes left and set down the ingredients. She began to mix various incrdients together, like milk and eggs and flour and others. Eventually, she put the unbaked cake into the oven, letting it bake for a good while. After it was done, she placed the hot and freshly baked cake into a pink box. She picked up the cake box, then strapped it to her back using similar straps to saddlebags, except that these were made for delivery ponies. She grabbed the straps with her mouth and wrapped them around her body, securing them. Once Pinkie made sure that the leather straps had secured the cake to her back, she carefully trotted out of Sugar Cube Corner, but not before quickly checking the clock. Pinkie then walked out, locked the door, then quickly trotted off towards the Everfree Forest.
Pinkie made good pace trotting down the streets toward the outskirts of Ponyville and into the Everfree Forest. As she drew near to the edge of the forest, she looked up and saw a lone cloud with cyan wings hanging limply over the edge.
"Rainbow Dash, you silly head! You're supposed to be clearing the clouds, not sleeping on them!" Pinkie exclaimed while giggling.
Rainbow Dash was brought out of her dream land suddenly, her Wonderbolt costume and the Cloudsdale Colosseum replaced by her normal coat and Ponyville, respectively. Her eyes shot open suddenly and she jumped up in the air. Before she knew what was happening, she found herself with a face full of dirt and a throbbing snout. A blunt pain shot through her chest. Rainbow Dash angrily got up, ready to direct that anger, until she saw who the pony was. Rainbow Dash furled her wings that she had involuntary flared open in anger, and said to her mare friend, "Uh, h--hey Pinkie. Yeah, I got tired after clearing the skies." Rainbow Dash paused to stretch her hooves and back, arching them in the air with a yawn. "What time is it?"
"Well, it was 4:30 P.M. when I left Sugar Cube Corner, so it's probably around 4:35 now. Dashie, guess what! The Cakes are taking their foals to their first doctor's appointment! I hope they'll be--"
Rainbow Dash gasped and interrupted Pinkie Pie, "What?! Sorry Pinkie, but I'm way late for lunch with Twilight! I'll see you later, Pinks, love ya."
"Okie dokie lokie! Love you too, Dashie!" Pinkie Pie replied with a grin. Rainbow and Pinkie shared a quick kiss, then they both departed. Pinkie began to skip towards the Everfree Forest with the cake still attached to her back. She still had a bit of a distance to go before she got to the Everfree Forest and to Zecora's home.
Pinkie continued to skip down the road, Fluttershy's cottage coming into view. As she neared, she waved to Fluttershy, who was feeding her animals, as she bounced past. Pinkie Pie then got to the edge of the intimidating forest. The looming evergreen trees cast a foreboding shadow upon the dirt road leading into the forest. It was almost as if it was pleading a pony to walk away. But Pinkie Pie had been in the forest before, and she had a delivery to make.
Pinkie happily bounced along down the twisting path, into the heart of the Everfree Forest, ignoring her pounding heart that the forest was causing her. As she carried on gleefully, she was humming her favorite tune that she often referred to as 'my jam'. However, as Pinkie continued to carry on, she gradually slowed down, her calves beginning to ache slightly.
The pink pony looked in front of her, and then up at the sky, or the sun, to be specific. The sun was lowering in the sky, with twilight approaching. The Everfree was a deadly place at night, something Pinkie Pie knew from stories of timber wolf attacks. She knew that she needed to hurry up. She broke off into a light gallop, instead of her usual bouncing, down the weathered trail. The trail was in desperate need of a touch up, as it was hardly visible among the grass and fallen leaves of the forest.
She glanced up to the sky again. Pinkie saw the sun was nearly touching the horizon. Pinkie now broke off into a full gallop towards her destination. Zecora's house was much further into the forest than she remembered. But then again, the last time she was in the zebra's home was shortly after Apple Bloom was infected with the Cutie Pox, and that was almost two years ago, so it wasn't surprising that her memory was fuzzy.
Pinkie stopped for a moment in a small clearing to catch her breath and let her calves that were burning like scorching coals settle down.
Maybe Rarity was right when she said I should cut down on the sweets last week.
Pinkie stopped. She forced her breathing to calm with slow, deep breaths. The rest eased her calves, as they slowly stopped their burning. Pinkie looked to the sky again. The sun was now touching the sky, a beautiful sunset in the making. But nightfall would come soon, and Pinkie Pie still needed to arrive at Zecora's. The pink pony searched all around her for any shortcuts that might have been hidden in the darkness around the clearing. She spun around in each direction, her eyes squinting as she went over every detail of every bush and tree around her. Finally, something caught her eye. She saw that there was a small body of murky water, about fifteen yards across, that appeared to be shallow enough to walk through. It was also in the general direction of Zecora's hut.
Well, I guess that's the only way! Ugh, the Forest is starting to give me the creeps! she thought to herself.
Pinkie Pie trotted over to the foggy water for further inspection. The water appeared to be shallow, and that was enough for her. She backed up a few steps, and took off into a full gallop towards the water. As she got to the edge, she bent her knees and launched up, preforming a mighty leap. She flew high and far into the air, and zipped through the air over the water. However, as Pinkie came in contact with the bone-chillingly cold water, she saw that she gravely misjudged the depth of the water.
Pinkie Pie sunk like a rock to the very depths of the deep pond. Pinkie's heart skipped a beat. But the only thing Pinkie could think was: Darn it! Now the cake is ruined!
Pinkie didn't get a chance to get a breath after the sudden descent, so she started to quickly swim up the foggy, unclear water. She attempted to open her eyes to see where she was going, but she immediately closed them after a burning erupted in her eyes. She moved her hooves in arching motions as she moved up through the pony, but suddenly, she came to a halt. She moved her hooves in the same motion again, yet she stayed stationary. She relaxed for a few seconds, not moving, then lunged forward as she grunted from the effort she put into it. She managed to get a few feet higher, but the same force contracted her back down.
She decided to bear the burning pain of opening her eyes to see what she was stuck on. She opened her eyes, and the burning immediately shot out, causing her to squint. She looked down at her hooves and saw that her left back hoof was horribly tangled in a thin, almost elastic tree root as thin as yarn. Pinkie worked at the knot with her hooves, pulling on parts that looked loose, or trying to loosen other parts, but the root refused to release its grip. By now, her eyes were burning like the sun. Pinkie closed her eyes, the burning easing slightly. Suddenly, a deep pain erupted from her chest, her cheeks turning blue.
She began to frantically try to rip out the tree root. She tugged and pulled on the root with as much strength as she could muster. But these tree roots obviously were not normal tree roots. They were magic. Pinkie's heart began to beat faster than it already was as she was now desperately trying to pull her hoof free. She continued to struggle with all of her strength against the roots.
Suddenly, Pinkie's mouth got the urge to open. She attempted to keep it shut, but something was forcing its way out. Pinkie's mouth suddenly burst open as a large bubble escaped. Water flooded into her lungs before she could close her mouth again. Pinkie's heart was now racing, her body shaking. She decided it was now or never. She calmed herself, and tried to shut out the horrendous pain in her chest from the lack of oxygen. She mustered together all of her remaining strength. She then gave one final lunge with every ounce of strength her body possessed, pushing forward her hooves in a large arch with a grunt.
It wasn't enough.
Pinkie Pie then let go. She stopped struggling. She had a minute at the most before she passed out. Before she passed out in the dark heart of the corrupt Everfree Forest filled with countless evils. Suddenly, a light flashed in Pinkie's eyes, and she was in a different place. She was much shorter, and there were hundreds of rocks in front of her. Her mane was straight, and she felt sad.
Various experiences from her fillyhood flooded through her mind. Images of her old classmates, her cutie mark, and her family were among the memories. Then they started to drift closer to more recent times. She saw herself moving into Ponyville, and meeting Fluttershy and Applejack. Then Rarity, then Rainbow Dash. She saw times of her and Fluttershy hanging out or having lunch, of her buying apples from Applejack, and of her buying a winter scarf from Rarity. Then she saw herself meeting Twilight. This is where the memories made her wince. She saw her and her friends defeating Nightmare Moon and Discord, and her friends and her enjoying life.
Then she appeared. Pinkie saw a Rainbow Dash with a beet-red face asking her to be her date at a Wonderbolts show. She saw an enormous grin on Rainbow's face after she said yes. She saw the show. Then their first kiss, first time together, and finally to just the night before.
In the depths of the water, a lone tear escaped the pink pony's eye. Her eyes slowly closed.
A low cackle escaped from the depths of the pond.
Zecora was working on a new potion as the soft early morning star in the sky slowly ascended from the horizon. The mysterious zebra had hoped to have a delicious cake to test this new potion on, however it was never delivered. Zecora assumed that the cake wasn't ready in time, and that it would be delivered later that day.
Zecora finished mixing in a final ingredient into the potion she was working on, and she wore a proud grin on her face when the red liquid turned green, just like it was supposed to. She looked outside of her window and saw that the sun was now above the thick Everfree trees. She decided to take a rest and go to her favorite pond in the forest to see if the spring flowers that grew near it had bloomed yet. She carefully poured her potion into a flask and stored it in a container.
Zecora trotted out of her hut and into the Everfree Forest. She noticed the forest was unusually silent. By now, orchestras of song birds should have been chirping away. The forest only grew silent when a great disturbance had happened recently. The zebra made sure to keep careful awareness of her surroundings.
Zecora arrived at the pond a few short moments later, and began to inspect the various flowers around the pond. They had indeed bloomed, and they were now boasting snow white pedals softly brushed with a calm purple. Zecora grinned at the beautiful sight, but her smile dropped when she observed the foggy waters.
She sighed. "Such a shame. Beauty all round, yet these waters still enjoy their twisted game." Zecora observed the water with a disappointed look, until she noticed something. Near a certain infamous tree near the edge of the water, she saw a peculiar thick pink object gently floating atop the water. Zecora simply stared at the strange object, trying to determine what it was.
"No..." she gasped, realization occurring. Zecora ran to other side of the pond, where the pink object was. She peered closer and confirmed her suspicions. The pink object was a clump of pink hair mixed with frosting. Zecora looked at the tree, then back at the water. She bit her lip as she scanned both the tree and water.
This is too urgent. Please let the creature I find be resurgent.
The zebra dived into the water, swimming slowly to ensure she didn't touch the evil tree roots that belonged to the Everfree Tree of Ending. As she drew near to the depths of of the pond, she saw something, or someone, floating lifelessly. She saw the unconscious pink pony floating in the water with her eyes and mouth closed. Zecora quickly swam downwards to the pony. She carefully worked her hooves with the knot, calling on her memory to remember the technique of untying the enchanted roots. She loosened a final bit of the knot, and it retracted back to the tree. Zecora dragged Pinkie Pie to the surface of the water, her hoof around the mare's body as the thrusted upwards with her free hooves, and onto land. As she swam up, deep red-orange eyes opened at the bottom of the pond, a set of white teeth twisting upwards...
Zecora carefully laid the mare down on the grass, and put her ear to Pinkie's mouth. But there was nothing. She placed her hoof on Pinkie's neck and wrists. Nothing. No pulse, and no breathing. Trying to hold a small bit of hope, Zecora put the lifeless pony onto her back and began to gallop as fast as she could towards Ponyville.
"Twilight Sparkle! Twilight Sparkle!" Zecora's unique voice rang throughout the small town of Ponyville. Ponies looked at Zecora with gasps and wide eyes when they saw the pony laying idly on the zebra's back. Zecora arrived at the Ponyville library, and she carefully put the pink pony on the ground. She hit the door with a force largely unneeded. "Twilight Sparkle! I ask you to open this door! A pony needs you, a pony who is a special friend of yours!"
Twilight opened the door, yelping at what she saw. "Zecora, what's wrong with Pinkie Pie?!"
"No time to explain! In evil waters, I fear her oxygen was drained. She needs medical help, to cause her a breath or yelp."
Twilight helped Zecora take the lifeless pink inside and place her onto a table in the middle of the room. Spike came rushing into the room from the kitchen.
"Twilight, what's wrong?"
"Spike, I need you to go get Nurse Redheart!"
"O-okay."
"Hurry!"
Spike sprinted past the two mares, and out into the streets of Ponyville.
"Okay, I know some basic check-up spells, but nothing beyond that."
Twilight's horn flared as a light purple aura surrounded Pinkie Pie. Twilight did various checks and surges with her horn as Zecora eagerly watched her, hoping she would have luck with the pink pony. All of a sudden, Twilight's expression instantly dropped, and her horn died down.
"Is it too late for her? Were my efforts just a blur?" Zecora asked fearfully.
"There's no heartbeat." Twilight's voice cracked. Tears were welling up inside her eyes. She turned to Zecora, her eyes glossy and her lips quivering. Then, none other than all of her friends, except for Rainbow, came bursting through the library door.
"Twi'! Y'all-" Applejack began, but she stopped, noticing Pinkie on the table. "What's wrong with Pinkie?!" Applejack asked as Rarity and Fluttershy gasped.
"She's..." Twilight began, but the words died in her mouth, unable to come out.
"I shall inform you. This is quite saddening news, too," Zecora began."I found Pinkie not moving in an Everfree pond. Twisted roots were around her hooves, forming tight bonds. I'm afraid your pink friend is no longer with us. To answer the question you no doubt are bearing, I'm saddened to say yes."
Applejack, Fluttershy, and Rarity all stared with wide eyes and floor-dropped jaws. They could not believe their ears.
"Y-you mean, Pinkie is... g-gone?" Fluttershy said with her lips quivering and her voice shaky.
"M-maybe not! Maybe Spike will get Nurse Redheart here in time," Twilight said, her lips still quivering and her voice uneasy.
Fluttershy began to cry softly as she bit her bottom lip with her eyes shut. Rarity, Twilight, and Applejack walked over to the crying mare, wrapping their hooves around her in a group hug. But tears were rolling silently down their faces as well. Zecora simply watched, her eyes soft and her lips made into a frown.
Zecora sighed heavily. "I am sorry."
The four ponies bonded together on the floor ignored Zecora. Then, without warning, the library door swung open, striking the wall with a loud crack, revealing a rainbow-maned Pegasus standing in the doorway.
"Hey, what the hay is up with--" Rainbow Dash began as she landed with a skid into the library. She stopped, her eyes wide and her mouth agape. She saw Zecora's eyes wide too, as well as her friend's, only their eyes were coated with silky tears. She then saw Pinkie crumpled on the table, not moving, or breathing. She was lifeless.
"Something happened in the forest, didn't it?" Her voice cracked, her eyes welled, and she was slowly shaking her head. "No.." she yelped with another voice crack.
"Rainbow--" Twilight started.
"NO!"
"Rainbow, I'm sorry--"
"NO, NO! THIS IS A DREAM!" Rainbow Dash wailed. She was slowly taking wobbly steps backwards, and she was blinking fast and strongly, trying to keep her tears back.
"Rainbow Dash, please..."
"NO!" Rainbow was now screaming, her voice high and shaking. "No...no...no..." She quieted with each word as her legs began to shake more. "No..." She gasped a final plead into the air with a heavy breath. She then crumpled to the floor like a coat.
This is a dream. It's not true. It can't be...
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It's a good concept and actually I was just about to release a fic rather similar to the plot of this one. However, your grammar has a few mistakes, and your description is a bit too plain. It sounds just like someone's just saying simple words. Needs a bit more emotion and vivid description. Other than that, I like it dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/lolface_Celestia.png
This is really good! Great use of the tragedy in the Everfree from an actual accident rather than an attack from Timber Wolves. Very Effective.
Keep it a goin'!
Great job. Very well writen. I look forward to reading more as it comes out. Have a thumbs up.
Thanks guys!
936662 Yeah my description isn't the best. I'll try to work on it, but for some reason I'm finding it a bit hard.
Good so far
I hope you plan on addressing the consequences to equestria regarding the loss of one of the element bearers.
Pinkie's always been lucky, but this time failed...
I'm motionless too.
I wonder how it will end, but the prologue gave me some ideas...
...
Strange, i usually cry to this stuff, but i'm just froze. I'm literally froze on my keyboard, typing this comment, with the mouth open from the shock. At this point, the "Feeling Truck" should crashed into my head, but i'm still froze.
Ok, my hand is shaking and that's not a good sign. My throat's dry, it's not a good sign too.
5 minutes has passed, still nothing.
I'm just shocked and froze. That's all.
R.I.P Pinkie Pie, ????-2012.
She ran out of Luck.
I think you might be featured, judging on the popularity.
936910 Writing is a lot harder than it seems, that's for sure. I became a better writer through LOTS of reading. I read a ton on the genres I wanted to learn to write, and attempted writing. It didn't turn out so well, but after quite a few years of reading fanfics and other genres I wanted to write, I became pretty good at it!
Sorry if I sound like advertising or full of myself, but maybe you can read my fics for ideas? Right now I have a sadfic and a grimdark (not thinking you want that) but I'm waiting for my fic that's similar to this one to be accepted. You don't have to, it's entirely your choice, and I wouldn't blame you if you were defiant.
Sorry, run on sentences.
>>BronyDerp117 well, unlike TruePinkamena i think you did a pretty good job, actually at one point i almost cried
937218 Lol, I might check them out(I tend to get a bit lazy with reading fics at times. Like Past Sins..so....long...).I like sadfics, I've more sadfics than anything else. I've also read some shipping fics. So I was reading a sad fic before I started writing this and for some reason just *click*! A tragic, sad love story about Pinkie, Dash, and Twilight popped in my head. Why? No clue. Am I glad I got it? Yes, because I very much enjoyed writing this. Oh God that sounds so bad now that I think about it...;_; I think I'll stop doing random crap and get to Chapter 2 lol.
937179 That would be EPIC.
937286 Cool
Now we wait for the fic to take forever 
to be accepted
937232 I'm not trying to be mean or anything, it usually takes a lot to get me to cry, and I'm usually very critical. You should just be happy that I 'want him/her to be the best (s)he can be'
(sorry, don't know gender 
)
>> TruePinkamena well dont worry you weren't being mean and I know what you mean, I know people who, like you takes, alot for them to cry
937319 Lol you know if you want me to be notified of a reply to my comment, you click that little reply icon in the upper right corner of the comment, otherwise I have to keep checking dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Derpy_Hooves.png
A few criticisms for this: The story doesn't seem to flow very well, if that makes sense. It seems all very 'Pony did this. Pony then did this. Then another pony did this.' Additionally, it feels like it moves too fast too.
There are also some problems with grammar, and 'balling' should be 'bawling'.
I'll keep a watch on this story regardless, as I always enjoy Rainbow Pie in any form.
937644 Wow fail, I'll fix the balling bits. But I'm not to sure what you mean about the story's flow. An example maybe?
And the streak of horrible events are actually suppose to happen fast. That's what makes it so devastating to Rainbow Dash. Just how in a short hour, her whole life was flipped upside down.
940457 Yeah I just could not get rhymes in there without it being cheesy as hell
I'll try to work on it eventually.
And you yelled at me for killing Fluttershy...
Tell me what you guys think of the re-write and the new description.
(mentality 1)
woah.
(mentality 2) he got nothing.
Damn Pinkie...
1398001 1400025 You guys like the re-write?
1400694
(mentality 2) if my friend *points to menality 1* doesn't give a stupid reaction or yell something perverted you did something right
1400694 I already liked it, so yeah.
Are you going to make more chapters soon?
1405773 Yup! Expect a new chapter in probably a week or so. I've been trying to focus mainly on this story.
Noticed the word 'hood' appear in both this and the prologue, you might want to switch it to hoof.
1516804 God dammit, I thought my pre-readers and I caught all of those
I'm so horrible at doing that. I'll fix it immediately.
There's kind of a hole in the story where pinkie got to sugar cube corner with the ingredients and the cake is immediately ready
Great job BronyDerp! :) But yes, i also saw that one error with the cake immediatly being ready :3
1918733
1918733
Well damn it. I'll edit it now.